Can you name this book?

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Retired alien hunter Claude owns a vacuum store and lives in a remote alien community. His house is a fortress. His neighbors know nothing about him. His name has been changed. Even his face is not his own. He likes it that way. It's comfortable. And with friendenemies like Dan Riffle and Kurt it's a simple matter of warrior forum survival.

Then one night an injured alien mama-san, Rose, comes calling and his quiet comfortable life is turned upside down. He quickly hides his KFC stash. She's beautiful and innocent and above all else she needs his help (er, crazy worm). What's a man to do?


Hint: Search Alienzon
Tip: No names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Disclosure: I lied a lot.
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post


    Then one night an injured alien mama-san, Rose, comes calling
    Her name wasn't exactly Rose. It was Rosy...Rosy Palm. My wife and I have an open marriage. She gave me permission to visit Rosy any time I want.

    It's all explained in my new book Circumference Of Doom; Rosy Nights.
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    • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
      A W E S O M E
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      Her name wasn't exactly Rose. It was Rosy...Rosy Palm. My wife and I have an open marriage. She gave me permission to visit Rosy any time I want.

      It's all explained in my new book Circumference Of Doom; Rosy Nights.
      Sometimes you use your other hand as well which you nicknamed Flora, for extra flower power. You like Rosy but your really Interflora
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      Where ever you go, there you are.

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Clauderr - The sad story of a chubby old man who will do anything for $5 and the two heroes out to stop him.
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  • Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

    Retired alien hunter Claude owns a vacuum store and lives in a remote alien community. His house is a fortress. His neighbors know nothing about him. His name has been changed. Even his face is not his own. He likes it that way. It's comfortable. And with friendenemies like Dan Riffle and Kurt it's a simple matter of warrior forum survival.

    Then one night an injured alien mama-san, Rose, comes calling and his quiet comfortable life is turned upside down. He quickly hides his KFC stash. She's beautiful and innocent and above all else she needs his help (er, crazy worm). What's a man to do?


    Hint: Search Alienzon
    Tip: No names have been changed to protect the innocent.

    Disclosure: I lied a lot.
    So did Claude fall in love with Rosy? Just a little curious.. because Claude sounds a lot like a guy I know.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

    Retired alien hunter Claude owns a vacuum store and lives in a remote alien community. His house is a fortress. His neighbors know nothing about him. His name has been changed. Even his face is not his own. He likes it that way. It's comfortable. And with friendenemies like Dan Riffle and Kurt it's a simple matter of warrior forum survival.

    Then one night an injured alien mama-san, Rose, comes calling and his quiet comfortable life is turned upside down. He quickly hides his KFC stash. She's beautiful and innocent and above all else she needs his help (er, crazy worm). What's a man to do?

    Hint: Search Alienzon
    Tip: No names have been changed to protect the innocent.

    Disclosure: I lied a lot.
    Knew it!

    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    Her name wasn't exactly Rose. It was Rosy...Rosy Palm. My wife and I have an open marriage. She gave me permission to visit Rosy any time I want.

    It's all explained in my new book Circumference Of Doom; Rosy Nights.
    I think l saw that book,....l was looking in a large plastic bin at an opp-shop, (when l was in New Zealand) and after sifting through some Chuck Norris sings Classical, LP's and such, at the bottom of the bin, this bright pink book with blue lettering caught my eye.

    It was a sight to see, glistening as it was, on top of a Death leppard Ballards LP, and surrounded by rat,....never mind.

    I didn't buy it since the pane of death warning on the first page put me off, as did the "this book is dedicated to Krispy Kreme".

    And the images in the middle, scary.


    Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

    Clauderr - The sad story of a chubby old man who will do anything for $5 and the two heroes out to stop him.
    I avoid those sections when l go to Fiverr.

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  • Profile picture of the author David Willy
    This made me recall of a fiver gig,

    Give me $20 and i ll pray for you :-D
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  • I so love the origin scene in 45 Shades of Grey where Claude is practicin' his kung fu moves in his secret Batman-style cave deep below The Sweeper Store.

    As he kicks, chops and headbutts imaginary IMers of renown, his foot catches the ON switch of the signature SUCK-4-U vacuum prototype built according to his instructions by NASA.

    His dungeon darkens as the subtler shadowy hues vanish up the cleaner's turbocharged suction pipe.

    An' he knows, deep in his heart -- way down deep below his exotic man boobs -- that if the color an' brightness an' light of GREY is to be returned to the world, he gotta shrink himself inside that NASA cleaner an' reclaim those 5 lost shades.

    Problem is ... as a Capricorn, he also knows this means losin' sight of the business admin for like mebbe 24 hours, so he figures hoomankind gotta manage.

    "What is the problem with grimmer horizons anyway?" he mutters. "They inspire individuals to greatness where abundant fortune only graces them with the misery of eternal folly."
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      I don't know the title but apperently .it has already reach the number 1 spot on books to buy to burn list
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      • Profile picture of the author CharlesHewitt
        Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

        I don't know the title but apperently .it has already reach the number 1 spot on books to buy to burn list
        Its so sad. I dont know the title too.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Claude sounds a lot like a guy I know.

    Sounds like a guy most women know...and avoid....
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    The Page Turns
    Forty days and forty nights have passed. Claude and Rosy fell in and out of love forty times. That is what alien Cosmic Nihilist do. Claude never left Rosy's side and healed her injuries.

