Best Answers to the "What You Do For a Living?" Question

15 years ago

What do you do for a living? - "I sell adult diapers online."

Is it a steady income? - "It's fairly dependable."

I know - bad.

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Jeremy Morgan

15 years ago

the boring:

"I sell tape guns. Like the ones that are used for preparing boxes for shipping. Let me tell you about next year's models, I'm in the inner circle and get to see stuff before it comes out... you didn't hear this from me..."

super niche:

"I build the hydraulic cylinders for the machine that stamps the rivets into door handles of the Toyota Prius"

Funny:

"I'm the president of Carrot top's fan club. Yeah, I handle a lot of his appearances and stuff"

I could go on an on. I've had lots of practice.

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James Seward

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Jeremy Morgan

the boring:

"I sell tape guns. Like the ones that are used for preparing boxes for shipping. Let me tell you about next year's models, I'm in the inner circle and get to see stuff before it comes out... you didn't hear this from me..."

super niche:

"I build the hydraulic cylinders for the machine that stamps the rivets into door handles of the Toyota Prius"

Funny:

"I'm the president of Carrot top's fan club. Yeah, I handle a lot of his appearances and stuff"

I could go on an on. I've had lots of practice.

I actually find the last one pretty funny :p

Thanks

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adamv

15 years ago

When I read the title of this thread I thought it was going to be yet another "what do you do for a living" thread but this one seems to have a unique twist on it so I'll contribute a few off the top of my head:

(I hope no one else has listed these by the time I post this)

1. -- I'm the guy who puts those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces

2. -- I make those little umbrellas that go in your fancy drinks

3. -- Semen extractor... Wait for puzzled looks - then tell them you work on a farm or a dairy or something

4. -- Tell them you're a hand model and then fall to your knees and scream when they shake hands with you -- then ask about their insurance coverage.

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Michael Oksa

15 years ago

Originally Posted by adamv

When I read the title of this thread I thought it was going to be yet another "what do you do for a living" thread but this one seems to have a unique twist on it so I'll contribute a few off the top of my head:

(I hope no one else has listed these by the time I post this)

1. -- I'm the guy who puts those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces

2. -- I make those little umbrellas that go in your fancy drinks

3. -- Semen extractor... Wait for puzzled looks - then tell them you work on a farm or a dairy or something

4. -- Tell them you're a hand model and then fall to your knees and scream when they shake hands with you -- then ask about their insurance coverage.

Or tell them that you are currently trying to breed llamas - but it's not working because you just can't get them to keep still.

~Michael

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"Ich bin en fuego!"

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James Seward 15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Oksa

Or tell them that you are currently trying to breed llamas - but it's not working because you just can't get them to keep still.

~Michael

Breeding llamas! Why didn't I think of that :p

Thanks
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James Seward

15 years ago

Originally Posted by adamv

2. -- I make those little umbrellas that go in your fancy drinks

3. -- Semen extractor... Wait for puzzled looks - then tell them you work on a farm or a dairy or something

4. -- Tell them you're a hand model and then fall to your knees and scream when they shake hands with you -- then ask about their insurance coverage.

Number 4 is AWESOME! I am going to do that one :p

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p.s. also number two is pretty cool if you know how to use it

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Michael Oksa

15 years ago

The indignant, preachy response...

What do you do for a living?

Have fun and enjoy time wth my family.

I mean how do you earn your income?

Oh, you equate being alive with earning money? You mean you only value someone based on how they earn money and how much they make?!?! THAT'S SICK! HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!?!?!

Let me tell you something, buddy, there's a lot more to life than the almighty dollar. Shame on you. It's really sad that people think they have to measure up to something as artificial as net worth. Heck, even the word "worth" doesn't have the right meaning in that sense.

You know, it's people like you that will never get it. No wonder you're tied down to a j-o-b, working for a boss you don't like. Good luck with that!

And just keep riffing on that same theme until they walk away.

All the best,
Michael

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James Seward

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Oksa

The indignant, preachy response...

What do you do for a living?

Have fun and enjoy time wth my family.

I mean how do you earn your income?

Oh, you equate being alive with earning money? You mean you only value someone based on how they earn money and how much they make?!?! THAT'S SICK! HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!?!?!

Let me tell you something, buddy, there's a lot more to life than the almighty dollar. Shame on you. It's really sad that people think they have to measure up to something as artificial as net worth. Heck, even the word "worth" doesn't have the right meaning in that sense.

You know, it's people like you that will never get it. No wonder you're tied down to a j-o-b, working for a boss you don't like. Good luck with that!

