Cookie Dough Can Explodes in Woman's Vagina During Shoplifing Incident

lanfear63

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman

Was she on the Pillsbury.

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Kurt

8 years ago

In further news:

...Pillsbury Dough Boy in critical but stable condition.

...Evidence eaten by Claude claiming "Cookie dough is a terrible thing to waste".

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TLTheLiberator 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

In further news:

...Pillsbury Dough Boy in critical but stable condition.

...Evidence eaten by Claude claiming "Cookie dough is a terrible thing to waste".

So is a mind.
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- Kurt 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator
  
  So is a mind.
  
  Like former pitcher Terry Forster told us, and Claude constantly reminds us...A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  
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- Princess Balestra 8 years ago
  
  No pearl of wisdom here, but u gotta figure there's higher value goods you can sneak into a poacher's pouch.
  
  An' even if ur crazy for food, I can think of a coupla vegetables got the edge over a bulky can in terms of insertability.
  
  Fewer carbs also.
  
  Originally Posted by whateverpedia
  
  Must...
  
  resist...
  
  temptation...
  
  to...
  
  comment...
  
  ...on the Addams Family hand in the other thread — cos we all know today's cops are fully equipped to deal with squashed cookie dough can removal emergencies thx to their Batman-like treasure trove of gadgets.
  
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  TimPhelan 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Princess Balestra
  
  I can think of a coupla vegetables got the edge over a bulky can in terms of insertability.
  
  Maybe this carrot:
  
  Or this pepper?
  
  This lady loves gardening:
  
  This one is probably something more for the guys.
  
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  Joe Mobley 8 years ago
  
  I have a feeling that the food porn pics are about to begin...
  
  Joe Mobley
  
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whateverpedia

8 years ago

Must...

resist...

temptation...

to...

comment...

on...

this...

AARRGGHH!!

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

So that blind people can hate them as well.

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TLTheLiberator

8 years ago

Canned heat???

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Kurt

8 years ago

Were they ginger snappers?

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yukon

Banned 8 years ago

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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Uh oh — delayed action 'frickin' cookie dough???' recoil jus' gone off...

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Kurt

8 years ago

I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.

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lanfear63 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.

She was hoping to get a bun in the oven.
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- yukon Banned 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  She was hoping to get a bun in the oven.
  
  Her stage name at the strip club is Easy Bake Oven.
  
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Princess Balestra 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.

Tellya, there's a whole buncha products out there been givin' the law the slip on this issue -- especially frickin' asparagus.

That is a high value commodity sought after by both sexes.
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yukon Banned 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.

The Pillsbury cookie label will be Rated R after the lawsuit .
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Dan Riffle

8 years ago

You don't want to know where she hid the milk.

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Kay King

8 years ago

funny - but fake - story originated on the site discussed below:

Did a can of cookie dough explode in woman's vagina during shoplifting? - ThatsFake.com

Now8News.com is a popular fake news website created in 2015 that seems to focus on publishing articles on fictional crimes that seem to absurd to be true – because they are! The site takes “funny mugshot” photos from the Internet and superimposes them onto a generic crime scene photo and then adds their “news banner” to make the stories they publish seem more legitimate.

The crimes Now8News.com writes about seem to just edge on the cusp of believability, so much so that many take them on face value, despite not being true at all.

My own first thought was "who will she sue - Pillsbury or the store/chain or the police/town"...

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sbucciarel

Banned 8 years ago

Well, they wanted quality content in the new Beta Feed, so I upvoted the thread and encourage everyone else to do the same. We wouldn't want low quality threads trending at the top of the feed, now would we? Hmmmm?

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Jack Gordon

8 years ago

That is the makings of one hell of a yeast infection...

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yukon Banned 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Gordon

That is the makings of one hell of a yeast infection...

...with sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles.
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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Dear Lord in Heaven!

My face jus' flushed so red I darn near set fire to my hair.

Only question I have for you, Mr Phelan, is - did you Google these images on a whim, or do you have a secret folder fulla bulbous vegetable pix hidden away on your hard drive?

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Kurt

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Princess Balestra

Dear Lord in Heaven!

My face jus' flushed so red I darn near set fire to my hair.

Only question I have for you, Mr Phelan, is - did you Google these images on a whim, or do you have a secret folder fulla bulbous vegetable pix hidden away on your hard drive?

A quick warning, never bring up camel toes when Tim's around.

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TimPhelan

8 years ago

I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".

