Living with a mentally ill family member

by TonyAG
24 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
  • |
My mother has schizophrenia. She's had it for about 5 years. It's taken a toll on the family, my career, and our overall health. We've taken her to the hospital 3 times already. Every time she's given medication she stops taking it a few months later. Her record is 6 months on meds now.

I'm 23 years old and I'm still living with my parents, forcing myself to keep my head up to be successful online five years running. For years now I've been trying to deal with my sick mother while trying move forward, past the stress and depression. Everyday I wonder what crazy thing my mother will do next and how I'm going to handle it. Today she took a hammer and hit our neighbor's recycle bin with it five times. As I type this she's arguing with the voices in her head. She does this 24/7.

Right now the only two solutions I can find is to wait for her to do something really crazy that will make the officials take her to the hospital for a fourth time (landing us in even more debt), or to push myself to continue building a product that will hopefully sell, giving my family some hope.

I guess the reason I'm making this post is because I normally kept quiet about it. Could be the way for me to vent. Never been the type that talks about his personal problems.

Not sure what I'm asking for. I'm just feeling desperate for a solution.
  • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
    Hi Tony,

    That sounds pretty harsh for you and your family. Do you have brothers and sisters? Is your Dad there too? How are they holding up? It must be a huge strain.

    I'm afraid I have little experience in this. Johnathan2.0, another member has successfully got past his Schizophrenia and may be able to offer you better advice.

    One thing though. You say you have 2 options.
    1. Waiting for her to do something silly.
    2. Creating a product to sell to give your family hope.

    May I ask why you feel they are the only options you have? I'm not sure how it works where you are but if someone is a danger to themselves or others and is permanently arguing with voices, they are usually admitted to more permanent care over here. The idea isn't to wait for a schizophrenic to injure themselves or someone else. It's to prevent that.

    Sorry, I'm just trying to understand your situation. She sounds like she needs care and stronger medication, unless of course right now she's not taking it.
    Signature

    Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9566998].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Cali16
      Hi Tony, my heart goes out to you. I have many years of experience in the mental health field and have seen the pattern you describe with schizophrenics many times. It's extremely hard on the family members when a patient is non-compliant with treatment and keeps going off his/her medication.

      First, has anyone in your family talked to your mother's psychiatrist about switching her to a long-acting injectable antipsychotic medication (if all of her previous ones have been pills that she's had to take once or twice daily)? Those often work much better for patients who tend to forget, lack insight into their disorder, or are otherwise non-compliant with their medications. Some of these medications last as long as 4 weeks.

      Second, has your family looked into NAMI (National Alliance on Mental IIlness)? NAMI is a large organization that was created to help mentally ill individuals - and their families - by creating awareness, offering support, and advocating for them. There are NAMI chapters all over the U.S. - you can find a local chapter by going to their website: NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy. I highly recommend connecting with them.

      Lastly, I don't know the laws in Texas, and I do know it's a lot harder to commit a mentally ill family member involuntarily than it used to be. But has anyone in your family consulted with an attorney regarding a civil commitment? If not, I think that would definitely be worth exploring. You might also look into "assisted outpatient treatment" (also known as "outpatient commitment"). Many attorneys will offer a free consultation, so you could at least talk to someone to see if either of these (or something else) may be an option for your mother. If financial hardship is an issue, you may be able to find an attorney to take your case pro bono or for a very reduced fee. Just make sure you find someone who has a lot of experience in this particular area.

      In the meantime, I'd encourage you to document everything that may help your case (i.e. all of her bizarre - and particularly dangerous or potentially dangerous - behavior, including anything that shows she is obviously severely ill and unable to care for herself). Unfortunately, I don't know how much success you will have (with regards to a commitment), but I'd encourage you to explore it thoroughly to make sure you haven't left any stone unturned.
      Signature
      If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9567092].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Hi Tony,

    Unfortunately my experience is with dealing with Schizophrenia myself rather than a Family member.

    Something I can tell you is that although I didn't often verbalize it, the support from my Family meant the World to me.

    Without them (and the help of Social Services) I don't know where I'd be. Although I don't want to give you any "false hope" many times people's Schizophrenia does improve with time. (And, that may be the case with your Mother. To increase the likelihood of that, it's important that she keeps taking her Medication.)

