Finding it hard to stay positive

31 replies
Hey warriors,

So I'm feeling a bit depressed as of late and was looking for advice. It's my birthday today, my 21st to be specific. For a lot of people I know it's a day of joy, frivolity and grandeur. For me, not so much. I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.

I'm unemployed, never had a girlfriend, I spent most of my (if not all) years as a teen with an anxiety/depressive disorder. A total of six people (including me) will be coming to my dinner. It's a Saturday and I won't have enough money to go out, even if I did I wouldn't have anyone to go with since I didn't organise anything. I've received three texts saying happy Birthday.

This is supposed to be a day of happiness and people telling tales of your feats, accomplishments and even stupid things you did that were funny. I don't have a huge number of those. Maybe I've just been playing it too safe.

I've literally shed tears writing this. But perhaps this is what I needed, hitting bottom leaves you with only one direction to go, up.
#finding #hard #positive #stay
  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    you are 21 ..your just getting started .

    let me ask about what you may not have .. do you have a dug habit to kick ..outside what is prescribed for the anxiety/depression.. bi polar disorder ..

    do you have debt that you are not getting paid because you have no job .. with no former girlfriend that leave out kids needing support .

    you are 21 ..you may not have done anythin yet but you may not have f'd anything up.

    and you know what your problems are you need to work on .

    I was 30 and my life fell apart it took that to uncover all my issues and the last six years piecing and re piecing and fixing and fixing ..trying to figure it out .

    been where you are was there many years in a row .. oine year my family through my b day party a few week late because nearly everyone forgot .

    let me be a pain ..it may help your anxiety depressive disorder if you develop proper expectation for yourself ..and not get down on your self thinking you should have achieve some huge thing by now.. you are just starting out.. forget even starting you are looking for the starting line to start ..

    if you have no debts to pay off no family to support .. not habit that need rehab.. you are doing pretty well..for looking for a start.

    if you did not have to worry about money.. and try to make it look to the world like you are pulling off some massive achievement .. what would you do with a majority of your day if it was something that allowed you to pay your bills and support doing it .. because it is entertaining in itself .. and makes a little money

    you can't waste any of your time or energy trying to live a life other will think is great if is does not bring you joy ..you don't have that luxury ..you need to do thing that make you happy and do not hurt other people..in fact finding something that both bring you joy and helps others is critical to keepint the anxiety depression at bay ..

    while if you try to live up to unreasonable or just unwarranted exceptions placed on you, by you or others .. it not going to be a pleasant future

    It certainly has not been a pleasant past for me .

    so in short

    Light the #$%^ up on yourself

    there is no reason to pull a Julius Ceazer sitting at the foot of a statue of Alaxender the great in tears thing you are a huge failure because by that age Alaxander had conquered most of the western world
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    just know others have gone through it ..and there is a way out if you work with who you really are and develop your strength ..,rather than spend huge amounts of time trying to fix weaknesses ..

    i was 34 .. befor i realized there was no amount of fixxing of myself i could do that made anyone happy.. just made everyone point out more stuff i needed to fix and tell me that i hadn't fixxed what i tried well enough ..

    a lifetime of that stuff a lifetime ..do i regret it.. now not really though i am still a bit prissy about it .

    the only thing you can do about the past..is stop letting it repeat itself .
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  • Profile picture of the author damiensuccess
    Happy Birthday!!! My Birthday was August 14th. Just turned 29. And you're depressed?

    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    I've literally shed tears writing this. But perhaps this is what I needed, hitting bottom leaves you with only one direction to go, up.
    I hear ya bud.. Glad you came here seeking opinions.
    21st birthday can go two directions in my opinion. Either great, or crap. Either way, what you feel of it is your own perspective on the situation.

    I am sure a rich 21 year old dude who just contracted a threatening STI from some hotty, and a string of fights could lead to tears and depression too.

    It is how we see our situation, and the actions we take from our situations that will decide our emotions. Rethink your situation.

