Twas The Night Before Christmas WF OT Style

by 29 replies
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'Twas the night before Christmas
at the Sweeper Store.


Where an creepy old fat guy
was passed out on the floor.


(Your turn)
#off topic forum
  • 'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    He drank quite a bit
    and was used to being fat

    Reason he'd passed out?
    we'll soon get to that.....

    (Your turn)
    • [ 1 ] Thanks

  • Had he taken too much drink
    for he was bloated as well

    But from his usual shape
    there was no way to tell

    Maybe food was the cause
    as many twinkies lay there

    And some of them were lodged
    in his receding hair

    His wife was aghast
    as who would believe

    That Santa would leave her
    this whale, Christmas Eve
    • [1] reply
    • Ok, we need some rules here Kurt........
      • [2] replies
  • Banned




    Twas the night before New Year's
    And the weather grew mean
    Twas three in the morning
    And I was stranded in Queens!

    The tavern grew empty
    The gas lights grew dim
    The horse-drawn carriages
    Were all but snowed in

    Last call was approaching
    And my fortunes looked bleak
    Then I turned to my left
    And stifled a shriek!

    She had a peach-fuzz beard
    And weighed sixteen stone
    She gobbled up hot wings
    And swallowed the bones

    I muffled a scream
    And threw up in my mouth
    I asked, "Where do you live?"
    And she said, "One block south."

    I swallowed my pride
    And six shots of Whiskey
    And prayed to the gods
    That she wasn't too frisky

    Back in her cave
    She prepared us a snack
    Neath her mighty hooves
    The floorboards did crack

    But when she returned
    She found a sound sleeper
    And thus she became
    The sexless innkeeper
  • Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor

    He had eat so many dounuts
    And was so full up with dough

    That his wife had then disowned him
    He had no place to go

    A tapping at the window
    Disturbed him from his kip

    Outside stood Daniel Riffle
    Sporting leather and a whip

    Come with me now said Dan to him
    I've made a leather truss

    Im wanting you to wear it
    Now please don't make a fuss

    We are going to a fetish club
    So let's go catch a cab

    Your going to get thrashed so hard
    You'll end up with a scab

    When Claude saw Madame Whiplash
    Was Kurt, he gave a scream

    But then his wife awakened him
    Thank God, it's just a dream

    The end....or is it.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks


  • After a few hours Claude finally awoke
    from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

    The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
    who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


    (Your turn)
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • This is gonna revolutionize Christmas Eve.

      Families gonna gather round a warmin' fire an' sing carols together, suppin' on mead an' bein' generous of spirit.

      Then they gonna get out their guitars an' croon on this baby.

      Kids gonna join in badly on their violins an' clarinets.

      Gonna wake up Uncle Jim, sit him behind the piano.

      An' Grandma, sure, you can break out your tuba one last time, but do not try to fill it with whisky.

      I see tears of joy, swillin' furniture out into the street.

      *excitement*
      • [1] reply
  • 'Twas the night before Christmas
    at the Sweeper Store.

    Where a creepy old fat guy
    was passed out on the floor.

    He drank quite a bit
    and was used to being fat

    Reason he'd passed out?
    we'll soon get to that.....


    After a few hours Claude finally awoke
    from the overdose of fruit cake that caused him to choke.

    The first thing he heard was an angry little elf
    who shouted at Claude to go screw himself!


    Claude was bewildered and very confused...
    but he obeyed and began to self-abuse.

    The elf asked why Claude stole Santa's bag
    Claude replied, "To support my extreme scrotum sag"

    When down from the basement
    There came such a moan

    Claude scrambled up
    And ran for the phone

    Claude 's silhouette gave us all a pause,
    It was big and fat, but no Santa Clause.

    Suddenly, a voice said, "Who's in this room?"
    And Claude said, "It is no one but me, the despicable Circumference Doom!"



    His Christmas wish was to star in some porn
    but his little prick was just a thorn.

    The two that knew this were his wife Cheryl
    and a sly black cat that was totally feral

    "You'll get your wish, one day, my dear Claude
    to be in your movie and all will applaud.

    I hate to ask this of you, my Bison,
    but to clean up this mess, I need the Dyson!"
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • On Dyson, on Hoover, on Eureka, on Swiffer
      More suction was needed to get through this quicker

      The magical elf thought hard what was needed
      It'd take a vortex that was unimpeded

      What once was tiny began to grow
      At that same time it began to snow
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
      • [1] reply
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