Happy Birthday Claude

whateverpedia

3 years ago

Clickety Click? I'd have thought "Two Fat Ladies" would be a more appropriate description, although the age is wrong.

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Dan Riffle

3 years ago

Oh boy, the Wooster Mens Bathhouse and Feather Boa Emporium will be a-rockin' tonight. It's a no mask facility, by the way. They've already given each other everything else...

Happy birthday, Claude (Don't worry, I'll call Cheryl and remind her).

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Guys:

Cheryl keeps acting as though there isn't a huge Birthday party planned. She keeps saying that she needs to go to the store, or to the bathroom. But I know that there are hundreds (My Birthdays bring the biggest crowds) of people trying to stay out of my sight....for the big surprise.

Since today is my Birthday, I ran an ad saying that we were having a Birthday Sale.

Today only, everything in the store is 50% more. After all, it's my birthday.

And Thank You guys.

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kenmichaels

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Guys:

Cheryl keeps acting as though there isn't a huge Birthday party planned. She keeps saying that she needs to go to the store, or to the bathroom. But I know that there are hundreds (My Birthdays bring the biggest crowds) of people trying to stay out of my sight....for the big surprise.

Since today is my Birthday, I ran an ad saying that we were having a Birthday Sale.

Today only, everything in the store is 50% more. After all, it's my birthday.

And Thank You guys.

Happy Birthday

I.O.U
One bucket of extra crispy KFC

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tagiscom

3 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

I'm not going to directly give away his age but Clickty Click in Bingo will give you a clue.

What can you say about Claude Whitacre that the Wooster Police Department hasn't already said.

Claude got in trouble with the trading standards recently when he put up a sign on his store front announcing that all Vacuums were fitted with Covid filters. This was a blatant lie and they only protect against the common cold. Claude's other sign saying that you had to put them in isolation for two weeks after getting them home was also under investigation as his return policy was 10 days.

He has an updated version.

Vacuum Starts on Fire \|\| ViralHog - YouTube

Not suitable for small children, pets and small rodents.

Happy Birthday Claude, and hope you stay well.

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Jeffery

3 years ago

Who is Claude?

Happy Birthday Claude.

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Dan Riffle 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Jeffery

What is Claude?
Happy Birthday Claude.

Fixed it for you.
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Kay King

3 years ago

Happy (happy happy happy....) Birthday

Will there be cake at the party Cheryl is not throwing for you?
I like cake.

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Happy (happy happy happy....) Birthday

Will there be cake at the party Cheryl is not throwing for you?
I like cake.

My lovely wife....the love of my life...

She couldn't help herself. She bought me a cake and candles. We now buy Birthday candles by the gross.

I have often heard old people say that their favorite time in life was when they were in their seventies. I believe it.

A beautiful wife, a nice home, two cats to entertain us, no bills to speak of, a business that's near effortless and profitable.....and money set aside for retirement.

I even have a forum I can use when I want to brag, argue, whine, or massage my weak self image.

Not a bad life at all.

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lanfear63

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

My lovely wife....the love of my life...

She couldn't help herself. She bought me a cake and candles. We now buy Birthday candles by the gross.

I have often heard old people say that their favorite time in life was when they were in their seventies. I believe it.

A beautiful wife, a nice home, two cats to entertain us, no bills to speak of, a business that's near effortless and profitable.....and money set aside for retirement.

I even have a forum I can use when I want to brag, argue, whine, or massage my weak self image.

Not a bad life at all.

Cheryl said: "Surprise!, now come on dear, make a wish and blow out the Fire Hazzard"

You did that and she waved to the fire service to move off. As the drool began to drip out the corners of your mouth she hastily reminded you not to eat the candles like you did last year, which made you wax lyrical on the forum for a couple of weeks and get on everybody's wick.

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Frank Donovan

3 years ago

They laughed when you said you wanted to be a famous after-dinner speaker...

...it would mean you'd actually have to finish eating.

Happy Birthday, Claude.

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Frank Donovan

They laughed when you said you wanted to be a famous after-dinner speaker...

When I used to speak for a living, people would call and tell me that it was an event that I would speak at after dinner. They would ask about my fee, and I would say...

"You had me at "Dinner""

The secret to successful speaking? Knowing how to throw your weight around.

My talk was titled "The Circumference Of Success"

I was a platform speaker...a structurally reinforced platform speaker.

