Poor John!
Inspired by Joe's fab post.
On a Saturday afternoon, John Smith signs up for a free account, limited features (such as being able to receive emails but not reply or indeed send original ones), on a dating site.
Approximately 11 minutes and 14 seconds later, after having received a surprising 43 friend requests from beautiful women in his area, John receives an email.
Hi John,
I hope you don't mind me messaging you. I just saw your profile picture and I've been looking at it and having naughty thoughts for, well, long enough to know I'd like to chat. I notice you only live 5 minutes away from me. Message me back so we can chat. My husband works days, big surprise, but he's never here on weekends. I could do naughty things with someone who looks like you. I've messaged other guys near us just now but I hope you reply instead of them. I just need a fast chat and a meet-up today. Hoping for your message.
Sofia X
"My goodness," says John, "This is surprising," he says, sounding rather surprised. Some time later, having repeatedly clicked the reply button, only to be repeatedly taken to the Account Upgrade page, and having muttered, "Swines!," and done so repeatedly, John enters his credit card details and upgrades his account.
Sofia!
I'm surprised to hear from you, but I'd love to chat and, yes, yes, would love to meet in person. Tonight, tomorrow, next Thursday at 9.37 am, any time you like by God! How do we do this?
Yours,
John XX
Surprisingly, 4 minutes and 11 seconds later, John receives a reply from Sofia, to which his own initial reply is a verbal one - "Money well spent!" - and is then followed by much rubbing of hands, now sweaty with excitement that boarders on dumbfoundedness, rather surprised dumbfoundedness it should be noted, before settling into his seat to read, repeatedly, with surprise, Sofia's reply.
John,
I have some bad news. I really want to meet you tonight. I did get other replies but none of them are as hot as you. The only trouble is, one of the guys is harassing me. And I mean BADLY harassing me. I've had to join another dating site just to get away from him. I've had problems in the past by just giving out my email address or skype or whatever, and even though you seem like an amazing guy, I just can't take the risk. Not again. If you'd really like to prove to me that you're one of the sweet guys, ha, probably the only sweet guy, we can chat over here: link. They make us upgrade, but at least we won't be bothered, and it'll prove to me that you're serious. I've invited guys over to the house in the past and they stood me up. I just need to know you won't do that. Okay, I'm going there now. I hope we can chat soon. I really need a man. Tonight. You.
Sofia XXX
P.S I'm Sofia98124242 on the other site.
"Home run!" shouts John. "I'm in!" shouts John. "Shut up! Tryin' to watch the game!" shouts John's roommate.
Without delay, literally, there is literally no delay, John hastily, and without delay, clicks the generously furnished link and, after joining the new dating site, for free of course, dutifully upgrades his account, not for free. Of course.
8 minutes and 47 seconds later, roughly speaking, John begins to form a conclusion. This: it is entirely possible that Sofia gave him, by accident, an easy mistake given all the numbers, the wrong username, since, while there is a Sofia98124243 and indeed a Sofia98124244 and indeed many other similar Sofias, the absence of a Sofia98124242 is decidedly apparent by her decided lack of, well, not being anywhere on the bloody site.
All of which is, to John, rather surprising. Surprising, and yet surprisingly, not altogether disappointing.
Surprising because, living with his obese roommate Rodney in Alaska as he does, 8 hours and 3 minutes of furious and sweaty-palmed driving, flying, driving, and snowboarding from where he once assumed was the nearest collection of females, he had found Sofia. A local, by God! Not altogether disappointing because - as luck would have it - there appeared to be 4,397 other females, and not 5 minutes from his front door.
I really do need to get out more, thinks John, swiftly followed by, "Home run!" and "I'm in!" and "Will you shut. The Hell. Up!"
Moments later, John receives an email:
Hi John,
I was just lookin at your pic. OMG . . .
On a Saturday afternoon, John Smith signs up for a free account, limited features (such as being able to receive emails but not reply or indeed send original ones), on a dating site.
Approximately 11 minutes and 14 seconds later, after having received a surprising 43 friend requests from beautiful women in his area, John receives an email.
Hi John,
I hope you don't mind me messaging you. I just saw your profile picture and I've been looking at it and having naughty thoughts for, well, long enough to know I'd like to chat. I notice you only live 5 minutes away from me. Message me back so we can chat. My husband works days, big surprise, but he's never here on weekends. I could do naughty things with someone who looks like you. I've messaged other guys near us just now but I hope you reply instead of them. I just need a fast chat and a meet-up today. Hoping for your message.
Sofia X
"My goodness," says John, "This is surprising," he says, sounding rather surprised. Some time later, having repeatedly clicked the reply button, only to be repeatedly taken to the Account Upgrade page, and having muttered, "Swines!," and done so repeatedly, John enters his credit card details and upgrades his account.
Sofia!
I'm surprised to hear from you, but I'd love to chat and, yes, yes, would love to meet in person. Tonight, tomorrow, next Thursday at 9.37 am, any time you like by God! How do we do this?
Yours,
John XX
Surprisingly, 4 minutes and 11 seconds later, John receives a reply from Sofia, to which his own initial reply is a verbal one - "Money well spent!" - and is then followed by much rubbing of hands, now sweaty with excitement that boarders on dumbfoundedness, rather surprised dumbfoundedness it should be noted, before settling into his seat to read, repeatedly, with surprise, Sofia's reply.
John,
I have some bad news. I really want to meet you tonight. I did get other replies but none of them are as hot as you. The only trouble is, one of the guys is harassing me. And I mean BADLY harassing me. I've had to join another dating site just to get away from him. I've had problems in the past by just giving out my email address or skype or whatever, and even though you seem like an amazing guy, I just can't take the risk. Not again. If you'd really like to prove to me that you're one of the sweet guys, ha, probably the only sweet guy, we can chat over here: link. They make us upgrade, but at least we won't be bothered, and it'll prove to me that you're serious. I've invited guys over to the house in the past and they stood me up. I just need to know you won't do that. Okay, I'm going there now. I hope we can chat soon. I really need a man. Tonight. You.
Sofia XXX
P.S I'm Sofia98124242 on the other site.
"Home run!" shouts John. "I'm in!" shouts John. "Shut up! Tryin' to watch the game!" shouts John's roommate.
Without delay, literally, there is literally no delay, John hastily, and without delay, clicks the generously furnished link and, after joining the new dating site, for free of course, dutifully upgrades his account, not for free. Of course.
8 minutes and 47 seconds later, roughly speaking, John begins to form a conclusion. This: it is entirely possible that Sofia gave him, by accident, an easy mistake given all the numbers, the wrong username, since, while there is a Sofia98124243 and indeed a Sofia98124244 and indeed many other similar Sofias, the absence of a Sofia98124242 is decidedly apparent by her decided lack of, well, not being anywhere on the bloody site.
All of which is, to John, rather surprising. Surprising, and yet surprisingly, not altogether disappointing.
Surprising because, living with his obese roommate Rodney in Alaska as he does, 8 hours and 3 minutes of furious and sweaty-palmed driving, flying, driving, and snowboarding from where he once assumed was the nearest collection of females, he had found Sofia. A local, by God! Not altogether disappointing because - as luck would have it - there appeared to be 4,397 other females, and not 5 minutes from his front door.
I really do need to get out more, thinks John, swiftly followed by, "Home run!" and "I'm in!" and "Will you shut. The Hell. Up!"
Moments later, John receives an email:
Hi John,
I was just lookin at your pic. OMG . . .
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