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Limerence Or Addiction To Love

by lanfear63
44 replies
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5 percent of people have had this sometime in their lives. (including me up to a point)

Without knowing what their reaction will be, until you finally ask them out and get an answer, you get an obsession about them or what if extravaganza. You ignore all their possible faults and incompatibility issues and spend hours thinking about the prospect of being with them. It can be an infatuation or total obsession until you finally find out if it is for real and could be reciprocated. Rejection means it then quickly fades. Fortunately, my experiences with this have never been what you could say as all consuming. Just desirable.

This is more than just a crush like for a pop star etc. I did have a crush on Kate Bush (in her rise to fame years) for a while and it was not entirely impossible that I could meet her as a couple of friends I shared a Flat with worked for EMI records, her label. But it never happened and it faded.

Any one else had these crushes or infatuations in the past and prepared to admit it?

https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p09x7...icted-to-love-
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  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post


    Any one else had these crushes or infatuations in the past and prepared to admit it?

    https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p09x7...icted-to-love-
    I am prepared to admit it. No....no I have not.


    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

    It can be an infatuation or total obsession until you finally find out if it is for real and could be reciprocated.
    This doesn't sound healthy. For you or them.

    "if it is for real"? You mean for you. Real for you.

    And remember, this is a complete stranger, who is unaware that you have feelings for them...or even aware that you exist.

    If this happens again, you need to talk to someone.

    How scary do you think it would be for a lady (or anyone) if you told them that you were in love with them, or obsessed with them, or even infatuated with them....before you ever met them?

    In your mind, you may think it's perfectly possible that they will see the light, and reciprocate.

    But that's not what they are thinking.

    I've never been obsessed with anyone outside of my current marriage. But I've had a women be obsessed with me. Twice.

    Believe me, it wasn't a picnic. To them, they thought they could tell I thought the same about them, because I was polite to them. To me, it was a nightmare.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      I am prepared to admit it. No....no I have not.




      This doesn't sound healthy. For you or them.

      "if it is for real"? You mean for you. Real for you.

      And remember, this is a complete stranger, who is unaware that you have feelings for them...or even aware that you exist.

      If this happens again, you need to talk to someone.

      How scary do you think it would be for a lady (or anyone) if you told them that you were in love with them, or obsessed with them, or even infatuated with them....before you ever met them?

      In your mind, you may think it's perfectly possible that they will see the light, and reciprocate.

      But that's not what they are thinking.

      I've never been obsessed with anyone outside of my current marriage. But I've had a women be obsessed with me. Twice.

      Believe me, it wasn't a picnic. To them, they thought they could tell I thought the same about them, because I was polite to them. To me, it was a nightmare.
      It can be someone you know or don't know. For me, going to the point of obsession or stalking, absolutely not, going to point of thinking about them 24/7, nope, not that either. It was beyond a crush on an icon for sure (but you know that was unobtainable anyway)
      because there might be a chance. It was not dangerous for me or them. There are degrees we are talking about here. You do not go up to them and tell them you loved them from afar. You ask for a date and see if your enthusiasm remains after a couple of dates. If you have never had anything like it then it's not something you could comment on.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        If you have never had anything like it then it's not something you could comment on.
        I think you are mistaken. I actually did comment on it, proving my powers are beyond measure.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I think you are mistaken. I actually did comment on it, proving my powers are beyond measure.
          "I think you are mistaken. I actually did comment on it, proving my pants size is beyond measure"

          Fixed.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

      I am prepared to admit it. No....no I have not.




      This doesn't sound healthy. For you or them.

      "if it is for real"? You mean for you. Real for you.

      And remember, this is a complete stranger, who is unaware that you have feelings for them...or even aware that you exist.

      If this happens again, you need to talk to someone.

      How scary do you think it would be for a lady (or anyone) if you told them that you were in love with them, or obsessed with them, or even infatuated with them....before you ever met them?

