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Claude Whitacre, in all honesty

by Jeffery
106 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
    • |
I mean this in a good way

"If there were more people in the world like Claude it would be a better place!"

Claude can hang with the best of them. Regardless of what he says there is always a good sense of humor in what he says.

Plus, every time I read Claude it reminds me to vacuum. Not sure if it makes my wife frisky, but it keeps me off of the couch for a few nights.

Thank you Claude
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

    "If there were more people in the world like Claude it would be a heavier place!"
    Let's at least keep it factual.


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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    I would like to accept this award on behalf of all the little people...

    Dan Riffle. I'm talking about Dan Riffle.

    It's a short joke.

    Dan Riffle is short.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Claude...how was Black Friday at The Sweeper Store? Were you stampeded by all those customer (singular) visiting your shop yesterday?
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Claude...how was Black Friday at The Sweeper Store? Were you stampeded by all those customer (singular) visiting your shop yesterday?
      Amazingly, you are just about right. I think we sold 2 vacuums on Friday. A pretty average day.


      Our business isn't effected much my holidays, seasons, economic conditions.

      I've actually lost nearly all interest in business.....this business is nearly effortless, selling is effortless (to me), And the only thing that keeps me from just closing the doors is that it's just profitable enough to keep me from quitting.

      I doubt that I spend 90 minutes a day actually selling or working in the store. Mostly writing, playing online, and planning Dan Riffle's murder.
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      • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
        Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

        You sir, have achieved almost every Internet Marketer's dream and that is a good thing!
        Why would you consider Claude an Internet Marketer? He's been doing business the same way since before the Internet was ever invented and if the Internet disappeared tomorrow, I doubt it would affect his business one iota. His books on selling were translated from his original prehistoric scrawling on French cave walls.

        Besides, the only dream this guy is living is a pipe dream.
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        • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
          Originally Posted by Jeffery
          You sir, have achieved almost every Internet Marketer's dream and that is a good thing!

          Originally Posted by OptedIn View Post

          Why would you consider Claude an Internet Marketer? He's been doing business the same way since before the Internet was ever invented and if the Internet disappeared tomorrow, I doubt it would affect his business one iota. His books on selling were translated from his original prehistoric scrawling on French cave walls.

          Besides, the only dream this guy is living is a pipe dream.

          Why would you consider Claude an Internet Marketer?

          Financial independence. Almost every Internet Marketer's dream is financial independence. For some, once that point is reached, they seem to forget that point.


          Besides, the only dream this guy is living is a pipe dream.

          I had a pipe once but the authorities took it away from me
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by OptedIn View Post

          Why would you consider Claude an Internet Marketer? He's been doing business the same way since before the Internet was ever invented and if the Internet disappeared tomorrow, I doubt it would affect his business one iota. His books on selling were translated from his original prehistoric scrawling on French cave walls.

          Besides, the only dream this guy is living is a pipe dream.
          You should have stopped at "Why would you consider Claude"
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      • Profile picture of the author Kurt
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Amazingly, you are just about right. I think we sold 2 vacuums on Friday. A pretty average day.


        Our business isn't effected much my holidays, seasons, economic conditions.

        I've actually lost nearly all interest in business.....this business is nearly effortless, selling is effortless (to me), And the only thing that keeps me from just closing the doors is that it's just profitable enough to keep me from quitting.

        I doubt that I spend 90 minutes a day actually selling or working in the store. Mostly writing, playing online, and planning Dan Riffle's murder.
        Another claudian slip..."My" holidays and seasons? Narcissist much?

        So business is slow at The Sweeper Store? I'm here to help...you need to do local TV commercials. Just take The Wiz commercial from Seinfeld and slightly change it to "I'm the Whit! I'm the Whit!"...can't miss.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

        You sir, have achieved almost every Internet Marketer's dream and that is a good thing!
        One thing that should be noted....

        The first 20 years of selling, and the first several years of retail/internet marketing/advertising....were a grind.

        Failed attempt after failed attempt, hours every week at the library, studying ads/marketing to try to figure out what made a winner......buying and studying a couple thousands books on selling and psychology...buying and studying a few hundred books on direct advertising and copywriting.....

        And keeping copious notes on what worked and what didn't....

        By now I'm a real expert on selling, an expert on advertising (like several others here), and I'm an expert on how to blow money on stupid ideas that never worked....

