Twas The Night Before Christmas WF OT Style

by Kurt
29 replies
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'Twas the night before Christmas
at the Sweeper Store.


Where an creepy old fat guy
was passed out on the floor.


(Your turn)
  • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.


    Where an creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.


    (Your turn)
    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    He drank quite a bit
    and was used to being fat

    Reason he'd passed out?
    we'll soon get to that.....

    (Your turn)
    Signature

    "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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  • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where an creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    Had he taken too much drink
    for he was bloated as well

    But from his usual shape
    there was no way to tell

    Maybe food was the cause
    as many twinkies lay there

    And some of them were lodged
    in his receding hair

    His wife was aghast
    as who would believe

    That Santa would leave her
    this whale, Christmas Eve
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    • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
      Originally Posted by positivenegative View Post

      Had he taken too much drink
      for he was bloated as well

      But from his usual shape
      there was no way to tell

      Maybe food was the cause
      as many twinkies lay there

      And some of them were lodged
      in his receding hair

      His wife was aghast
      as who would believe

      That Santa would leave her
      this whale, Christmas Eve
      Ok, we need some rules here Kurt........
      Signature

      "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah.Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Blah, blah, blah, blah.
        Blah, blah, blah, blah.

        Donuts!

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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

        Ok, we need some rules here Kurt........
        LOL...Actually when I made the thread I thought we'd each write four lines (is that one verse?), then the next person would take over where the last person left off.


        But I didn't explain things very well and it kind of took its own direction. You got it right in spite of my lack of directions.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    The Sexless Innkeeper



    Twas the night before New Year's
    And the weather grew mean
    Twas three in the morning
    And I was stranded in Queens!

    The tavern grew empty
    The gas lights grew dim
    The horse-drawn carriages
    Were all but snowed in

    Last call was approaching
    And my fortunes looked bleak
    Then I turned to my left
    And stifled a shriek!

    She had a peach-fuzz beard
    And weighed sixteen stone
    She gobbled up hot wings
    And swallowed the bones

    I muffled a scream
    And threw up in my mouth
    I asked, "Where do you live?"
    And she said, "One block south."

    I swallowed my pride
    And six shots of Whiskey
    And prayed to the gods
    That she wasn't too frisky

    Back in her cave
    She prepared us a snack
    Neath her mighty hooves
    The floorboards did crack

    But when she returned
    She found a sound sleeper
    And thus she became
    The sexless innkeeper
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.


    Where an creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.


    (Your turn)
    Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor

    He had eat so many dounuts
    And was so full up with dough

    That his wife had then disowned him
    He had no place to go

    A tapping at the window
    Disturbed him from his kip

    Outside stood Daniel Riffle
    Sporting leather and a whip

    Come with me now said Dan to him
    I've made a leather truss

    Im wanting you to wear it
    Now please don't make a fuss

    We are going to a fetish club
    So let's go catch a cab

    Your going to get thrashed so hard
    You'll end up with a scab

    When Claude saw Madame Whiplash
    Was Kurt, he gave a scream

    But then his wife awakened him
    Thank God, it's just a dream

    The end....or is it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    He drank quite a bit
    and was used to being fat

    Reason he'd passed out?
    we'll soon get to that.....

    (Your turn)


    After a few hours Claude finally awoke
    from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

    The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
    who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


    (Your turn)
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    • This is gonna revolutionize Christmas Eve.

      Families gonna gather round a warmin' fire an' sing carols together, suppin' on mead an' bein' generous of spirit.

      Then they gonna get out their guitars an' croon on this baby.

      Kids gonna join in badly on their violins an' clarinets.

      Gonna wake up Uncle Jim, sit him behind the piano.

      An' Grandma, sure, you can break out your tuba one last time, but do not try to fill it with whisky.

      I see tears of joy, swillin' furniture out into the street.

      *excitement*
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

        'Twas the night before Christmas
        at the Sweeper Store.

        Where a creepy old fat guy
        was passed out on the floor.

        He drank quite a bit
        and was used to being fat

        Reason he'd passed out?
        we'll soon get to that.....

