I ****ed up

lolCashlol

9 years ago

You will be fine.

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Dan Riffle

9 years ago

It feels like the end of the world. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you'll be fine.

Try to limit any knee-jerk reactions. The anxiety you're feeling is your mind's resistance to change and your lack of control over your current situation.

Understand that how you recover from this is directly controlled by you. You decide how long and to what extent you'll suffer.

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sttbs

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

It feels like the end of the world. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you'll be fine.

Try to limit any knee-jerk reactions. The anxiety you're feeling is your mind's resistance to change and your lack of control over your current situation.

Understand that how you recover from this is directly controlled by you. You decide how long and to what extent you'll suffer.

Agree with Dan.

Yea Tyler, you will be fine. Give yourself some time.

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Kay King

9 years ago

I made a big mistake which has devastated my life. Do to some horrible choices the love of my life has left me. I'm going to try to get her back.

Sounds like a wake up call - for you. I'd say spend some quality time analyzing your behavior and choices - and why you made those choices. If you are losing love and friends....what are you doing to drive people away? Why do you do that?

I want to see if I can start off from absolute scratch, no passive income and make it.

If you've succeeded before, that's a big challenge....if you haven't had success online, that's a bone-head thing to do. Sounds like a big dramatic statement - and who do you need to impress? If you have people at home you can count on - that's one thing. Homeless, hungry and broke in a strange place is no fun.

It's not the end of the world...yet.

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tagiscom

9 years ago

Time heals all Wounds, isn't a crock,.....it is actually true!

Give yourself time. Time to forget about her, time to make some decent friends, time to reserve a seat at your local pub, etc.

I'm only posting this because all my friends aren't around anymore and there is no chance in hell I'm sleeping tonight.

If you want to create wealth online, then friends will come and go, usually go. Especially if you have been at it for a while and most have decided to keep away because you have gone past their illusionary time limit.

I thought that l had met someone online recently, but it was a professional con artist.

She or it, got quite a lot of money from me, and broke my heart at the same time.

I got over the heart one, fairy quickly, but the financial loss, (almost cleaned out my Credit Card) took months to get over, (l am still a bit p*** about it) and yes, l did drive home from the airport, (long story, don't ask) and wanted to floor it and hit a tree.

But it was a sum that l could eventually claw back.

Now, l have reduced 2/3 of it from my card, and feel like l am on top of it.

After dealing with this piece,....ahem, thing, l got more determined to rise above it, and put everything l had into Fiverr, (that didn't work out) and achieved the level l wanted, far more quickly than, what would normally occur for testing.

I am putting everything into Graphicriver, currently with good results, (well overall).

So, coming here and spilling your issues is good therapy, but wondering a road in Canada, in the rain, and most likely staying in cheap accommodation, hoping that your Laptop will still be there in the morning, will only make things worse than better.

I would use this negative experience to rise above your, so called friends who can't see that the internet can create wealth, and ex girlfriend!

And maybe half a dozen bottles of Jack Daniels and a library of funny movies, wouldn't hurt!

Take care.

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

And maybe half a dozen bottles of Jack Daniels and a library of funny movies, wouldn't hurt!

Tyler; Shane means well. But alcohol isn't going to help anybody. It won't make you feel better, and drinking never led to making better decisions.

The funny movies? Not a bad idea.

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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Tyler; Shane means well. But alcohol isn't going to help anybody. It won't make you feel better, and drinking never led to making better decisions.

The funny movies? Not a bad idea.

Yes, alcohol was more on the jest side than serious, and l dreamed of a scotch on the rocks after learning that l had been scammed at the airport, but l had an hours drive home, and had a coffee instead.

But yeah, funny movies and tv series from the past, highly recommended. But bury your ex's favorites, at least til you get over this.

Dirty, Rotten Scroundrels was one of my favorite movies, and to this day, l haven't been able to watch it, (Steve Martin in the sports car and train, is to close, to what l went through).

One, day but not at the moment?