        But all of that took a few decades.

        Anyone thinking that if they just put out a website with a few affiliate links...and they are going to get wealthy...are in for a shock.

        I can only cruise now...because I put in a lot of money, sweat, and thought into my businesses the first decade or two. None of this came quick.

        But was it worth it? Absolutely.

        There are several people here (mostly in the Offline Marketing section) that are true experts in marketing. And we are here to pass on what we know, trying to save a few years off the new guy's learning curve.

        But here? On the off topic forum? I'm just playing with people I enjoy...and Dan Riffle.

        (I can't stop myself)

        Thank you Jeffrey, for your kind comments.
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  • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
    Claude Whitacre, in all honesty

    These words should never be used in the same sentence, unless it also contains the words, "devoid of any."
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Not sure if it makes my wife frisky

    Is there someone else who would know about that??
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    • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Is there someone else who would know about that??
      Are you trying to get me in trouble???
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
      Not sure if it makes my wife frisk

      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

      Is there someone else who would know about that??

      I'll take that as a hint
      For me, Claude has made my world a better place.

      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      Amazingly, you are just about right. I think we sold 2 vacuums on Friday. A pretty average day.

      Our business isn't effected much my holidays, seasons, economic conditions.

      I've actually lost nearly all interest in business.....this business is nearly effortless, selling is effortless (to me), And the only thing that keeps me from just closing the doors is that it's just profitable enough to keep me from quitting.

      I doubt that I spend 90 minutes a day actually selling or working in the store. Mostly writing, playing online, and planning Dan Riffle's murder.

      You sir, have achieved almost every Internet Marketer's dream and that is a good thing!

      Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

      Let's at least keep it fRactual.


      .
      Couldn't Resist.

      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      If there were more people in the world like Claude ... where would all the air go?

      Reminds me of what I say to my classes when they depart the class for the first time "Check your wallet on the way out."
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

    I mean this in a good way

    "If there were more people in the world like Claude it would be a better place!"

    Claude can hang with the best of them. Regardless of what he says there is always a good sense of humor in what he says.

    Plus, every time I read Claude it reminds me to vacuum. Not sure if it makes my wife frisky, but it keeps me off of the couch for a few nights.

    Thank you Claude
    "If there were more people in the world like Claude, Hair Club would be wealthier than Apple"

    "If there were more people in the world like Claude, KFC would be a 5 star restaurant!"

    "If there were more people in the world like Claude, Dan Riffle would be considered one of the most handsomest guys on the planet"

    "If there were more people in the world like Claude, all the sewers would be clogged up."
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

      "If there were more people in the world like Claude, Hair Club would be wealthier than Apple"

      "If there were more people in the world like Claude, KFC would be a 5 star restaurant!"

      "If there were more people in the world like Claude, Dan Riffle would be considered one of the most handsomest guys on the planet"

      "If there were more people in the world like Claude, all the sewers would be clogged up."
      Victoria's. AU sewers got substantially clogged up today, but at least my candle stock has skyrocketed/

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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    If there were more people in the world like Claude ... where would all the air go?
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    ^ That ^


    and if it is still slow just go to Google Maps and change your store name and address to Hooters!
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    This thread makes me physically ill.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      This thread makes me physically ill.
      Would you like me to start a "Celebrate Dan Riffle" thread?
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        Would you like me to start a "Celebrate Dan Riffle" thread?
        How about a denefestrate Dan Riffle thread?

        Or immolate Dan Riffle?

        Or calcitrate Dan Riffle?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

          How about a denefestrate Dan Riffle thread?

          Or immolate Dan Riffle?

          Or calcitrate Dan Riffle?
          I just want to state for my impeccable record...that I did not have to look up any of those words. I know the best words. I'm a very stable genius. What you see and hear isn't what's happening.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kurt
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      This thread makes me physically ill.
      It's the romaine lettuce of Warrior threads...
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      This thread makes me physically ill.
      Then it's all worthwhile.

      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

      Would you like me to start a "Celebrate Dan Riffle" thread?
      I certainly would.
      But first you have to think of something good to say about Dan Riffle. Here, let me start.