    One last thing I'd add is that I think you're doing an amazing job supporting her: You should be proud of yourself. : ) And, if you can find a way to continue that support and make money with IM, that would be wonderful.

    HTH. : )
    Signature
    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9567059].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    I am sorry for what you are going through. My nephew has it, so I am not directly involved and he is functioning fairly well on his own with meds.

    In addition to what Cali16 suggested - especially if the longer term injectable meds make her more reasonable, I'd then look at diet and adding a naturopathic doctor to your team.

    I'm sure Cali16 knows more about this than I do and welcome her input, but here are some articles
    related to the dietary research. Celiac disease (gluten free), grains, fats, vitamins, and sugar levels, etc. all seem to have some correlation - or at least benefit - in some cases. I'd for sure get her tested for celiac disease. Sadly, none of these are a curealI by any means, but something to add to your arsenal with medical supervision...

    Complementary and Natural Treatments - Schizophrenia.com

    About schizophrenia and psychosis

    Action plan for managing schizophrenia

    Schizophrenia - Dr. Weil's Condition Care Guide

    Diet And Schizophrenia: More Important Link Than You Think | Therapy Soup

    Wheat and Schizophrenia | Psychology Today

    Schizophrenia, gluten, and low-carbohydrate, ketogenic diets: a case report and review of the literature

    How to Use Diet As a Treatment for Schizophrenia | LIVESTRONG.COM

    The Schizophrenia Diet | Schiz Life
    Signature

    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568018].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ThomM
      Tony, I cared for both my wife and mother when they where dieing (at the same time), so I have a small idea of what you're going through. You've got my respect for staying and caring for your mother when she needs you the most.
      I don't have any useful advise for what you are dealing with, but know you're doing the right thing just by being there for her. If you're not, you should be damn proud of yourself.
      Signature

      Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
      Getting old ain't for sissy's
      As you are I was, as I am you will be
      You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568273].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
        Tom's right, you won't regret caring for your mom. It is difficult and probably feels pretty unfair, but then life is not set up to be fair. You aren't alone, many very difficult experiences happen to all of us.

        In the meantime, you really should see what social services are available to help. To get assistance finding a pro bono attorney, give your county bar association a call.

        You might also want to find out if she is eligible for social security disability and whatever else comes along with that. A social worker and a pro bono attorney would be very helpful navigating the system.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568418].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I've never had to go through this type of thing. From the sounds of it, I can call myself extremely fortunate.

    You might want to take Bizgrower's advice, though and see if something else is wrong that might be causing it. I've never heard (doesn't mean it's not common, just I've never heard) that Schizophrenia is something that can just suddenly come on like that. I'd want to know what caused it.

    Meanwhile - I know it's hard to work while the walls are coming down around you - but, I don't see why you need to wait to build that product. Surely you get some time to do a few of your own things? Develop the Nero syndrome - fiddle while Rome is burning. It might just be that this situation will lead you to making a product that will be valuable to others in the same boat as yourself.
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568519].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      I've never had to go through this type of thing. From the sounds of it, I can call myself extremely fortunate.

      You might want to take Bizgrower's advice, though and see if something else is wrong that might be causing it. I've never heard (doesn't mean it's not common, just I've never heard) that Schizophrenia is something that can just suddenly come on like that. I'd want to know what caused it.

      Meanwhile - I know it's hard to work while the walls are coming down around you - but, I don't see why you need to wait to build that product. Surely you get some time to do a few of your own things? Develop the Nero syndrome - fiddle while Rome is burning. It might just be that this situation will lead you to making a product that will be valuable to others in the same boat as yourself.
      HeySal,

      That is something that really puzzles me about this disease. It is often adult onset.
      In my nephews case, it was literally an all of the sudden episode where he tore up
      a train station and got arrested.

      Stressful break up with his first adult girlfriend may have been a factor.

      He did have enuresis as a kid - which has been possibly related to milk allergies.

      Food allergies, which I forgot to mention in my first post, is certainly something else I'd investigate
      as part of a plan to manage schizophrenia. There is some research showing a high percentage
      of some schizophrenics had food allergies as children.

