How To Survive Being A Nice Person ... and Succeed in 2014

24 replies
Being called a nice person today is almost a negative. The first thing people think is you're a push-over. If you're a woman and someone describes you as nice - you must be fat, ugly or plain looking.

I'm not sure when being called "nice" became a bad word (especially if you're 30 or under). But that's the case in 2014.

I think the media is partly to blame. For example, Reality T.V has helped to turn "being nice" into something almost profane.

For example, notice how the meaner or bitchier people get the more airtime, fame, interviews and even spin-off shows they get. The "nicer" ones usually get less airtime, ignored and even cut from the shows.

Let's face it, "mean, bitchy and arrogant" sells and is slowly becoming the norm. Yes, being nice is not for wimps.

I personally fall between the two schools of thought. Yes, being nice is not for wimps - but it's still necessary and beneficial to your health. Read List of Health Benefits of Being Nice

Now it requires specific survival skills to avoid the negative consequences of being called nice. For instance, encouraging others to abuse, manipulate or control you.

Here's a few tips that worked for me:

1. Don't tempt people to take your kindness for weakness. Look confident, competent and in control.
2. Avoid people who can't, don't or won't appreciate you.
3. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Stop people pleasing.

These are my top 3. Do you have any "nice person" survival tips?

For example,
#2014 #nice #person #succeed #survive
  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    NM, being nice has allowed me to travel the world for 3 years straight, run multiple prospering online businesses, and yep, it's allowed me to type these words right now from gorgeous Pak Nam Pran, Thailand. Being nice will open so many doors for you, especially when you are a newb, and screw up so many times...people tend to look past your errors when you are kind, and driven, and giving
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    I don't strive to be nice, but a “good man.”

    And there's nothing wrong with being nice. Who cares what other people (including the media) think.
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    • Profile picture of the author Tania Edwards
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      I don't strive to be nice, but a "good man."

      And there's nothing wrong with being nice. Who cares what other people (including the media) think.
      Hi Jonathan,

      I really liked your concept. That's what I think as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    oh i am a big kitty cat .. if i want to or feel that interacting with you will be of some benifit to both of us ..i will happily play along ..

    rub me the wrong way or waste my time.. your hand is going to bleed .

    people tend to get it on a level they do not register ..but act from..well at least people you have not dealt with for long periods of time like family .

    but it has to be in your core that you are dealing with people who you are of value to each other .

    when that i there ..there is very little reason to not be nice or to have to bull shit anyone ..
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    how it works .

    basically it is a use of the law of attraction ..if you feel you need to be mean to people or con people or what ever nasty human traits ..to get what you want..there will be plenty of that in your path .

    if you feel everyone you interact with longer than a few seconds holds something that is for your improvement ..that is what you will get ..and from there your radar of sense will find clues in thos who are near you ..

    because i have gone from a life time of being shy/hermit like to being able to strike up conversations with almostt anyone who"blips " the radar ..in the last year ..with no positive thinking or list of self talk on the bathroom mirror.. just a coice at a core level on who i want to deal with .

    I really can't gice a process or write a book about it
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  • Profile picture of the author damiensuccess
    I am very appreciative for this post.

    Something I have worked to overcome in my younger years was to control my "Nice Guy" attribute.

    It is good being good, but have control of that good, and what comes from that good

    As for being "Nice"

    Have purpose and meaning for being nice other than just to be nice. Focus your "Nice Guy" attributes to something that you could see return results. As said, watch out for those who take advantage of people caught off guard with there nice attitude.
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  • Profile picture of the author Trey Morgan
    I believe that you need to know when to be nice. For example, if being nice is keeping you from being successful then you have to learn how to be bad. If you don't learn how to be good and bad then you won't be able to take control of your situations in life.

    Being bad doesn't mean being unethical it just means being stern and doing what's necessary to get where you need to be. For example, if your friends are always asking for favors and distracting you from focusing on your business, then you need to address the situation and let them know that you take your business serious and they have to respect that.

    I used to have a problem like that. My friends always wanted to hang out and I didn't want to upset them by telling them I'm busy. One day I realized that I wasn't making as much progress in my business as I wanted to because my friends were becoming a distraction.

