Dear ____________, I can no longer contain myself. I need...

by joe golfer

Posted: 8 years ago 14 replies

OFF TOPIC

Need to offer some unsolicited feedback? Don't know how to apologize? Have to deliver some bad news?

These fill-in-the-blank forms may be just what you need.

The Bureau of Communication - Fill-in-the-blank Correspondence

MissTerraK

8 years ago

Whoa!

Those scare the crap out of me!

The day that we can't even express our feelings in writing and need a cookie cutter letter to do so, is the day we have truly become dumb! That's scary!

And the love letter?

If you can't express your own sentiments, then you shouldn't be involved in a relationship at all. Even if the cookie cutter one got you a date, afterwards, there wouldn't be another.

I vote for a free thinking society instead, lol!

Terra

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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HeySal

8 years ago

Originally Posted by MissTerraK

Hallmark wouldn't like you.

Thanks
2 replies

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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path

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Midnight Oil

8 years ago

Some of the best love letters you ever gave or received in life were in elementary school and were form letters.

I love you. Do you love me?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

[ 3 ] Thanks
2 replies

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MissTerraK

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Midnight Oil

Some of the best love letters you ever gave or received in life were in elementary school and were form letters.

I love you. Do you love me?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Nah! The best love letter I ever got was from a man that sucked at writing poetry and made me laugh.

It went something like this...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can't write worth sh*t,
But I still want to go to the movies with you.

BwaaahahhahaHaaaaaaaaaa!

But you know what? It worked.

Terra

[ 4 ] Thanks

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joe golfer

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Midnight Oil

Some of the best love letters you ever gave or received in life were in elementary school and were form letters.

I love you. Do you love me?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

I used to get this one in 4th grade from girls:

Please stop bugging me. If you keep bugging me, I will

[ ] Kick you in the shin.
[ ] Kick you in the knee.
[ ] Kick you where it counts.

Select one. The first two are sold out.

[ 2 ] Thanks

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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout

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MissTerraK

8 years ago

Originally Posted by HeySal

Hallmark wouldn't like you.

If the hired me to write heartfelt, sentimental love cards, they'd love me! Haha!

But, letters and cards are completely different.

Terra

Thanks
1 reply

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HeySal

8 years ago

Originally Posted by MissTerraK

If the hired me to write heartfelt, sentimental love cards, they'd love me! Haha!

But, letters and cards are completely different.

Terra

I used to write letters for people. Twenty five bucks a pop, a nice piece of stationary, matching envelope, and a stamp. Was making good money for it until the internet became a household item. There is a difference, maybe, in the receiving end - but not so much on the creation end. Basically it's just translating. A form letter, though - that's lazy and removed enough that I'd tell someone to hit the bricks if I received one.

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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path

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joe golfer

8 years ago

Originally Posted by HeySal

I used to write letters for people. Twenty five bucks a pop, a nice piece of stationary, matching envelope, and a stamp. Was making good money for it until the internet became a household item.

I don't know. Your services might be still be in demand!

https://handiemail.com/

https://maillift.com/

Thanks
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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout

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HeySal 8 years ago

Originally Posted by joe golfer

I don't know. Your services might be still be in demand!

https://handiemail.com/

https://maillift.com/

Joe - these are for "hand written". LMAO - even back in the day I typed. My penmanship is absolutely frightening.
- Thanks
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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path
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HeySal 8 years ago

Interesting, Joe. One of my talents, or what others have perceived to be a talent, is that I'm able to translate what people are thinking into words pretty well. I thought it was kinda funny and fairly useless until I wrote letters. I had a boss once who called me his "creative translator". He'd start a sentence and get puzzled, look at me and I'd finish it for him so that the group could understand what he wanted to say. Maybe people still do want that.

Funny - I got an assignment from a guy once that wanted me to write letters to three different women - had to just change a few details in each letter to personalize it for each one. I didn't like my client but needed the 75 bucks. So I wrote for him. The deceitful retard actually put the wrong letters in the wrong envelopes (they had to address and seal the envelopes themselves, I just gave them the finished copy and stamped envelope so they could read the letter and make sure there were no mistakes.

Anyhow each woman received letters addressed to other women. It didn't work very well for him. LMAO. I was just elated when I heard he did that.

I don't know if I'd ever actually offer the service again, but if someone ever contacted me and asked, I'd probably do it. I didn't just write emotional letters. I also wrote business level letters for people who had to get stuff done and couldn't write well enough to be taken seriously.
- Thanks
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Sal
When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
Beyond the Path
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BDazzler 8 years ago

I think they are hilarious.
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Paul Myers

8 years ago

That's some clever stuff right there.

Loved the side boxes on FB-999.

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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.
Stop by Paul's Pub - my little hangout on Facebook.

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Cali16

8 years ago

Those are absolutely hilarious!

On the unsolicited feedback form, I especially like the "hyperbole-laden claim" and "all attempts at subtlety have failed". Too funny!

I think it would be great fun to send one of those to someone (as a joke - or not, depending...) just to see their response.