      This also causes me to wonder about additives and pesticides as a cause of schizophrenia.

      I also wonder if serious detoxing would also help with the disease.

      Dan
      Signature

      "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568673].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

        HeySal,

        That is something that really puzzles me about this disease. It is often adult onset.
        In my nephews case, it was literally an all of the sudden episode where he tore up
        a train station and got arrested.

        Stressful break up with his first adult girlfriend may have been a factor.

        He did have enuresis as a kid - which has been possibly related to milk allergies.

        Food allergies, which I forgot to mention in my first post, is certainly something else I'd investigate
        as part of a plan to manage schizophrenia. There is some research showing a high percentage
        of some schizophrenics had food allergies as children.

        This also causes me to wonder about additives and pesticides as a cause of schizophrenia.

        I also wonder if serious detoxing would also help with the disease.

        Dan
        Yikes. I had serious allergies as a kid - still have a couple. However - I've been very studied in natural nutrition and healing since I was 18, too. So far, so good.

        I know very little about schizophrenia. I've never had to deal with it so haven't taken time to know much about it. I did have a friend that lived down the street that developed a very bad case of it ...I'm trying to remember the age, sometime around her mid-teen years. She had gotten braces, and later she and the family claimed that it was caused by the braces pinching some nerves. Sounded odd, and maybe like an excuse, but who knows if they were telling me the truth or not. I had moved away so don't know if she actually did get right again or not.

        Here's something for ya. I'm not a person who is easily frightened. At all. Yet now and again I'll get very spooked at night when I'm alone. It doesn't happen often. When it does, I'm actually uncomfortable standing on my own front porch to have a smoke. I lock doors, and that doesn't happen frequently either. I've always figured if someone is lurking and is stupid enough to open that door, I've got the upper hand on the situation.

        I also sugar binge. Most of the time I eat no sugar at all but about every three weeks or so I'll take a day, sometimes two and just pig out on sugary treats.

        I don't like being spooked and because it's unusual I stated to keep track of what I had eaten that day when the fear sensation is strong at night. I have finally linked the nights I feel spooked being alone to the days I eat nothing but sweets. It's the only time it happens.

        Being that our brains run on chemical interactions, it makes perfect sense to me. Unfortunately - when psychiatrists say "chemical imbalance" - they don't know for sure. There aren't any tests that link chemical imbalance and schizophrenia conclusively, or what the exact imbalances are. They are running on guess work - or were the last time I looked up any mental conditions.

        I've stopped sugar binging unless my roomie will be home that night. LOL.
        Signature

        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
        Beyond the Path

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568703].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          Yikes. I had serious allergies as a kid - still have a couple. However - I've been very studied in natural nutrition and healing since I was 18, too. So far, so good.

          I know very little about schizophrenia. I've never had to deal with it so haven't taken time to know much about it. I did have a friend that lived down the street that developed a very bad case of it ...I'm trying to remember the age, sometime around her mid-teen years. She had gotten braces, and later she and the family claimed that it was caused by the braces pinching some nerves. Sounded odd, and maybe like an excuse, but who knows if they were telling me the truth or not. I had moved away so don't know if she actually did get right again or not.

          Here's something for ya. I'm not a person who is easily frightened. At all. Yet now and again I'll get very spooked at night when I'm alone. It doesn't happen often. When it does, I'm actually uncomfortable standing on my own front porch to have a smoke. I lock doors, and that doesn't happen frequently either. I've always figured if someone is lurking and is stupid enough to open that door, I've got the upper hand on the situation.

          I also sugar binge. Most of the time I eat no sugar at all but about every three weeks or so I'll take a day, sometimes two and just pig out on sugary treats.

          I don't like being spooked and because it's unusual I stated to keep track of what I had eaten that day when the fear sensation is strong at night. I have finally linked the nights I feel spooked being alone to the days I eat nothing but sweets. It's the only time it happens.

          Being that our brains run on chemical interactions, it makes perfect sense to me. Unfortunately - when psychiatrists say "chemical imbalance" - they don't know for sure. There aren't any tests that link chemical imbalance and schizophrenia conclusively, or what the exact imbalances are. They are running on guess work - or were the last time I looked up any mental conditions.