    I decided that I had to address the situation and I literally told my friends that I don't have time to hang out unless it's on Saturday or Sunday evening. My friends didn't take it personal and they respected my decision. I'm not as close with my friends as I used to be but that is a sacrifice I have to make to be successful.
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  • Profile picture of the author WilloxPerez
    I see your points and they are good ones. I personally feel I prefer the word kindness because this in itself is a must in order to truly enjoy and propel yourself in life. Show kindness but make sure you are also strong.

    Nice is a word thrown around a lot and a lot of people are actually nice just to do it as if they feel they have to. It will be great to simply develop a real kind hard with a ferocious self confident and believe in yourself =-D
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    • Originally Posted by WilloxPerez View Post

      I see your points and they are good ones. I personally feel I prefer the word kindness because this in itself is a must in order to truly enjoy and propel yourself in life. Show kindness but make sure you are also strong.

      Nice is a word thrown around a lot and a lot of people are actually nice just to do it as if they feel they have to. It will be great to simply develop a real kind hard with a ferocious self confident and believe in yourself =-D
      I prefer kindness too. It's a more accurate term on how all of should deal with other people in everyday life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Halvatron
    Hi everybody. This is my first post on these forums.

    I like The Niche Man's tips and think there are two essential parts to the issue:

    1. Your decision making process.
    2. The tone/form of your interaction with people.

    Regarding decision-making, I think the key thing is:

    - Make sure YOU are the one making your decisions.

    What I mean is, if you feel compelled to make decisions that go against your own wishes in order to:

    - Please somebody,
    - Avoid the guilt somebody is trying to make you feel,

    Then you are not really making your own decisions. I used to make decisions in order to do the two things above for years. It's a limiting way to conduct your life, in my experience.

    Regarding the way you interact with people, what has worked the best for me is to always treat people with dignity and respect---BUT---at the same time being careful to make my own decisions and then firmly stick by them.

    I think it's those two things working together that make the difference. I've been lucky to observe people that were both accomplished AND well regarded and they all seem to have developed both those skills to a fine point.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jarvis Edwards
    As a "nice" person, I think this is a good post.

    Here's a book that Dovetails perfectly with this thread: "How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleHow to Win Friends and Influence People ," by Dale Carnegie. It shows how being "nice" in various ways can actually influence others around you to do the same, even if they aren't nice people to begin.

    Oh yeah, my tip would be: "Learn when to say NO." (I've been taken advantage of countless times in the past by saying yes, just to make someone happy.)
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  • Profile picture of the author JCorp
    You have to be NICE. It's something that if you're NOT, you must develop... search within. Ask yourself how to be nicer.

    Don't let the media shape you and have you thinking that you have to be B*tchy, or ugly or mean.

    But being nice is where it's at. It's the only way to treat people and to live life.

    I don't care what anybody says.

    You can be nice and still make millions (or whatever amount you want to make).

    When it comes to business, IT IS about being NICE... but also about being stern when needed.
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  • Profile picture of the author C G
    Very good point.

    I think that as long as you look confident and be nice. People will not perceive you as a wimp.

    So be nice and confident.

    Cheers,

    C.G.
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  • Profile picture of the author imrizk
    assertiveness is the key. Its almost and art, trying to be nice and assertive.
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  • Profile picture of the author only1rodez
    How To Survive Being A Nice Person ... and Succeed in 2014
    Being called a nice person today is almost a negative. The first thing people think is you're a push-over. If you're a woman and someone describes you as nice - you must be fat, ugly or plain looking.

    I'm not sure when being called "nice" became a bad word (especially if you're 30 or under). But that's the case in 2014.

    I think the media is partly to blame. For example, Reality T.V has helped to turn "being nice" into something almost profane.

    For example, notice how the meaner or bitchier people get the more airtime, fame, interviews and even spin-off shows they get. The "nicer" ones usually get less airtime, ignored and even cut from the shows.

    Let's face it, "mean, bitchy and arrogant" sells and is slowly becoming the norm. Yes, being nice is not for wimps.

    I personally fall between the two schools of thought. Yes, being nice is not for wimps - but it's still necessary and beneficial to your health. Read List of Health Benefits of Being Nice

    Now it requires specific survival skills to avoid the negative consequences of being called nice. For instance, encouraging others to abuse, manipulate or control you.

