Think about Claude throughout the day

by Zodiax
68 replies
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Sometimes I think about Claude throughout the day.

I have never met the guy in person but an image of him just pops into my mind.

Every-time I think of Claude, I start chuckling.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.
  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by Zodiax View Post

    Sometimes I think about Claude throughout the day.

    I have never met the guy in person but an image of him just pops into my mind.

    Every-time I think of Claude, I start chuckling.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one.

    I also think about Claude throughout the day. I also have never seen him in person. But I have seen the look on the faces of people who have seen him in person. It ain't pretty.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      I can only think of Claude for a limited time during the day. More than that, well I might have to seek Therapy from a Medical Professional
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Claude is the poster boy for bulimics everywhere.
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  • Gonna save the guy up for Yoga tomorrow as I drift out on my mat an' the dolphins croon.
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  • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
    Banned
    Sounds like a bromance. I think about Big Frank throughout the day some days.
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    • Profile picture of the author Zodiax
      Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

      Sounds like a bromance. I think about Big Frank throughout the day some days.
      I know! People underestimate the power of online acquaintances.

      I think Claude is more memorable to me because he has a very unique tagline.

      How many vacuum cleaner salesmen do you know that live in Ohio and get cracked on with donut jokes. And how many forums have a section where everything gets derailed with the mention of one person.
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      • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Zodiax View Post

        I know! People underestimate the power of online acquaintances.

        I think Claude is more memorable to me because he has a very unique tagline.

        How many vacuum cleaner salesmen do you know that live in Ohio and get cracked on with donut jokes. And how many forums have a section where everything gets derailed with the mention of one person.
        How many people do you know that have the crushing acerbic wit of Big Frank? .... able to pulverize with a single post. lol.
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        • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
          Who's Claude?
          .
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

          How many people do you know that have the crushing acerbic wit of Big Frank? .... able to pulverize with a single post. lol.
          What's strange to me, is that I read a post from Frank, and it never offends me. And I never think he's unfair or mean. But if I read the exact same post from someone else, I may see it differently.

          I never want to think I read posts in a different way, depending on who's posting...but I know I do.

          After reading dozens or hundreds of posts from someone, you create a metal picture of them. You create expectations. And the result may be an unfair interpretation of what is being said, based on how you feel about that person.

          I don't want it to be true for me, but I know it is.
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          • Profile picture of the author discrat
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            After reading dozens or hundreds of posts from someone, you create a metal picture of them. You create expectations. And the result may be an unfair interpretation of what is being said, based on how you feel about that person.

            I don't want it to be true for me, but I know it is.
            Hope I'm Ozzie Osbourne or Metallica
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          • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
            Banned
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            What's strange to me, is that I read a post from Frank, and it never offends me. And I never think he's unfair or mean.
            Obviously, you have missed a few days at the WF OT. Never unfair, but mean when I need to be. lol

            That said, I am mostly teddybearesque.

            Cheers. - Frank
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by BigFrank View Post

              That said, I am mostly teddybearesque.
              Furry and anatomically incorrect?
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              • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
                Banned
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Furry and anatomically incorrect?
                That you long to cuddle with at night and I have the PM's to prove it.

                Cheers. - Frank
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by BigFrank View Post

              Obviously, you have missed a few days at the WF OT. Never unfair, but mean when I need to be. lol

              That said, I am mostly teddybearesque.

              Cheers. - Frank
              In other words, you have no penis.
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              • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
                Banned
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                In other words, you have no penis.
                I did until I met you! Cough it up!

                Cheers. - Frank
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Furry and anatomically incorrect?
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                In other words, you have no penis.
                I win.

                You're getting slow, Whitsy. Gettin' slow.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                  I win.

                  You're getting slow, Whitsy. Gettin' slow.
                  You said you wouldn't tell;

                  Whitsy is our Safe Word.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    What's strange to me, is that I read a post from Frank, and it never offends me. And I never think he's unfair or mean. But if I read the exact same post from someone else, I may see it differently.

                    I never want to think I read posts in a different way, depending on who's posting...but I know I do.

                    After reading dozens or hundreds of posts from someone, you create a metal picture of them. You create expectations. And the result may be an unfair interpretation of what is being said, based on how you feel about that person.

