Have you become an elephant with a trunk pointed down?

by R Hagel

Posted: 15 years ago 30 replies

OFF TOPIC

Today I was skimming through my spam to make sure I didn't delete any real emails. I started paying attention to some of the subject lines and openers -- completely amusing!

Here's a sample:

"Have you become an elephant with a trunk pointed down?"

"Something that can spur a stud inside you!"

"Dear friend, our new project is happy to invite you to end-summer sale as cheape as never."

"When your bed enthusiasm is at near-zero level, you need something to boost it!"

"Stress killed your zeal and your horn leaves your lady without music of love"

"Every time I jumped to bed with a girl, I thought, 'Please, don't fall down, lovestick!'"

Cheers,
Becky

Tina Golden 15 years ago

[DELETED]

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- R Hagel 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises
  
  I got one the other day that said not to let my penis fall off.
  
  Did you look down, scream, throw your hands in the air and say, "TOOOO LATE! Oh the humanity....why me, oh god, noooooo!!!!"
  
  Thanks
  
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Michael Motley

15 years ago

I noticed a couple years ago that men are severely preoccupied with our penises. We men spend a lot of money on our junk. We have pills, creams, pumps, implants. There are possible aids vaccines that have spent decades in fda approval system, but we got viagra through from front to back in 6 months.

And what the hell is with the cialis commericals? It took me forever to figure out what cialis actually does from the cryptic commercials. All i could figure out was that if i took these pills, i would end up in a bath tub in the middle of a field.

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1 reply

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CDarklock

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Motley

We men spend a lot of money on our junk. We have pills, creams, pumps, implants.

What makes you think the rest of us buy any of that crap?

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1 reply

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Michael Motley

15 years ago

Originally Posted by CDarklock

What makes you think the rest of us buy any of that crap?

Yes i know mr manly man, 'real men dont buy that stuff' etc etc etc. No need to puff your chest out, nobody would dare poke fun at your virility.

Obviously with 700 million + in sales every year, there are only like 2-3 people using that stuff *flex*

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Killer Joe

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Motley

Obviously with 700 million + in sales every year, there are only like 2-3 people using that stuff *flex*

Got that right...I'm just not happy with a four hour pup tent. I want around the clock readiness in the unlikely event I may ever have the need to make those pills pay off.

And besides, I can take my hands off the steering wheel while I'm texting and not have to worry about the car changing lanes. Keeps the cat from jumping up in my lap when I'm watching TV, as well.

Plus, I'm a lot of fun in a crowded elevator.

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ThomM

15 years ago

And to think I avoided this thread because I thought it was some stupid marketing thing

Only thread I've ever read here where almost every reply has me laughing out of my chair

When I see those Viagra commercials I think of my father.
He was in his mid 80's and had been in very poor health for a few years.
I went up to his room one morning and he was sitting there smiling.
I asked him what was up.
"When I woke up this morning I had a hard on" he said.
Then he frowned and said "But I can't remember what to do with it"

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1 reply

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Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
Getting old ain't for sissy's
As you are I was, as I am you will be
You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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Tina Golden

15 years ago

[DELETED]

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ThomM

15 years ago

Originally Posted by TMG Enterprises

Thom, that reminded me of my grandfather during my senior year of high school. We were having the sex talk (as I had stupidly become engaged before even graduating) and he felt he should warn me, I guess. Basically he told me that you don't have to get married in order to have sex. I wasn't going to tell him that I already knew that...lol.

Anyhow, as he talked he said that at his age, if he got an erection he would have to run and put it in the freezer in order to show my grandmother when she got home from work.

I could have died on the spot...lmao.

Tina

Old folks have an honesty all their own

,
and I'm glad they do and hope I have it in a couple of years.

Thanks

Signature

Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
Getting old ain't for sissy's
As you are I was, as I am you will be
You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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R Hagel 15 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

Only thread I've ever read here where almost every reply has me laughing out of my chair

And some of the best replies came after you made this post!

You guys are killing me. (Killer Joe, you're on a roll tonight!)
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- ThomM 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by R Hagel
  
  And some of the best replies came after you made this post!
  
  You guys are killing me. (Killer Joe, you're on a roll tonight!)
  
  I know
  Without a doubt one of the funniest threads here.
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
  Getting old ain't for sissy's
  As you are I was, as I am you will be
  You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.
  
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Michael Motley

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Killer Joe

I keep hearing about a topical cream that you apparently just apply before sex and it does the same thing. So i'm wondering if there are a bunch of guys using that product that have one HUGE or really really hard handshake.

And there's the cialis stuff, supposedly thats a 36 hour thing, and the stuff called enzyte is supposed to make things bigger.

so in theory, with a couple pills and some creams, you could possibly have an erection that could concievably be termed a concealed weapon or it could look like a concrete traffic cone, huge, hard and red

I know for the most part women dont really want a guy that is too small, or that can't get it up, and thats completely understandable. But if a guy shows up with something the size of his forearm, so hard it has a shine to it, can crack walnuts with it and says it was going to be that way for the next 4 hours straight (no pun intended) that might scare some girls off

Thanks
2 replies

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Killer Joe

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Motley

I know for the most part women dont really want a guy that is too small, or that can't get it up, and thats completely understandable. But if a guy shows up with something the size of his forearm, so hard it has a shine to it, can crack walnuts with it and says it was going to be that way for the next 4 hours straight (no pun intended) that might scare some girls off

Yes, Michael, that has been my experience.