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lanfear63

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

When I used to speak for a living, people would call and tell me that it was an event that I would speak at after dinner. They would ask about my fee, and I would say...

"You had me at "Dinner""

The secret to successful speaking? Knowing how to throw your weight around.

My talk was titled "The Circumference Of Success"

I was a platform speaker...a structurally reinforced platform speaker.

Your spoke on a "Wide" range of subjects which had "Broad" appeal.

Your love of food is probably the one thing you have in common with Dan Riffle. He is a Gastrognome.

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Claude Whitacre 3 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Gastrognome.

Genius...absolute genius.
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tagiscom

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

When I used to speak for a living, people would call and tell me that it was an event that I would speak at after dinner. They would ask about my fee, and I would say...

"You had me at "Dinner""

The secret to successful speaking? Knowing how to throw your weight around.

My talk was titled "The Circumference Of Success"

I was a platform speaker...a structurally reinforced platform speaker.

Yeah, l know your acting career, (Circumference of Doom hint, no l won't drag it up again) some of us are still on painkillers.

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

My Friends...and Dan Riffle;

Today is a sad day for our nation.

At Midnight last night, a tragedy of epic proportions cast a shadow across the entire planet.

At midnight, last night...it was no longer my Birthday.

The pain and anguish caused by the knowledge that it was no longer my special day resulted in a worldwide spasm of grief.

But fear not, loyal minions....Next year, God willing....the entire world can again celebrate the birth of our national treasure....Me.

Apparently, our UPS man was shot yesterday. I can think of no other reason why my truckload of gifts weren't delivered.

66 years old.....Older, and yet wider. (My wife typed this. My fingers are too fat to use the keyboard. I told her she misspelled "Wiser". She just laughed and walked away)

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lanfear63

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

My Friends...and Dan Riffle;

Today is a sad day for our nation.

At Midnight last night, a tragedy of epic proportions cast a shadow across the entire planet.

At midnight, last night...it was no longer my Birthday.

The pain and anguish caused by the knowledge that it was no longer my special day resulted in a worldwide spasm of grief.

But fear not, loyal minions....Next year, God willing....the entire world can again celebrate the birth of our national treasure....Me.

Apparently, our UPS man was shot yesterday. I can think of no other reason why my truckload of gifts weren't delivered.

66 years old.....Older, and yet wider. (My wife typed this. My fingers are too fat to use the keyboard. I told her she misspelled "Wiser". She just laughed and walked away)

So your wife was none the wiser?

I warned people against using UPS (United Pistol Service)

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Claude is a "Stable" genius,

I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low.

And am I crazy, or is gravity increasing with every year?
Here are things I will never be doing again...ever;

Running
Jumping
Flirting
Situps
Swimming in public
Swimming in private
Sweating from work
Sweating from any other cause
Holding my stomach in, when a girl walks by
Using the stairs instead of the escalator or the elevator

Added later;
Bending over
Kicking

My goal for 2021; Working less, Bragging more. Blaming others more for my mistakes.
Trying to convince my wife that I'm still macho.

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lanfear63

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low.

And am I crazy, or is gravity increasing with every year?
Here are things I will never be doing again...ever;

Running
Jumping
Flirting
Situps
Swimming in public
Swimming in private
Sweating from work
Sweating from any other cause
Holding my stomach in, when a girl walks by
Using the stairs instead of the escalator or the elevator

My goal for 2021; Working less, Bragging more. Blaming others more for my mistakes.
Trying to convince my wife that I'm still macho.

"I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low."

A dirty low down bum

"Trying to convince my wife that I'm still alive."

Fixed

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

"I am stable because I have a very low center of gravity. In fact, at my age, everything is pretty low."

A dirty low down bum

"Trying to convince my wife that I'm still alive."

Fixed

last night, my wife asked me "Are you excited to see me, or is that rigor mortis?"

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Jeffery 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

last night, my wife asked me "Are you excited to see me, or is that rigor mortis?"

You can see it?
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- Claude Whitacre 3 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jeffery
  
  You can see it?
  
  Only with mirrors.
  
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  lanfear63 3 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Only with mirrors.
  
  I have said this before, you have no reflection...erection
  
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lanfear63 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

last night, my wife asked me "Are you excited to see me, or is that rigor mortis?"