And just keep riffing on that same theme until they walk away.

All the best,
Michael

Make sure you shout and leave the conversation with a sad look :p

Thanks

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Video Guy

15 years ago

I work on a sheep farm and all day I hear... daaaaaaaad

That usually gets me some funny looks

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Joeman

Banned 15 years ago

[DELETED]

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James Seward

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Joeman

Say you're an undertaker. Then give them a concerned look, ask them if they're feeling ok. Then produce a measure from your pocket and proceed to measure them up for a coffin...
Whilst measuring, ask their weight, and what ever figure they say, shake your head slowly, and say "that's gonna need the heavy duty handles"....

finish up by saying, "that's going to take about two weeks to make - do you think you can last that long?"

guaranteed to creep them out...

I actually used that one already, and I can tell you it is pretty funny. But then as the night goes people tend to start avoiding you for some reason :p

Thanks

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Arunabh Singh

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Joeman

Say you're an undertaker. Then give them a concerned look, ask them if they're feeling ok. Then produce a measure from your pocket and proceed to measure them up for a coffin...
Whilst measuring, ask their weight, and what ever figure they say, shake your head slowly, and say "that's gonna need the heavy duty handles"....

finish up by saying, "that's going to take about two weeks to make - do you think you can last that long?"

guaranteed to creep them out...

Man it would scare them as hell.

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RentItNow

15 years ago

I direct traffic on the 'information superhighway'.

I build DVD rewinders (remember VHS tape rewinders).

I control how the masses perceive you, so don't make me mad.

I take care of the bodies. Where? You'll find out soon.

When I told someone I was a marketer of sorts, they thought I was a drug dealer!

I still need an honest answer to this question. I used to tell people, "I help people rent their homes" but how I do it now (via information marketing) is much more interesting, but they would go from awe to blah

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James Seward 15 years ago

Originally Posted by RentItNow

I control how the masses perceive you, so don't make me mad.

I take care of the bodies. Where? You'll find out soon.

EXCELLENT! I especially like the first one better

Thanks for sharing
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pheonix44

15 years ago

I want to start telling people that I just create income for a living. "hey what do you do for a living" Then I would reply, "I create multiple streams of income".

How about the child who asks you this in front of a bunch of adults

"Hey, how come I never see you go to work like regular grown-ups?"

AWKWARD MOMENT

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James Seward

15 years ago

Originally Posted by pheonix44

I want to start telling people that I just do create income for a living. "hey what do you do for a living" Then I would reply, "I create multiple streams of income".

How about the child who asks you this in front of a bunch of adults

"Hey, how come I never see you go to work like regular grown-ups?"

AWKWARD MOMENT

Hey Thanks for joining us! I actually got the idea of starting this thread because I was reading your

So do you think you can add a funny answer?

Thanks

Thanks
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adamv 15 years ago

Here's another one:

I don't have to work. My great great grandfather invented the zipper and left me a trust fund.
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- James Seward 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by adamv
  
  Here's another one:
  
  I don't have to work. My great great grandfather invented the zipper and left me a trust fund.
  
  Eheh, too funny :p
  
  Thanks
  
  Thanks
  
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Jeremy Morgan 15 years ago

Originally Posted by pheonix44

How about the child who asks you this in front of a bunch of adults

"Hey, how come I never see you go to work like regular grown-ups?"

AWKWARD MOMENT

"I don't know kid, why don't you go ask them?"
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LB

15 years ago

"Hey, how come I never see you go to work like regular grown-ups?"

"Because I'm awesome!"

"Now how come your parents go to work every day?"

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James Seward 15 years ago

Originally Posted by LB

"Because I'm awesome!"

"Now how come your parents go to work every day?"

"Because I'm awesome!" Classic... :p

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- pheonix44 15 years ago
  
  I'll start telling people that I write SEO LSI optimized articles for porn stars to help them increase their PR ranking.
  
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  James Seward 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by pheonix44
  
  I'll start telling people that write SEO LSI optimized articles for porn stars to help them increase their PR ranking.
  
  That would make an awkard moment :p And then follow it with: "Hey have you heard about Pamela Anderson? Yeah I did the promotion for that chick..."
  
  Thanks
  
  Thanks
  
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- adamv 15 years ago
  
  Q: What do you do for a living?
  
  A: I'm a writer for the fourth largest fortune cookie company in Placer County.
  
  Edit: Here's one I borrowed from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
  
  I sell shower curtain rings door to door.
  
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InternetMarketingIQ

15 years ago

CyberPimp ahhh to short it says.