      In your mind, you may think it's perfectly possible that they will see the light, and reciprocate.

      But that's not what they are thinking.

      I've never been obsessed with anyone outside of my current marriage. But I've had a women be obsessed with me. Twice.

      Believe me, it wasn't a picnic. To them, they thought they could tell I thought the same about them, because I was polite to them. To me, it was a nightmare.
      Actually, correct me as to the circumstances. When your now wife came to the store to buy your latest state of the art, dustpan and brush, and you took a shine to her, (sold her some polish) did you take her phone number as a matter of course for the sale or did you ask for it with of the stated intention of, may I call you?. A friend wants to know, my invisible one.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        Actually, correct me as to the circumstances. When your now wife came to the store to buy your latest state of the art, dustpan and brush, and you took a shine to her, (sold her some polish) did you take her phone number as a matter of course for the sale or did you ask for it with of the stated intention of, may I call you?. A friend wants to know, my invisible one.
        Actually...I'm not joking.

        When she stopped by the store, she was incredibly shy and adorable. She bought, and her check had her number on it. Had her check not had her phone number on it, I know I wouldn't have called. This is the only time in my life that I've done this.

        She bought a vacuum cleaner. At 8PM that night, I called her up. at this point, she could have been married for all I knew.

        Her older brother (of the deep voice) answered the phone. I asked to speak to Cheryl. I thought he was her husband.

        After asking her if she liked her vacuum cleaner, she asked "Why are you calling me?"

        I said "I don't know anything about you. And you know nothing about me. For all I know you are married. But if you aren't and would like to go out with me, I'd love to take you out".

        She was silent for a minute, and then said "Oh, all right".

        Here's the thing. I'm not shy. I've asked lots of women out. This is the only time I asked a woman out that was a customer.

        But, I wasn't thinking about her all day. I wasn't obsessed with her. Had she turned me down, I wouldn't have given it much thought. (Except for maybe a husband getting mad. Or her getting mad).

        To be honest, She was quirky, had a great smile, and was cute. And she didn't sound stupid or insane. I wouldn't have asked her out at the store, because it would jeopardize the sale (Always the marketer). But later, I just decided to call.

        It wasn't until our third or fourth date that I started thinking that she was amazing, and that I was going to pursue her as a wifely candidate.

        Before I met Cheryl, I had lots of great women in my store. Cheryl was the first one I think I was interested in.....she was just so fascinating. Shy, witty, funny, and smarter than I am. Pretty unique.

        There is a little backstory. She had a cleaning service. And her phone number was the same as the store's, except for the area code. So I would get calls for her, and she would get calls for me. So we had something to talk about while she was at my store. She wasn't a complete stranger when I met her.

        Our first date was terrible. We went to a movie we both hated. I took her to a nice bar, and she didn't drink. The smoke at the bar made her sick. I'm frankly amazed she went out with me again. Plus, you know...it's me, so that was working against me too.
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        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Actually...I'm not joking.

          When she stopped by the store, she was incredibly shy and adorable. She bought, and her check had her number on it. Had her check not had her phone number on it, I know I wouldn't have called. This is the only time in my life that I've done this.

          She bought a vacuum cleaner. At 8PM that night, I called her up. at this point, she could have been married for all I knew.

          Her older brother (of the deep voice) answered the phone. I asked to speak to Cheryl. I thought he was her husband.

          After asking her if she liked her vacuum cleaner, she asked "Why are you calling me?"

          I said "I don't know anything about you. And you know nothing about me. For all I know you are married. But if you aren't and would like to go out with me, I'd love to take you out".

          She was silent for a minute, and then said "Oh, all right".

          Here's the thing. I'm not shy. I've asked lots of women out. This is the only time I asked a woman out that was a customer.

          But, I wasn't thinking about her all day. I wasn't obsessed with her. Had she turned me down, I wouldn't have given it much thought. (Except for maybe a husband getting mad. Or her getting mad).