        (Your turn)
        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

        After a few hours Claude finally awoke
        from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

        The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
        who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


        (Your turn)
        Claude was bewildered and very confused...
        but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

        The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
        Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag".
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        • Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          extreme scrotum sag
          If this is the title of Claude's new movie, I can't wait to see the trailer.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
            'Twas the night before Christmas
            at the Sweeper Store.

            Where a creepy old fat guy
            was passed out on the floor.

            He drank quite a bit
            and was used to being fat

            Reason he'd passed out?
            we'll soon get to that.....


            After a few hours Claude finally awoke
            from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

            The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
            who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


            Claude was bewildered and very confused...
            but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

            The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
            Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

            When down from the basement
            There came such a moan

            Claude scrambled up
            And ran for the phone

            (your turn)
            Signature

            "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

              Claude was bewildered and very confused...
              but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

              The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
              Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

              When down from the basement
              There came such a moan

              Claude scrambled up
              And ran for the phone

              (your turn)
              (to get back in the spirit of this thing)

              Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
              It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

              Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
              And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                (to get back in the spirit of this thing)

                Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
                It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

                Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
                And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"
                For Claude had many porno names
                In fact he had them all

                But only wanted one of them at
                The pornstars annual ball

                Claude only needs one accolade
                When entering the room

                For everyone to shout, its him
                The man, Circumference Doom

                But, reality is sugar
                And diabetic shock

                Which caused his skin to shrivel
                And a tiny, wrinkly C&#k
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                • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                  'Twas the night before Christmas
                  at the Sweeper Store.

                  Where a creepy old fat guy
                  was passed out on the floor.

                  He drank quite a bit
                  and was used to being fat

                  Reason he'd passed out?
                  we'll soon get to that.....


                  After a few hours Claude finally awoke
                  from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

                  The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
                  who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


                  Claude was bewildered and very confused...
                  but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

                  The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
                  Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

                  When down from the basement
                  There came such a moan

                  Claude scrambled up
                  And ran for the phone

                  Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
                  It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

                  Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
                  And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"



                  His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
                  but his little prick was just a thorn.

                  The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
                  and a sly black cat that was totally feral.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                    The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
                    and a sly black cat that was totally feral.
                    Brilliant. I'll show my wife.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                      Brilliant. I'll show my wife.
                      "Hey honey! Hurry! Look! They're making fun of my lack of manhood again! Isn't this great!?!"


                      You do have a rather peculiar outlook on life and really put the "odd" in Claude.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                        "Hey honey! Hurry! Look! They're making fun of my lack of manhood again! Isn't this great!?!"


                        You do have a rather peculiar outlook on life and really put the "odd" in Claude.
                        Kurt; You have to know how much I take all this personally, and how much these insults affect how I think of myself.... Your posts truly make me doubt my manhood. It's taken a few years,but I think you have accomplished your goal

                        When I read this post to my wife (she was in the other room) she started yelling, "Why aren't you man enough to stand up to that guy Kurt?"

                        I said, "Honey, Kurt is just joking. He's not an asshole like everyone says. He's my friend....my only friend".

                        "She yelled, "Don't be a fool. No decent person would treat you like that! Only a spineless worm of a man would take it like you do!"

                        But I was already starting to cry, because she thinks very little of me already. And your posts will probably be the last straw.

                        You may have ruined my marriage. In fact, last night, my wife saw me naked, and started laughing. I've been getting used to her laughing at my naked body, but this time she was pointing.

                        You really bring out the "Hurt" in Kurt.

                        If she gets the computer, in the divorce...this may well be my last post.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          You may have ruined my marriage. In fact, last night, my wife saw me naked, and started laughing. I've been getting used to her laughing at my naked body, but this time she was pointing.
                          She called me to tell me she was pointing at the lint in your belly button. Apparently it was the size of a golf ball. She was elated as she was inspired to start collecting those from you to make x-mas ornaments for the tree. She's starting her own new business.
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                          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                            Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

                            She called me to tell me she was pointing at the lint in your belly button. Apparently it was the size of a golf ball. She was elated as she was inspired to start collecting those from you to make x-mas ornaments for the tree. She's starting her own new business.
                            It's actually just more of his pubic hair. It runs rife all over his body.

