Cookie Dough Can Explodes in Woman's Vagina During Shoplifing Incident

by Kurt
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Cookie Dough Can Explodes In Woman
  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    Was she on the Pillsbury.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    In further news:


    ...Pillsbury Dough Boy in critical but stable condition.


    ...Evidence eaten by Claude claiming "Cookie dough is a terrible thing to waste".
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    • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      In further news:


      ...Pillsbury Dough Boy in critical but stable condition.


      ...Evidence eaten by Claude claiming "Cookie dough is a terrible thing to waste".
      So is a mind.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post

        So is a mind.
        Like former pitcher Terry Forster told us, and Claude constantly reminds us...A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
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      • No pearl of wisdom here, but u gotta figure there's higher value goods you can sneak into a poacher's pouch.

        An' even if ur crazy for food, I can think of a coupla vegetables got the edge over a bulky can in terms of insertability.

        Fewer carbs also.

        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        Must...

        resist...

        temptation...

        to...

        comment...
        ...on the Addams Family hand in the other thread — cos we all know today's cops are fully equipped to deal with squashed cookie dough can removal emergencies thx to their Batman-like treasure trove of gadgets.
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        • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
          Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post


          I can think of a coupla vegetables got the edge over a bulky can in terms of insertability.
          Maybe this carrot:



          Or this pepper?



          This lady loves gardening:



          This one is probably something more for the guys.

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          • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
            I have a feeling that the food porn pics are about to begin...


            Joe Mobley
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Must...

    resist...

    temptation...

    to...

    comment...

    on...

    this...

    AARRGGHH!!
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
    So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    Canned heat???
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Were they ginger snappers?
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
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  • Uh oh — delayed action 'frickin' cookie dough???' recoil jus' gone off...
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.
      She was hoping to get a bun in the oven.
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      • Profile picture of the author yukon
        Banned
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        She was hoping to get a bun in the oven.
        Her stage name at the strip club is Easy Bake Oven.
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    • Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.
      Tellya, there's a whole buncha products out there been givin' the law the slip on this issue -- especially frickin' asparagus.

      That is a high value commodity sought after by both sexes.
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      I think she should sue Pillsbury since there wasn't a warning on the label not to insert the tube of cookies in vaginas.

      The Pillsbury cookie label will be Rated R after the lawsuit .
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    You don't want to know where she hid the milk.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      funny - but fake - story originated on the site discussed below:

      Did a can of cookie dough explode in woman's vagina during shoplifting? - ThatsFake.com

      Now8News.com is a popular fake news website created in 2015 that seems to focus on publishing articles on fictional crimes that seem to absurd to be true – because they are! The site takes “funny mugshot” photos from the Internet and superimposes them onto a generic crime scene photo and then adds their “news banner” to make the stories they publish seem more legitimate.



      The crimes Now8News.com writes about seem to just edge on the cusp of believability, so much so that many take them on face value, despite not being true at all.
      My own first thought was "who will she sue - Pillsbury or the store/chain or the police/town"...
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Well, they wanted quality content in the new Beta Feed, so I upvoted the thread and encourage everyone else to do the same. We wouldn't want low quality threads trending at the top of the feed, now would we? Hmmmm?
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

      That is the makings of one hell of a yeast infection...

      ...with sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles.
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  • Dear Lord in Heaven!

    My face jus' flushed so red I darn near set fire to my hair.

    Only question I have for you, Mr Phelan, is - did you Google these images on a whim, or do you have a secret folder fulla bulbous vegetable pix hidden away on your hard drive?
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Dear Lord in Heaven!

      My face jus' flushed so red I darn near set fire to my hair.

      Only question I have for you, Mr Phelan, is - did you Google these images on a whim, or do you have a secret folder fulla bulbous vegetable pix hidden away on your hard drive?
      A quick warning, never bring up camel toes when Tim's around.
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      • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
        I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".

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        • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
          Searching for my vegetable cleaning brush now.
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          "May I have ten thousand marbles, please?"

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          • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
            Put dough in oven - guaranteed to rise.

            So what's the problem? She's just a normal woman.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".


          You.....made....me....look. I shall never forgive you.
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        • Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

          I did google this one, Princess. Search phrase: "Claude porn".

          What the f*ck kinda scenario is this?

          I swap out a torso for a frickin' tie down strap?
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          • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
            Ah, good this one isn't closed yet, (l was going to comment on the Troll fest one, that if you get into a spiritual relationship, then spiritual sex, leaves conventional sex in the dust).