          I've stopped sugar binging unless my roomie will be home that night. LOL.
          Late teens or twenties for the onset of schizophrenia. Does not seem to happen after then.

          I notice the effects if I sugar binge. I gat cranky later, then really sleepy and brain foggy.
          Maybe at least have some real food, plus the sugar?
          Signature

          "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568841].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author Cali16
            Dan, thank you for bringing up diet and related issues. I have seen some research that correlates wheat consumption with schizophrenia, although I haven't explored it thoroughly. Omega 3 fatty acids have also been found to be beneficial.

            Schizophrenia is still a mystery in so many ways. We don't know what causes it (although it's likely a combination of factors), although there are many correlating risk factors, including the birth mother having the flu during pregnancy, being born in the winter, having an older biological father, and of course, a family history of schizophrenia, to name a few. But those aren't true of everyone with schizophrenia. Also, what we currently call schizophrenia may very well be several different disorders. As it is, there are 5 subtypes of the disorder, and they present quite differently.

            I've never been an advocate of treating the vast majority of psychiatric disorders with medication - unless the symptoms are so severe that the person can't function enough to participate in other treatment options such as therapy. I don't ever recommend them as the primary or sole source of treatment for most disorders. I do, however, feel that medication has a very important and necessary role in stabilizing psychosis (and also mania).

            As much as I dislike and disagree with the blatant overuse of neuroleptics, I also feel they are an absolute necessity at times (when used properly). I've seen patients go from floridly psychotic to stable (i.e. back in touch with reality and no longer agitated) relatively quickly when given antipsychotics. Granted, they come with a lot of side effects, and delusional thinking doesn't always completely remit. But with psychosis, you really have to weigh the benefits versus the costs.

            If it was my loved one, I'd focus first on getting the psychosis under control with medication, and then start exploring dietary changes, supplementation, lifestyle changes (particularly reducing and managing stress), and other non-medication means to see what works. I wouldn't try to implement those changes while the person is actively psychotic or persistently non-compliant. When people are psychotic, they can be very unpredictable and inadvertently put themselves and others in harm's way. It's not that people with schizophrenia are often violent - violent behavior is actually uncommon, and most likely to occur if there's a combination of grandiose and paranoid (or persecutory) delusions. It may also occur if the person is experiencing command hallucinations (i.e. a voice or voices telling the person to harm himself or someone else). But psychosis severely impairs judgment, so that's also why it's crucial to get it stabilized.

            The dilemma with trying to implement dietary changes, lifestyle changes, or give supplements to someone who's already non-compliant and, even worse, paranoid or agitated, is that it may be a huge battle and futile endeavor. For example, to someone who's experiencing paranoid or persecutory delusions (and thinks, for example, that you're trying to poison him), pills are pills - whether it's a Zyprexa tablet or an Omega-3 capsule. And if you try to change their food, well, you'll likely meet a ton of resistance (unless you can cleverly sneak things into their regular food).

            But doing these things once the patient is stabilized is more likely to yield the best long term results. Even then, though, it's likely going to be a lot of trial and error. Even normal people with food allergies, for example, often have to do a lot of experimenting or a very strict elimination protocol to determine what foods cause problems for them and which ones don't. The same is true with other alternative approaches. I wouldn't recommend that with someone who's psychotic; I'd wait until they are stabilized. Then, after making some changes for a period of time, gradually taper medication to see how they do (under the guidance of the prescribing doctor; preferably a progressive psychiatrist who isn't a stickler for convention).

            So, as much as I dislike Big Pharma, when it comes to antipsychotics for stabilizing psychosis, they're still practically miracle drugs and highly beneficial. That's one of the very FEW types of medication I would ever say that about (but, again, only when they're used properly)!! Currently, antipsychotics are being prescribed far too often - often "off label" - for non-psychotic disorders, including behavioral problems in children, which I am vehemently against.

            (Sorry for such a long post!)
            Signature
            If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568981].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Tony,

    I have a LITTLE experience with this. I have been asked to stay in areas where old people were, went to old folks homes, and even went to a mental ward to meet a friend of a friend that went nuts, and met several that had schizophrenia. I would NOT want to be around them very long.

