Do you ever have a problem with your computer, programs, wordpress or need tech support...

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xkcd - A Webcomic - Tech Support Cheat Sheet no affiliate link not my site, but you can become the next expert
#off topic forum #computer #problem #programs #support #tech #wordpress
  • Bev, it will become handy very soon - my Mother-in-law got a new computer last week - but still cannot use it for a A+ certification.

    Timo
    • [1] reply
    • Excellent cheat sheet for creating some work for us IT professionals to earn our living.

      I especially like the iterations that causes an unknowledgable computer user to test out different menu choices and googled advice, that he/she may not be qualified to follow, for half an hour before giving up.

      Before those iterations the cost of having a professional fix the problem might have been $50-100. I might even fix it for free if my customer called me and we could get things to work over the phone in 5-10 minutes.

      After those iterations, the support cost easily ends up at $200-300.
  • Haha, awesome diagram Sure did help me, taught me to give up and ask someone else xD
  • Great Bev, just destroyed my IT support business!!! Now my users know my secrets!!
  • Failing that, simply insert a high level power interupt.

    [Turn it off and then onagain]

    2 months ago I cudn't even spell IT ingeneer, now I are one.
    • [3] replies
    • I have a problem with my computer Can they fix personal differences?
      • [1] reply
    • I LOVE it. I'm going to print it out and take it with me!

      As for "turn it off and turn it on again" (SimonHarrison) - I have clients who think I'm a GENIUS because I've told them to do just that and it works!!

      Carol
      • [1] reply
    • I have an even more impressing action that will leave the ones you help with the impression of you being some kind of a healer with "warm" hands.

      Example follows;
      • A customer calls me telling me that his server has stopped for some reason
      • The customer tells me he has tried to push the on/off button without anything happening
      • I ask the customer to leave the server alone and to detatch the power cable
      • I turn up at the customers site 30-45 minutes later
      • I attach the power cable to the server, touches it with my "warm" hands and then push the on/off button
      • The server starts up as it should
      Power supplies sometimes hang, probably caused by some voltage hangup in their internal circuitry. So, alas, it's the time passed detached from the power cable that does the trick, not my "warm" hands.
      • [1] reply
  • Now, that's funny You seriously made me laugh. I am sending that to my friend
  • Hello,
    I have two teenage sons that do my it work,
    thats what teenagers are for.
  • Nice one Bev!!!

    I've been looking for a simple solution like this for a long time. Now I'm an expert - and in just a few minutes. Wonder if I can make it into a book???

    Mary
  • HEY, that is what I do if I don't have the answer and am FORCED to use X! You CAN'T call tech support! IT DOESN'T EXIST!!!!!!!! You CAN'T go to a company like Geek Squad. I described a problem I had, and EVERY answer they gave ignored the basic premise! They never DID give anything that even had a CHANCE of having a CHANCE to work. So what can you do?

    What I do, if I think it might be an option(follow obvious options, then not so obvious ones).

    What I do if I DON'T think there is an option, or it is impractical(google).

    What I do if THAT fails? try "tech support". They almost ALWAYS fail, but you NEVER know.

    What I do if THAT fails, or they are more convenient? Ask a friend.

    What I do if THAT fails? change the basic premise. If someone asks me to do it in perl, and I know how to do it in say C, I will use C. If the problem is with a piece of hardware, I will try to change it. etc...

    Steve
  • Very funny, Bev.

    When I first started in tech support in the 80's, I learned that the first question you need to ask is:

    Is your computer plugged in?

    Believe it or not that solves a lot of problems!
    • [2] replies
    • And of course the next question is: Is it powered on?
      • [1] reply
    • No, no, no! That doesn't work anymore! They say "of COURSE it's plugged in, I'm not an idiot!" - so you have to be sneaky.

      "Sometimes dust gets in the outlets. Unplug your computer, blow in the outlet to clear the dust, and then plug it back in."

      Idiot moron on the phone goes down there thinking you're pulling his leg, and sees that it's unplugged. He thinks "oh crap, I'm an idiot," but realises you don't know this! So he makes loud blowing noises in the outlet, then plugs it in. Which, of course, solves the problem!

      "Hey, thanks, that did the trick."

      This also works with keyboard cables, mouse cables, monitor cables, USB ports...
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • They could add a box to the diagram....

    "Did your computer melt?"