                            Kurt told me that
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                        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          Kurt; You have to know how much I take all this personally, and how much these insults affect how I think of myself.... Your posts truly make me doubt my manhood. It's taken a few years,but I think you have accomplished your goal

                          When I read this post to my wife (she was in the other room) she started yelling, "Why aren't you man enough to stand up to that guy Kurt?"

                          I said, "Honey, Kurt is just joking. He's not an asshole like everyone says. He's my friend....my only friend".

                          "She yelled, "Don't be a fool. No decent person would treat you like that! Only a spineless worm of a man would take it like you do!"

                          But I was already starting to cry, because she thinks very little of me already. And your posts will probably be the last straw.

                          You may have ruined my marriage. In fact, last night, my wife saw me naked, and started laughing. I've been getting used to her laughing at my naked body, but this time she was pointing.

                          You really bring out the "Hurt" in Kurt.

                          If she gets the computer, in the divorce...this may well be my last post.


                          Need a hanky?
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          • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
            Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

            If this is the title of Claude's new movie, I can't wait to see the trailer.
            It's a pretty good size trailer to carry that bag.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Claude got up this morning, and read this whole thread,
              And after he did, he wants Kurt to be dead.
              So he bought a gun, axe, and other things that hurt,
              So he could be ready, the next time he sees Kurt.





              Actually, I'm pretty honored to be part of this nonsense.
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  • Profile picture of the author Khemosabi
    'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    He drank quite a bit
    and was used to being fat

    Reason he'd passed out?
    we'll soon get to that.....


    After a few hours Claude finally awoke
    from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

    The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
    who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


    Claude was bewildered and very confused...
    but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

    The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
    Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

    When down from the basement
    There came such a moan

    Claude scrambled up
    And ran for the phone

    Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
    It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

    Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
    And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"



    His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
    but his little prick was just a thorn.

    The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
    and a sly black cat that was totally feral

    "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
    to be in your movie and all will applaud.

    I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
    but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"
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    • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
      Originally Posted by Khemosabi View Post

      'Twas the night before Christmas
      at the Sweeper Store.

      Where a creepy old fat guy
      was passed out on the floor.

      He drank quite a bit
      and was used to being fat

      Reason he'd passed out?
      we'll soon get to that.....


      After a few hours Claude finally awoke
      from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

      The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
      who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


      Claude was bewildered and very confused...
      but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

      The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
      Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

      When down from the basement
      There came such a moan

      Claude scrambled up
      And ran for the phone

      Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
      It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

      Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
      And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"



      His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
      but his little prick was just a thorn.

      The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
      and a sly black cat that was totally feral

      "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
      to be in your movie and all will applaud.

      I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
      but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"
      On Dyson, on Hoover, on Eureka, on Swiffer
      More suction was needed to get through this quicker

      The magical elf thought hard what was needed
      It'd take a vortex that was unimpeded

      What once was tiny began to grow
      At that same time it began to snow
      Signature

      "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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      • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
        'Twas the night before Christmas
        at the Sweeper Store.

        Where a creepy old fat guy
        was passed out on the floor.

        He drank quite a bit
        and was used to being fat

        Reason he'd passed out?
        we'll soon get to that.....


        After a few hours Claude finally awoke
        from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

        The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
        who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


        Claude was bewildered and very confused...
        but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

        The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
        Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

        When down from the basement
        There came such a moan

        Claude scrambled up
        And ran for the phone

        Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
        It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

        Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
        And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"


        His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
        but his little prick was just a thorn.

        The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
        and a sly black cat that was totally feral

        "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
        to be in your movie and all will applaud.

        I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
        but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"

        On Dyson, on Hoover, on Eureka, on Swiffer
        More suction was needed to get through this quicker (alt: make something bigger)

        The magical elf thought hard what was needed
        It'd take a vortex that was unimpeded

        What once was tiny began to grow
        At that same time it began to snow

        Claude realized his dream may come true
        "Quick! Where's the camera! Where's the crew!"