    The causes are varied. They can be anything from a minor allergy or infection to a full blown type of dementia. I wish I could help.

    Steve
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9568972].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Cali16,

    No need to apologize for an eloquent and helpful post.

    In my nephew's case, he was being "pursued by the devil" when he tore up the Amtrack station.
    Afterwards, he was calmer, but reading books - as in national bestsellers - that he swore were written just about or for him. And he would be very adamant about it if you tried any logic.

    So, absolutely need someone to be in a cooperative - medicated - state to be able try any changes.

    It is a complicated disease and at best can be managed for daily functioning (at different levels)
    in society or there are those who do need to be institutionalized.

    Dan
    Signature

    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9569013].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      Cali16,

      No need to apologize for an eloquent and helpful post.

      In my nephew's case, he was being "pursued by the devil" when he tore up the Amtrack station.
      Afterwards, he was calmer, but reading books - as in national bestsellers - that he swore were written just about or for him. And he would be very adamant about it if you tried any logic.

      So, absolutely need someone to be in a cooperative - medicated - state to be able try any changes.

      It is a complicated disease and at best can be managed for daily functioning (at different levels)
      in society or there are those who do need to be institutionalized.

      Dan

      Similar. My brother thought that the TV newspeople were talking to him. He thought that people in malls were talking about him. He thought strangers were threatening him, and he would become violent.

      He had medication that helped, but kept going off of it. We lived in a very small town, and I learned much later (I had left, and didn't visit often) that he was the town "Crazy".

      He got arrested at least once a month. It didn't help that my mom was a religious fanatic. Some of that rubbed off on him, so everything was part of some religious mission to him.

      He scared the neighbor kids. Eventually my Dad wouldn't let him in my parent's home..and he became homeless for years. Living in a woods out of town. My mom would get him an apartment, and he would just walk out after a few days...back to the woods.

      I wasn't there for much of this. I found out about the worst of it from reading newspaper stories my Mom saved. He used to hit me..hard, every time he saw me. I guess he was trying to show dominance...I don't know.

      He was hospitalized maybe 12 times over the years. But he never really showed improvement. Medication quieted him....but he still heard voices.

      I would ask him about what he was thinking. He had a sort of logic.....insane logic, it was a pattern at least. Logic and reason were wasted on him.

      Once or twice he would tell me something like "All of this is impossible, isn't it?", and I would have a flicker of hope. But it lasted minutes......

      To the OP; I hope your mother isn't violent. There are different manifestations of the illness.

      Sometimes, medication can help, and the person can lead a pretty normal life. I've heard that in middle age, some people get better. Maybe they just learn how to manage the appearance of the illness. Maybe they really are better.
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9569110].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Tony,

    Ya know it's not your fault she has that and you are entitled to live your own life.
    The level and type of care she needs is more than you should have to personally
    handle. And more than you have been trained for.

    So, please feel free to do as others have suggested and see what sort of help is
    available from the government, charities, pro-bono professionals, and local support
    groups for people in your shoes.

    Good luck and please update.

    Dan
    Signature

    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9569175].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TonyAG
    Hey guys thanks for your support. I'll be honest, I didn't read any of the posts until today mainly because I just wanted to avoid the problem.

    My mother is back on meds. She's not completely back to her normal self but she has improved.

    Turns out she is schizoaffective which is different from schizophrenia.

    To get her back on meds I had to get a mental health warrant for her to be forced back into the hospital. Sounds harsh, but it was our only option. She was discharged today.

    This might be an endless cycle but at least now I know what I can do. Thanks again for the support.
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651139].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by TonyAG View Post

      Hey guys thanks for your support. I'll be honest, I didn't read any of the posts until today mainly because I just wanted to avoid the problem.

      My mother is back on meds. She's not completely back to her normal self but she has improved.

      Turns out she is schizoaffective which is different from schizophrenia.

      To get her back on meds I had to get a mental health warrant for her to be forced back into the hospital. Sounds harsh, but it was our only option. She was discharged today.