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Jill Carpenter 8 years ago

Searching for my vegetable cleaning brush now.
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- positivenegative 8 years ago
  
  Put dough in oven - guaranteed to rise.
  
  So what's the problem? She's just a normal woman.
  
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Claude Whitacre 8 years ago

Originally Posted by TimPhelan

I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".

You.....made....me....look. I shall never forgive you.
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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Originally Posted by TimPhelan

I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".

What the f*ck kinda scenario is this?

I swap out a torso for a frickin' tie down strap?

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tagiscom

8 years ago

Ah, good this one isn't closed yet, (l was going to comment on the Troll fest one, that if you get into a spiritual relationship, then spiritual sex, leaves conventional sex in the dust).

But back to this one,....

Bit of a sticky subject.

Lucky cookie dough can?

Hmm, have to post this....

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sbucciarel

Banned 8 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

Ah, good this one isn't closed yet, (l was going to comment on the Troll fest one, that if you get into a spiritual relationship, then spiritual sex, leaves conventional sex in the dust).

... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?

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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?

Isn't that conventional sex?

The stuff that goes on in convents?

But hey, I tried somea that spiritual sex one time.

Boned up on how to prepare my boudoir, learned a few esoteric chants, practised my tantric fanj tricks.

Figured it was gonna be so, so frickin' hot.

But, yeah, spiritual sex -- kinda medium.

(Holy mother of..., that was so cheesy. Who needs to whack a can of cookie dough up 'em when u can have a brain fulla the Gouda stuff?)

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tagiscom

8 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?

LOL, possibly, but it is more along the lines of spiritual union, touching the devine, orgasms that leave conventional ones in the dust, blah, blah!

This is something the WC in training guy, doesn't get!

You can't get love from an extended one night stand?

Originally Posted by Princess Balestra

Isn't that conventional sex?

The stuff that goes on in convents?

But hey, I tried somea that spiritual sex one time.

Boned up on how to prepare my boudoir, learned a few esoteric chants, practised my tantric fanj tricks.

Figured it was gonna be so, so frickin' hot.

But, yeah, spiritual sex — kinda medium.

(Holy mother of..., that was so cheesy. Who needs to whack a can of cookie dough up 'em when u can have a brain fulla the Gouda stuff?)

Yes, tantric sex, is pretty lame, but what l am discussing above, way past that lame, new age, western slant stuff!

Had a reasonably attractive woman sit near me so she could talk to her friend about her boyfriend wanting a casual sex, (not her words) instead of something else, today.

Glad they wearn't talking about sizes, that would have really put me off my cake!

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Princess Balestra 8 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

Glad they wearn't talking about sizes, that would have really put me off my cake!

Now I wanna squish cream all over my face.

But I gotcha, Taggo.

I can smell ya tryin' to slip me a subliminal donut from 20 paces.
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- tagiscom 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Princess Balestra
  
  Now I wanna squish cream all over my face.
  
  But I gotcha, Taggo.
  
  I can smell ya tryin' to slip me a subliminal donut from 20 paces.
  
  Nah, But l will say that the cream was wasted?
  
  And for the record l had a strawberry tart, but it did have cream?
  
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  Princess Balestra 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by tagiscom
  
  Nah, But l will say that the cream was wasted?
  
  My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.
  
  Weird thing is, I was gonna pig out on an inspired treat, but I forgot.
  
  I am so lame.
  
  Jus' hope I got some ice cream in, or I'm gonna be lickin' consolation capers off a frozen pizza.
  
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  Dan Riffle 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Princess Balestra
  
  My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.
  
  My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.
  
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  Claude Whitacre 8 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.
  
  My inner 13 year old is wondering what the heck you're inner 13 year old is screaming about.
  
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lanfear63

8 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?

Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences

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tagiscom

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Princess Balestra

My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.

Weird thing is, I was gonna pig out on an inspired treat, but I forgot.

I am so lame.

Jus' hope I got some ice cream in, or I'm gonna be lickin' consolation capers off a frozen pizza.

No, massaging cream all over your face, is probably a turn on for some, but well,.....!

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.

Yes, l know, you are not the only one!

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

My inner 13 year old is wondering what the heck you're inner 13 year old is screaming about.

Gee, Claude get with it, l don't think that l can get any more obvious, not without getting this thread closed?

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences

Well, if you get the hang of it, you can Astral project now, l couldn't pull it off, but got close!

But there are other ways, to experience it!

Use the Force Luke, well, maybe not?

