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Things You Do That Your Family Or Friends Don't Know About

by Devil Reincarnated
23 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
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I've kept all my adult teeth that have fallen out, in an envelope at the back of my sock drawer.


Also, the neighbor is not a nice person. He fixes up different cars outside the house at all hours, 7 days a week, and is nasty to the local children. So I like to torment him by posting him dozens of pictures of garden sheds, with no note or anything but just the pictures. I get them from Argos catalogues, newspaper magazines, garden centres, and flyers that come through the door. I hear him talking about them to other neighbors and it's doing his head in that he can't figure out why he is getting them, or who is sending them. I'll maybe keep it up another few weeks or so.


Oh, and I post on the odd forum or two.


How about you?
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  • Profile picture of the author discrat
    Have a real life size poster of the man from Wooster with only his knickers on and posing with a Hoover
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    Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by discrat View Post

      Have a real life size poster of the man from Wooster with only his knickers on and posing with a Hoover
      Go On.....
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      Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by discrat View Post

      Have a real life size poster of the man from Wooster with only his knickers on and posing with a Hoover
      Good grief, man. Think of the carbon footprint created by the paper and printing of something that big. Not very friendly to the environment at all.
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      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
      So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Serene Carmen
    Lol, that's hilarious.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brackwom
    Casual drink solely.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by Brackwom View Post

      Casual drink solely.
      I love having 2 or 3 beers ( sometimes 4 on a special celebrations) in my backyard by myself every once in awhile. I will just sit and reminisce to myself about my younger years or observing nature in the nearby trees while catching a small buzz. Very, very relaxing.

      Good times and usually will do it when family is out shopping or something of that nature
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      Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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      • Profile picture of the author Devil Reincarnated
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        When nobody is looking, I make shapes out of clouds with my mind.
        I don't mean I imagine shapes. I mean I use my powers to shape the clouds.
        Your power is truly awesome, oh mighty one, and stretches over continents. Why just yesterday I glanced up and saw a 'Riffle' head slowly contorting and gently drifting by. And only last week a large sofa shape appeared in the stratocumulus... I could have sworn I saw 'Discrat' sat on it for a fleeting moment.


        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        Sometimes, I buy a donut just for myself and eat it on the drive home.
        I do the same, but tend to eat it from a plate or straight from the bag. You get bits of tarmac and grit when you eat it on the drive, and mostly the wife's car is parked there anyway.


        Originally Posted by discrat View Post

        You shameless devil you for committing such an egregious act
        I wish it to be known that we are NOT related.


        Originally Posted by discrat View Post

        I will just sit and reminisce to myself about my younger years or observing nature in the nearby trees.....
        That 'nature' in the nearby trees is probably Claude, who's climbed up to a higher vantage point to 'mind-bend' the clouds into shapes. Unless he's got binoculars, in which case I strongly suggest you and your neighbors draw your curtains.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by discrat View Post

        I love having 2 or 3 beers ( sometimes 4 on a special celebrations) in my backyard by myself every once in awhile. I will just sit and reminisce to myself about my younger years or observing nature in the nearby trees while catching a small buzz. Very, very relaxing.

        Good times and usually will do it when family is out shopping or something of that nature
        For many years, when i wasn't working, I'd sometimes drive to the towns I lived in as a kid, just to see what our old homes looked like, and what the neighborhood looked like.

        Over a few decades, I saw my old elementary school be abandoned, then torn down, then a residential area built over it. The streams in my neighborhood got covered, The tree in our front yard (that was a mere sapling when I lived there) get bigger, dominate the front yard, then get cut down.


        My grandparent's farm and home get abandoned then torn down, then covered with streets and homes. Not a trace of them left.

        Amazing the changes that are made in just 50 or 60 years.
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        "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    I recently killed my wife and replaced her with a clone with her exact memories.

    I felt guilty, until she told me that she recently killed me and replaced me with a clone with the exact memories as the former me.

    My question is, are we still the same couple?

    And if not, are we both cheating on each other?


    This really happened. When my son was about six years old, we were in the car (I was driving...because he's six years old)

    He asked "Why do people have kids?"

