Ladies, It's Time To Take Responsibility For Your Failed Relationships

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Here's an email I received last night from a woman who has identified the source of all her troubles: everyone but herself.

Dear Matt,

I know you've written articles about this before but I'd like to see you write another one not just addressing single men but all of the sh*tty men in general in our country. These men today aren't men...they're boys. They act like little children. Playing video games all day, not interested in careers, can't stay in relationships.

I'm only 32 and I'm about to give up even looking! I thought I found real men twice but both of those ended when we were still engaged because I found out they were full of sh*t and not the kind of men I want to be with. There's been plenty of other losers before them and after them. Failed relationships after failed relationship and every single one ended because the man was an assh*le or worse.

This is how it is for women today. There aren't any real men left so we have no where to turn. The guys we are left to deal with are either jerks or needy and clingy, non-motivated p*ssies. Men aren't ready to be responsible and reliable anymore. They only put on that front until you get to know them better and then the truth comes out.

I know what I deserve as a woman, and it's better than what these men/boys are offering. I guess I'll be single for the rest of my life.
There is more from "Rebecca"

...

From Matt Walsh,

you are not the victim of your other fruitless romantic endeavors. You are a participant, a catalyst, a cause.
For whatever reason, it's very popular to scold men and say, 'women deserve better,' but nobody ever seems to turn to women and say, 'men deserve better.'
This is excellent! Go read it.

Ladies, It's Time To Take Responsibility For Your Failed Relationships | TheBlaze.com

Oh, and men, don't even think for a minute that I am giving you a pass. You want a good (or better) relationship with a good (or better) woman, then man up!

Joe Mobley
  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    She DID describe SOME "men", but FAR from all. And frankly there are some women that are JUST as bad. WOMEN don't deserve better. Some PEOPLE deserve better,

    As for movie choices and the like, many women like movies that men won't like as much. It only makes sense that many men like some movies women won't be so happy about. But there IS often a huge overlap. You can stay there, or compromise.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    There are a lot of men out there that just don't cut it anymore. However - I'm sure the reverse is equally true.

    The reason I've had problems is because, well - when I meet someone that has some electricity, my brain cells go right out my intestines. Simple as that. I've made one good choice, but he wasn't very durable and there's nothing you can do but have them stuffed after death about keeping them around. Fortunately, I've grown some filters as I've aged and have been smart enough to know "SOS" when I see it now.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I went out with a guy I recently met. No manners, no chivalry, he couldn't look me in the eye and have a conversation. He was dressed like a slob and he mumbled too much. Finally we went back to his house and he suggested we watched a movie. He wanted to watch X-Men which shouldn't have been a surprise to me. The next morning he said he couldn't bring me back to my house because he had to go the opposite direction for work (at least this one had a job so I ended up calling a cab. It just seems like this is the only kind of man left. It's a f**ked up situation because women are always forced to settle or just be alone. I'm not needy or demanding but I want a man who is a man. A man who with ambitions and goals and who can be strong for me.
      I think that's hilarious. You meet a guy and go out - you don't like how he's dressed or how he talks...but you go home with him for the night. Wow, you're demanding, aren't you?

      It's not the only kind of man left - it's the only kind this woman can attract. A man with ambitions, goals and standards is looking for a woman with the same.....


      The problem with many women I know is they look for men to keep them from "being alone". If you don't like your own company enough to be alone at times....why would anyone else want to stay with you?
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        It's not the only kind of man left - it's the only kind this woman can attract. A man with ambitions, goals and standards is looking for a woman with the same.....
        Wow, Kay.......I couldn't have said it better myself. So I won't.


        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        lol. BINGO. My boyfriend of 5 years was having casual sex with men he "met" on casual hookup type sites and swinger sites, etc. I discovered it when he asked me to fix his computer and I saw the browsing history and I did some further investigation. Talk about being floored.
        I felt the same way when I found out that Riffle was really married....and to a woman!

        I felt so used.

        (Suzanne; I went for the joke. But I'm sure it wasn't funny when you found out. I couldn't resist the Riffle shot that it set up)
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Wow, Kay.......I couldn't have said it better myself. So I won't.
          At least you're starting to accept not only your limitations, but that you have them at all.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            At least you're starting to accept not only your limitations, but that you have them at all.

            Yup. I'm aware of my limitations. That's why I lowered my expectations when finding people to joke with.