Your adult activities have taken a dark turn since you bought that Slab Number Bed
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Kay King

3 years ago

Does someone else need to hold the mirror? Just wondering...

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Claude Whitacre

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Does someone else need to hold the mirror? Just wondering...

Yes. They have to hold the mirror...stand ten feet away...and wear a blindfold.

I don't make up the rules.

I use a bookmark, so I won't forget where my navel is.

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Princess Balestra 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I use a bookmark, so I won't forget where my navel is.

Prolly beside your braino your navel is your most obvious feachah.

Like Einstein said, "thoughts travel infinitessimally fast -- but if you got any kind of stomach, you can cross a room faster than most anyone."

Uhm ... so ima late in here on the birthday festivities, but no less enthoosiastic bcs I been dowin' stuff like dryin' my hair an' orderin' weird books steada showin' prompt.

As a Capricorn, such ungrateful tardiness might compel you to serene dismissal ... unless

that ole hoovah suction deal means you a suckah for praise from most anywan -- even a loopsydoops Sagittarius gal got no frickin' observable taste for practically hennythurng.

*sob*

I feel guilty now.

How could I possibly have woken up yesterday and not experienced the thrill of your birth in my bones?

Hey, hey -- gotta love ya, poppet.

If'n there be such a thing as a pedestal of enlightened submission offa which I could fall -- I'm on it.

Plus also, ain't birthday weeks a thing now?

You could drag this out till next week an' nowan would consider you in any way demandin'.

In yogah this is known as the 'lavish indulgence in kindness to self' -- so I would wanna hope your Fu talents can stretch the festivities out till Febrooary.
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tagiscom 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Yes. They have to hold the mirror...stand ten feet away...and wear a blindfold.
.

Yes. They have to hold two mirrors...use complex computer modelling, and take sick leave.
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lanfear63

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Yes. They have to hold the mirror...stand ten feet away...and wear a blindfold.

I don't make up the rules.

I use a bookmark, so I won't forget where my navel is.

Makes sense, bookmarks are placed in folds

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Claude Whitacre 3 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Makes sense, bookmarks are placed in folds

Nothing gets past you, does it?
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- lanfear63 3 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Nothing gets past you, does it?
  
  I take apart your posts and do plays on words.
  
  Henceforth, my Transformers name shall be known as: "Disectapun"
  
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Jeffery 3 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Does someone else need to hold the mirror? Just volunteering...

Fixed
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tagiscom

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

My Friends...and Dan Riffle;

Today is a sad day for our nation.

At Midnight last night, a tragedy of epic proportions cast a shadow across the entire planet.

At midnight, last night...it was no longer my Birthday.

The pain and anguish caused by the knowledge that it was no longer my special day resulted in a worldwide spasm of grief.

But fear not, loyal minions....Next year, God willing....the entire world can again celebrate the birth of our national treasure....Me.

Apparently, our UPS man was shot yesterday. I can think of no other reason why my truckload of gifts weren't delivered.

66 years old.....Older, and yet wider. (My wife typed this. My fingers are too fat to use the keyboard. I told her she misspelled "Wiser". She just laughed and walked away)

66, don't tell anyone in your area, otherwise it will be pitchforks and torches outside your business, late at night.

That won't make any difference to the other angry mob that do likewise, though.

Thanks

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Jeffery

3 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Does someone else need to hold the mirror? Just wondering...

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Yes. They have to hold the mirror...stand ten feet away...and are blinded..

I don't make up the rules.

I use a bookmark, so I won't forget where my navel is.

Fixed

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DURABLEOILCOM

3 years ago

Happy Birthday Claude Hope you have many more!

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Profit Traveler

Banned 3 years ago

We love you Claude!

You can dish it and you can take it, these days that puts you right up there with Skywalker.

This makes me wonder what is the Warrior Forums Birthday because seems like alot here were at the cord cutting.

2020 was a doozy, personally experienced my first ever "BanCation" hahaha but will never negate the friends/partners, the knowledge, and the life changing built in income ecosystem here.

Pour a shot for Claude and Allen Says/WF Founder.

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yourbestfriend

3 years ago

Happy birthday!

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lanfear63 3 years ago

Originally Posted by yourbestfriend

Happy birthday!

Your a bit late as he's well into his 67th year now. But, since you are his best friend I'm sure he will understand so I will overlook this.
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Happy Birthday Claude

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