      This might be an endless cycle but at least now I know what I can do. Thanks again for the support.
      I know this is a stupid question, but is there ANY way you can have them give her a multi month dose of the medication? Some hormones and the like can now be done that way. It seems that MOST people that are prescribed helpful mental medication quit at some point after they are doing well. They usually quickly regress. My mother was the same way, and I can't handle such things. Committing can often be done if they area danger to others OR themselves. That may not be that hard.

      This can be VERY expensive. But if you can do something, like a multi month dose, she will likelybe ok for that period.

      Steve
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651561].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author TonyAG
        I was told there's an injection she could take once a month, but it costs thousands of dollars. I've heard before that most people only commit to taking meds after they've been repeatedly treated. Sorry about your mother. This is something no family should ever go through.
        Signature

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651652].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author dewalds86
    My girl friends little boy is really mentally unstable. Besides from being hyper active he just does not listen even after getting lots of hidings. Anny advice?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651659].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by dewalds86 View Post

      My girl friends little boy is really mentally unstable. Besides from being hyper active he just does not listen even after getting lots of hidings. Anny advice?
      What is "lots of hidings"? In the US it might be called timeouts? (Hopefully.)
      Signature

      "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651718].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
        Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

        What is "lots of hidings"? In the US it might be called timeouts? (Hopefully.)
        Nope. It's what we say here. To give someone a hiding is to give them a beating. Quite possibly the entire reason the kids 'unstable' because hyperactiveness in kids is not only normal but you should have seen me when I was about 7 if I ate a snickers bar. I could almost climb walls.
        Signature

        Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9651914].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

          Nope. It's what we say here. To give someone a hiding is to give them a beating. Quite possibly the entire reason the kids 'unstable' because hyperactiveness in kids is not only normal but you should have seen me when I was about 7 if I ate a snickers bar. I could almost climb walls.
          WOW! I was at a loss for the term ALSO, but beatings makes sense! In the US, you could speak of "tanning someones hide", and it means to BEAT them. I guess it comes from the part of the tanning process, in tanning leather, where you kind of beat it to make it more flexible.

          Yeah, HERE, many people consider kids unstable or a problem if they can't control them. NEWS FOR THOSE PEOPLE! KIDS, BY NATURE, DON'T want to obey, ESPECIALLY, if there is no reason to. So that is a NORMAL state. And if you are more boring to the kid than something else, he or she may have his/her attention diverted.

          Steve
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9653820].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
      Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

      Nope. It's what we say here. To give someone a hiding is to give them a beating. Quite possibly the entire reason the kids 'unstable' because hyperactiveness in kids is not only normal but you should have seen me when I was about 7 if I ate a snickers bar. I could almost climb walls.
      I was afraid of that.

      Originally Posted by dewalds86 View Post

      My girl friends little boy is really mentally unstable. Besides from being hyper active he just does not listen even after getting lots of hidings. Anny advice?
      SO, "lots of hidings" means beatings, then stop doing that and get lots of professional help.
      All of you. Especially because you're just the boyfriend.
      Signature

      "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9652554].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by dewalds86 View Post

      My girl friends little boy is really mentally unstable. Besides from being hyper active he just does not listen even after getting lots of hidings. Anny advice?
      Are you freaking kidding me? You're trying to beat hyper activity out of him? No wonder he won't mind. I sure wouldn't. Would you? Fear is NOT a solution.

      Get the kid outside in the sun (vitamin D deficiency is a major cause of instability. Let him run through fields, stomp in streams, swing from tree branches. At least that's a healthy way to wear his butt out a little.

      Then make sure he's eating right.

      Then - find out what really turns his crank. Is it fishing? Hiking? Photography? Painting? Then get him whatever he needs to pursue that interest. Show him that you cooperate with feeding him stuff for his interests when he cooperates with you and that can do a major amount toward getting him to be cooperative. If he is into hiking and knows if he behaves well he'll get to go -- well, figure it out yourself. If it were you and you knew you were just going to get whipped again -- or you knew you were going to get to do something that really cranks you............which would motivate you more toward giving a little respect?

      I can't imagine acting properly for someone who thought that beating on me was going to engender cooperation. Get some help, dude.
      Signature

      Sal
      When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
      Beyond the Path

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9653677].message }}

Trending Topics