            I know I'm not smart enough to joke with Whateverpedia, Paul Myers, Bizgrower, Kay King, Ianfear, Kurt, Alexa Smith.....and the other very smart people here.

            So I settled for you.

            Bada Bing!
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              So I settled for you.

              Bada Bing!
              The quintessential Whitacre dilemma: aiming too high and not even knowing it.
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              • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
                As opposed to Stupid!... and to dumb to know it.

                The Dunning-Kruger effect.




                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                The quintessential Whitacre dilemma: aiming too high and not even knowing it.
                Joe Mobley
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        I think that's hilarious. You meet a guy and go out - you don't like how he's dressed or how he talks...but you go home with him for the night. Wow, you're demanding, aren't you?

        It's not the only kind of man left - it's the only kind this woman can attract. A man with ambitions, goals and standards is looking for a woman with the same.....


        The problem with many women I know is they look for men to keep them from "being alone". If you don't like your own company enough to be alone at times....why would anyone else want to stay with you?
        And many men and women need to get financially smart and stable. That seems to enter the picture too often.
        What? You've known this person for a month and you're moving in together?
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          First off, I'd like to say that it's obvious this woman has some visions of grandeur concerning herself and is certainly to blame in her own failed relationships.

          That being said, if ladies are to take responsibility for their failed relationships, then on the other side of the coin, they also get to take credit for their successful ones. That means that my marriage of 31 years is successful because of me!

          As much as I'd like to say that is true, I can't. It takes two. You are giving women waaaay too much power. Men play a role in both failed and successful relationships, ya know. Like Steve said.


          Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author BDazzler
    There is one common factor in "Rebecca's" failed relstionships ... "Rebecca".

    (Of course there is one common factor in all my failed relationships, too ... me.duh)
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    • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
      Banned
      Calling this a relationship is laughable.

      I thought of writing this all to you after this weekend when I went out with a guy I recently met. No manners, no chivalry, he couldn't look me in the eye and have a conversation. He was dressed like a slob and he mumbled too much. Finally we went back to his house and he suggested we watched a movie. He wanted to watch X-Men which shouldn't have been a surprise to me. The next morning he said he couldn't bring me back to my house because he had to go the opposite direction for work (at least this one had a job so I ended up calling a cab.
      Let's see ... no manners, chivalry, a mumbling slob who can't look you in the eye and she thinks it's a good idea to spend the night with him and then bitches about failed "relationships."

      I'd call this a failed one night stand. Nothing more and why you would bother with someone you apparently don't even like is beyond me.

      The most significant failed relationship I had lasted 5 years. This one doesn't include my husbands. I lived with this guy and after 5 years discovered something about him that I wouldn't have dreamed in a million years. Sometimes it's not possible to really know someone, even when you think that you do. I knew what was wrong with my marriages, but was completely blindsided by this relationship.

      And sometimes, as in my marriage to the father of my children, the relationship was mostly good until the end, and it was time to move on for both of us.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Calling this a relationship is laughable.



        Let's see ... no manners, chivalry, a mumbling slob who can't look you in the eye and she thinks it's a good idea to spend the night with him and then bitches about failed "relationships."

        I'd call this a failed one night stand. Nothing more and why you would bother with someone you apparently don't even like is beyond me.

        The most significant failed relationship I had lasted 5 years. This one doesn't include my husbands. I lived with this guy and after 5 years discovered something about him that I wouldn't have dreamed in a million years. Sometimes it's not possible to really know someone, even when you think that you do. I knew what was wrong with my marriages, but was completely blindsided by this relationship.

        And sometimes, as in my marriage to the father of my children, the relationship was mostly good until the end, and it was time to move on for both of us.
        I don't get the part where she went home with him. Why would a woman do that?

        Actually, why did she not end the date early? I used to work in a bar. Smart women on blind dates
        would have their friends planted in the crowd to rescue if needed.

        <><><>

        Talk about being blindsided, just because -coincidentally - this guy came up in conversation
        yesterday. He comes across very, very well.

        However:

        He was the first and only boss I ever had who bounced a pay check to me.
        I don't know if his wife knew, but he was having a romantic relationship with his male business partner.
        He also did not clear his browsing history on the work computer and constantly went to a ton of
        homosexual hook up sites.
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        • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
          Banned
          Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

          Talk about being blindsided, just because -coincidentally - this guy came up in conversation yesterday. He comes across very, very well.