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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences

Jus' speculatin' here, but we gotta remember (as we stumble around, blind drunk on innuendo an' smut) onea the points of sex is to make new hoomans happen.

So I gotta wonder about the deal with astral sex.

Way I see it, there has gotta be astral semen in the mix up there, otherwise Phantom Juicy World got a real problem from a marketin' perspective.

An' if there is astral semen, then there gotta be astral contraception also.

Because what happens to alla the new ethereal hoomans that astral sex gonna deliver?

They are gonna be spirits without a material form, destined to reside forever in limbo — only it won't be any kinda lonely limbo thx to alla the screamers thrashin' away behind every cloud.

Only way to help these little guys is for the parents to move into the ether permanently, but if I have my research right, astral travel, even for only brief periods, is harder to pull off than an angry male rhino.

So mebbe any product of the union kinda blinks out when the astral lovers return to their material bodies, in which case we gotta expect the gateway to ethereal nirvana to be surrounded by ragin' pro-lifers.

I do not believe the people havin' alla this astral sex have thought things through.

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tagiscom

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Princess Balestra

Jus' speculatin' here, but we gotta remember (as we stumble around, blind drunk on innuendo an' smut) the point of sex is to make new hoomans happen.

So I gotta wonder about the deal with astral sex.

Way I see it, there has gotta be astral semen in the mix up there, otherwise Phantom Juicy World got a real problem from a marketin' perspective.

An' if there is astral semen, then there gotta be astral contraception also.

Because what happens to alla the new ethereal hoomans that astral sex gonna deliver?

They are gonna be spirits without a material form, destined to reside forever in limbo -- only it won't be any kinda lonely limbo thx to alla the screamers thrashin' away behind every cloud.

Only way to help these little guys is for the parents to move into the ether permanently, but if I have my research right, astral travel, even for only brief periods, is harder to pull off than an angry male rhino.

So mebbe any product of the union kinda blinks out when the astral lovers return to their material bodies, in which case we gotta expect the gateway to ethereal nirvana to be surrounded by ragin' pro-lifers.

I do not believe the people havin' alla this astral sex have thought things through.

Astral Semen, LOL!

No, Princess, the creative life force of everything is a very, (well, at a very high vibratory level) or a bit like a million organisms, instead of one!

This is backed up by individuals with near death experiences, who experienced this!

Yeah, l know Claude settle!

So this force which is present in our base Chakra, is there to procreate, (of course) but to also become self aware through direct experience of this force.

And there is no sex orientation up above, eventhough most associate with their last run through!

Our true selves is neither!

Pretty hard to believe that you are a lowly human when you experience the ecstatic union with everything, (l didn't use divine, too religious).

I read about one of the Beatles, (band) that passed away a while ago. Apparently the light he gave off when passing was obvious and lit up the room, (this was verified by his wife, and a few others).

There are too many case studies for this to be watching Ghost, and spacing out!

Clearly something is happening!

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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

Originally Posted by tagiscom

And there is no sex orientation up above, eventhough most associate with their last run through!

Our true selves is neither!

Next time I am at Yoga I will be sure to ask about androgynous vibrationals.

So far, we have only covered basic material bendin'.

(Actually, that is not true. Kudos on moi: I can count up to 1 in dolphin.)

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tagiscom

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Princess Balestra

Next time I am at Yoga I will be sure to ask about androgynous vibrationals.

So far, we have only covered basic material bendin'.

(Actually, that is not true. Kudos on moi: I can count up to 1 in dolphin.)

You are one up on me, l can only say, "you are welcome" when they say, "so long, and thanks for all the fish"!

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Claude Whitacre

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman

I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.

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lanfear63 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.

If she got caught short, she'd be Tinkling The Ivories.
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Kurt 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.

It would have been a Grands piano.
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yukon Banned 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.

She probably couldn't carry a tune.
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Midnight Oil

8 years ago

Originally Posted by Kurt

Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman

So she's a Pop-Tart?

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Claude Whitacre 8 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Gordon

That is the makings of one hell of a yeast infection...

Originally Posted by Midnight Oil

So she's a Pop-Tart?

Two best retorts. It's agonizing when you read the obvious response, and you didn't think of it. Kurt has that feeling all the time.
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Princess Balestra

8 years ago

All I know is, if ur havin' spiritual sex, u gotta watch for the inner screamers.

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Cookie Dough Can Explodes in Woman's Vagina During Shoplifing Incident

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