            But back to this one,....

            Bit of a sticky subject.

            Lucky cookie dough can?

            Hmm, have to post this....



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            • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
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              Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

              Ah, good this one isn't closed yet, (l was going to comment on the Troll fest one, that if you get into a spiritual relationship, then spiritual sex, leaves conventional sex in the dust).
              ... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?
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              • Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

                ... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?
                Isn't that conventional sex?

                The stuff that goes on in convents?

                But hey, I tried somea that spiritual sex one time.

                Boned up on how to prepare my boudoir, learned a few esoteric chants, practised my tantric fanj tricks.

                Figured it was gonna be so, so frickin' hot.

                But, yeah, spiritual sex -- kinda medium.

                (Holy mother of..., that was so cheesy. Who needs to whack a can of cookie dough up 'em when u can have a brain fulla the Gouda stuff?)
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

                  ... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?
                  LOL, possibly, but it is more along the lines of spiritual union, touching the devine, orgasms that leave conventional ones in the dust, blah, blah!

                  This is something the WC in training guy, doesn't get!

                  You can't get love from an extended one night stand?

                  Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                  Isn't that conventional sex?

                  The stuff that goes on in convents?

                  But hey, I tried somea that spiritual sex one time.

                  Boned up on how to prepare my boudoir, learned a few esoteric chants, practised my tantric fanj tricks.

                  Figured it was gonna be so, so frickin' hot.

                  But, yeah, spiritual sex — kinda medium.

                  (Holy mother of..., that was so cheesy. Who needs to whack a can of cookie dough up 'em when u can have a brain fulla the Gouda stuff?)
                  Yes, tantric sex, is pretty lame, but what l am discussing above, way past that lame, new age, western slant stuff!

                  Had a reasonably attractive woman sit near me so she could talk to her friend about her boyfriend wanting a casual sex, (not her words) instead of something else, today.


                  Glad they wearn't talking about sizes, that would have really put me off my cake!

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                  • Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                    Glad they wearn't talking about sizes, that would have really put me off my cake!

                    Now I wanna squish cream all over my face.

                    But I gotcha, Taggo.

                    I can smell ya tryin' to slip me a subliminal donut from 20 paces.
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                    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                      Now I wanna squish cream all over my face.

                      But I gotcha, Taggo.

                      I can smell ya tryin' to slip me a subliminal donut from 20 paces.
                      Nah, But l will say that the cream was wasted?



                      And for the record l had a strawberry tart, but it did have cream?
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                      • Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                        Nah, But l will say that the cream was wasted?
                        My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.

                        Weird thing is, I was gonna pig out on an inspired treat, but I forgot.

                        I am so lame.

                        Jus' hope I got some ice cream in, or I'm gonna be lickin' consolation capers off a frozen pizza.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                          Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                          My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.
                          My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.
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                          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                            My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.
                            My inner 13 year old is wondering what the heck you're inner 13 year old is screaming about.
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              • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

                ... right ... spiritual sex. lol. Good one. Is that when you scream "holy mother of .... " during orgasm?
                Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

                Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences
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                • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                  Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                  My face is not a cream-squanderin' entity.

                  Weird thing is, I was gonna pig out on an inspired treat, but I forgot.

                  I am so lame.

                  Jus' hope I got some ice cream in, or I'm gonna be lickin' consolation capers off a frozen pizza.
                  No, massaging cream all over your face, is probably a turn on for some, but well,.....!

                  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                  My inner 13 year old is absolutely screaming right now.
                  Yes, l know, you are not the only one!

                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  My inner 13 year old is wondering what the heck you're inner 13 year old is screaming about.
                  Gee, Claude get with it, l don't think that l can get any more obvious, not without getting this thread closed?

                  Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                  Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

                  Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences
                  Well, if you get the hang of it, you can Astral project now, l couldn't pull it off, but got close!

                  But there are other ways, to experience it!

                  Use the Force Luke, well, maybe not?

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                • Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                  Spiritual sex is one of the perks of Astral Projection. If you can leave your body and seek out a willing soul you can temporally meld with them and you burn as one causing a mind blowing ecstatic spiritual burst of whateverness. That's why it's always listed on the back of "How To Do Astral Projection" Books. Sex of any kind sells. Of course once dead you get to do it all the time but you can't come back and boast about it. (I'm not kidding, Google it "Astral Sex")

                  Claude has told me about his Transensexual Meditation experiences
                  Jus' speculatin' here, but we gotta remember (as we stumble around, blind drunk on innuendo an' smut) onea the points of sex is to make new hoomans happen.