But l did just watch, The Holy Grail, loved the killer rabbit.

As others have said, when something traumatic happens your emotions take over, and you want to do something insane thinking that it will help, but think logically about it, and you will realize that it will probably have the opposite effect.

The idiot that punches someone out at a nightclub, was acting on impulse, but the guy hitting his head on the concrete and dying later on, so you spend the next 10 years in Prison isn't, (this happened in AU, a while ago).

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Mike Anthony 9 years ago

Theres only one possible piece of advice you can get here that makes any sense.

Turn off the computer and go connect with people you know and who know you. None of the Dr Suzies here know you, the love of your life or your actual situation

listening to people on the Internets can get you even more "****ed up"
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- BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Mike Anthony
  
  listening to people on the Internets can get you even more "****ed up"
  
  Exactly. How do you think all the people here giving you advice got so screwed-up ?
  
  When you are ready for solid advice, PM me. I'm the only person here that knows anything about anything, but I'm sure that's painfully obvious to you by now.
  
  Cheers. - Nurse Ratched
  
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  Claude Whitacre 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  , but I'm sure that's painfully obvious to you by now.
  
  Well, painful anyway.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Well, painful anyway.
  
  Not, yet - but I can guarantee it will be by the time I'm finished.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
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  Kay King 9 years ago
  
  listening to people on the Internets can get you even more "****ed up"
  
  I'd say when you are posting about your love life on a public forum you joined a week ago....there isn't a lot of mileage left on the ****ed up road....
  
  Maybe a bunch of strangers saying "get hold of yourself" might kick start your "getting on with it"...
  
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  Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
  ***
  It actually doesn't take much to be considered a 'difficult woman' -
  that's why there are so many of us.
  ...jane goodall
  
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  ksmusselman 9 years ago
  
  Sorry to hear about this, really! But you will survive!!!
  
  My brother's wife of 10 years (they were together for 17 and have a son), walked out on him one month after their 10th wedding anniversary, which they didn't celebrate.
  
  I mean, b*tch took off right at the holidays!!! She was the love of his life too! I felt so bad for him. My husband and I called him and visited with him to make sure he was okay. He's my little brother, so I kind of felt protective.
  
  His neighbors visited and his daughters came over for support, and of course his son stayed with him. He did not go to live with his mom.
  
  Now, he could have allowed himself to be so devastated that he let his whole life fall apart and done something drastic. He could have lost his house, lost his son, etc. but he decided to take things a day at a time until he could get his mind wrapped around what happened.
  
  After about a month, she had the audacity to ask him for the name of the lawyer who handled their friends' divorce. I unfriended her on Facebook after that one. ROFL My husband still won't speak to her.
  
  Anyway, it took them two full time incomes to keep and maintain their beautiful house, the one their son grew up in, and he refused to let her leaving him ruin that. So instead of making any rash decisions on the heels of her leaving, he waited until he'd calmed down, then he took stock of the situation.
  
  He had some things around the house he really didn't need, so he started selling things. He refinanced his mortgage to (1) get her off the mortgage and deed to the house!; (2) get a lower interest rate and lower his monthly payments.
  
  That got his payments within range that he doesn't need her income to keep the house going.
  
  After that, instead of sitting around moping that she was gone, which I'm sure after 17 years he was in shock, especially since she wouldn't tell him WHY she left, just that she "was done" and was getting a divorce, he started fixing things around the house and spending more time with his son.
  
  About five months after she left, he went outside and tore out all of the plants and flowers that she'd planted. LOL Then he planted stuff that HE liked and would be easier to maintain.
  
  It's been seven months since she walked out on him, and he's doing great! His life didn't fall apart; his future isn't ruined, and he's a better man, and a much happier man with her gone.
  
  So anyway, don't let her leaving dictate your life. And as others have said... You'll be fine!
  
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butters

9 years ago

You broke up with a girl so this makes you want to hitch hike through Canada with nothing?? As knee jerk reactions go, your Definetly up there with the crazy.