                    I don't want it to be true for me, but I know it is.
                    Even beyond that, I don't know about you but I look at what things other people have thanked.

                    For example, I just thanked this completely messed up comment:
                    At least you told your cat...it was your finger.


                    Certainly, I could have gone on this whole thread and not said a word. But just the fact that I thanked that statement just might tell you all kinds of things about me. What I approve of as acceptable humor here in the OT.

                    But then again, maybe not many others reading this even caught the reference.

                    Or maybe, just maybe, I truly am more warped than I would self admit.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

                      Even beyond that, I don't know about you but I look at what things other people have thanked.
                      I don't thank a post, just because someone else thanked it (even if I really like that person), But I have skipped a post, and then saw that someone thanked it (Like Kay King), and then I decided to go back and read it.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Jill Carpenter
                        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                        I don't thank a post, just because someone else thanked it (even if I really like that person), But I have skipped a post, and then saw that someone thanked it (Like Kay King), and then I decided to go back and read it.
                        Yes - I've done the same "what did I possibly miss or not see here."

                        But here's a question.

                        The fact that I thanked that particular post for that particular comment on the post - does that make me a complete floosy as a female or perhaps does it make you feel the other females on the thread might be a bit prudish? (btw, not saying being a prude or prudish is bad in any way)

                        Did they not thank it because they were not amused by the humor, or because they didn't want to be seen thanking something with that kind of humor on it, or were they truly that repulsed by the comment that they just skipped it all together. Or they honestly just didn't even see/read it.

                        I got a message over a month ago - someone is actually analyzing my forum posting as part of some kind of thesis paper she is doing. She needed my consent to include me. I believe she is in the UK, so there is another factor to toss into the equation.

                        I'm not exactly sure how many aspects of the forum posting she is diving into - but the subject of the thankyou's alone could definitely be a contributing factor in the overall analysis of my writing and conversational habits.

                        I think I just hurt my own head just now so I'll stop here.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
                          Jill, I hope you realize that now we're all going to thank posts just to mess with you.
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                        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                          Originally Posted by Jill Carpenter View Post

                          Yes - I've done the same "what did I possibly miss or not see here."

                          But here's a question.

                          The fact that I thanked that particular post for that particular comment on the post - does that make me a complete floosy as a female or perhaps does it make you feel the other females on the thread might be a bit prudish? (btw, not saying being a prude or prudish is bad in any way)
                          I don't think in those terms. If someone finds it funny, good. If they find it offensive, that's OK too. All I care about is...is it a good joke?

                          I'm a judgmental person. And I judge people on what it takes to offend them, and what it takes to anger them.


                          Although I find prudishness funny.

                          I have a sister-in-law that is very prudish.

                          At a family gathering, someone brought up what offended them on TV. Someone then mentioned "porn". (By the way, to her, "Porn" means seeing a topless woman).

                          I wanted to contribute....so I said, "I hate that porn. It's horrible, and shouldn't be allowed". Of course, everyone agreed.

                          But I can't stop myself...

                          "And do you know the worst part about porn? The cost! I used to be able to buy premium quality porn for less than $10 a month. Now, I'm spending hundreds of dollars a month on porn...and it's not even quality porn. People just don't take pride in their work, like they used to".

                          Two of the men couldn't stop laughing at that. Make that three...I was laughing too.


                          I am a lion in a den of Daniels.
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          • Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I never want to think I read posts in a different way, depending on who's posting...but I know I do.
            It is the weirdest thing.

            Tellya, if I didn't know for sure it was you an' Frankie an' Danno exchangin' banter 'bout penises an' poo, I mighta run with Kay an' Theresa, cos they are aaaaalways goin' on about that kinda sh*t.

            What I love is how stuff eventually derails into the same buffer so it is impossible to figure sumtimes why in hell I am commentin' at all.

            Was gonna finish there with a buncha observations about the 16 foot long sea monster, but then I remembered this is the Claude thread.

            On which note: is this one gonna ever be truly derailed?

            Mebbe it is a torch gonna burn forever.
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post


              On which note: is this one gonna ever be truly derailed?