    Here's a few tips that worked for me:

    1. Don't tempt people to take your kindness for weakness. Look confident, competent and in control.
    2. Avoid people who can't, don't or won't appreciate you.
    3. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Stop people pleasing.
    I definitely like what you say here. I have always been nice since a young age and have gotten taken advantage of. I was recently robbed because of being too nice. I think a lot of the people i used to associate with took my kindness for weakness cause i am not a violent person and they thought they could just walk all over me. I recently moved closer to my brother and he has been telling me you can be nice but you also need to be selfish at the same time. You got to make sure you are secure first before you can start helping other people out. That has always been a big issue of mine because i have a big heart and i like to help people even when I am not in the position to be helping anyone. I understand both point of views. I recently cut quite a few people out of my life. They were nothing but negative energy and did nothing but use me. Since then my life has made a drastic increase and is more positive now. That's crazy that you mention the reality shows. I was just talking to one of my family members about this the other day. It's crazy how drama is entertainment now and people are getting rich from it an recognized for basically being ignorant. I barely watch tv though I am too busy trying to build a future for myself and my child. And i know now that i can be nice but i can't just be so friendly to everyone cause not everyone is your friend.
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    You can be the nicest person in the world and if people see that in you, they might want to take advantage of you at some point.

    Sometimes it is good to be looked at as a "not such a nice guy". Believe me, I have been in both situations and it is better to be known as "not such a nice guy".
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    • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
      Originally Posted by talfighel View Post

      You can be the nicest person in the world and if people see that in you, they might want to take advantage of you at some point.

      Sometimes it is good to be looked at as a "not such a nice guy". Believe me, I have been in both situations and it is better to be known as "not such a nice guy".
      I see your point to a certain extent. But if I had to choose I'd rather fall on the side of being seen as nice. Especially to family (responsible family), friends, colleagues, customers and prospects. All others must earn my niceness through experience, time, actions and on an individual basis.
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  • Profile picture of the author naidyphoon
    I don't mind if people see me as an A**hol*, I just don't want to be one
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  • Profile picture of the author Greg guitar
    I don't really agree with the generalizations about what people think about "nice". But there is a huge gulf between nice and pushover, so of course, we should avoid being the latter.

    To me, the suggestion that it's somehow out of fashion among young people to be nice, is just ageism, and I don't believe it. I'm 57, and there were jerks when I went to school too, and I imagine lots of them still are, but lucky me; I don't have to see them, and haven't since I was 18. I've met plenty since, but normally, I'm not a captive audience like back then, and waste little time on them.

    I think it's a big mistake to take reality tv as indicating anything about the real world, in spite of the fact that one of the shows is called that. Actually, it's better to avoid reality tv completely. A better name for it would be "unreality".

    There have always been cynics and mean people that will mock, insult, or harass anyone they feel will be a fun target. But that doesn't mean they target all nice people (which imo, is most people, if you give them half a chance). Besides, those people are the last people whose opinions matter once you're old enough to get away from the prison of school where you have to be with the same jerks every day during the school year, and bullies sometimes made the most vulnerable kids' lives miserable.

    You survive not by giving up the "nice", but by giving up the people pleasing. I still have to work on getting over my concern about the opinions of others. We all want to be liked, but if it causes us to always yield when it's our turn, to always put everyone ahead of ourselves, then we need to work on reducing the need for approval. I've seen it suggested that we should eliminate it altogether, but not sure that's possible, or even desirable. But certainly it should be minimized for a happy life.

    I think a more fruitful question than how to survive being nice, would be how can I be considerate and kind to everyone without putting myself last?

    I also think humans seem to have a tendency to let negative behavior impact us far more than positive. So to counter that, we need to be conscious of the point of view we choose, what we choose to focus on, and ask ourselves why, at the end of the day, we are still playing the tape in our heads, of the one mean, nasty person we encountered that morning, when we had 50 pleasant exchanges with kind souls after that.

    Keep being nice, by all means; it makes a better world for all of us. Just don't let people manipulate you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Metacomet
    Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post


    ...

    1. Don't tempt people to take your kindness for weakness. Look confident, competent and in control.
    2. Avoid people who can't, don't or won't appreciate you.
    3. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Stop people pleasing.

    ...
    Can't think of anything else, that really covers it.

    Most of the "nice guys" I've come across in life were in actuality cowards. Most are back-biters as well and eager to cut down their friends or others behind their back, while crying to the world that they're "just too nice" when someone stronger and more honest contrasts their weakness.

