31 replies
folks i have just wasted my life after my engineering with doing nothing,boozing a bit and wasting lots of time ,lying to parents ...nw need to regret but since many people know me ...they dont believe me so i am not able to get any motivation from anyone ......Lastly how to keep the mindset ...to get back to job and start working...or is it too late to do anything thats wat always hits the back of my mind....am i blown off.???? also i m single ....wat to do folks do help...
#life
  • Profile picture of the author ryanbiddulph
    Hi,

    Start now. Be free. Decide why you want to live a different life. Tie it to some form of freedom. You can do it. We believe in you. Decide on what you want, for starters. Also, surround yourself with super positive people. Start with me Visit my blog, subscribe, feed off of my positive energy.

    All the best dude, we believe in you!
    Signature
    Ryan Biddulph, Blogger, Author, World Traveling Digital Nomad
    If you want to become a full time blogger you can buy my eBook here
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well you have spent 32 years creating the life you have 14 of that you have been an adult making your own choices .

    how long have you spent creating a vision of what you want your life to be ..or are you still in the 99 percent noticing what you do not want
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Originally Posted by surajkrish81 View Post

    folks i have just wasted my life after my engineering with doing nothing,boozing a bit and wasting lots of time ,lying to parents ...nw need to regret but since many people know me ...they dont believe me so i am not able to get any motivation from anyone ......Lastly how to keep the mindset ...to get back to job and start working...or is it too late to do anything thats wat always hits the back of my mind....am i blown off.???? also i m single ....wat to do folks do help...
    The future is now.

    The past is dust.

    Nobody is responsible for your results but Y-O-U.

    Stop carrying your past around with you. If you find other people who want to carry that past for you, stop talking to them until after you have gotten better results nobody could deny.

    You are probably going to have to get to work alone. Nothing wrong with that. Just go do it.

    I don't like spiders. One night as a teenager I came home to my parents' house and there was a giant spider behind a speaker. The size you might see on 4 occasions in a lifetime (thankfully) above the 49th parallel; as wide across as my hand. I could see its shadow on the wall behind the speaker. I stood there for 15 or 20 minutes saying to myself, "That's a big F*n' spider."

    The longer I stood there, the more paralyzed I got.

    I learned that you must ACT IMMEDIATELY in the presence of your fears, or you will stay stuck. Get moving!

    (Nowadays if a spider is small I will try to catch it in a container and put it outside.)

    Take this lesson.

    Motivation is baloney. Just decide to do it, and do it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Johnny12345
      Originally Posted by Jason Kanigan View Post

      I stood there for 15 or 20 minutes saying to myself, "That's a big F*n' spider."

      You can't stop the story there. What happened to the spider!

      John
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      • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
        Originally Posted by Johnny12345 View Post

        You can't stop the story there. What happened to the spider!

        John
        Eventually I took off my shoe and smashed it.

        That monster spider had both of us in a bad position.

        I don't like killing things, even spiders or roaches, but some things cannot easily be captured and released outside. I was able to do the "capture and let go" thing with a medium-sized spider last week, thankfully out of sight of my wife.

        One time a hummingbird flew into a house I was renovating. We threw a shirt over it and put it back out. Probably the most unusual catch-and-release I've been involved in.

        Another time some friends and I were coming back from a martial arts picnic (yeah that sounds weird, but it was a cross-border thing where members of two schools met up at a park...I remember this little kid repeatedly ran around our chief insructor with the ball while we were playing soccer/football; a few weeks later we were looking at photos and the chief said, "There's that kid again!!") and stopped for a break to find a dragonfly lying in the parking lot. It looked dead but we put a bit of an apple out for it and some water. It perked up after the sugar and water, buzzed its wings and then flew off.

        We have fostered many rescue dogs and cats and I really feel bad whenever I have to kill anything, even a bug. The point of sharing the story in that last post though was about fear and indecision. The OP has to get moving instead of sitting there wondering about the past and the future.

        The past is gone.

        At one point I thought, really believed, it was my life's purpose to improve the lives of other people as an elected official, and ran for city council twice. During those years I did high level volunteer work with the city, belonged to several civic and fraternal organizations and kept a reasonably easy (for me, anyway) job so I could spend my evenings pursuing the purpose. And I was good at it.

