Do You Believe this about Life ??

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That your lot in Life and your Contentment and Joy is based on 10% circumstance and 90% the way you react to those circumstances ??


Case in Point : I have not shared this with anyone here but I lost two of my brothers and my Dad last year in a span of 6 months. Me ( and much like my Mom) made a choice to not wallow in sadness and shock but rather to reminiscence about the great times we had with them and keep their legacies they left behind alive and thriving. And that these cherished memories will last until the day we pass on.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Originally Posted by discrat View Post

    That your lot in Life and your Contentment and Joy is based on 10% circumstance and 90% the way you react to those circumstances ??


    Case in Point : I have not shared this with anyone here but I lost two of my brothers and my Dad last year in a span of 6 months. Me ( and much like my Mom) made a choice to not wallow in sadness and shock but rather to reminiscence about the great times we had with them and keep their legacies they left behind alive and thriving. And that these cherished memories will last until the day we pass on.
    First, sorry for your losses. I've lost a father and a brother. It's hard.

    Second, you are absolutely correct. One's contentment with life is a direct result of one's reaction to their environment. For example, people can't make you angry. People simply provide stimuli. You *decide* how you react to that stimuli.
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      First,

      Second, you are absolutely correct. One's contentment with life is a direct result of one's reaction to their environment. For example, people can't make you angry. People simply provide stimuli. You *decide* how you react to that stimuli.
      This might be off in the land of woo. But in many cases the decision to act was made well before the stimulus. It takes multiple stimulus and anger building below the surface. Before the anger is exactly expressed at some other person.

      That anger while building inside from what ever sources and reasons leads to declining circumstances with personal health and the outside world.

      Without digging out and releasing that anger person without getting recognition of wrongs done to you by those you are mad at. That anger will permanently lead to less than desirable circumstances. And reduce how good the positive circumstances can be and shorten how long you can be in a positive place.

      And much of what you are angry about people have either completely forgotten or don't feel they did anything wrong.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

        This might be off in the land of woo. But in many cases the decision to act was made well before the stimulus. It takes multiple stimulus and anger building below the surface. Before the anger is exactly expressed at some other person.

        That anger while building inside from what ever sources and reasons leads to declining circumstances with personal health and the outside world.

        Without digging out and releasing that anger person without getting recognition of wrongs done to you by those you are mad at. That anger will permanently lead to less than desirable circumstances. And reduce how good the positive circumstances can be and shorten how long you can be in a positive place.

        And much of what you are angry about people have either completely forgotten or don't feel they did anything wrong.
        Ultimately, you are in control of your emotions. Where people err is in thinking their emotions control them. You decide -- maybe consciously, probably unconsciously -- to be angry or to exhibit whatever emotion. There is no stimulus that forces you into anger, sadness, joy, etc. You decide to become angry. Once you learn why you let certain things trigger your decision to emote a certain way, you can teach yourself to respond differently.

        Case in point, Claude and I say some truly mean things to each other. I won't speak for Claude (I'd have to use smaller words), but there's nothing Claude could say to me to make me angry. I simply decide not to allow it.

        Now, if you have a chemical imbalance or some mental health issue, the parameters can be different. But, generally speaking, emotions are learned responses to stimuli. Unlearning bad behavior is hard and most people would prefer to believe they have no control because it grants them carte blanche authority to act however they want.
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        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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        • Profile picture of the author discrat
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          Once you learn why you let certain things trigger your decision to emote a certain way, you can teach yourself to respond differently.
          It goes back to a neuroscientist I had the pleasure of listening to once said, " Do your Thoughts and Behavior control your Environment or does your Environment control your Thoughts and Behavior."

          In essence I truly believe that we create our own Reality. It all happens in between our ears.

          If you want to live with resentment, anger, sadness etc...etc.. based on past events then that is a choice you are making. Just like if you want to live with a feeling of joy, enrichment, and happiness...well that is a choice you are making.

          Each day when we wake up we have to make this decision.

          Of course as you point out things like mental illness can be a whole different ball game but talking about relativity with most people.
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          • Profile picture of the author Odahh
            Originally Posted by discrat View Post

            It goes back to a neuroscientist I had the pleasure of listening to once said, " Do your Thoughts and Behavior control your Environment or does your Environment control your Thoughts and Behavior."

            In essence I truly believe that we create our own Reality. It all happens in between our ears.
            The environment we live in is filled with marketing message to tell us how to feel or what to believe.

            It is interesting when you study the way you respond or react to thing and then figure out the marketing messages that guided those reactions.
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Originally Posted by discrat View Post

    That your lot in Life and your Contentment and Joy is based on 10% circumstance and 90% the way you react to those circumstances ??


    Case in Point : I have not shared this with anyone here but I lost two of my brothers and my Dad last year in a span of 6 months. Me ( and much like my Mom) made a choice to not wallow in sadness and shock but rather to reminiscence about the great times we had with them and keep their legacies they left behind alive and thriving. And that these cherished memories will last until the day we pass on.
    Three family members is a lot to lose in 6 months. Sorry for your losses.

    Back in the 70's, my grandfather and uncle died within 24 hours of each other. So much so, we had a double funeral. Father and son.
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  • Gota be both Supah Brute an' Supah Angel here, an' split stuff up accordin' to where mortal energies may prospah best.

    There's a whole buncha stuff you can't do nuthin' about, an' a whole buncha stuff ovah which you gaht 100% control.

    Way I see it, your job is to maximize the control you gaht to open up the possibility of changin' stuff you can't.