    Your a 21 year old guy who is late blooming. JUST LIKE ME BRO!!!! It took me forever to open my wings, but when I did, the world wasn't big enough to crush me. I'm ready to spike that little ball we call earth like a volley ball.

    Play it like a game you don't want to give up!

    Luckily, you are smart enough to seek opinions, and get advice from people who are going through situations or know someone who is. I personally held it until problems came in play.. Drug related problems.. Took me years to escape it.. Don't Go There!

    As for turning 21.... It's only a big deal because of where you are... 19 was the big year for me... 21 for me was just another year.. So you see... It is all your own perspective on how you see things.

    You Got This!
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  • Profile picture of the author Jarrod
    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.
    WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!

    21 Is NOT a time for looking back, but a time for looking forward.

    You've been alive for 21 years, but you've been an adult for much less than that. Seriously dude, you are just getting started.

    Quit trying to stay positive. Stay determined. Take that emotion you got, get angry, and channel it in a direction that will make you tell a different story 5-10 years from now.
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    • Profile picture of the author JakeM1
      Happy Birthday!

      I'm 24 and looking back, although I feel my whole life has ultimately led to the career I've got/am expanding at the moment, things have changed a lot since I was 21 and where I saw myself heading when I was 21, is not where I am 3 years later.

      I'm not really religious, but I have an unshaken belief that things just work out. Some months I've barely made any money and been £600 short for my bills, only for one day to end up making the figure pretty much to the exact £.

      The only thing I really do, is make sure opportunities exist. For example, I had a 12 month 0% credit card lately to invest in my business venture and rather than paying off the card every month, I put the money into premium bonds (where everyones interest is collected together and given out every month like a lottery to so many lucky people - while your investment stays safe). This way, I can cash them in before the 0% runs out, but I've got an opportunity for money to come in.

      I also went through my garage and listed loads of old stuff on eBay, some for prices much higher than their worth so as when I drop the price later on, people think it's a bargain. Again, this is putting something out there and sometimes I've had sales 60 days after I've put up listings when I've really needed the money and for items I never thought would sell!

      The same happens with clients I work with, sometimes putting in extra time replying to them and going the extra mile, even when a job is finished and I won't receive any more money - there's a stronger opportunity for them to refer me to others.

      The same is true with women and friends. I've been where you are fairly recently and have been using the same approach there. You won't meet new people staying inside, so I'm joining clubs, going out walking and pretty much saying yes to things I wouldn't normally say yes to and am absolutely loving it.

      Don't focus on end results, just create as many opportunities as you can and let things happen.

      Also watch the film "Yes Man" if you can. It pretty much builds on most of this and although you don't have to go as far as Jim Carey did, it does give you an idea of just getting involved in life
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  • Something that helped me when I was younger, is having a goal or purpose. Good or bad nothing lasts forever, set your goal, watch the movie "Yes Man", and just go with it. Life will find you sooner or later =)
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  • Profile picture of the author Dain Supero
    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    Hey warriors,

    So I'm feeling a bit depressed as of late and was looking for advice. It's my birthday today, my 21st to be specific. For a lot of people I know it's a day of joy, frivolity and grandeur. For me, not so much. I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.

    I'm unemployed, never had a girlfriend, I spent most of my (if not all) years as a teen with an anxiety/depressive disorder. A total of six people (including me) will be coming to my dinner. It's a Saturday and I won't have enough money to go out, even if I did I wouldn't have anyone to go with since I didn't organise anything. I've received three texts saying happy Birthday.

    This is supposed to be a day of happiness and people telling tales of your feats, accomplishments and even stupid things you did that were funny. I don't have a huge number of those. Maybe I've just been playing it too safe.

    I've literally shed tears writing this. But perhaps this is what I needed, hitting bottom leaves you with only one direction to go, up.

    On the contrary, you're alive, have access to the internet, can afford (or are being given) food and water and basic living expenses, have all of your limbs (I'm assuming), don't have rocket-fire threatening to incinerate you day and night. I could go on, but you get my meaning.

