How is my Pitch ?

It lacks credibilty and sounds like a desperate pitch. Being the cheapest usullay means 1 or 2, things poor service and or low quality. Just because you can say your service can beat any price or offer a refund. Does not build any real credibilty with a purchaser.

Realize your competitors will say the same thing. However they promote the value of what they are selling besides low price. Think what value you are providing to compete. Are you offering more support ? better quality ? You have to figure this into your pitch to create some credibilry. Or go at another angle, answer the problem the customer may experience.

Thanks

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yukon

Banned 7 years ago

Originally Posted by Glad Maker

We can send you more customer...

Great, so they get more of one customer.

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perryny

7 years ago

This pitch...

Originally Posted by Glad Maker

We are coming up with a new service where we ask the businesses and merchants that who delivers them the most customers and then we will beat that source and out perform it. If we are unable to, then we do a refund.

... is better than this pitch.

Originally Posted by Glad Maker

"We can send you more customer then you get from your facebook, your social media, your email campaign, your online advertising and marketing campaign, your best performing indirect sales channel or any 3rd party website. Either we deliver you more customers or we do a refund!"

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Glad Maker

7 years ago

Hey guys , Thanx for the valuable input.
Let me open up a little more...
This is a pitch for an upcoming deals and discount site.
That won't charge any commissions on the sales, making businesses and merchants more money.
We tell businesses and merchants that if they get 1000 customers from a famous daily deal site.
We can send them more then 1000 customers. Make them more profit.
If we are unable to do it. Then we refund their fee. simple...
So in this context.... now tell me.. is it fine ? or not ?
Thanx again

Thanks
1 reply

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Oziboomer

7 years ago

Originally Posted by Glad Maker

Hey guys , Thanx for the valuable input.
Let me open up a little more...
This is a pitch for an upcoming deals and discount site.
That won't charge any commissions on the sales, making businesses and merchants more money.
We tell businesses and merchants that if they get 1000 customers from a famous daily deal site.
We can send them more then 1000 customers. Make them more profit.
If we are unable to do it. Then we refund their fee. simple...
So in this context.... now tell me.. is it fine ? or not ?
Thanx again

If working in an English speaking market you need to sort out your "then" and "than" and eliminate the "that"

Best regards,

Ozi

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agmccall

7 years ago

Are you actually sending customers or traffic, they are 2 different things. If you send tons of junk traffic that does not convert then you are not sending customers and will probably be refunding quite a few orders

al

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MikeFriedman

7 years ago

Even ignoring all the grammatical errors, the pitch is awful.

It evokes zero emotional response. It does nothing to move me at all.

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Glad Maker

7 years ago

get more customers, make more profit or get a refund.
how is that one?
thanx again

Thanks
1 reply

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Joyce Birmingham 7 years ago

Maybe along the lines of "risk free" rather than "get a refund"?
- Thanks
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