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Joke of the day!

by joseph7384
22 replies
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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
    Haha!

    Thanks for the laugh! I needed it!


    Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author DWaters
    That same blonde went hiking in the summer with her friend (another blonde). While hiking out in the woods they came upon some tracks, one of them says "hey look those are deer tracks". The other blonde goes "no those are moose tracks".


    Unfortunately they were still arguing when the train hit them.
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    • Profile picture of the author Enfusia
      The blonde yelled to the blond across the street from her asking "how do you get to the other side of the street?"

      The blonde across the road replied yelling "you are on the other side".


      Patrick
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      • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
        A blind man enters a bar and manages to find his way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

        In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

        The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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        • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
          A man got on the bus with both of his pants front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

          The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

          .
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          • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
            Joe, you might as well rename the thread "Blonde of the day".


            There's this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. She looks at the blonde woman's ticket and tells the blonde; "Ma'am you can't sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class. Please move to the back of the plane" The blonde replies, "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica".

            So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde's response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened. Then he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane. She then responds, "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica".

            So the two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on. He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear. The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane. They looked at each other and then the co-pilot, and asked him what he had told her. The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them, "Oh, this happened a while back with someone else. I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn't going to Jamaica".
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            • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
              Five women climbers were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Four were blonde, one was a brunette.

              As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

              For an agonizing few moments no-one volunteered.

              Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

              The blondes applauded.
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              • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv." The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes." So the blonde left and came back next day with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv." Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes." So she left again and came back the day after with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv." But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes." Finally the blonde got fed up and screamed, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" The salesman answered: "Cause that's a microwave."
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                • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                  Ok, I've got one.


                  A blond was flying in a two seater airplane with just the pilot.

                  He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

                  "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Pleeeease Help Me!"

                  She hears a voice over the radio saying:

                  "This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I 'll talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem so don't worry. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Okay, now give me your height and position!"

                  She says, "I'm 5'4 and I'm in the front seat."

                  (pause)

                  "OKaaaaay." says the voice in the radio.......

                  "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven........"


                  Terra
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                  • Profile picture of the author DWaters
                    Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                    Ok, I've got one.....

                    Terra

                    At first I though you were saying that out of all these jokes you only understood one of them......
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                    • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                      Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blonde decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience. Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.

                      Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing. Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. She finds herself barely able to hang on. The startled horse is now in a dead run and the beautiful blonde finds herself hanging off to one side of the horse, her head just inches from the ground... catastrophe seconds away.

                      She begins to frantically scream for help when all of a sudden......... Frank, the Wal-Mart door man, calmly walks up and unplugs the ride.
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                    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                      Originally Posted by DWaters View Post

                      At first I though you were saying that out of all these jokes you only understood one of them......


                      Hahaha!

                      That's funny!!

                      Wait!
                      Do you think I'm a blonde?


                      Terra
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                      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                        A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

                        While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

                        Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

                        He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

                        FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.


                        Terra
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                        • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
                          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                          A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

                          While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

                          Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

                          He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

                          FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.


                          Terra
                          Ha ha I like that one!
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                          • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
                            A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

                            Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

                            The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again."
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Here's one especially for Terra...


    Ten blondes walked into a bar. They each had on a different colored shirt. The blonde in the blue shirt said give me a Beer. The bartender said, "We don't serve blue shirts here." Then the blonde...


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    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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    • Profile picture of the author positivenegative
      Male friend to blonde: "Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"

      Blonde: "I don't know. Why?"

      Male friend to blonde: "It was easier to spell."

      Blonde: "Easier than what?"
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  • Profile picture of the author Jumpus
    A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an air plane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it`s a real easy game. He explains,`I ask a question and if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don`t know the answer I`ll pay you $5.` Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, `O.K., if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don`t know the answer I pay you $50! ` Now, that got the Engineer`s attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, `What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?` Then Engineer doesn`t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5. Now, its the Engineer`s turn. He asks the Programmer,`What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?` The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, `Well what`s the answer to the question?` Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.
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    • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
      Originally Posted by Jumpus View Post

      A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an air plane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it`s a real easy game. He explains,`I ask a question and if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don`t know the answer I`ll pay you $5.` Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, `O.K., if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don`t know the answer I pay you $50! ` Now, that got the Engineer`s attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, `What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?` Then Engineer doesn`t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5. Now, its the Engineer`s turn. He asks the Programmer,`What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?` The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, `Well what`s the answer to the question?` Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

      That's a good one but in case you haven't noticed these are all blonde jokes!
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  • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
    Elderly blonde asks parish priest to teach her Latin.

    Months of learning later the priest asks...

    "Why have you been learning Latin?"

    ...so I can talk to the Saints and Angels when I enter heaven.

    Priest- "But what if you go to hell?"

    ...oh it'l be ok I already speak Hungarian
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  • Profile picture of the author Dickosn Harry
    I'll save the story onto my bookmarks. Very interesting!
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  • Profile picture of the author HelenVendo
    So much fun here!
    And so many jokes about blondes!
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