Happy Birthday Claude

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41
I'm not going to directly give away his age but Clickty Click in Bingo will give you a clue.

What can you say about Claude Whitacre that the Wooster Police Department hasn't already said.

Claude got in trouble with the trading standards recently when he put up a sign on his store front announcing that all Vacuums were fitted with Covid filters. This was a blatant lie and they only protect against the common cold. Claude's other sign saying that you had to put them in isolation for two weeks after getting them home was also under investigation as his return policy was 10 days.

Claude is a "Stable" genius, that's why he breeds horses and is often heard spouting Foal language.

Happy Birthday Old Chum
#off topic forum
  • Clickety Click? I'd have thought "Two Fat Ladies" would be a more appropriate description, although the age is wrong.
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  • Oh boy, the Wooster Mens Bathhouse and Feather Boa Emporium will be a-rockin' tonight. It's a no mask facility, by the way. They've already given each other everything else...

    Happy birthday, Claude (Don't worry, I'll call Cheryl and remind her).
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  • Guys:

    Cheryl keeps acting as though there isn't a huge Birthday party planned. She keeps saying that she needs to go to the store, or to the bathroom. But I know that there are hundreds (My Birthdays bring the biggest crowds) of people trying to stay out of my sight....for the big surprise.

    Since today is my Birthday, I ran an ad saying that we were having a Birthday Sale.

    Today only, everything in the store is 50% more. After all, it's my birthday.

    And Thank You guys.
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    • Happy Birthday


      I.O.U
      One bucket of extra crispy KFC
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  • He has an updated version.

    Vacuum Starts on Fire || ViralHog - YouTube
    Not suitable for small children, pets and small rodents.

    Happy Birthday Claude, and hope you stay well.

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  • Who is Claude?
    Happy Birthday Claude.
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  • Happy (happy happy happy....) Birthday


    Will there be cake at the party Cheryl is not throwing for you?
    I like cake.
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    • My lovely wife....the love of my life...

      She couldn't help herself. She bought me a cake and candles. We now buy Birthday candles by the gross.

      I have often heard old people say that their favorite time in life was when they were in their seventies. I believe it.

      A beautiful wife, a nice home, two cats to entertain us, no bills to speak of, a business that's near effortless and profitable.....and money set aside for retirement.

      I even have a forum I can use when I want to brag, argue, whine, or massage my weak self image.

      Not a bad life at all.
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  • They laughed when you said you wanted to be a famous after-dinner speaker...





    ...it would mean you'd actually have to finish eating.


    Happy Birthday, Claude.
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    • When I used to speak for a living, people would call and tell me that it was an event that I would speak at after dinner. They would ask about my fee, and I would say...

      "You had me at "Dinner""

      The secret to successful speaking? Knowing how to throw your weight around.

      My talk was titled "The Circumference Of Success"

      I was a platform speaker...a structurally reinforced platform speaker.
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  • My Friends...and Dan Riffle;

    Today is a sad day for our nation.

    At Midnight last night, a tragedy of epic proportions cast a shadow across the entire planet.

    At midnight, last night...it was no longer my Birthday.

    The pain and anguish caused by the knowledge that it was no longer my special day resulted in a worldwide spasm of grief.

    But fear not, loyal minions....Next year, God willing....the entire world can again celebrate the birth of our national treasure....Me.

    Apparently, our UPS man was shot yesterday. I can think of no other reason why my truckload of gifts weren't delivered.

    66 years old.....Older, and yet wider. (My wife typed this. My fingers are too fat to use the keyboard. I told her she misspelled "Wiser". She just laughed and walked away)
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    • So your wife was none the wiser?

      I warned people against using UPS (United Pistol Service)
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  • I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low.

    And am I crazy, or is gravity increasing with every year?
    Here are things I will never be doing again...ever;

    Running
    Jumping
    Flirting
    Situps
    Swimming in public
    Swimming in private
    Sweating from work
    Sweating from any other cause
    Holding my stomach in, when a girl walks by
    Using the stairs instead of the escalator or the elevator

    Added later;
    Bending over
    Kicking


    My goal for 2021; Working less, Bragging more. Blaming others more for my mistakes.
    Trying to convince my wife that I'm still macho.
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    • "I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low."

      A dirty low down bum

      "Trying to convince my wife that I'm still alive."

      Fixed
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  • Does someone else need to hold the mirror? Just wondering...
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    • Yes. They have to hold the mirror...stand ten feet away...and wear a blindfold.

      I don't make up the rules.

      I use a bookmark, so I won't forget where my navel is.
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    • Fixed
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  • 66, don't tell anyone in your area, otherwise it will be pitchforks and torches outside your business, late at night.

    That won't make any difference to the other angry mob that do likewise, though.

  • Fixed
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  • Happy Birthday Claude Hope you have many more!
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  • Banned
    We love you Claude!

    You can dish it and you can take it, these days that puts you right up there with Skywalker.

    This makes me wonder what is the Warrior Forums Birthday because seems like alot here were at the cord cutting.

    2020 was a doozy, personally experienced my first ever "BanCation" hahaha but will never negate the friends/partners, the knowledge, and the life changing built in income ecosystem here.

    Pour a shot for Claude and Allen Says/WF Founder.
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  • Happy birthday!
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    • Your a bit late as he's well into his 67th year now. But, since you are his best friend I'm sure he will understand so I will overlook this.
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    Happy Birthday Claude

    I'm not going to directly give away his age but Clickty Click in Bingo will give you a clue. What can you say about Claude Whitacre that the Wooster Police Department hasn't already said.