    So is it really a time of looking back and being depressed? Or is it a time for being grateful for what you do have and making a commitment to improving from this point, from NOW. Who cares about the past? It's dead. Let it be. You're not that guy. You're THIS guy, today. Go from here.

    As for depression and anxiety, I won't get into that here, but if you made a few simple changes to your diet, your lifestyle, and your thinking, all of that will evaporate within weeks. Don't accept some label pasted on your forehead by a shrink. Control what goes into your body and your body will be in your control. Drop all stimulants, prescriptions (related to your anxiety), eat only organic plant-fruit-sea based foods, take wild salmon fish oil, a greens superfood supplement, and do light exercise daily. Do THAT instead of feeling bad about yourself. Consider this your birthday gift. If you accept it, your life will rearrange itself in a way you cannot currently imagine.

    Happy Birthday, and may the Force be with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Hey Maximus.

    Like others have mentioned, you're just getting started and you have your whole life a head of you. Forget about the past and work on creating a fantastic future.

    You have plenty of time and with a little determination, mindset, and effort you can accomplish everything that's important to you.

    Look back when you're 30 and say: "I lived an amazing life in my 20's."

    P.S.
    Happy Birthday. : )
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author elusian
    My 21st birthday was a disaster and yet years later life has gotten better. This is one day in your life. Tomorrow will come and the next day and the next and soon you will look back and think," Hey that was not so bad." The point is life will get better. You are simply at where you are at right now.

    Give yourself some credit. You actually had people texting you. Not everyone has that. You have people on this forum responding to you. And you have your whole life in front of you to succeed.

    Happy 21st birthday. I know that, as you continue to post here, we will be happy to bear witness as you begin to succeed and take your life in whatever direction that you choose.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cataleya
      Happy birthday Maximus93

      Now you have one more happy birthday text
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  • Profile picture of the author crums1371
    Hey man, don't look too much in the past. And don't over-think the future. I've struggled with this issue a lot and then never really lived in the present. If you worry too much about the past it's going to make you nervous about the future and make you repeat mistakes.

    I've been in the exact same boat at hitting rock bottom, it's something I still struggle with today. It's an everyday struggle for everyone in a way. I get down and out sometimes too, and try to look every where for answers. For me, I had to hit rock bottom and started picking up the pieces and realizing where I screwed up or what I could do better. But it was realizing once I had no where to go but up that helped me get back on my feet, one step at a time. There's no one else that can help you do this but yourself. Just know you are not alone in this struggle, especially with depression and the likes. But I had to learn that's just another obstacle you have to over come. You can't depend on it, other people, or anything other than the person in the mirror to pick yourself up.

    Some things that I've started doing daily that at least help my mind stay focused on the positive..

    -Try and get some regular, healthy sleep. It helps a lot with the mind and it's good for you. Try to get in bed at a reasonable time and wake up with the sun. Eat breakfast. Trust me, it helps.
    -Get in the habit of staying focused on finding work, every day. Keeps you busy. I spend hours on hours every day finding any way to make extra money during the day. It keeps me focused on what's important every day.
    -Get a good diet and some kind of exercise. This also helps with your brain, it needs fuel to spark good ideas. If you flood your spark plugs with junk every day, they'll sputter out and loose power.
    -Find a hobby and do it daily.
    -Write down all your good ideas. Look back over them when it's hard to find motivation.

    I hope some of these can help you make this year a little better than the last now. Happy belated birthday, now get out there and make 21 that year you tell everyone about. You have complete control of it.
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  • Profile picture of the author SkyJarman
    Hey maximus, First of all it's good that you are willing too talk about everything. That clearly means you are wanting too change. All though change doesn't come as fast as some of us would like it. This doesn't mean you aren't making progress. Set little goals, you will find setting small goals will boost your confidence every time you complete the littlest of things.

    Let me rephrase that for you. You are ONLY 21. The next following years of your life are going too be absolutely the best years of your life. Keep too the warrior forum eventually you will think of something that is worth money. Stay positive.