Thanks

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

Ok. I'm surprised I'm posting this under my name but I'm feeling a little messed up at the moment.

I made a big mistake which has devastated my life. Do to some horrible choices the love of my life has left me. I'm going to try to get her back. Of course. But I'm afraid it will be to no prevail.

This mistake hasn't devastated your life. It's devastated your day....maybe your week.

A few days from now, you'll start to feel more normal, no matter what you think right now.

Dan Riffle gave you incredibly good advice. Don't make a rash decision, that will put you in a worse situation.

If the love of your life still has a spark of interest in staying with you...it will resurface after a few days. Don't do anything stupid; No stalking, sitting in a car all night outside her apartment, no 10 phone calls every day.

Don't call her without having sleep, or when you are desperate. It will kill any chance of getting her back.

And...many of us know the pain you are going though right now. Everyone survives. Just don't multiply your problems by making further stupid decisions.

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HeySal

9 years ago

I'm considering hitch hiking to the west coast of Canada with nothing but my clothes, laptop and paypal account.

I want to see if I can start off from absolute scratch, no passive income and make it.

This may just be desperation to waste a few months. I really don't know.

So you f**ked up - and now you are making a spontaneous decision based on nothing but an emotional response so you can what? Compound the hell out of the situation?

Nothing wrong with being a nomad - I'm a little bit that myself. Yet, you better use some reason before you just jump.

Are you a Canadian citizen? Bumming in your own country is one thing - but if you're going to cross borders to do it, you need to do some intense research about where you're off to.

Is you paypal account healthy enough that you can get a room in inclement weather - or longer? Can you work online (meaning already can make an income online, not do you have dreams of doing so). Do you know where there are hostles or places you can rent cheap and what the local economy offers in the way of jobs that you can actually be hired for?

If you've got the means - go for it. It could be a good way to get distance so you can think things out and let your emotions chill.

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Tyler Hall

9 years ago

Wow thanks everyone. I was expecting a lot more flame responses to this. Actually some good advice. I haven't completely ruled out hitch hiking. I do have an extensive network of friends across the country so it's not as bad of a situation as it sounds. Considering it more I may just drive if I go.

I am going to give it a couple days and see if we can work things out. It's a complicated situation. I'm trying to grasp it myself.

But wow. For a marketing forum I'm quite impressed with the compassion and advice shown here. Quite the change from the responses to most marketing questions.

Thanks again. I've talked to a lot of people but anything to read to take my mind off things is helping.

I'm slacking in my writing but hopefully I don't get too backlogged.

Anyone else have trouble working when dealing with issues or have you learnt to just power through?

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ksmusselman 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

Anyone else have trouble working when dealing with issues or have you learnt to just power through?

Hell yes! ROFL

I had to take some "time off" a while back when we were dealing with our mortgage. It was like, I simply could not concentrate on anything else.

Also, I don't deal well with stress, and it's something my doctor has told me to avoid as much as possible.

Usually, when I'm trying to get through something anymore, I just put my headphones on, launch Netflix and go away from it all for a while.

Or I'll plug into YouTube and listen to some Pink Floyd while playing online games.

I deal with clinical depression on a constant basis and sometimes something really little will distract me to where I can't get anything done. So I watch stuff on Netflix or listen to music until it passes.

You'll get through this too! Just make sure you give yourself more than a day or two to figure out what you want or need to do before running off to parts unknown.
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Cali16 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

Wow thanks everyone. I was expecting a lot more flame responses to this. Actually some good advice. I haven't completely ruled out hitch hiking.

The OT forum is very different than the rest of the forum. A lot of very intelligent and really great people hang out down here in the "basement".

As for hitch hiking. VERY. BAD. IDEA. It's risky and reckless, and I suspect that's exactly what makes it appealing to you right now. Uprooting your life and trying to start completely from scratch is also risky, and I definitely don't recommend doing that either.