              Mebbe it is a torch gonna burn forever.
              Someone will complain about "Claude jokes."

              Then someone will say the Claude jokes are Trump's fault.

              Then someone will say the last someone is sexist.


              Boom! Thread lock.
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              If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Someone will complain about "Claude jokes."

                Then someone will say the Claude jokes are Trump's fault.

                Then someone will say the last someone is sexist.


                Boom! Thread lock.
                All of this could be avoided if everyone remembered that the point of everything is to entertain me.
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  All of this could be avoided if everyone remembered that the point of everything is to entertain me.
                  "All of this could be avoided if everyone remembered that the point of everything is to insult me."

                  Fixed
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                  Where ever you go, there you are.

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              • Profile picture of the author sbucciarel
                Banned
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Someone will complain about "Claude jokes."

                Then someone will say the Claude jokes are Trump's fault.

                Then someone will say the last someone is sexist.


                Boom! Thread lock.

                ha ha hahahahaha ha ha ha! ... and ha.
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        • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
          Banned
          Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

          How many people do you know that have the crushing acerbic wit of Big Frank? .... able to pulverize with a single post. lol.
          It's said we all excel at something. And then there's Claude. Poor, poor Claude!

          Cheers. - Frank
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    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
      Banned
      Originally Posted by sbucciarel View Post

      Sounds like a bromance. I think about Big Frank all day, every day.
      All fixed!

      Cheers. - Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    I think of Claude whenever I'm struggling with a bowel movement. The mere mental image is like an immediate infusion of a box of bran muffins and a gallon of coffee.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      I think of Claude whenever I'm struggling with a bowel movement. The mere mental image is like an immediate infusion of a box of bran muffins and a gallon of coffee.
      The last time I had a bowel movement...I looked in the bowl, and a Miracle happened. I could see your face in the Poo.

      And then I realized, you just look like that.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        The last time I had a bowel movement...I looked in the bowl, and a Miracle happened. I could see your face in the Poo.

        And then I realized, you just look like that.
        Ahhh, so your a look back, a little bit proud kinda guy. As I suspected.
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        Where ever you go, there you are.

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      • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        The last time I had a bowel movement...I looked in the bowl, and a Miracle happened.
        You passed up a snack. That was a first.

        Cheers. - Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by Zodiax View Post

    Sometimes I think about Claude throughout the day.

    I have never met the guy in person but an image of him just pops into my mind.

    Every-time I think of Claude, I start chuckling.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one.
    See a doctor now, your Colon needs flushing.
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    Where ever you go, there you are.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Zodiax View Post

    Sometimes I think about Claude throughout the day.

    I have never met the guy in person but an image of him just pops into my mind.

    Every-time I think of Claude, I start chuckling.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one.
    Every time I think of Claude I start up-chucking.
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    • Profile picture of the author David Beroff
      I was not able to find the ideal video for this thread, where, on the SNL broadcast on December 8, 1979, Al Franken declared that the 1980's would henceforth be known as the Al Franken Decade.

      SNL Transcript courtesy of SNL Transcripts:
      Well, the "me" decade is almost over, and good riddance, and far as I'm concerned. The 70's were simply 10 years of people thinking of nothing but themselves. No wonder we were unable to get together and solve any of the many serious problems facing our nation. Oh sure, some people did do some positive things in the 70's - like jogging - but always for the wrong reasons, for their own selfish, personal benefit. Well, I believe the 80's are gonna have to be different. I think that people are going to stop thinking about themselves, and start thinking about me, Al Franken. That's right. I believe we're entering what I like to call the Al Franken Decade. Oh, for me, Al Franken, the 80's will be pretty much the same as the 70's. I'll still be thinking of me, Al Franken. But for you, you'll be thinking more about how things affect me, Al Franken. When you see a news report, you'll be thinking, "I wonder what Al Franken thinks about this thing?", "I wonder how this inflation thing is hurting Al Franken?" And you women will be thinking, "What can I wear that will please Al Franken?", or "What can I not wear?" You know, I know a lot of you out there are thinking, "Why Al Franken?" Well, because I thought of it, and I'm on TV, so I've already gotten the jump on you. So, I say let's leave behind the fragmented, selfish 70's, and go into the 80's with a unity and purpose. That's what I think. I'm Al Franken.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jack Gordon
    I am in San Antonio on business right now, looking out my hotel window at the Alamo. Sort of the perfect analogy for what Claude means to all of us here in the OT.