    I suggest eating healthier and attending the gym a few times a week, especially if you are sitting on the computer. Going too the gym always make me feel 100 times better about my situation whenever i am dealing with stress. What you fuel your body with is very important and often over looked in the depression area. You wouldn't fuel your car with sludge i would hope... It's the same concept.

    I also at one point, felt very down and thought i would never make it out of my situation, i started taking serotonin pills and those really helped my mood quite a bit. Staying healthy and positive is what you need to focus on. The only bad thing it will bring is higher serotonin levels and improving your outter image. Which in result, if i'm not mistaken makes it a lot harder too feel down about yourself.

    A healthy mind and body create success. It will give you that extra boost in confidence you need too not only make sells but too boost your motivation and ambition as well.
    I personally believe life is how you perceive it, If you see yourself being successful and smart. You will be successful and smart. If you are negative about life, you will attract negative. Remember if you do dedicate your life too positive energy, Negative energy is constantly around the corner and is actually attracted too the positive.

    Hints why it is good too surround yourself with only positive successful influences in your life. You are in COMPLETE CONTROL of your life, your outcome.

    Happy Late birthday wishes!
    Friends come and go, Family is forever.
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    • Profile picture of the author holleythompson
      oh my. you just turned 21 and it's not yet the time to look back and have so much regrets. come on, it's just the beginning of a wonderful life. instead of looking back, why dont you look and think forward? theres so much greatness ahead of you and you might not be able to see it because youre already looking back. focus on the things you have rather than those you dont have. it will only suck out the happiness you deserve to have. things will come in the right time. have patience. hope this helps you but you should be helping yourself too by not being a pessimistic guy. its your negative attitude thats holding you back. i know you can do it. look forward!
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  • Profile picture of the author walterwombat
    If you were anxious/depressed at such a young age, it might be caused by your environment. For example, pressure to be a certain type of person. There is a lot of pressure from the media on young people these days. Success is supposed to equal wealth, being great looking etc Pressure can also come from family and peers, saying you should be this person who you might not want to be. I would suggest trying to find the root cause of why you don't feel good about things is the way forward. You mentioned reasons now, but you sound as if you were down before unemployment issues etc came into play.

    As you get older, you realise that it is having good people around you that is important - a few good friends and the odd good family member who will be supportive in your goals and won't put you down if you don't seem to be getting there. Money etc is necessary. However, getting respected for money or because you have a great job is superficial.

    Seeing life in terms of success and failure is what makes a lot of people feel like a failure. There will always be someone doing better than you. When you feel like a failure, it is difficult to do stuff. This makes it worse.

    As for going forward, my advice is identify your interests and your dreams. By dreams, I don't mean endpoints such as having money and women chasing after you. I mean, what would you like to be doing with your life on a daily basis? Chase your dream and if you make a success, that's great. If not, at least you failed doing something that you enjoyed doing.

    As for the online business thing, it is a lonely lifestyle. It doesn't help much in terms of meeting real people. Doing it because you like doing what you do and have an interest is fine. But doing it because you are depressed and don't feel like interacting with the world - well it's something to think about; I'm not saying it is wrong or right.

    Hope you birthday went well.



    .
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  • Profile picture of the author RVS3
    Dude, get a fat piece of paper and write a list of all the things you are grateful for, the things that make you feel good and happy and warm inside. Write them down, and pick your top 3 that really have an emotional effect on you. write them down on a piece of paper and carry it around with you, or make them the background of your phone so you are constantly "advertising" to your subconscious things that make you feel good and grateful.
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    • Profile picture of the author lilmechante01
      Originally Posted by Jarrod View Post

      WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!

      21 Is NOT a time for looking back, but a time for looking forward.

      You've been alive for 21 years, but you've been an adult for much less than that. Seriously dude, you are just getting started.