    Absolutely you can be the nicest and greatest guy on earth but if you are weak or dishonest (which most "nice guys" are in actuality ) - the Mr. nice guy routine is actually a survival mechanism and form of psychosis, we all know these kind of people - they say the most rotten and hateful things when behind closed doors and with people they trust.



    If "nice guys" stuck to the 3 tenants quoted above there would be no nice guy stigma whatsoever.

    I still also think "nice guy" is another term for physically weak or easily dominated men. Nobody wants to do business with or get in relationships with them so I fully understand their need to cry about it. Still: The best feeling in life is self-improvement, they are missing out and making excuses.

    Good thread.
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  • Profile picture of the author sandhyagoyal25
    Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

    Being called a nice person today is almost a negative. The first thing people think is you're a push-over. If you're a woman and someone describes you as nice - you must be fat, ugly or plain looking.

    I'm not sure when being called "nice" became a bad word (especially if you're 30 or under). But that's the case in 2014.

    I think the media is partly to blame. For example, Reality T.V has helped to turn "being nice" into something almost profane.

    For example, notice how the meaner or bitchier people get the more airtime, fame, interviews and even spin-off shows they get. The "nicer" ones usually get less airtime, ignored and even cut from the shows.

    Let's face it, "mean, bitchy and arrogant" sells and is slowly becoming the norm. Yes, being nice is not for wimps.

    I personally fall between the two schools of thought. Yes, being nice is not for wimps - but it's still necessary and beneficial to your health. Read List of Health Benefits of Being Nice

    Now it requires specific survival skills to avoid the negative consequences of being called nice. For instance, encouraging others to abuse, manipulate or control you.

    Here's a few tips that worked for me:

    1. Don't tempt people to take your kindness for weakness. Look confident, competent and in control.
    2. Avoid people who can't, don't or won't appreciate you.
    3. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Stop people pleasing.

    These are my top 3. Do you have any "nice person" survival tips?

    For example,
    being nice is really a good think. u must follow simply sme rules for that
    1 accept people as they are
    2 dont expect too much from anybody
    3dont see intintion beyond other people mistakes
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    • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
      Originally Posted by sandhyagoyal25 View Post

      being nice is really a good think. u must follow simply sme rules for that
      1 accept people as they are
      2 dont expect too much from anybody
      3dont see intintion beyond other people mistakes
      I agree with one and two. But I question point #2 (Don't expect too much from anybody),

      If you mean tolerant and forgiving, I'm with you.

      But if you mean having low expectations, allowing people to give you the short -end of the stick or low quality actions, I disagree. Those are the negative consequences of being seen as "too nice." - especially to aggressive, high-strung or type A people.
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  • Profile picture of the author historial0racle
    I too can be some what of a "people pleaser" and I find it hard to be "assertive" without being "aggressive" More often than not, people just walk all over you for being soft spoken, kind and attentive. I also find it hard to say no.

    Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

    I'm not sure when being called "nice" became a bad word (especially if you're 30 or under). But that's the case in 2014.

    I think the media is partly to blame. For example, Reality T.V has helped to turn "being nice" into something almost profane.

    For example, notice how the meaner or bitchier people get the more airtime, fame, interviews and even spin-off shows they get. The "nicer" ones usually get less airtime, ignored and even cut from the shows.

    Let's face it, "mean, bitchy and arrogant" sells and is slowly becoming the norm. Yes, being nice is not for wimps.
    Totally agree with you. Let's look at Nene Leakes from RHOA. She is a horrible person yet she is the queen. Why? Because she brings the most drama and is NOT nice.

    IMAGINE a tv show where you had 5 women all really nice. Do you think it would "make good television"? Do you think it would have good ratings?

    People want to see cat fights, drama and family feuds. The rest of the kumbaya stuff is "boring".

    There MUST be something better than this.
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  • Profile picture of the author smaddoxjr
    Just have to say Niche man you have it spot on. However , everything may seem that the grass is greener on the other side. I have never heard of constant pain on being nice. Also at the same time it seems unfair how "nice people" get the short end of the stick. It could seem that as an individual one needs to find a healthy balance of the two. Just keep your word because when it all comes down to the giddy . Your word I believe is all someone has.
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