      Dan Riffle is not the idiot everyone thinks he is.
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Dan Riffle is not the idiot everyone thinks he is.
        What sort of idiot is he then?
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

          What sort of idiot is he then?
          The sort that gives Idiot's a bad name.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Then it's all worthwhile.



        I certainly would.
        But first you have to think of something good to say about Dan Riffle. Here, let me start.

        Dan Riffle is not the idiot everyone thinks he is.
        Claude.. No .. you mean He is not the Idiot you try to make us think he is ..
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

          Claude.. No .. you mean He is not the Idiot you try to make us think he is ..
          Actually, Riffle is one of the smartest people I've met. And I suspect one of the smartest people here.

          Witty insulting jabs...when done well..requires a very high level of thinking. Most comics are exceptionally bright.

          Honestly, I don't know if Riffle and I would be friends if he was my neighbor..I don't know enough about him.

          But his torturous jabs are a thing of beauty.

          One thing I really enjoy is when someone is handling me...getting the better of me in a verbal exchange. And Riffle does it better than anyone here, with the possible exception of Kurt.

          And he's not really short. If he were really short, I'd never mention it.

          And that's why I never talk about Riffle's need to wear an adult diaper. That was told to me in confidence..... and won't be talked about here.
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          • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Witty insulting jabs...when done well..requires a very high level of thinking.
            And how would you know?


            .
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            One thing I really enjoy is when someone is handling me...
            This is how Claude begins every email and phone call.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Honestly, I don't know if Riffle and I would be friends if he was my neighbor..I don't know enough about him.
            Trust me, we wouldn't be. Your penchant for nude sunbathing and adult baby parties would make sure of that.



            Actually, we'd probably talk very little as neighbors. I'm cordial, yet reserved with neighbors. It would take years to develop the repartee we have now due to the niceties required in polite, suburban living. And I don't think you drink and you're not a sports guy, so I'd never invite you over for a beer.

            Ultimately, I'd wave occasionally and mumble under my breath about your damn leaves blowing onto my lawn.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Trust me, we wouldn't be. Your penchant for nude sunbathing and adult baby parties would make sure of that.



              Actually, we'd probably talk very little as neighbors. I'm cordial, yet reserved with neighbors. It would take years to develop the repartee we have now due to the niceties required in polite, suburban living. And I don't think you drink and you're not a sports guy, so I'd never invite you over for a beer.

              Ultimately, I'd wave occasionally and mumble under my breath about your damn leaves blowing onto my lawn.
              Leaves? more like his dead skin scales
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Trust me, we wouldn't be. Your penchant for nude sunbathing and adult baby parties would make sure of that.

              You just call them Adult Baby Parties...because you're trying to get invited.

              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Actually, we'd probably talk very little as neighbors. I'm cordial, yet reserved with neighbors. It would take years to develop the repartee we have now due to the niceties required in polite, suburban living. And I don't think you drink and you're not a sports guy, so I'd never invite you over for a beer.

              Ultimately, I'd wave occasionally and mumble under my breath about your damn leaves blowing onto my lawn.
              Same here. I'm polite, but non-social with neighbors. In fact, we often get a neighbor in our store, and they think I know them. But I never recognize them. Mostly educated, smart, wonderful people that I have nothing in common with.

              We have been in our home for a little over ten years. I still don't know any of our neighbor's names, what they do for a living, or anything like that. Cheryl is friendlier, and talks with the neighbors.

              I wave and smile, but never engage. We never go to the block parties.

              You are right about me not drinking or knowing anything about sports.

              Our customers mostly see me as a caring, funny, interested guy...my neighbors probably think I beat my wife.

              My guess..is that in your social group you're either the smarted guy, or the funniest.





              Obviously, I'm saying that boring dull people are the only ones that could tolerate you.
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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                My guess..is that in your social group you're either the smarted guy
                Well, I'd wager a guess you're not the smartest guy in your group...
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                  Well, I'd wager a guess you're not the smartest guy in your group...
                  I enjoy talking with people that are smarter than myself....with one exception...one small...insignificant....inconsequential...gnomish exception.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    I enjoy talking with people that are smarter than myself....with one exception...one small...insignificant....inconsequential...gnomish exception.
                    At least you spelled all the words correctly this time.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                      At least you spelled all the words correctly this time.
                      Your reply is insufficient.......which is proof that it came from you.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kurt
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Trust me, we wouldn't be. Your penchant for nude sunbathing and adult baby parties would make sure of that.