      Quit trying to stay positive. Stay determined. Take that emotion you got, get angry, and channel it in a direction that will make you tell a different story 5-10 years from now.
      No one is wrong given their experience and perception of things. :-) Why quit trying to stay positive? I'm not saying to ignore negativity...accept it for what it is. Honor it for revealing itself and listen to what it has to say...is it prompting changing....is it indicating something you need to let go of? Forgive yourself...you've done nothing wrong. You're learning what works & what doesn't. 21 years is a new phase/chapter in your book about you. I echo Jarrod (with my own twist) use your experiences and channel the passion in the direction you want YOUR story to read 5-10 years. You're the only one who can write it!

      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      just know others have gone through it ..and there is a way out if you work with who you really are and develop your strength ..,rather than spend huge amounts of time trying to fix weaknesses ..

      i was 34 .. befor i realized there was no amount of fixxing of myself i could do that made anyone happy.. just made everyone point out more stuff i needed to fix and tell me that i hadn't fixxed what i tried well enough ..

      a lifetime of that stuff a lifetime ..do i regret it.. now not really though i am still a bit prissy about it .

      the only thing you can do about the past..is stop letting it repeat itself .
      Yep! Others have gone through it and others will go through it after you. The only thing that you really get from trying to fix yourself to make someone else happy is one heck of a roller coaster ride. It takes a lot of realization & self-awareness to discover that you're not responsible for anyone else's happiness, livelihood, love, failure, success, etc...except for your own. (At the same time...not harming anyone in the process). The past is the past...it happened...it can't be changed...it's gone. It was a lesson to teach you what works and what doesn't. If we did everything perfectly the first time, all the time...we we wouldn't have this thing called life :-) Namaste!
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  • Profile picture of the author Poopknife
    Hi Max

    I don't have any advice but I can share something that always makes me feel a little better.

    A few years ago, I was feeling very lost and depressed. I was invited to go to a fair with some friends. I couldn't even really afford the cheap ticket to get in, and I felt like I didn't want to go at all. But I wanted to want to go - if that makes sense. I knew if I weren't feeling depressed I would want to go and enjoy myself, so I made myself do it.

    I ended up having a great time, and the highlight of the event for me was watching a spoken word and acapella singer. Here is a song by him that always lifts my spirits and lets me view my life from a broader perspective.

    Ari Lesser - Life

    Edit: I did think of some general advice / a technique that has worked moderately well for me. Pick one thing to focus on improving or changing in your life. Maybe even pick a small, seemingly easy thing to improve. After that success, use the momentum to make bigger changes.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mousumi
    Belated Happy Birthday Max!
    All I'd say is you are very young and you have your whole life ahead. Sharing your feelings with all of us is evident that you are already trying to beat your depression. Keep trying and looking for new opportunities. Life will surely give you thousands of reasons to smile and move ahead. Don't feel lonely. You just don't to keep limited to yourself. Step out, speak with people and enjoy!
    Wish you all the very best!
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  • Profile picture of the author dynamicsuccess1
    Wow man, your just getting started. Go get some friends who are successful.
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  • Profile picture of the author damiensuccess
    Hope now that it is all over, that it really wasn't that big of a deal.
    As many have already said here. Now is time to look forward with your life, and reach levels personal understanding that will help you discover purpose,, and then success..
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    • Profile picture of the author Syssolution
      Hey buddy!

      Happy birthday. Listen to some subliminal positive attitude music on Youtube for few days and try to see positive side of every aspect/situation of life. There are thousands of people in the world who're in much more critical situation then you.

      So i would say you're better than those people. Try to find out what you love to do! Try to get a job or start working as a Freelancer. Here are few websites which provide freelance opportunity in several categories, have a look and choose a category according to your interest:-

      1. Elance.com
      2. Freelancer.com
      3. Guru.com

      Watch this video on youtube, it's called greatest failures.

      Regards
      Shantanu
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    my mini was painted polka dot to match my birthday shirt from my grandma

    i loved that mini, even more so after it was laterchain whipped by three bikers and we both lived to tell the tale
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  • Profile picture of the author Vikram Anand
    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    Hey warriors,

    So I'm feeling a bit depressed as of late and was looking for advice. It's my birthday today, my 21st to be specific. For a lot of people I know it's a day of joy, frivolity and grandeur. For me, not so much. I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.
    Hey Maximus...belated Happy bday to you!!