    This internexus varies in form an' content for alla us -- an' we already seen divergence of landmarks here in this comment trail -- but that internexus is kinda a priori in a world of individyool hoomans contemplatin' their place in the Cosmos.

    So we all have people, an' we all lost people -- so I getchya here, Discy, Danno & Claude.

    Thing is, upon what immyootable platform may our next steps best be taken?

    Sumhow, we gotta commune with the unfoldin' Beyondo with meanin', purpose & heart.

    An' we gotta do so as kinda fallible persons.

    The ultimate Supah Brutesty of our existence is that the planet gonna carry on perfectly fine without us.

    The Angel is you gotta hold yusself up an' do neat stuffs while you here.

    We are sparks gleaned from mettle (Fearo Pun Alert) strikin' walls of rock.

    Between usselves & stuff ain't usselves, there is a tangible shape, a myootable connective layer.

    I would wish this to be workable in sum way, like a sculpture that is carved outward.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    Originally Posted by discrat View Post

    That your lot in Life and your Contentment and Joy is based on 10% circumstance and 90% the way you react to those circumstances ??


    on.
    Did those loses ignite your desire to work out every day and take care of you health better. Lose weight and so on. I can empathize with your loss as my parents died within 5 months of each other. 8 years ago it was almost two years before I actually grieved. Because I was worn out by taking care of them.

    I can only speak for myself as far as circumstances go . Because the circumstances almost never mater it is your beliefs about how things should happened or should have happened that cause much of the negative reaction.

    So it is more how quickly you get rid of the pile of shoulda. And work with as much of the reality as you can and create a long term positive outcome.

    I have learned the best thing to do s to refrain from long term charter judgments and outside death nearly all circumstances can be improved over time.
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    • Profile picture of the author discrat
      Originally Posted by Odahh View Post

      Did those loses ignite your desire to work out every day and take care of you health better. Lose weight and so on.
      In a conscious manner I would have to say "no". I started my journey about 2 months before the first death which was my brother who is the middle child.

      But maybe in a subconscious way I kept doing it because of the health problems they went through.

      So my best answer would be "maybe".
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      Nothing to see here including a Sig so just move on :)

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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    I would also like to add my condolences.

    It is very difficult to lose your loved ones.

    I believe that life is what you make it.

    And love your people while you have them.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    My Grandmother used to say 'look up and look out'..when problems get you down.



    She was long gone before I realized just how powerful that advice was.
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    Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Sorry for your loss discrat. : ( I've never lost anyone close to me however it must be difficult. That said, good for you for being positive about it -- and seeing it as something of an "opportunity".

    Originally Posted by discrat View Post

    That your lot in Life and your Contentment and Joy is based on 10% circumstance and 90% the way you react to those circumstances ?
    Yeah I believe that completely. And, it's been true in my Life. (After going through difficult mental health problems ...) However I think it's one of those insights/"secrets" of Life that People won't truly understand until they they experience it themselves. (Well -- that's my perspective, I could be wrong.) Like Kay said, it can be very powerful.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing the insight.
    : )
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    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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    • Profile picture of the author Odahh
      Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

      Sorry for your loss discrat.

      Yeah I believe that completely. And, it's been true in my Life. (After going through difficult mental health problems ...) However I think it's one of those insights/"secrets" of Life that People won't truly understand until they they experience it themselves. (Well -- that's my perspective, I could be wrong.) Like Kay said, it can be very powerful.

      Anyway, thanks for sharing the insight.
      : )
      The circumstances I was in for a very long time agrivated underlying conditions and medications didn't help and made everything worse. So from my personal experience . It critical to figure out the environmental and behavioral cause of the problem. And work to change or vastly improve that.

      I have sudden shifts in my energy levels that are caused by the climate and light levels which then effect my overall mood.

      It has taken years of observation to identify the cycles and the conditions that cause mood shifts no matter how much positive thinking. And I have been willing to move to far different climates in the USA.

      Human beings are not rooted into one environment or set of circumstances. They have the option to identify better circumstances and put the effort in to get to those circumstances. And keep moving if they feel the need.

      The mistake many make is to wait until the build resentment and a list of negatives before they move to better. Instead of just constantly moving from better to even more better.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
        Thanks Odahh.

        Fore me having a PMA ("Positive Mental Attitude") ― and realizing I could learn something from adversity (which I have) ― was crucial for my recovery. Many People have something of a negative association with the term "Positive Thinking" ... However I wouldn't be where I am today without it.

        It's literally been life-changing. : )

        2C
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        "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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        • Profile picture of the author Odahh
          Originally Posted by Jonathan 2.0 View Post

          Thanks Odahh.

          Fore me having a PMA ("Positive Mental Attitude") ― and realizing I could learn something from adversity (which I have) ― was crucial for my recovery. Many People have something of a negative association with the term "Positive Thinking" ... However I wouldn't be where I am today without it.

          It's literally been life-changing. : )

          2C
          One of the things my psychiatrist pointed out to me is I tend to imagine the worst thing is happening. So I prepare in advance of doing anything new and study the negative things that can happen and what people who went through them, did to resolve the problems.

          An expectation and preparation for adversity greatly improves the response to adversity.

          I am also very much into using technology to improve my life in a direct way and technology starts with a mortar and pestle
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          • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
            Cool. : ) I like the kind of "strategic" aspect to that. Similarly for many People figuring out what could go wrong and than planning for it works great.
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            "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author kartik rathore
    Yeah, It's hard to believe but it's true. I am also going through lots of pain in my current situation and I know that I have to react in a way that make me feel better (In case I wonder and think about my current situation in future) but I fail to handle my emotion and reaction in my current situation and do bullshit things that effects my mental state.
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