              Actually, we'd probably talk very little as neighbors. I'm cordial, yet reserved with neighbors. It would take years to develop the repartee we have now due to the niceties required in polite, suburban living. And I don't think you drink and you're not a sports guy, so I'd never invite you over for a beer.

              Ultimately, I'd wave occasionally and mumble under my breath about your damn leaves blowing onto my lawn.
              Why do I have a feeling your response to the question "what do you think of Baker?" would be totally different than Claude's?
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        Then it's all worthwhile.



        I certainly would.
        But first you have to think of something good to say about Dan Riffle. Here, let me start.

        Dan Riffle is not the idiot everyone thinks he is.
        I thought more..."What can you say about Dan Riffle that the Ohio Police Department has not already said."
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          I thought more..."What can you say about Dan Riffle that the Ohio Police Department has not already said."
          Do you also think that the entire state of Ohio only has one police department?
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            Do you also think that the entire state of Ohio only has one police department?
            Knowing that State, I'd say it was a certainty.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

    This thread makes me physically ill.
    I have already been through the physically ill part yesterday, this is just icing on the cake, (so to speak).

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  • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
    Can the OP please change the title of this thread? Even after seeing it so many times, I still can't stop laughing and my rib cage is really, really sore.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Dan Riffle is not the idiot everyone thinks he is.

    I'm waiting for the rest of the story - surely that's only the opening line....?
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    Aaaaw, you guys're such FUN!

    This is effusive bonhomie so sweet I wanna lick it right offa life's cherry.

    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

    Your penchant for nude sunbathing and adult baby parties would make sure of that.
    In my dream panorama, you all beached out in the sun with your butt cheeks glistenin' in beauty's haze.

    An' ima here behindya all, clutchin' a couple ripe cucumbers & thinkin' ... hooman xylophone!

    For sure I wanna whack on that exotic Off Topic flesh an' tease grunts of abominable pleasure fromya as I romp among yallz, brandishin' my weaponized succulents!

    Like Stephen Fry said, I will leave no stern untoned.

    Whack!

    Whack!

    Whack!

    Aw, see -- now I got so excited, I gotta use my actshwl hands ...
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

    Claude.. No .. you mean He is not the Idiot you try to make us think he is ..
    Claude isn't an idiot, he does spit the dummy, stamp his feet and throw 1 week old donuts at people when proven wrong, but idiot, nah.

    M
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    If this thread were truly "Claude Whitacre in all honesty", there wouldn't be anything to talk about.
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      If this thread were truly "Claude Whitacre in all honesty", there wouldn't be anything to talk about.
      Au contraire. There would be MUCH to talk about.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        Au contraire. There would be MUCH to talk about.
        There is not a dishonest bone in his body. That's why he looks like a Blobfish.
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          There is not a dishonest bone in his body.
          That's not the word from the Wooster Mens' Bathhouse and Feather Boa Emporium. Those guys are all dishonest.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          There is not a dishonest bone in his body.
          Not for Riffle's lack of trying.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            Not for Riffle's lack of trying.
            Sorry, but I made the same joke (well, a better version, anyway) 7 minutes earlier.
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            • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Sorry, but I made the same joke (well, a better version, anyway) 7 minutes earlier.

              I'd call that a knack for tirin' ...
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Sorry, but I made the same joke (well, a better version, anyway) 7 minutes earlier.
              I have you on Ignore...and never read your posts.
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            • Profile picture of the author Kurt
              Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

              Sorry, but I made the same joke (well, a better version, anyway) 7 minutes earlier.
              The Milton Berle of the Warrior Forum strikes again...
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

                The Milton Berle of the Warrior Forum strikes again...
                Or...or.....

                I wrote my post before I posted it (I get interrupted frequently by customers), and Riffle posted his dribble....before I posted my own dribble. meaning I didn't see his post.

                Or..or.....

                You have a sexual fetish about Milton Berle.

                I understand, I have a sexual fetish about Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

                And Riffle has a fetish about The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
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                • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  Or...or.....

                  I wrote my post before I posted it (I get interrupted frequently by customers), and Riffle posted his dribble....before I posted my own dribble.

                  Or..or.....

                  You have a sexual fetish about Milton Berle.