    Trust each one of us is capable of so much more than we currently believe possible. So, everyday, create an aim for yourself.

    Rather than aiming at what you know you can do, challenge yourself to aim higher than where you are at right now.

    Go on, aim high and set yourself a high standard. Stretch, and make effort to reach that aim. In that pursuit you will become a highly positive person in life and successful too!!
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  • Profile picture of the author InfoBuzz13
    Hi, Happy belated birthday. Always remember if you think positively you will have a happy life. You are half way already as you have recognized what is missing from your life. We all feel like this sometime in our life, the best way to go forward is to take baby steps. As the saying goes slow and steady wins the race. Good luck for future.
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    Hi, My name is Rita and I am Entrepreneur. My niche is health & fitness. Check my blog out.Health is Wealth - http://www.infotemplegoodhealth.blogspot.com

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  • Profile picture of the author JessUBotNinja
    First,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (a little late)

    Second, in the bad there is always good. Being unemployed leaves you the ability to go out, network, make a social or business circle, look for mentors in areas that interest you, ask to job shadow people in positions you admire. If you have nothing to lose then what is stopping you. The only place you have to go from here is up, but you have to be willing to work for it; you have to be willing to put yourself out there.

    Find something that stimulates you -- is it money, is it proving everyone wrong, is it getting a girl to notice you, is it leaving your positive mark on this earth, is it the notice of building a legacy... whatever it is no matter how selfish, grandiose or otherwise focus on that... let it help you build momentum. Then you can begin to look deeper to find more meaning, drive, passion.

    YOU can be anything and anyone you want to be -- it may take you some time and lots of hard work, but do not ever let yourself with just being something you are not happy with. If you want to learn find free coursework to better yourself (https://www.coursera.org/) do you want to get out and meet people (meetup.com). Stop over thinking and worrying for a little while and start doing. Create those stories and memories - it is never too late!
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris30K
    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    Hey warriors,

    So I'm feeling a bit depressed as of late and was looking for advice. It's my birthday today, my 21st to be specific. For a lot of people I know it's a day of joy, frivolity and grandeur. For me, not so much. I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.

    I'm unemployed, never had a girlfriend, I spent most of my (if not all) years as a teen with an anxiety/depressive disorder. A total of six people (including me) will be coming to my dinner. It's a Saturday and I won't have enough money to go out, even if I did I wouldn't have anyone to go with since I didn't organise anything. I've received three texts saying happy Birthday.

    This is supposed to be a day of happiness and people telling tales of your feats, accomplishments and even stupid things you did that were funny. I don't have a huge number of those. Maybe I've just been playing it too safe.

    I've literally shed tears writing this. But perhaps this is what I needed, hitting bottom leaves you with only one direction to go, up.
    You know what? I was 24, single living with my parents, working at a dead end job, playing video games. I saw a lot of my teammates get drafted into the NFL, and then I said "screw this", I quit my job, surrounded myself with successful people, and states a successful business.

    You just one day have to get fed up with your situation, your feelings and just go for it. I truly believe a depressed person can be infinitely happy - science will never be on par with your potential, just remember that.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mr Bill
    I believe Boston has some advice that may be of assistance.


    Then, once you've absorbed that lesson, please proceed to lesson number 2.


    life ain't so bad, sometimes...


    As for the girlfriend, she'll be here soon - keep an eye out for a returned glance. She's out there and soon you'll be saying...


    Trust us...we're older, you'll be fine. You have no idea what you're going to be famous for. This time next year you're probably not going to even recognise your life - it's going to be that awesome and remember, you don't have to be "on" all the time. It's ok to be 'meh' occasionally. It may even make you cooler than you already (know you) are.

    When you're feeling down, click your fingers for a while, get a beat happening and be grateful for that you didn't just stub your toe - because that would be worse.

