22 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
22 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Claudes Ultimate Fantasy Becomes a Reality...

by tagiscom
21 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
    • |
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-...lorie-16209541

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...ked-beans.html

Delish!

Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

    He may add it to his "snacks" options
    Signature

    Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514698].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Dude, the Green Leaf sells a hamburger with more calories than that! And Claude orders two.
    Signature

    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514704].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Dude, the Green Leaf sells a hamburger with more calories than that! And Claude orders two.
      Yup. I eat one, and I give the other one to the imaginary troll that lives......

      (what's your address again?)

      This morning, my wife told me that she's gaining weight. I asked what she weighed, and she said "I'm almost 120 pounds"

      And I said (Because I'm a master communicator) "That's too much. Another twenty pounds and you'll weight half of what I weigh, and that's unacceptable".

      Yes, I'm a genius, and a very stable genius at that.
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514718].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

    He may add it to his "cats snacks" options


    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

    Dude, the Green Leaf sells a hamburger with more calories than that! And Claude orders two.
    True, he trys to shove in a few Mars bars, but the suckers keep falling out, although using the restaurants table candles to soften the bar into a acceptable mush also does wonders, (unless the staff start pointing at his table).

    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    Yup. I eat one, and I give the other one to the imaginary troll that lives......
    Geesh, not the sock puppet again; I thought that we had heard the last of Mr Tribbles?

    Signature
    Archimedes Forum, Sign up l won't bite
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514728].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    Gotta remembah how Claude is a Capricorn.

    This means he only evah has Penultimate Fantasies.

    Why so?

    Problem with an Ultimate Fantasy is how if'n it comes true ... it is ALL USED UP.

    By definition, any Penultimate Fantasy comes true still means there is one more fantasy left in the locker.

    Or am I missin' sumthin' here?
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514730].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

      Gotta remembah how Claude is a Capricorn.

      This means he only evah has Penultimate Fantasies.

      Why so?

      Problem with an Ultimate Fantasy is how if'n it comes true ... it is ALL USED UP.

      By definition, any Penultimate Fantasy comes true still means there is one more fantasy left in the locker.

      Or am I missin' sumthin' here?
      True, after ordering and consuming this small but satisfying morsel, he will be setting even loftier goals.

      A bit like climbing mount Everest or standing in line in a freezing oxygen deprived environment.

      But ok, what could be Claude's next ultimate fantasy l hear you ask, 2 of these pizzas of course.

      But he does live in the US, where small side salads are a plenty and serviettes, (napkins) are literally thrown at you.
      Signature
      Archimedes Forum, Sign up l won't bite
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514734].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Wait a minute!

    I'm starting to get the impression that this thread has something to do with my weight.

    That's body shaming.

    I'm going to my safe room now, to eat a pizza. A vegetarian pizza. OK, maybe 3 or 4 pizzas...but that's nobody's business!

    I'm fat. Nobody loves me.
    Signature
    One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

    What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514740].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


      I'm fat. Nobody loves me.
      That should be the title of your next "book".
      Signature

      Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514742].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        That should be the title of your next "book".
        Now, just hold on there, Buddy!

        If I had any idea what the quotations marks were doing around the word "Book", I bet I would be very offended.

        My next book will be titled Ignorance Is Bliss. The Story Of Claude Whitacre.So there!
        Signature
        One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

        What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514769].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      Wait a minute!

      I'm starting to get the impression that this thread has something to do with my weight.

      That's body shaming.

      I'm going to my safe room now, to eat a pizza. A vegetarian pizza. OK, maybe 3 or 4 pizzas...but that's nobody's business!

      I'm fat. Nobody loves me.
      Sorry Claude, my sensire apologies, l didn't post this thread for body shaming, but more for mud dragging, cheap laugh's and as many sock puppet references as is possible.

      Safe room you mean the one under your business premises, or dungeon? Ok, but don't watch Elvira you know that she gives you ingestion!

      Signature
      Archimedes Forum, Sign up l won't bite
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514751].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author palmtreelife
      I'm fat. Nobody loves me.
      Your wife weighs less than half of you and gets to hear your sense of humor all day every day. That's definitely love in todays world! #bodyshamingiswrong
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514780].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by palmtreelife View Post

        Your wife weighs less than half of you and gets to hear your sense of "humor" all day every day. That's definitely Stockholm Syndrome in todays world! #ifbodyshamingclaudeiswrongidontwanttoberight
        Fixed? Yes.
        Signature

        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514790].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Fixed? Yes.
          I'll "fix" you!

          Good Day Sir! I said GOOD DAY!



          Originally Posted by palmtreelife View Post

          Your wife weighs less than half of you and tolerates your sense of humor all day every day. That's definitely love in todays world! #bodyshamingiswrong
          To be fair, that's more accurate.

          The most beautiful sound in the world to me is my wife laughing at something I said.

          For example, earlier I said "If you want me to beat Dan Riffle with a lead pipe, please signify by laughing".

          Laughter.....it brings us together.
          Signature
          One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

          What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514796].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I'll "fix" you!

            Good Day Sir! I said GOOD DAY!





            To be fair, that's more accurate.

            The most beautiful sound in the world to me is my wife laughing at something I said.

            For example, earlier I said "If you want me to beat Dan Riffle with a lead pipe, please signify by laughing".

            Laughter.....it brings us together.
            It puts The Laughter in Slaughter
            Signature

            Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514800].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I
            For example, earlier I said "If you want me to beat Dan Riffle with a lead pipe, please signify by laughing".

            Laughter.....it brings us together.
            That's because she knows you will go to jail after beating Dan and finally getting rid of you. Never trust her evil grin.
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514857].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            If you want me to beat Dan Riffle with a lead pipe
            Thanks for the heads up. I had no idea Riffle was now immune to being punched in the face. It was inevitable I guess.

            Lead pipes it is from now on.
            Signature
            Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
            So that blind people can hate them as well.
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11514988].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

              Thanks for the heads up. I had no idea Riffle was now immune to being punched in the face. It was inevitable I guess.

              Lead pipes it is from now on.
              Good idea, being a Supergnome, he has difficulty seeing through lead.
              Signature

              Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11515013].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rob Hunsons
    When it's gonna be released?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11515017].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Rob Hunsons View Post

      When it's gonna be released?
      'When's he gonna be released"

      Fixed
      Signature

      Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11515024].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        'When's he gonna be released"

        Fixed
        I didn't see that coming. Well done.
        Signature
        One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

        What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11515044].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        'When's he gonna be released"

        Fixed
        When their gonna be released, and Claude already has the distribution all worked out, and will use the new state of the art, Go-Pig, (no not that, pigeon).

        Place an order on the Go-Pig site and 4 friendly pigeons will fly your order directly to your door,(you will have to untie them yourself).

        Signature
        Archimedes Forum, Sign up l won't bite
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11515047].message }}
Avatar of Unregistered

Trending Topics