KJ

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CDarklock

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Michael Motley

the stuff called enzyte is supposed to make things bigger.

I have a life goal to interview the guy who plays "Smiling Bob" on their commercials.

Come to think of it, another of my life goals is to write a book about the development of Microsoft Bob. I seem to have a lot of goals related to guys named Bob.

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Killer Joe 15 years ago

BobbingForGoals.com

Sorta has a ring to it, don't ya think?

KJ
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Kay King

15 years ago

Could anyone else read that all the way through?

Being the curious sort, I did read it all the way through and then said

eewwwwww

Using the word "puncture" with that part of the male anatomy doesn't sound like a good plan.

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ThomM

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Being the curious sort, I did read it all the way through and then said

eewwwwww

Using the word "puncture" with that part of the male anatomy doesn't sound like a good plan.

As a male reading that here's my perspective.
A certain part of my anatomy tried to run and hide:rolleyes:

Thanks

Signature

Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
Getting old ain't for sissy's
As you are I was, as I am you will be
You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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ecoverartist

15 years ago

I got a great one one time that said "We're too lazy to write subject lines, please buy our pills"

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Killer Joe

15 years ago

I think this one should have kept his pointing down...:confused:

YouTube - Elephant Stick Its Trunk Up Other...

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Kay King

15 years ago

Mining for gold? The elephant equivalent of picking your nose? Weird.

I still haven't gotten over the rash of "get your ex back" email promotions. After wondering "which one" and "why would I do that?" I felt an urge to unsubscribe from all of those lists - so I gave in to it.

So many [men/women], so little time - why would you want to recycle them?

The part of the man-pills commercials that always fascinated me was the "if an erection lasts for more than 4 hours" followed by a warning. Ever wonder who tested that time frame? Does it explode at 4 hours and 10 minutes? If you go to the emergency room - what do the doctors DO?

kay

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Lawrh

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

The part of the man-pills commercials that always fascinated me was the "if an erection lasts for more than 4 hours" followed by a warning. Ever wonder who tested that time frame? Does it explode at 4 hours and 10 minutes? If you go to the emergency room - what do the doctors DO?
kay

This is from Wikipedia:

Medical advice should be sought immediately for cases of erection beyond four hours. Generally, this is done at an emergency department. The therapy at this stage is to aspirate blood from the corpus cavernosum under local anaesthetic. If this is still insufficient, then intra-cavernosal injections of phenylephrine are administered. This should only be performed by a trained urologist, with the patient under constant hemodynamic monitoring, as phenylephrine can cause severe hypertension, bradycardia, tachycardia, and arrhythmia.
If aspiration fails and tumescence recurs, surgical shunts are next attempted. These attempt to reverse the priapic state by shunting blood from the rigid corpora cavernosa into the corpus spongiosum (which contains the glans and the urethra). Distal shunts are the first step, followed by more proximal shunts.
Distal shunts, such as the Winter's, involves puncturing the glans (the distal part of the penis) into one of the cavernosa, where the old, stagnant blood is held. This causes the blood to leave the penis and return to the circulation. This procedure can be performed by a urologist at the bedside.
Proximal shunts, such as the Quackel's, are more involved and entail operative dissection in the perineum to where the corpora meet the spongiosum, making an incision in both, and suturing both openings together.

Not good.

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christftw

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Lawrh

Could anyone else read that all the way through?

I got to "glans and the urethra".

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locpic63 15 years ago

The part of the man-pills commercials that always fascinated me was the "if an erection lasts for more than 4 hours" followed by a warning. Ever wonder who tested that time frame? Does it explode at 4 hours and 10 minutes? If you go to the emergency room - what do the doctors DO?

kay[/QUOTE]

They call a nurse, only makes sense to me.

Here's to your continuing success

Locpic63
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R Hagel

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

I still haven't gotten over the rash of "get your ex back" email promotions. After wondering "which one" and "why would I do that?" I felt an urge to unsubscribe from all of those lists - so I gave in to it.

So many [men/women], so little time - why would you want to recycle them?

A friend of mine says that wanting your ex back is like opening up the fridge, sniffing the milk to find out that it's spoiled, and then putting the milk back in the fridge... as if it's going to be less spoiled tomorrow!

cheers,
Becky

Thanks

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Michael Motley

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

More importantly, if a guy is in such a situation that he is taking these pills, he probably hasnt had a high hard one for a while. If he gets one that lasts 4 hours, he's not going to a dr, he's finding a hooker or dragging food and water into the bedroom and putting his gf/wife (who are probably very agreeable to a 4hr erection) to work

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R Hagel

15 years ago

Ewwww is right -- I just read the Wikipedia entry. Actually, I don't think they actually perform the procedure if you get the never-ending pup tent. All they have to do is READ the damn Wikipedia entry to the gentlemen. That ought to do it!

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ThomM

15 years ago

Originally Posted by R Hagel

Yep it would shrink and try to hide in the Butt.

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Life: Nature's way of keeping meat fresh
Getting old ain't for sissy's
As you are I was, as I am you will be
You can't fix stupid, but you can always out smart it.

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R Hagel 15 years ago

Originally Posted by ThomM

Yep it would shrink...

At which point a female walks in without knocking, looks down at the shrinkage and laughs. You chase after her, yelling, "But I just read the Wikipedia article! I just read the Wikipedia article!"

(That one was for the Seinfeld fans. )
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Have you become an elephant with a trunk pointed down?

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