    Stand up, shoulders back, three long slow deep breaths, blink a few times rapidly and soldier on. You never ever know what's just around the corner.
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  • Profile picture of the author SeoKungFu
    Life is gonna get you up and down so many times...but each time you're down - REMEMBER to NOT give up and wait, patiently and proactively for the better days.
    LOL, I am not talking theoretically - no need to get much into my own downfalls' details, but I've learned that the bad times are like bad weather - the wise men say "this, too, shall pass"

    I wish you get better really soon !
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  • Profile picture of the author Trey Morgan
    You're way too young to be depressed like that. You have a bright future ahead of you. You're only 21! Your life is not over. If you don't like the way things are going in your life, then make the dicision to change.

    Change your way of thinking, change your work ethic, change your daily routine. Read books about successful people, go out and meet women. You could start studying and applying the art of pick-up (which is simply just learning how to be comfortable talking to women).

    Changing your life will require determination, self-discipline, and tenacity. It will be a struggle, but it will be worth it.

    To be honest, your situation isn't really as bad as you're making it sound, but like I said, if you don't like your situation, change it.
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  • Profile picture of the author cyberdenizen
    Originally Posted by Maximus93 View Post

    Hey warriors,

    So I'm feeling a bit depressed as of late and was looking for advice. It's my birthday today, my 21st to be specific. For a lot of people I know it's a day of joy, frivolity and grandeur. For me, not so much. I'm 21 and this is a time of looking back on one's life and I can't help but see a hell of a lot of failure.

    I'm unemployed, never had a girlfriend, I spent most of my (if not all) years as a teen with an anxiety/depressive disorder. A total of six people (including me) will be coming to my dinner. It's a Saturday and I won't have enough money to go out, even if I did I wouldn't have anyone to go with since I didn't organise anything. I've received three texts saying happy Birthday.

    This is supposed to be a day of happiness and people telling tales of your feats, accomplishments and even stupid things you did that were funny. I don't have a huge number of those. Maybe I've just been playing it too safe.

    I've literally shed tears writing this. But perhaps this is what I needed, hitting bottom leaves you with only one direction to go, up.
    I felt pretty much the same not too long ago. I've been suffering from depressive disorder since I was a child (although I was diagnosed only in 2006). I haven't had a birthday party since I was 13 (with one exception--I had one when I turned 21).

    I feel for you and I understand. But rather than feel bad about what you don't have and what you haven't done, how about focusing on what you now have and what you've accomplished so far? I don't know, but you might not be giving yourself enough credit.

    You feel like a failure? Keep failing, but fail forward. Failing is okay as long as you learn from your mistakes. One of my mottoes is fail forward fast. I used to be a perfectionist and I was terrified of failure. Now, I allow myself to fail and to make mistakes. I've learned so much from my mistakes and I've had more success because I allowed myself to fail. And I'm a lot happier.

    Here's what Michael Jordan has to say about failure:

    "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

    Remember, there are only two surefire ways to become an ultimate failure: give up and never try.

    Making mistakes is not failing. It's part of the learning process. You had to take a few falls when you were learning how to walk.

    Have no girlfriend? Love yourself first and you will attract love. I don't mean be a self-centered jerk who doesn't care about anybody. What I'd like you to do is appreciate yourself more, take good care of yourself, and do what makes you happy. You have to be happy with yourself first. Otherwise, you're bound to have a lot of relationship issues when you finally have a girlfriend. By the way, I don't have a boyfriend, but I don't care.

    Surround yourself with loving people. Be grateful for and to the six guests who are coming to your dinner and the three persons who sent you text messages. Be thankful that you can still have a birthday dinner even if you don't have a lot of money. On my 29th birthday, I barely had anything to eat (I had canned food the whole day) and I didn't receive any presents. I swear I'm being honest. There's only one person who gives me a birthday present every time I have my birthday: my best friend, and I met her about two years after that unhappy birthday. (I'm now 38, by the way, and my birthdays have been a lot happier even though I still don't have birthday parties.)

    You're only 21. The best years of your life have yet to come. Don't be too quick to judge yourself. You're not a failure. You're just getting warmed up.

    Happy birthday in advance and best wishes! Have fun!
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