                  I understand, I have a sexual fetish about Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

                  And Riffle has a fetish about The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
                  You wrote a post before posting it? How profound.
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                • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  I get interrupted frequently by customers
                  Yeah, right. You mean when you try to jump the line at Walmart?
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                  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                    Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

                    Yeah, right. You mean when you try to jump the line at Walmart?
                    What it actually means is that he is constantly asked to turn around so that people can read the back portion of his sandwich board.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
            Banned
            I have liked Claude for several years. (Mostly because he has been very kind to me especially when I was new to The Forum.) Personally I think he's a great Bloke.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

              I have liked Claude for several years. (Mostly because he has been very kind to me especially when I was new to The Forum.) Personally I think he's a great Bloke.
              That's very kind of you to say.
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              • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
                Banned
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                That's very kind of you to say.
                Welcome. : )
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            • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
              Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

              I have liked Claude for several years.
              I couldn't like Claude even after several beers.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

              I have liked Claude for several years. (Mostly because he has been very kind to me especially when I was new to The Forum.) Personally I think he's a great Bloke.
              Anyone else here who would like to come out of the closet and say that they "Like" Claude or admire him. Come on, don't be shy.
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              • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                Anyone else here who would like to come out of the closet and say that they "Like" Claude or admire him. Come on, don't be shy.
                Let's not turn this into another thread about Claude.
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              • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                Anyone else here who would like to come out of the closet and say that they "Like" Claude or admire him. Come on, don't be shy.
                If I'm ever that hard-up for a friend that I need to stoop that low, I'll go with the Drano cocktail.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by OptedIn View Post

                  If I'm ever that hard-up for a friend that I need to stoop that low, I'll go with the Drano cocktail.
                  I'll buy the first round. I'll tell Riffle that it's Eggnog.
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                  • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    I'll buy the first round. I'll tell Riffle that it's Eggnog.
                    You miss the point. No way I could ever be that desperate. Not as long as David Berkowitz is still breathing.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by OptedIn View Post

                      You miss the point. No way I could ever be that desperate. Not as long as David Berkowitz is still breathing.
                      I remember him from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel.

                      Did you know that the Aurora Boreanaz is named after him?

                      Science.
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                      • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
                        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                        I remember him from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel.
                        Did you know that the Aurora Boreanaz is named after him?
                        Science.
                        Good try lol .. Sadly David Berkowitz did not get the Electric Chair !
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      If this thread were truly "Claude Whitacre in all honesty", there wouldn't be anything to talk about.
      I am beginning to think that Claude has me on his ignore list, (bound to happen with my constant cat insults) so if you have a brilliant but risky insult, let me know.

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      • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        I am beginning to think that Claude has me on his ignore list,
        I doubt that he'd ever pass up the treasure trove of entertainment, that is you. :-)
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      • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        I am beginning to think that Claude has me on his ignore list, (bound to happen with my constant cat insults) so if you have a brilliant but risky insult, let me know.

        Really? I've never known Claude to insult anyone?
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        • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
          Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

          Really? I've never known Claude to insult anyone?
          His birth insulted humankind.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

        I am beginning to think that Claude has me on his ignore list, (bound to happen with my constant cat insults) so if you have a brilliant but risky insult, let me know.
        Here's one you could use. It's not a premium one, you have to pay for them.

        What does Claude walking into a room have in common with a classic computer game?

        They are both Space Invaders
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Claude thanked me, so l am not on his ignore list, and just when Christmas is around the corner too, sigh.

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    • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
      Claude is the type of person that everyone likes. Likes to throw rocks at.
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      I have liked Claude for several years. (Mostly because he has been very kind to me especially when I was new to The Forum.) Personally I think he's a great Bloke.
      What can l say Fiverr suprizes me every time.

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      The last few posts have proved one thing to me.....a universal truth.

      I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

      And now, if you will excuse me, 10-11 AM is my "Whiny time"

      Unfortunately, my "Say something brilliant time" has been moved to 3-4 AM, when I'm asleep.


      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Or when you're not whiny.
      Whining is the only sport where you don't come up short.

      Get it? Short?

      It's a short joke.

      I'm saying you're short.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      That's okay Claude, though you may not like it, we still love you.
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      So much for that "in all honesty" stuff...