          To be honest, She was quirky, had a great smile, and was cute. And she didn't sound stupid or insane. I wouldn't have asked her out at the store, because it would jeopardize the sale (Always the marketer). But later, I just decided to call.

          It wasn't until our third or fourth date that I started thinking that she was amazing, and that I was going to pursue her as a wifely candidate.

          Before I met Cheryl, I had lots of great women in my store. Cheryl was the first one I think I was interested in.....she was just so fascinating. Shy, witty, funny, and smarter than I am. Pretty unique.

          There is a little backstory. She had a cleaning service. And her phone number was the same as the store's, except for the area code. So I would get calls for her, and she would get calls for me. So we had something to talk about while she was at my store. She wasn't a complete stranger when I met her.

          Our first date was terrible. We went to a movie we both hated. I took her to a nice bar, and she didn't drink. The smoke at the bar made her sick. I'm frankly amazed she went out with me again. Plus, you know...it's me, so that working against me too.
          Fascinating, you acted swiftly and triumphed, even in the face of a disastrous first date. A restaurant would have of course been more suitable but I'm sure your choice of KFC would have been equally unimpressive. What is impressive is that you went out on a limb like that and took a chance without any procrastination. Fear of rejection and not acting immediately to find out one way or the other ASAP leads to these obsessions.

          I'm sending over your gold star in the mail.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            What is impressive is that you went out on a limb like that and took a chance without any procrastination. Fear of rejection and not acting immediately to find out one way or the other ASAP leads to these obsessions.

            I didn't feel like I was going out on a limb. I just found her interesting. There are lots of beautiful women. Lots of smart women. But she was interesting.. And that set her apart (for me, at least).
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            Fascinating, you acted swiftly and triumphed, even in the face of a disastrous first date. A restaurant would have of course been more suitable but I'm sure your choice of KFC would have been equally unimpressive..
            Sorry, I forgot to mention that I took her to a restaurant first, then the movie, then the bar.

            She ordered a very inexpensive dinner. I knew it was because she wanted to save me money. These little insights into a person's personality are what real love is based on. Kindnesses toward others, when you don't have to be kind. It was just a small clue into the person she was.

            Anyway, you may find this interesting.

            I've had lots of female employees over the decades. When I wasn't married, it was a hard rule that I would never "date' anyone who I worked with. A few female employees asked me "out'. A couple were married. What a way to destroy your life and theirs. And the chances of any of that ending well is Zero.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Sorry, I forgot to mention that I took her to a restaurant first, then the movie, then the bar.

              She ordered a very inexpensive dinner. I knew it was because she wanted to save me money. These little insights into a person's personality are what real love is based on. Kindnesses toward others, when you don't have to be kind. It was just a small clue into the person she was.

              Anyway, you may find this interesting.

              I've had lots of female employees over the decades. When I wasn't married, it was a hard rule that I would never "date' anyone who I worked with. A few female employees asked me "out'. A couple were married. What a way to destroy your life and theirs. And the chances of any of that ending well is Zero.
              "She ordered a very inexpensive dinner. I knew it was because she wanted to save me money."

              Ahhhh.. the dollar menu, kind of her.

              I bet you can't recall what movie you went to see (given that Bambi was no longer on general release)

              I wonder what the first opening sentences were when you met up. Perhaps...

              Claude: Hi, how's my baby doing? (referring to the vacuum cleaner you sold)

              Cheryl: I dunno, when was your last CT scan? (referring to your stomach)
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              • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                "She ordered a very inexpensive dinner. I knew it was because she wanted to save me money."

                Ahhhh.. the dollar menu, kind of her.

                I bet you can't recall what movie you went to see (given that Bambi was no longer on general release)

                I wonder what the first opening sentences were when you met up. Perhaps...