          However:

          He was the first and only boss I ever had who bounced a pay check to me.
          I don't know if his wife knew, but he was having a romantic relationship with his male business partner.
          He also did not clear his browsing history on the work computer and constantly went to a ton of
          homosexual hook up sites.
          lol. BINGO. My boyfriend of 5 years was having casual sex with men he "met" on casual hookup type sites and swinger sites, etc. I discovered it when he asked me to fix his computer and I saw the browsing history and I did some further investigation. Talk about being floored.
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          • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
            Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

            lol. BINGO. My boyfriend of 5 years was having casual sex with men he "met" on casual hookup type sites and swinger sites, etc. I discovered it when he asked me to fix his computer and I saw the browsing history and I did some further investigation. Talk about being floored.
            So sorry you went through that and you did not have to post about it.

            One of my employees says (not sure how much of her story I believe) she had a guy
            like that. He even had his Aunt go as far as telling her that he tragically died and don't
            ask about it. Years later she accidentally crossed paths with him and they got back
            together. Soon thereafter, he disappeared with all his belongings. He was still in the closet
            and not ready to come out.

            I have often wondered what it would be like to find a deal breaker years down the road.
            What? You would do that to an animal. Or, you don't think that is stealing?...

            Dan
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          • Profile picture of the author seasoned
            Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

            lol. BINGO. My boyfriend of 5 years was having casual sex with men he "met" on casual hookup type sites and swinger sites, etc. I discovered it when he asked me to fix his computer and I saw the browsing history and I did some further investigation. Talk about being floored.
            Oh well, you're better off! He was THAT stupid!?!?!?!? He used his computer for that sort of thing and asked someone he knew, but who wasn't doing the same, to even TOUCH his computer!?!?!?!? MAN!

            Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

        Calling this a relationship is laughable.



        Let's see ... no manners, chivalry, a mumbling slob who can't look you in the eye and she thinks it's a good idea to spend the night with him and then bitches about failed "relationships."

        I'd call this a failed one night stand. Nothing more and why you would bother with someone you apparently don't even like is beyond me.

        The most significant failed relationship I had lasted 5 years. This one doesn't include my husbands. I lived with this guy and after 5 years discovered something about him that I wouldn't have dreamed in a million years. Sometimes it's not possible to really know someone, even when you think that you do. I knew what was wrong with my marriages, but was completely blindsided by this relationship.

        And sometimes, as in my marriage to the father of my children, the relationship was mostly good until the end, and it was time to move on for both of us.
        I've been blindsided before, too. I think we all have. Sometimes it takes longer to figure it out than other times.

        When someone completely hides something about who they are to "catch" you and keep you in a relationship you would other wise just walk on, it's not your fault. It's your fault if you stay there once you figure out that things are something you can live with comfortably. I was in one like that myself. Not sure still, whether this person was like that from the get or whether he just had a melt down. Once it became obvious that this person was not who I thought, though, it wasn't that much of a decision that I had to drop it off.

        This woman's whining is just a little psychotic, as everyone is pointing out. She shouldn't have been there. Takes a lot of ego to think that one night with a stranger would change his view of life forever.
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by BDazzler View Post

      There is one common factor in "Rebecca's" failed relstionships ... "Rebecca".

      ^^^^^ This.

      Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

      First off, I'd like to say that it's obvious this woman has some visions of grandeur concerning herself and is certainly to blame in her own failed relationships.
      ^^^^^ And this.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
    With all my screwups in life (too many to count) my wife and I have been married for over 30 years.

    Why?

    We treat each other with respect. We value our time together. We really don't have a ton in common believe it or not. I'm into music and playing games and she's into knitting and charity stuff. We have some overlaps, like church and her social group that I became a part of, but for the most part, we do our own thing and that's fine. A couple doesn't have to have all the same likes and dislikes. In fact, we are so different you'd wonder how we ever got together in the first place.

    Simple.

    We saw something in each other worth hanging around for. Me? I have no clue what that was she saw. But for her, it was also simple. She was a good girl. No, not every man wants a bad girl. Some want somebody who they know will stick around and be faithful.

    Marrying my wife and helping to raise my daughter may be the only 2 good things I've ever done in my life.

    But it's a lot more than many people can say.

    Relationships?