    Claude, you might get massacred regularly, but your legend only grows. Well, your legend and your belt size. Mostly your belt size.

    What was I talking about?
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

      I am in San Antonio on business right now, looking out my hotel window at the Alamo. Sort of the perfect analogy for what Claude means to all of us here in the OT.

      Claude, you might get massacred regularly, but your legend only grows. Well, your legend and your belt size. Mostly your belt size.

      What was I talking about?
      Welcome Jack !! Hard to believe we are now the 7th biggest city in US ahead of Dallas.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jack Gordon
        Originally Posted by discrat View Post

        Hard to believe we are now the 7th biggest city in US ahead of Dallas.
        Well, that calls for a celebration. Where are you taking me for lunch tomorrow?
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        • Profile picture of the author discrat
          Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

          Well, that calls for a celebration. Where are you taking me for lunch tomorrow?
          My kids are on Spring Break and we are hitting up Mickey D's for the Big Slam in morning down the Street here in Suburbia SA. I would probably think you would want a little bit of more Original food in your stay here

          We don't get to downtown a whole lot. Went last month for daughter's b-day. We ate at Rainforest Cafe off Riverwalk, really good
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

      I am in San Antonio on business right now, looking out my hotel window at the Alamo. Sort of the perfect analogy for what Claude means to all of us here in the OT.

      Claude, you might get massacred regularly, but your legend only grows. Well, your legend and your belt size. Mostly your belt size.

      What was I talking about?
      I have been there and seen the Alamo. Nothing much round the back, unlike Claude.

      A very nice place to be. Love the RiverWalk and the fact that you can walk around the city.

      I could retire there.
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      Where ever you go, there you are.

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      • Profile picture of the author discrat
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        I have been there and seen the Alamo. Nothing much round the back, unlike Claude.

        A very nice place to be. Love the RiverWalk and the fact that you can walk around the city.

        I could retire there.
        Yeah I don't blame you. Get away from that Huge Metropolis you live in just 3 hours a way .

        Seriously, I drive thru Houston every Summer going back towards Tennessee. Really an impressive City. Great skyline.Never really stopped around to look but really want to.

        Iam sure your a regular at Joel Osteen's mega church
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by discrat View Post

          Yeah I don't blame you. Get away from that Huge Metropolis you live in just 3 hours a way .

          Seriously, I drive thru Houston every Summer going back towards Tennessee. Really an impressive City. Great skyline.Never really stopped around to look but really want to.

          Iam sure your a regular at Joel Osteen's mega church
          That guy is just so creepy he makes Claude look like a saint.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            That guy is just so creepy he makes Claude look like a saint.

            I've watched Osteen several times. He's really good at what he does. I would love to see him live once.
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            • Profile picture of the author discrat
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              I've watched Osteen several times. He's really good at what he does. I would love to see him live once.
              He's the Consummate Salesman. Really.

              More people buy his books, DVDs etc.. because he takes NO salary from his 43k+ Congregation.

              Great Marketing ploy, imo
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by discrat View Post

                He's the Consummate Salesman. Really.

                More people buy his books, DVDs etc.. because he takes NO salary from his 43k+ Congregation.

                Great Marketing ploy, imo
                Yup, consummate salesman. I don't even mean that in a bad way. I watch preachers (the ones you send money to), politicians giving speeches, and speakers that sell from the front of the room. I study what they do.

                I don't care what they are selling, I'm interested in the pitch.

                I watched Joe Polish sell a $500 set of CDs..that weren't even of him, to a group of 1,000 people. At the end of an hour, 450 people went to the back of the room to buy. That's a quarter of a million dollars in an afternoon.

                The presentation hit so many steps to build value, establish celebrity, create scarcity, imply a secret withheld.....it was masterful. I bought the DVDs of the entire event, just to study his pitch.
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  Yup, consummate salesman. I don't even mean that in a bad way. I watch preachers (the ones you send money to), politicians giving speeches, and speakers that sell from the front of the room. I study what they do.