      Your right, I should have said.. "we still love you when you are napping."
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      That's okay Claude, though you may not like it, we still love you.
      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      It is the thought (er joke) that counts Odahh. We love you too
      Gee Fiverr is getting a workout today.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    I'm not saying Claude is chubby, but if someone murdered him, the crime scene tape outline of his body would be a circle.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      I'm not saying Claude is chubby, but if someone murdered him, the crime scene tape outline of his body would be a circle.

      I'm not saying Kurt is unloved, but if someone murdered him, it wouldn't be called a crime scene.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      I'm not saying Claude is chubby, but if someone murdered him, the crime scene tape outline of his body would be a circle.
      I only quoted this because Kay King liked this post.

      Kay has purposely been thanking posts that insult me...and not thanking my posts, even though my posts are obviously from a troubled needy person.

      Kay has serially been ignoring my posts....and unless every post I submit from now on is thanked by at least 5 Forum Members.....I'll whine about it some more.

      Don't make my whiny.

      You wouldn't like me when I'm whiny.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        You wouldn't like me when I'm whiny.
        Or when you're not whiny.
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        • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Or when you're not whiny.
          Or any other time for that matter.
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


        Don't make my whiny.
        I don't mind if you are whiny, its your cats l am more worried about.

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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        and unless every post I submit from now on is thanked by at least 5 Forum Members
        You'd be lucky to get 5 family members.
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        Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
        So that blind people can hate them as well.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I only quoted this because Kay King liked this post.

        Kay has purposely been thanking posts that insult me...and not thanking my posts, even though my posts are obviously from a troubled needy person.

        Kay has serially been ignoring my posts....and unless every post I submit from now on is thanked by at least 5 Forum Members.....I'll whine about it some more.

        Don't make my whiny.

        You wouldn't like me when I'm whiny.

        Obviously a woman of good taste
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

          Obviously a woman of good taste
          I've heard she tastes like butterscotch.

          That's what her Facebook page says anyway.

          Personally, I think it was too much information to post on Facebook. But then, I'm a man of good taste.

          I taste like whale blubber.
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          • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I've heard she tastes like butterscotch.

            That's what her Facebook page says anyway.

            Personally, I think it was too much information to post on Facebook. But then, I'm a man of good taste.

            I taste like whale blubber.

            And you "jealous time" is 04:20 PM?
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

              And you "jealous time" is 04:20 PM?
              That's an insult. I never feel jealous. My self pity, neediness, and insecure pomposity are so strong that they cancel out any feelings of jealousy.

              I'm so insecure, the last time I complimented a lady was when I said "You're cute. If I were twenty years younger, you could turn me down"

              And then she made me feel better by saying "I would turn you down at any age".
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              • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                That's an insult. I never feel jealous. My self pity, neediness, and insecure pomposity are so strong that they cancel out any feelings of jealousy.

                That's okay Claude, though you may not like it, we still love you.
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                • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                  Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

                  That's okay Claude, though you may not like it, we still love you.
                  well in a very general sense of the word love ..i will not say any mean thing about Claude.. he does not type on the forum himself ..

                  i miss the golden rule as "love they self and then expect others to love you as you love yourself .. "
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                  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
                    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

                    well in a very general sense of the word love ..i will not say any mean thing about Claude.. he does not type on the forum himself ..

                    i miss the golden rule as "love they self and then expect others to love you as you love yourself .. "
                    It is the thought (er joke) that counts Odahh. We love you too
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                  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                    Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

                    well in a very general sense of the word love ..i will not say any mean thing about Claude.. he does not type on the forum himself ..

                    i miss the golden rule as "love they self and then expect others to love you as you love yourself .. "
                    You are right, at least since he taught his ego to type.
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                    • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
                      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                      You are right, at least since he taught his ego to type.
                      Claude types? Last I read Dragon Naturally Speaking (DNS) has something to do with it. Personally whatever Claude does, typing or DNS, should be behind closed doors. The neighborhood cats are safer!
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                • Profile picture of the author Kurt
                  Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

                  That's okay Claude, though you may not like it, we still love you.
                  So much for that "in all honesty" stuff...
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
    And the only thing that keeps me from just closing the doors is that it's just profitable enough to keep me from quitting.
    This also applies to a lot of marriages.




    BTW, I'm single.


    Joe Mobley
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