    They're a two way street.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Steven Wagenheim View Post


      my wife and I have been married for over 30 years.

      Why?

      We treat each other with respect. We value our time together. We really don't have a ton in common believe it or not. I'm into music and playing games and she's into knitting and charity stuff. We have some overlaps, like church and her social group that I became a part of, but for the most part, we do our own thing and that's fine. A couple doesn't have to have all the same likes and dislikes. In fact, we are so different you'd wonder how we ever got together in the first place.

      Simple.

      We saw something in each other worth hanging around for. Me? I have no clue what that was she saw. But for her, it was also simple. She was a good girl. No, not every man wants a bad girl. Some want somebody who they know will stick around and be faithful.

      Marrying my wife and helping to raise my daughter may be the only 2 good things I've ever done in my life.

      .
      My God, Man!

      Why all the complaining in the "Life is a crapshoot" thread?

      You have someone who has loved you for 30 years? You are the envy of many men, including me.
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      • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        My God, Man!

        Why all the complaining in the "Life is a crapshoot" thread?

        You have someone who has loved you for 30 years? You are the envy of many men, including me.
        Women lose it when their 'man' go bald
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by WalkingCarpet View Post

          Women lose it when their 'man' go bald
          Be honest. Do you just randomly see words on signs...and repeat them here, hoping they will go together?


          Originally Posted by marketingva View Post

          I decided I didn't need a man to be happy.

          Then you would like Kurt. He's not a man.

          By the way.....
          Professor Carpet is available, I guarantee it. And all you need to make him happy is a mirror.




          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          Sure they do...

          I am of the gender of women
          Terra; Now, you're just repeating what you've heard Riffle saying.
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          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK
            Sure they do...

            I am of the gender of women
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Terra; Now, you're just repeating what you've heard Riffle saying.
            Say What?

            Maybe he whispers that in your ear, but I can tell you quite assuredly that he's never whispered that in mine!


            Terra
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

              Say What?

              Maybe he whispers that in your ear, but I can tell you quite assuredly that he's never whispered that in mine!


              Terra
              He actually whispers to Claude. "I am the gender of Trans"
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    It's probably human nature, but so few people seem to be concerned with how they could be a better partner and are concerned only with what they can "get" from someone else. Maybe it would be better if we asked what we can do to improve before asking that potential partners improve? The better partner a person is, the more options they will have.
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  • Profile picture of the author marketingva
    Every failed relationship I had was completely my fault. It all, for me, comes back to poor self esteem so I worked on building my character and a life I could be proud of. After that I decided I didn't need a man to be happy. Funny how that work out.

    Bonnie
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      Originally Posted by marketingva View Post

      I didn't need a man to be happy.
      That's when relationships have a chance to be great relationships... When they are not built on neediness.

      Joe Mobley
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  • Profile picture of the author yogyogi
    why they have problem with video games? xbox, ps4, wii are part of life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Young Financier
    The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
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    • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
      ... but the words Young Financier and ignorance most certainly do
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
      I wonder if Carter Jones Capital, based in New York are aware of what you have under your user name.

      If you're affiliated with them (which I doubt), it might be interesting for them to learn of your attitude to women.

      If you aren't affiliated with them, they may still like to be made aware that you are using that name.

      Ah, the internet. What an amazingly useful tool it can be.
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
      I assume you're currently between relationships?
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

        I assume you're currently between relationships?
        Now that was a brilliant comeback.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

        I assume you're currently between relationships?
        Sorry Richard, but that would assume he/she not only had a relationship in the past, but is also going to have one in the future. Hiighly unlikely.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
      Sure they do...

      I am of the gender of women and must say that I could lambast you while giving you a tongue lashing that would cut you to the quick due to your chauvinistic and ignorant statement, however, I have a responsibility to myself and this forum to obey the rules and not get myself temporarily banned, so I'll spare you.

      See? I told ya!


      Terra
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
      You are absolutely right.

      I freaking hate being sentenced to take care of anyone else's responsibilities. I should be sentenced to a night out now and again that I am not responsible for having to deal with cooking for a hungry dude who never took the initiative of learning how to feed himself.

      No sentence here of any kind. I'm single.
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
      Unfortunately, for some men, stupidity and irresponsibility do.

      Joe Mobley


      Originally Posted by Young Financier View Post

      The words women and responsibility don't even belong in the same sentence.
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