    I said, in a deadpan..." Spare parts".

    He looked at me and said "Really?".

    I instantly knew I said the wrong thing...and spent the next hour explaining how I was joking, and why we didn't really have him for spare parts. And why no parent has children for spare parts....

    And why it's a bad idea to tell his mom about the conversation.....which he immediately did when we got back.
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    One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

    "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Gotta watch what you say to kids. On a long (really long with 2 boys) road trip I convinced my younger son that hot dogs were made of chicken lips.


    As in 'Mooooommmm, chickens don't have lips'......answered with 'of course not, they take them off when they're young to make more hot dogs'. Carried it too far.

    He wouldn't eat hot dogs for years.


    I've kept all my adult teeth that have fallen out, in an envelope at the back of my sock drawer.

    Why - aside from dipping them in chocolate and handing them out on halloween, what possible use do you have for old teeth?
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog.
    ***
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    • Profile picture of the author Devil Reincarnated
      Originally Posted by Kay King View Post


      Why - aside from dipping them in chocolate and handing them out on halloween, what possible use do you have for old teeth?

      I still believe in the tooth fairy. I kid you not!

      No, seriously... I once considered making an experimental, grotesque mask for halloween, and as some of these teeth were themselves pretty grotesque.... there you go.

      Never did make the mask, and the teeth have somehow now gained sentimental value. I must dispose of them. It's a matter of time before they get discovered. But I cant just chuck them in a bin... it must be somewhere far, far away... I'll get Superman (Claude) to quickly fly them off to molten lava lakes on some remote planet.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    Two words:


    Flush Them


    They will go far far away....
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog.
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  • Profile picture of the author Devil Reincarnated
    Come on folks, the thread asks a question. Where's your secrets? You cant all be whiter than white.

    Off Topic forum used to be a real barrel of laughs.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Devil Reincarnated View Post

      Come on folks, the thread asks a question. Where's your secrets? You cant all be whiter than white.

      Off Topic forum used to be a real barrel of laughs.
      When nobody is looking, I make shapes out of clouds with my mind.

      I don't mean I imagine shapes. I mean I use my powers to shape the clouds.

      Some times I commit crimes so horrendous that nobody would believe witnesses to the act.

      My perfect defense.
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    I do the grocery shopping for my family. Sometimes, I buy a donut just for myself and eat it on the drive home.

    Shew.

    I feel better now that that's of my chest.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      I do the grocery shopping for my family. Sometimes, I buy a donut just for myself and eat it on the drive home.

      Shew.

      I feel better now that that's of my chest.
      You shameless devil you for committing such an egregious act
      Signature

      Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      I do the grocery shopping for my family. Sometimes, I buy a donut just for myself and eat it on the drive home.

      Shew.

      I feel better now that that's of my chest.
      That's not your chest, that's your stomach.
      Signature
      One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

      "Those who know that they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound to the crowd strive for obscurity" Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • Profile picture of the author Diego Aguirre
    I use the Manifestation Magic ClickBank product and I hide it from everyone (earphones while sleeping) because... well... it is weird to explain.
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    Want to know the 5 most common opt-in page mistakes that make your visitors run away?
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  • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
    I sometimes give money to people who need it, without telling them.
    I hide it where I know they will find it, such as a car, shoe, pocket...you get it.
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    Selling Ain't for Sissies!
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

      I sometimes give money to people who need it, without telling them.
      I hide it where I know they will find it, such as a car, shoe, pocket...you get it.
      Very few things I can think of are as commendable as that. Most people who give want accolades or recognition. Good for you, ken
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      Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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    • Profile picture of the author Devil Reincarnated
      Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

      I sometimes give money to people who need it, without telling them.
      I hide it where I know they will find it, such as a car, shoe, pocket...you get it.

      My wife rifles through all of those... mine not hers.

      If I hid money in a shoe of hers, she has so many it could be years before she found it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    When I was 9, I smoked my dad's face an' blamed it on the Remington Fairy.
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    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff togethah.

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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    I do lots of things that my family and friends
    don't know about but I'm not gonna tell you all
    what they are because my privacy is just that.
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