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James Seward

15 years ago

Also I just remember one I got from a comedy show called "How I Met Your Mother". So there is a guy in the show called Barney and everytime people ask they what he does for a living he just goes:

"Please..." and looks away...

I gotta start using that too, it is so funny (at least if you do the way he does)...

Thanks
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pheonix44 15 years ago

That would make an awkard moment :p And then follow it with: "Hey have you heard about Pamela Anderson? Yeah I did the promotion for that chick..."

Yeah I wrote 20 SEO articles about here using the key phrase "Pamela Anderson Big Knockers"
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LynnM

15 years ago

"I'm a commuter escapee advisor"

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Robertas

15 years ago

"I'm a PIMP" sounds quite cool...

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"Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50m, but I was just as happy when I had $48m." Arnold Schwarzenegger

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GeorgR.

15 years ago

"I am the one who makes money if you click on those ads in Google" <-- something like that

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Robertas 15 years ago

Originally Posted by GeorgR.

"I am the one who makes money if you click on those ads in Google" <-- something like that

"What!? Do you think I'm stupid - there are no ads on Google!"
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John Durham 15 years ago

"I broker export deals online"

Standard answer.
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CDarklock

15 years ago

Since I'm staying at a hotel right now, I have been getting this question a lot. The conversation generally goes like this.

Them: "What do you do?"
Me: "I'm a writer."
Them: "Oh? What do you write?
Me: "Have you ever seen those ads on the internet that say you can make this much money in this many days?"
Them: "Yes."
Me: "I write those."
Them: "Oh... do those work?"
Me: "I don't care. I get paid either way."
Them: "Well, can you really make a living on the internet?"
Me: "I certainly do."

That's usually as far as the conversation goes.

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"The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers

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hangtimenino

15 years ago

I am a spammer. You know those emails you get in your spam folder? im responsible for them. LOL

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The Great Derrick Esmond

15 years ago

I sell my self and then i sell people and it pays good

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Keith Kogane

15 years ago

I'm a drug dealer. Do you want any? No? How about a free one? No? All your friends are doing it. Don't you want to be cool?

I've also told people that I run a membership website. When they ask what it's about, I tell I pretend to be children and get pedophiles to mail me dirty pictures. Then I get them to join my monthly "don't go to jail" club for a small monthly fee.

Just kidding!

Now about those drugs...

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Vortex 15 years ago

My reply is usually either :-

1) Skunk sexer - I differentiate between male and female odours.

or

2) I make round dice for a living.

Usually confuses them either way !
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- CDarklock 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Vortex
  
  2) I make round dice for a living.
  
  I have some of those.
  
  Thanks
  
  2 replies
  
  Signature
  
  "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
  
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  traceye 15 years ago
  
  I'm an artist for the police.
  
  It's my job to draw those white lines around dead people. It's very hard sometimes to stay within the lines.
  
  P.S. Not really LOL
  
  Thanks
  
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  Keith Kogane 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by CDarklock
  
  I have some of those.
  
  I thought for sure you were going to link to the mighty d100:
  
  Zocchihedron - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  CDarklock 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Keith Kogane
  
  I thought for sure you were going to link to the mighty d100
  
  I have some of those, too.
  
  Not to mention a sizeable collection of metal 30-siders.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  "The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
  
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derekwong28

15 years ago

I sell blue farts

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Emily Meeks

15 years ago

I'm a Goober selling super-duper Goober secrets for $97 - but if you act RIGHT NOW...

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jgalty

15 years ago

I'm a urinal mint taste tester. Not bad job except my teeth have turned smurf blue.

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ThomM

15 years ago

1. -- I'm the guy who puts those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces

You mean the Aglets:rolleyes:

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adamv 15 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

You mean the Aglets:rolleyes:

Exactly, but nobody else knows what the hell they're called. When explaining my profession sometimes I have to dumb it down for people.
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ecoverartist

15 years ago

You could always tell people you work for Initech and make some obscure reference to those TPS reports you have to file tomorrow..that would be greeeeat.

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CDarklock 15 years ago

Originally Posted by ecoverartist

make some obscure reference to those TPS reports

Several of the QA teams at Microsoft release a daily Test Pass Status report.

Some of them even have cover pages.

And there are a lot of red Swingline staplers at Microsoft, too...
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"The Golden Town is the Golden Town no longer. They have sold their pillars for brass and their temples for money, they have made coins out of their golden doors. It is become a dark town full of trouble, there is no ease in its streets, beauty has left it and the old songs are gone." - Lord Dunsany, The Messengers
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- myob 15 years ago
  
  I mind my own business, and you should do the same.
  
  Thanks
  
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