                  So I gotta wonder about the deal with astral sex.

                  Way I see it, there has gotta be astral semen in the mix up there, otherwise Phantom Juicy World got a real problem from a marketin' perspective.

                  An' if there is astral semen, then there gotta be astral contraception also.

                  Because what happens to alla the new ethereal hoomans that astral sex gonna deliver?

                  They are gonna be spirits without a material form, destined to reside forever in limbo — only it won't be any kinda lonely limbo thx to alla the screamers thrashin' away behind every cloud.

                  Only way to help these little guys is for the parents to move into the ether permanently, but if I have my research right, astral travel, even for only brief periods, is harder to pull off than an angry male rhino.

                  So mebbe any product of the union kinda blinks out when the astral lovers return to their material bodies, in which case we gotta expect the gateway to ethereal nirvana to be surrounded by ragin' pro-lifers.

                  I do not believe the people havin' alla this astral sex have thought things through.
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                  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                    Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                    Jus' speculatin' here, but we gotta remember (as we stumble around, blind drunk on innuendo an' smut) the point of sex is to make new hoomans happen.

                    So I gotta wonder about the deal with astral sex.

                    Way I see it, there has gotta be astral semen in the mix up there, otherwise Phantom Juicy World got a real problem from a marketin' perspective.

                    An' if there is astral semen, then there gotta be astral contraception also.

                    Because what happens to alla the new ethereal hoomans that astral sex gonna deliver?

                    They are gonna be spirits without a material form, destined to reside forever in limbo -- only it won't be any kinda lonely limbo thx to alla the screamers thrashin' away behind every cloud.

                    Only way to help these little guys is for the parents to move into the ether permanently, but if I have my research right, astral travel, even for only brief periods, is harder to pull off than an angry male rhino.

                    So mebbe any product of the union kinda blinks out when the astral lovers return to their material bodies, in which case we gotta expect the gateway to ethereal nirvana to be surrounded by ragin' pro-lifers.

                    I do not believe the people havin' alla this astral sex have thought things through.
                    Astral Semen, LOL!

                    No, Princess, the creative life force of everything is a very, (well, at a very high vibratory level) or a bit like a million organisms, instead of one!

                    This is backed up by individuals with near death experiences, who experienced this!

                    Yeah, l know Claude settle!

                    So this force which is present in our base Chakra, is there to procreate, (of course) but to also become self aware through direct experience of this force.

                    And there is no sex orientation up above, eventhough most associate with their last run through!

                    Our true selves is neither!


                    Pretty hard to believe that you are a lowly human when you experience the ecstatic union with everything, (l didn't use divine, too religious).

                    I read about one of the Beatles, (band) that passed away a while ago. Apparently the light he gave off when passing was obvious and lit up the room, (this was verified by his wife, and a few others).

                    There are too many case studies for this to be watching Ghost, and spacing out!

                    Clearly something is happening!


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                    • Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                      And there is no sex orientation up above, eventhough most associate with their last run through!

                      Our true selves is neither!
                      Next time I am at Yoga I will be sure to ask about androgynous vibrationals.

                      So far, we have only covered basic material bendin'.

                      (Actually, that is not true. Kudos on moi: I can count up to 1 in dolphin.)
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                      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                        Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

                        Next time I am at Yoga I will be sure to ask about androgynous vibrationals.

                        So far, we have only covered basic material bendin'.

                        (Actually, that is not true. Kudos on moi: I can count up to 1 in dolphin.)
                        You are one up on me, l can only say, "you are welcome" when they say, "so long, and thanks for all the fish"!

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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.
      If she got caught short, she'd be Tinkling The Ivories.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.
      It would have been a Grands piano.
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
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      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      I'm just glad she wasn't stealing a piano.

      She probably couldn't carry a tune.
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  • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    So she's a Pop-Tart?
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

      That is the makings of one hell of a yeast infection...
      Originally Posted by Midnight Oil View Post

      So she's a Pop-Tart?
      Two best retorts. It's agonizing when you read the obvious response, and you didn't think of it. Kurt has that feeling all the time.
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  • All I know is, if ur havin' spiritual sex, u gotta watch for the inner screamers.
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