                  I don't care what they are selling, I'm interested in the pitch.

                  I watched Joe Polish sell a $500 set of CDs..that weren't even of him, to a group of 1,000 people. At the end of an hour, 450 people went to the back of the room to buy. That's a quarter of a million dollars in an afternoon.

                  The presentation hit so many steps to build value, establish celebrity, create scarcity, imply a secret withheld.....it was masterful. I bought the DVDs of the entire event, just to study his pitch.
                  These days, I am pretty much invulnerable to sales pitches. If I want something I usually research it beforehand and just order it based on specs and consensus. If I am there listening to someone it is usually just to make up my mind between a couple of products and seeking clarification on specs. (Surprisingly, there is no commission paid to workers at Best Buy so their advice is pretty impartial)

                  If I answer a sales call it is usually because the call keeps coming in and I just politely ask them to take me off their telephone auto dialer queue. This is particularly prevalent with make money online calls. If I get an email and click to a site that try's to sell some scheme, while the video is playing. I am researching other opinions about it on Google or the WF.

                  The wife and I got 2 free nights in a hotel in San Antonio to attend a Timeshare pitch. Walked away from that one.

                  I suppose it helps if you have been a salesman. Four years in a small computer store and 5 selling crappy Packard Bell computers in a superstore.

                  But, if you come round you will probably sell to the wife ok.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by Jack Gordon View Post

      I am in San Antonio on business right now, looking out my hotel window at the Alamo. Sort of the perfect analogy for what Claude means to all of us here in the OT.

      Claude, you might get massacred regularly, but your legend only grows. Well, your legend and your belt size. Mostly your belt size.

      What was I talking about?
      The legend of Claude in our home state, Michigan of course.

      As previously shared in an alternate Warrior Forum Off Topic Universe.

      Claude level in being taught about the birds and bees?

      You do know that that type of activity was outlawed way back during the logging industry, right? You also know how logging went out of business, bottom up, belly up and completely washed up, don't you? If not, it's okay. Here in Michigan, it is so embarrassing, we keep the story underground and you won't find it written anywhere. Not even at Lumberman's Monument.

      You see, Claude was self taught in the area of the birds and the bees by bird watching in the upper portion of the lower peninsula of Michigan. He then attempted to imitate them. I must add right here that I guess you have to give him kudos for his sticking to trying to learn, however.

      Anyway, Claude climbed to the tops of the trees, watched for a bird to soar by and then leaped into the air trying to fly around in circles with it, all twitterpated and eager to learn that certain activity. However, gravity had been at work since the beginning of time and pulled him down.

      Because he wasn't the leanest and lightest of men, his weight not only broke those trees, but splintered the wood into pieces approximately the size of toothpicks. I mean there were piles and piles of them! Claude wasn't discouraged though, he kept on climbing, leaping and trying to fly and play until eventually there was almost no forest left. He destroyed the forests full of trees causing the logging industry to come to a complete halt and forced it into bankruptcy. He was thereby banished from Michigan forever. That's why he lives in close-by, Ohio.

      No, nope, I didn't forget the bees part. He wanted to learn about that certain activity the same way, except he was bee watching this time. The problem was that he could only find a single bee flying around. They weren't in pairs like the birds were. Claude being a clever guy, deduced that he must go to their homes and followed a honey bee home to it's hive. He yearned to see those bees partaking in that activity. Well, you know bees, they don't let anyone near their hives, so they attacked and aimed for his forehead.

      They hit the spot with their angry stingers and as Claude fell, they gathered up some of their extra bees wax, carried it up towards the sun until it was hot and melting, then they dropped that hot ball of wax, again, right on Claude's forehead. When he tried to get it off, it had cooled a bit and caused him to permanently rip out the hair from the front of his head! And to this very day, Claude still has that balding swollen forehead!
      Terra

      P.S. I still love ya, Claude.
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  • Yoga got canceled, an' I am way bummeder than frickin' Kim K.

    Gonna prostrate myself alone an' envision miracles.

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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff together.

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