        (your turn)
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        • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
          'Twas the night before Christmas
          at the Sweeper Store.

          Where a creepy old fat guy
          was passed out on the floor.

          He drank quite a bit
          and was used to being fat

          Reason he'd passed out?
          we'll soon get to that.....


          After a few hours Claude finally awoke
          from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

          The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
          who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


          Claude was bewildered and very confused...
          but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

          The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
          Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

          When down from the basement
          There came such a moan

          Claude scrambled up
          And ran for the phone

          Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
          It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

          Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
          And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"


          His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
          but his little prick was just a thorn.

          The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
          and a sly black cat that was totally feral

          "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
          to be in your movie and all will applaud.

          I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
          but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"

          On Dyson, on Hoover, on Eureka, on Swiffer
          More suction was needed to get through this quicker (alt: make something bigger)

          The magical elf thought hard what was needed
          It'd take a vortex that was unimpeded

          What once was tiny began to grow
          At that same time it began to snow

          Claude realized his dream may come true
          "Quick! Where's the camera! Where's the crew!"

          That Elf began to make some more magical spells
          This would take out of him some enormous yells

          "Couch, I turn you into a camera Man!"
          "Chair, you are now a girl named Marianne!"

          "Stool, you now need to be a sound guy!"
          "Table, you are now his boom close by!"

          More demands from the elf began to spew
          Many old things became all something new

          A camera was forged from a painting on the wall
          A clapboard formed from an outside storm squall

          That vortex turned into a beautiful fluffer
          A bed appeared from what once was a floor buffer

          Suddenly the elf looked just like David Buckley
          "Start rolling" he yelled, as he cracked his knuckly

          Marianne disrobed, and glided into the bed
          Swished her hair back, her legs were spread

          (your turn, oh, so your turn, someone take this away from me now please)
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          • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
            Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

            'Twas the night before Christmas
            at the Sweeper Store.

            Where a creepy old fat guy
            was passed out on the floor.

            He drank quite a bit
            and was used to being fat

            Reason he'd passed out?
            we'll soon get to that.....


            After a few hours Claude finally awoke
            from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

            The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
            who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


            Claude was bewildered and very confused...
            but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

            The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
            Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

            When down from the basement
            There came such a moan

            Claude scrambled up
            And ran for the phone

            Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
            It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

            Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
            And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"


            His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
            but his little prick was just a thorn.

            The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
            and a sly black cat that was totally feral

            "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
            to be in your movie and all will applaud.

            I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
            but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"

            On Dyson, on Hoover, on Eureka, on Swiffer
            More suction was needed to get through this quicker (alt: make something bigger)

            The magical elf thought hard what was needed
            It'd take a vortex that was unimpeded

            What once was tiny began to grow
            At that same time it began to snow

            Claude realized his dream may come true
            "Quick! Where's the camera! Where's the crew!"

            That Elf began to make some more magical spells
            This would take out of him some enormous yells

            "Couch, I turn you into a camera Man!"
            "Chair, you are now a girl named Marianne!"

            "Stool, you now need to be a sound guy!"
            "Table, you are now his boom close by!"

            More demands from the elf began to spew
            Many old things became all something new

            A camera was forged from a painting on the wall
            A clapboard formed from an outside storm squall

            That vortex turned into a beautiful fluffer
            A bed appeared from what once was a floor buffer

            Suddenly the elf looked just like David Buckley
            "Start rolling" he yelled, as he cracked his knuckly

            Marianne disrobed, and glided into the bed
            Swished her hair back, her legs were spread
            Claude sashayed over and got into bed
            The camera closed in, its light turned on red

            His member was ready and overjoyed was Claude
            But just at that moment someone started to applaud.

            Claude was startled, and turned his head
            A woosh came over him, was he now dead?

            No, he woke up, still on that floor
            With a mouth full of fruit cake that he'd choked on before

            In the end it was all just a dream
            He spit out that fruit cake and started to clean.

            (your turn)
            Signature

            "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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