        After I lost my 2nd election in 2005, not by a whole lot either, I was really upset. To get so close to my dream, and have it slip by...it embittered me for several years.

        But you know what? The past is dust.

        Nowadays I hardly ever think about it. My civic experience is a nice reservoir to draw on, and I'm not bitter about it. It's gone. Part of my past. Just memories. If I continued to carry that feeling of upset about, which had faded by 2008-9, think of all the past baloney I'd be hauling. Silly. The past is dust, and there's nothing you can do about it. In 2008 I could have run again, but I no longer wanted to. I had decided to move on.

        Incidentally, if I had been elected, I wouldn't be here interacting with you now. My life would have gone in a completely different direction and I would not have met my wife, moved to the US, found the Warrior Forum, or become a sales trainer. That's how important these events are.

        I've gone on to help people in many other ways. Mostly revolving around helping them feel confident about themselves.

        For the OP, the issue is he's allowing the past to dictate and make him afraid of the present and future. Time to ditch his "friends", knuckle down and build the future he wants. What happened before now is unimportant and need not have any effect upon what he does going forward--unless he allows it.

        It isn't about "motivation". Motivation is cheap. Just decide. Decision is solid. Decide to make the change and make the future you want. Nobody else is going to do it for you...but if you allow it, they will help you stop yourself from creating it.

        We all have doubt. I started with a double dose, though it has dropped low as the years have passed. We all have a past. But living in the past is pointless. The future is unreal, too; all we really have is Now. How are we going to use Now? To worry about what our parents think of us, how our past behavior makes people perceive us? Should we let it take the gas out of our tank? It's all a story, and a fake story at that. Mostly lies. Decide, do not stand in the fear and be paralyzed, and act Now. That's the only way out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    if you have the little harmless spiders in the house eating up the little bugs there is no food for the mean and dangerous spider to come for ..

    in the 30's has been the traditional point where men hit a wall and question and change the path they where on.

    if you are unmarried and have no children the most effective way to make changes is to move away from where you grew up.

    but you have to have a different life vision you want to build ..so you are not running away from one life you are moving too another .
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  • Profile picture of the author Trey Morgan
    Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, "what do I want to do?"

    Then ask yourself, "why do I want to do it?"

    You need to look inside yourself for the answers.

    Your past is irrelevant, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, but your future is still bright if you want it to be.

    Believe in yourself and others will believe in you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ryan Lindner
    The best thing you can do is to accept and embrace the things that have happened to you.

    What happened is called life.

    The worst you can do is carry around all that baggage as pain. Most people do this; they carry the past around as a series of grievances. They'll do this for a lifetime.

    When you experience suffering you are disagreeing with the past, which is something you can no longer do anything about. You are disagreeing with what is.

    You have two choices. You can suffer. Or you can cowboy-up and pull it together. But do not carry about the past. You're still a young person with so much life to live.

    Check out an older post of mine.

    http://www.warriorforum.com/mind-war...ml#post9128399

    Accept the past and move on.

    If you want some daily strategies check this out:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/mind-war...ml#post9173609
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    well ,
    4 years ago i was in the same boat you are ..and i have just gotten to the point of building the boat i want to sail in

    do an assessment of where you are . it your body functioning without any disabilities , do you have a lot of debt or no debt..a police record from the drugs and partying..do you still have to get the drugs out of your life .

    ..i was probably far worse off than you as my life was a mess or fully depleted in near every area and i spend a good year as a zombie .

    hopefully i can cut some time off your rebound ..it kinda sucked being down at that level for years

    forget finding and follwing your passion you can chase your tail for a long time .

    find out how you can make other peoples lives better in ways you enjoy..that also make your own life better .

    or how can you make your own life better and make others live better as well
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  • Profile picture of the author cshilling22
    There is an old Chinese proverb: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.

    There is nothing we can do about the past but we can take action right now to better ourselves. Small and consistent action can lead to big things. It is the little things that make the big things happen. Don't be in a position where you come back and post the same thing at 52!
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    • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
      thanks all for your valuable replies...Just made with what i need to do to get out of shell ...but at times what troubles me is comparison since the people very much younger to me are far ahead of me enjoying life ,married etc...and i am starting it from nowhere ....but then anyways as said by one of my friend if u didnt plant it 20 years ago its the right time now ...anyways just have chalked out things to do list ...and have stopped boozing completely...need to put on good health since will have to work doubly hard to reach thr....waiting for more valuable comments from you all pals to keep myself always motivated ...will always be connected with you alll....