It's not uncommon for people to do really reckless things when they're reeling from a breakup or other emotional blow in their life. I'm also guessing that you're quite young (early to mid-20s at best, I suspect) and think you're invulnerable. You're not. Even if you're a big, muscular guy you can still end up in harm's way if you get in a vehicle with the wrong person or people. There are dangerous people in the world and hitchhikers are easy targets for them.

It's NEVER a good idea to make a major life decision when your emotions are running high. NEVER.

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

I do have an extensive network of friends across the country so it's not as bad of a situation as it sounds. Considering it more I may just drive if I go.

That may be, but those friends won't be the ones picking you up from the side of the road if you're hitchhiking, will they? If you can drive, then by all means drive - if after some time and a lot of thought you still feel that relocating is a good plan.

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

I am going to give it a couple days and see if we can work things out. It's a complicated situation. I'm trying to grasp it myself.

I hate to say this, but "a couple days" to work things out isn't realistic. One of the best things you can do is give your ex a lot of space right now. If you need to apologize for the things you've done, do so sincerely (probably better in an email or letter than in person for now), with zero expectations, and then step back, give her plenty of space,and let her process everything that's happened.

Granted, none of us know the details of your relationship or breakup, but situations like this often don't work themselves out quickly. And you also need to accept the possibility that she may not want to get back together - now or in the future. (Trust me I know that isn't what you want to hear.)

What I'm trying to emphasize is that things like this can take weeks or months to work out. If you've done things that have damaged her trust or deeply hurt her, it's going to take her quite some time to trust you again. This isn't something you can rush and if you try, you'll very likely make things worse and ruin your chances of a reconciliation - that's one of the biggest mistakes people make when they want to get their ex back shortly after a breakup.

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

Anyone else have trouble working when dealing with issues or have you learnt to just power through?

It's pretty normal to have a hard time focusing on your work immediately after a major emotional upheaval in your life. If you can afford to take a little time off, take a few days (or at least the weekend) and spend time with supportive friends, watch some movies, binge watch a TV series on Netflix, read a good book, or get out in nature and get some exercise (e.g. go for a long hike or bike ride).

You will get past this. I can almost guarantee it. How long it will take is impossible to predict because that's different for everyone. It feels gutwrenchingly awful today, but that will subside - with time. I really hope you don't do something reckless or foolish, though. No relationship is worth putting yourself in harm's way by doing something as risky as hitchhiking across the country.

One last thing - LEARN from your mistakes in this relationship. One of these days you may find someone so much better for you and look back at this breakup as a blessing in disguise. But if you don't learn from the mistakes you made in this relationship, you'll inevitably repeat them in the next one.

Good luck to you Tyler, and I'm truly sorry you're in so much pain right now.
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HeySal

9 years ago

If I got sidetracked from my work every time something went wrong, I'd be sitting in a corner of a padded room drooling by now.

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Sal
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tagiscom

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Tyler Hall

Wow thanks everyone. I was expecting a lot more flame responses to this. Actually some good advice. I haven't completely ruled out hitch hiking. I do have an extensive network of friends across the country so it's not as bad of a situation as it sounds. Considering it more I may just drive if I go.

I am going to give it a couple days and see if we can work things out. It's a complicated situation. I'm trying to grasp it myself.

But wow. For a marketing forum I'm quite impressed with the compassion and advice shown here. Quite the change from the responses to most marketing questions.

Thanks again. I've talked to a lot of people but anything to read to take my mind off things is helping.

I'm slacking in my writing but hopefully I don't get too backlogged.

Anyone else have trouble working when dealing with issues or have you learnt to just power through?

Welcome Tyler, doesn't sound like he isn't more F*** up by posting this here,..to me?????

Some here, need to get off their soup boxes, l think!

Originally Posted by HeySal

If I got sidetracked from my work every time something went wrong, I'd be sitting in a corner of a padded room drooling by now.

So Claude must get sidetracked a lot by things that go wrong then, he, he!

Although, in Claudes case he would be in a corner of a padded room drooling, because he cannot eat the plate of plastic dunuts?

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I ****ed up

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