    There was a knock on the fortress door. Again, Claude quickly hides his KFC stash. Claude opened the door and a bright white light filled the room. It blinded both Claude and Rosy.

    Claude awoke from a deep sleep and discovered Rosy and his KFC stash have disappeared. He realized he had to come out of retirement and make a plan to save Rosy.

    Priorities. First, replace the KFC stash. Second, watch the football game. Third..

    To Be Continued
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      Forty days and forty nights have passed. Claude and Rosy fell in and out of love forty times. That is what alien Cosmic Nihilist do. Claude never left Rosy's side and healed her injuries.

      There was a knock on the fortress door. Again, Claude quickly hides his KFC stash. Claude opened the door and a bright white light filled the room. It blinded both Claude and Rosy.

      Claude awoke from a deep sleep and discovered Rosy and his KFC stash have disappeared. He realized he had to come out of retirement and make a plan to save Rosy.

      Priorities. First, replace the KFC stash. Second, watch a documentary on the history of Belgian waffles. Third..

      To Be Continued
      Fixed. Claude doesn't watch sports. Not enough powdered sugar.
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      If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    The Page Turns
    Priorities. First, replace the KFC stash. Second, watch the football game.

    Third..

    Check the tracker he had previously implanted inside Rosy for her whereabouts. They had a long history.

    She was located in a Belgian Waffle Bakery also a well known front for Alien counterfeit monopoly money. Perfect he gasped. Two of my favorite things on the planet.

    Still, two things to do:
    Send Sterns a fan letter
    and
    A visit to the Sweeper Store

    To Be Continued
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    I've always thought Percival was a good name for a book.

    Or maybe Stan if it's more populist.
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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

      I've always thought Percival was a good name for a book.

      Or maybe Stan if it's more populist.


      Blatant sexism. It should be called something gender non-specific, such as Claude.
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      Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon.
      It'll just knock over all the pieces, poop on the board, and strut about like it's won anyway.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post



        Blatant sexism. It should be called something gender non-specific, such as Claude.
        I think "Claude" is more gender-offensive than gender non-specific.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          I think "Claude" is more gender-offensive than gender non-specific.
          You're completely wrong. All genders, and all people of different sexual orientation, are equally offended by me.

          I think I handled that quite well, thank you very much.
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            You're completely wrong. All genders, and all people of different sexual orientation, are equally offended by me.

            I think I handled that quite well, thank you very much.
            You have universal Appall
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Dan Riffle & Claude Whitacre: "The Laurel & Hardy Story"

    Shane, picture please
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Excellent, Thanks.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    The Page Turns
    A visit to the Sweeper Store..


    Claude entered The Sweeper Store and flipped a switch that
    activated the Claude Android. The android was well trained to
    pose as Claude during Claude's absense.

    He entered the basement that led to his secret vault that
    contained his alien agent arsenal and the original schmatics of
    the first atomic vacuum cleaner he loaned Oppenheimer.

    Boarding his spaceship he tele-commuicated Rosy's coordinates
    and arrived at the Belgieum Waffle Bakery across the street
    from Freelancer, Sydney, Australia.

    At the bakery he was greeted by Shane the head baker and
    official Alien Comptroller. Shane quickly kneeled and assumed
    the position in reverence to the greatest Alien Hunter in the
    universe.

    Moments later Mark the official "Q" for Alien Hunters entered
    the room with Eve Moneypenny on his arm. Mark almost fainted
    when Eve kneeled and assumed a different position. ( edited by Jeffery )

    Claude shouted "Oh where, Oh where, has my sweet Rosy gone?"

    Whitty the official AlienPedia entered and told Shane "Stop
    that!" He pointed Claude to the Freelance Fortress across the
    street.

    To be continued..
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    • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
      Originally Posted by Jeffery View Post

      A visit to the Sweeper Store..

      Claude entered The Sweeper Store and flipped a switch that
      activated the Claude Android. The android was well trained to
      pose as Claude during Claude's absense.

      He entered the basement that led to his secret vault that
      contained his alien agent arsenal and the original schmatics of
      the first atomic vacuum cleaner he loaned Oppenheimer.

      Boarding his spaceship he tele-commuicated Rosy's coordinates
      and arrived at the Belgieum Waffle Bakery across the street
      from Freelancer, Sydney, Australia.

      At the bakery he was greeted by Shane the head baker and
      official Alien Comptroller. Shane quickly kneeled and assumed
      the position in reverence to the greatest Alien Hunter in the
      universe.

      Moments later Mark the official "Q" for Alien Hunters entered
      the room with Eve Moneypenny on his arm. Mark almost fainted
      when Eve kneeled and assumed the position.

      Claude shouted "Oh where, Oh where, has my sweet Rosy gone?"

      Whitty the official AlienPedia entered and told Shane "Stop
      that!" He pointed Claude to the Freelance Fortress across the
      street.

      To be continued..
      LIES!.....Jeffery, Claude's cats take over his store when he is away, we all know that.

      But the kneeling part is accurate, l can't always get to the bucket in time.

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  • Profile picture of the author Jeffery
    This is the android at the Sweeper Store
    thinking about lunch



    These are the cats at the Sweeper Store




    Go figure
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