      Thanks and Rgds
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    motivation should come from what you do to make your life better ..not be built up to do things to make your life better ..

    everyone has troubles in their life ..comparing yourself to other people if you are only viewing things you think are positives.

    i mean focusing on just the positives may work well to build a love relationship ..and remembering to focus on them help keep it working..

    being the person you want to be then getting involved with somone who likes the person you really are ..

    it may be important to identify the pattern in you past to change them now to have better results in the future . but you can't go into the past and change them ..but by seeing the patterns that created certain events.. you change the perception of it r=the past . which can help..or at least helped with me letting stuff go..but it was month and month of work .

    will you remain someone life happens to be keeping a grip on what has already happened ..or will you create the life you want
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  • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
    have put up a complete plan as to financially,socially,careerwise,habits i need to develop in a excel with every detail in it ...now need to stick to it no matter what i think its sometimes u lose control a day and then you are lost .........but i need to keep on going with all of you coaches with me ...to push me forward .. i just feel its just a matter of 2 months to get things moving rest all will start flowing but these 2 months i need to be always motivated ...

    thnx to all once again...for your tips ....
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  • Profile picture of the author Ean Stark
    Whats lost is lost,start again on a fresh paper.
    Forget all what happened and start all over again...


    Ean
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    • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
      yeah thts what i did from last week but in between just got drunk a day in between so lost track for 2 days ....and now back again need to just keep my focus going day in day out to make up the lost time
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      • Profile picture of the author sitback
        I agree with all that has been said by others in reply to your post, so take note of them and use the information to move forward. At 32 you are young, you have so much ahead of you, but you are the only one that can create the future you want.

        Forget what others are doing or what others have and concentrate on what you want and then make a plan to achieve it, but most of all take action on your plan one step at a time.

        You have to face up to yourself and take responsibility because you are the only one that can change your life.

        Get to it and good luck, we all know you can do it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Taraka
    Typical thing. I'm 31. Soon to get to 32.
    Done nothing. Wasted so much time, energy, and resources for nothing. And my body's best years are gone.... Bohoho...
    Come on, warriors, lets keep it up. At 32 life's just starting
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  • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
    thanks all ...the other problem i am facing i am not that bold to be frank and i get boggled down when people my relatives staying besides me are framing me for the mistakes i have not done ...ya some percent they say is true but more is false and that hurts my mother and father since they are very poor people ..so they get tensed ...and i do then get tensed as that would not i be able to make something in life for them so that they can be proud of me...this tension does hurt me sometimes and hence hinders my progress since rite now i m nothing in front of people ..no money no value ..i know i ve got good education but i need some time to make it big...and till that time these people i dont know what to do????folks...
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    • Remember that Chinese proverb your friend mentions about the second best time to plant a tree being right now!

      Here's a question that has been asked a few times, and you haven't answered - what do *you* want to do? What's your goal?
      cheers,
      Gordon
      Signature
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      • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
        Originally Posted by The Great Gordino View Post

        Remember that Chinese proverb your friend mentions about the second best time to plant a tree being right now!

        Here's a question that has been asked a few times, and you haven't answered - what do *you* want to do? What's your goal?
        cheers,
        Gordon
        The goal right now is to make a career in my field of maybe supply chain management,ERP,Planning..and to make the lost money which i have.or which i should have made had i gone through proper means.I have the target for that and its bit tough but would got to manage.Only problem i do feel at times folks are that when i look other people around of my age or below my age i do get bogged down and the target of making the lost amount it would take some time for me to make which when i think of i do get bogged down again thinking that would it be possible for me ...thus i lose the motivation again....
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        • Ah, ok. You are letting your past dictate yoru attitude here, and it's the attitude which dictates your future.
          You have a goal in mind, but your action towards it is being hampered by your attitude to the past.
          You've said all that in a couple of paragraphs.

          The answer?

          Stop blaming yourself.