    Make BOTH options "NO" and put it back into the loop.

    I think that's the main difference: fear of "breaking" the computer. The reason this isn't a major issue is that the people who are the most worried about it, are the least likely to know how to get to the registry, open the Run dialog, type "msconfig" (or similar).

    All the best,
    Michael
    • [1] reply
    • You don't ************************EVER********************** ***** want to tell a stranger how to do ANYTHING destructive! DON'T speak about the registry, because they may wipe it out, or change it. SAME THING with msconfig. OK, true story time! Is everyone comfortable?

      I'll wait......

      OK? Good!

      Maybe most people here don't remember, but there USED to be a set of codes called ASCII. They covered not only 0-9 and a-z, but various commands which were called things like escape, C/R, and CONTROL CODES! The CONTROL CODES did special things. ^J(aka control J) was linefeed, ^M was CR, ^I was tab, ^S was PAUSE transmission(XOFF), ^Q was start transmission(XON), ^@ was do nothing(null), and ^C was TERMINATE PROGRAM. Perhaps some have used ^C(hold down the control key while pushing C) to terminate a LINUX or UNIX program here. BTW M/S wants to do things differently, so windows uses this as the COPY TO BUFFER command. 8-(

      Well, I had only been programming a decade or so, and hadn't yet learned how stupid some people can be. So I went out on a support call. I had to stop a process, and I made a BIG mistake. Someone was near me when I hit ^C! I left, and things were working FINE!

      A couple days later, we got a call. Things weren't posting. I thought IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!!!! Eventually, I found that they hit ^C right after the invoices printed! ON PURPOSE! I asked why, and they said that it made things run faster! All they wanted were the invoices!

      I told them that we WEREN'T trying to slow things down. It was actually doing stuff!

      Anyone here want to guess what it was doing??????????

      YEP, POSTING!!!! And WHAT is the point of printing invoices if you don't track them anyway?

      Steve
  • WOW, I didn't know they were called kondensator there. Ironically, the less capable ones USED to be called condensers in English. Don't ask me why!

    Anyway, I was REALLY taken aback by you stating that you had the customer wait for you to plug it back in. YIKES! HERE, that often costs like $50!

    Steve
  • Not sure if you got my point or not Steve. What I'm saying is that the ones who most afraid of wrecking their computer are the ones least likely to know enough to do so.

    ~Michael
    • [1] reply
    • I understood! I was just emphasizing that you should NEVER help them out there! People fall into pretty much three groups.....

      1. Those that intuitively know a lot, and know what they DON'T know! I, for example, won't even open another persons computer without their permission and their knowing the risks, and NEVER without the proper precautions. I will try to research when needed. If I use a transformer on a laptop. I try to make sure it is IDENTICAL. If I have no choice, I try to make sure the voltage and amperage are the same, and that the polarity is right.
      2. Those that are scared to go farther, and will ask almost anything!
      3. Those that think they can do anything without any fear. I have seen people switch transformers, etc... and FRY systems.

      I used to not know that #3 was such a large group. My story was about such a group.

      Steve
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  • As I told you earlier, tech support no longer really exists. It was nice for a while but, now, FORGET IT! Anyway, I got bored, and read a site that is always funny. SUPPOSEDLY this stuff is all true, and I HAVE seen worse, so I figured I would flip things over on you!

    Microsoft Vissa, Hey That's Ours, & More Support Stories - The Daily WTF

    Granted, some show how the user can be to blame, but get a load of the first one! Does dell have ANY software that is not 3rd party!?!?

    Steve
  • Steve, That is so very typical of a Dell support call!
  • Ah yes, the other side of the coin.

    The world-wide GNARLY customer/technical support.

    ... and yes Dell is notably BAD.

    So much so that I raised so much trouble that I got a refund on my Service Contract.

    - It took about 10 phone calls but I did get $189 and I have no doubt the only reason was so I would stop calling to complain to every department on their endless telephone loop.

    I have no doubt that heads rolled and shortly after I noticed they were publically rebuked en masse and changed their tune to some degree.
  • Hi Bev,

    Thanks for sharing, this is great diagram.... However i think, only computer savvy can follow this
    picture with dare LOL

    Regards,
    Mohsin
  • XKCD won my eternal loyalty with this one.

    xkcd - A Webcomic - The Sierpinski Penis Game

    I just giggle insanely about this, and people look at me funny.
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