holding patterns

so..

I have been taking care of my elderly parents for the last two and a half years my dad has had two heart attack .. and my mother has had just a lit of medicle problem.. and i have gotten very little in return for taking care of them just a list of other things i can be doing becai=use i am in the house ..doing it for no pay .

I was going to walk away in april ..but my mom turned around and started to get worse and the burden fell on me of doing the running her back and forth to the doctor and when she went in the hospital every other week taking my father up to see her .. two months ago she went in a health rehab which took much of the burden off and pretty much allowed me to collapse and partly recharge for a few weeks..and really start getting clear on what i wanted with my life .

my mom is the toughest breed of human ..and it has been her being near death then comming back and looking like she will get better..then a few days later turning for the worse ..and it is taking it' tool.. on my dad but everyone..

I really need to get away because it so saps my creative energy and drains me ..and now that i know what i want for me i want to put my energies into goals and not spend 7 hours a day doggy paddling to support others . who do not value what i do..and just want more .

I love my parents but i am kind of angry that i either need to abandon them ..or wait for them to die ..to get to living my life .