          The past has gone and you are where you are. You can influence the future to either make progress in yoru chosen career, or to not make progress and dwell on the past, it's your choice.

          Do not look at others and compare yourself, whether they are younger or not, you have no idea what else is going on in their lives. Also, do not worry about 'making back' money you would have made. It doesn't work like that and is a counter prodcutive thought.

          If you choose to make positive progress to the career, then the results will come, and *that's* what other people will see!

          Cheers,
          Gordon
          Signature
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          • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
            Originally Posted by The Great Gordino View Post

            Ah, ok. You are letting your past dictate yoru attitude here, and it's the attitude which dictates your future.
            You have a goal in mind, but your action towards it is being hampered by your attitude to the past.
            You've said all that in a couple of paragraphs.

            The answer?

            Stop blaming yourself.

            The past has gone and you are where you are. You can influence the future to either make progress in yoru chosen career, or to not make progress and dwell on the past, it's your choice.

            Do not look at others and compare yourself, whether they are younger or not, you have no idea what else is going on in their lives. Also, do not worry about 'making back' money you would have made. It doesn't work like that and is a counter prodcutive thought.

            If you choose to make positive progress to the career, then the results will come, and *that's* what other people will see!

            Cheers,
            Gordon
            thnx for your all advice yeah decided with my career part thats supply chain management...lets hope for success....
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  • Profile picture of the author craighakwins
    Never too late, bud. Just sit down, relax and think of something that you really want to do. Something you can be passionate about and figure out a way to do that for a living. It's far fetched in some way but it's a good start.
    Signature
    RANK DOCTOR - PREMIUM High Quality, High Authority DA+PA+ Links. 3 Links for $35/m (Currently 20% OFF)
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  • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
    i didnt get you saying Mr Craig as d idea far fetched...let me know if theres any doubt in it ..so tht the mistake wont be repeated again...
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    Light a fire under your ass ...

    Really, if you are 32 and you haven't done anything so far, no amount of motivational materials are going to help you. It's not the first time you've heard them ... nor the last time.

    I assume that you are in the area called ...

    "Quiet desperation"

    Things are not bad enough not to sleep at night ... nor good enough to stay here.

    So what can you do?

    I don't have an answer. Nobody has. I can tell you about how KFC was founded when the owner was 60 but you'll say "cute" and then get back to your life.

    Your problem is just your problem. Yes, you are here BECAUSE of you. And I am where I am because of me.

    Is my life perfect? No. But I take responsibility for it and you should too. Thinking that someone else is responsible for where you are is the worst thing you can do.

    Only when you look into the mirror and say ...

    "I am here because of my own mistakes and actions (or lack of them)" can you also say "And I'm going to build the life I want".

    So ...

    Drop your story. Nobody cares. You may have been framed. Who cares? How does that change things? Life's not fair. Things are what they are, no matter if you like them or not.

    Put yourself in a situation where you need to start moving. I kind of doubt that you'll do this as life changing events are generally external and not taken from our own initiative. If you have to pay the rent ... have a girlfriend ... maintain your health ... you'll soon find that you don't have time to think about this.

    And get some damn ambition ...

    Life sucks sometimes. I know that. I've been down a LOT of times.

    That's when I've learned a very important thing. Beliefs are neither good or bad. A belief is positive as long as it allows you to advance and outgrow your situation. If negative thinking helps you advance your life, go ahead with it. If positive thinking is more of a sabotage than an actual solution, go with it.

    You know ...

    I've seen grumpy people get rich ...
    I've seen happy people ruin their life and never get out of it ...

    Their attitude mattered a lot. But what mattered even more was how much action they took. It's one thing to think in a positive manner about your body. It is another to hit the gym. The first one is mental masturbation. The second one actually helps you get closer to what you want.

    The same can be said about everything else ...

    You can spend your days hoping things would become better ... or how it is not your fault.

    But you'll still remain in the same situation.

    Or you can take some action and TAKE what you need and want out of life.

    What are you going to choose?

    Razvan

    PS:

    There is a major difference between "hope for success" and getting success.

    The first group hopes that something will change by doing about the same things as before ...

    The second says "I'll get there, even if it kills me".
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    • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
      Originally Posted by RogozRazvan View Post

      Light a fire under your ass ...

      Really, if you are 32 and you haven't done anything so far, no amount of motivational materials are going to help you. It's not the first time you've heard them ... nor the last time.

      I assume that you are in the area called ...

      "Quiet desperation"

      Things are not bad enough not to sleep at night ... nor good enough to stay here.

      So what can you do?

      I don't have an answer. Nobody has. I can tell you about how KFC was founded when the owner was 60 but you'll say "cute" and then get back to your life.

      Your problem is just your problem. Yes, you are here BECAUSE of you. And I am where I am because of me.

      Is my life perfect? No. But I take responsibility for it and you should too. Thinking that someone else is responsible for where you are is the worst thing you can do.

      Only when you look into the mirror and say ...

      "I am here because of my own mistakes and actions (or lack of them)" can you also say "And I'm going to build the life I want".

      So ...

      Drop your story. Nobody cares. You may have been framed. Who cares? How does that change things? Life's not fair. Things are what they are, no matter if you like them or not.

      Put yourself in a situation where you need to start moving. I kind of doubt that you'll do this as life changing events are generally external and not taken from our own initiative. If you have to pay the rent ... have a girlfriend ... maintain your health ... you'll soon find that you don't have time to think about this.

      And get some damn ambition ...

      Life sucks sometimes. I know that. I've been down a LOT of times.

      That's when I've learned a very important thing. Beliefs are neither good or bad. A belief is positive as long as it allows you to advance and outgrow your situation. If negative thinking helps you advance your life, go ahead with it. If positive thinking is more of a sabotage than an actual solution, go with it.

      You know ...

      I've seen grumpy people get rich ...
      I've seen happy people ruin their life and never get out of it ...

      Their attitude mattered a lot. But what mattered even more was how much action they took. It's one thing to think in a positive manner about your body. It is another to hit the gym. The first one is mental masturbation. The second one actually helps you get closer to what you want.

      The same can be said about everything else ...

      You can spend your days hoping things would become better ... or how it is not your fault.

      But you'll still remain in the same situation.

      Or you can take some action and TAKE what you need and want out of life.

      What are you going to choose?

      Razvan

      PS:

      There is a major difference between "hope for success" and getting success.

      The first group hopes that something will change by doing about the same things as before ...

      The second says "I'll get there, even if it kills me".

      dont mind u were kinda arrogant but motivative too...i accept ur facts buddy..
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  • Profile picture of the author SandraLarkin
    Banned
    It is tough to get out of your old life but you need to take it one moment at a time. Try to do at least one thing a day that is the exact opposite of your previous life and keep buildin off of that. Eventually you will be a new person. It is not even close to being too late for you.
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    • Profile picture of the author surajkrish81
      Originally Posted by SandraLarkin View Post

      It is tough to get out of your old life but you need to take it one moment at a time. Try to do at least one thing a day that is the exact opposite of your previous life and keep buildin off of that. Eventually you will be a new person. It is not even close to being too late for you.
      thts wht i am doing rite ...now sandra...one thing a day...i do lose control at times..but then it wud take time i know thnx for all your support...
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  • Profile picture of the author midas2010
    Don't lose hope that young. You can say no to drugs and alcohol. Start by telling everybody around you that you have decided to quit that lifestyle. They will remind you when go off track even for a moment. You will find it easier to quit when other people are helping you and encouraging you. All the best man.
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  • Profile picture of the author Samsmiles
    Originally Posted by surajkrish81 View Post

    folks i have just wasted my life after my engineering with doing nothing,boozing a bit and wasting lots of time ,lying to parents ...nw need to regret but since many people know me ...they dont believe me so i am not able to get any motivation from anyone ......Lastly how to keep the mindset ...to get back to job and start working...or is it too late to do anything thats wat always hits the back of my mind....am i blown off.???? also i m single ....wat to do folks do help...
    Hey man

    I'll be 70 years old this year so I have wasted more years than you!

    I have had a heart attack and part of my gut removed!

    I wake at 5:30 every morning, thank God and get down to work.

    I'm writing this after coming back from a 2 mile walk with my dog.

    Pull yourself together kid, get off your ass and go to work!

    Prosperity

    Dave
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