                Claude: Hi, how's my baby doing? (referring to the vacuum cleaner you sold)

                Cheryl: I dunno, when was your last CT scan? (referring to your stomach)

                I remember the movie was Date With An Angel.
                I don't remember anything we said except Cheryl told me I was "Narrow minded" when I gave an opinion about something.

                She sure was a great kisser. I asked her why she agreed to go out with me on a second date (years later), She told me she wasn't going to go out with me again until we kissed goodnight. Somehow, despite looking like me...she liked the kiss.


                What an outstanding woman she turned out to be, and what an amazing wife. She made me want to be a better man. She still does.
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                • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  She made me want to be a better man. She still does.
                  You're free to start on that any time.
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                  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                    Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                    You're free to start on that any time.
                    C,mon be nice, he did take her out for a three course meal, although Claude couldn't figure out what the large letter "M" stood for.

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                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                      Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                      C,mon be nice, he did take her out for a three course meal, although Claude couldn't figure out what the large letter "M" stood for.
                      Come on now, even Claude has standards. It was I hop.
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                      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
                        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                        Come on now, even Claude has standards. It was I hop.
                        I looked that up, and unfortunately found it was real.

                        At least Claude didn't take her to Kentucky Hound Fried Chicken and Moonshine establishments.

                        The free Chicken Hog, charm bracelet, gets him every time.

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                        • Profile picture of the author Odahh
                          Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

                          I looked that up, and unfortunately found it was real.

                          At least Claude didn't take her to Kentucky Hound Fried Chicken and Moonshine establishments.

                          The free Chicken Hog, charm bracelet, gets him every time.
                          What are you talking about Ohio is on the wrong side of the mason Dixon line for moonshine establishments .
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                • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                  I remember the movie was Date With An Angel.
                  I don't remember anything we said except Cheryl told me I was "Narrow minded" when I gave an opinion about something.

                  She sure was a great kisser. I asked her why she agreed to go out with me on a second date (years later), She told me she wasn't going to go out with me again until we kissed goodnight. Somehow, despite looking like me...she liked the kiss.


                  What an outstanding woman she turned out to be, and what an amazing wife. She made me want to be a better man. She still does.
                  And I get the impression that this was not just a "Tongue in Cheek" comment either.

                  Shocking to hear that your whole future life and happiness relied on some nifty Tongue Play.

                  That and holding off on your usual two extra portions of food you would normally order.

                  Appropriately named movie.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post


                    Shocking to hear that your whole future life and happiness relied on some nifty Tongue Play.

                    .
                    Have you ever wonder how your life would be different in a single moment wouldn't have happened/? What if Cheryl didn't go out with me? What if she didn't have her phone number on her check? What if i just didn't call?

                    What if I didn't go into that bar at that exact moment, and catch the eye of my (soon to be) first wife? What if I decided to work at the shop with my Dad, instead of trying sales?

                    These moments changes lives. Not just mine, but everyone I know, and everyone they know. Suppliers, customers, friends would all be different, with different lives...if I just zigged instead of zagged.

                    And we are all like that. If you are 50, and history changed so you were never born, maybe hundreds of thousands of people would have different lives, meeting different people.

                    My guess is that if you were born 1,000 years ago, that ripple effect would be so pervasive that nobody on Earth would be exactly the same. Maybe millions of people would be completely different people...maybe never being born....because of something one person did, 1,000 years ago.

                    And if one person wasn't born 10,000 years ago, that was going to be born...I suspect that entire histories of countries would be different. Languages would be different. Holidays and entertainment would be different.

                    Anyway, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I did one little thing differently, for better or worse. I assume you have too.
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                    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                      Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                      Have you ever wonder how your life would be different in a single moment wouldn't have happened/? What if Cheryl didn't go out with me? What if she didn't have her phone number on her check? What if i just didn't call?

                      What if I didn't go into that bar at that exact moment, and catch the eye of my (soon to be) first wife? What if I decided to work at the shop with my Dad, instead of trying sales?

                      These moments changes lives. Not just mine, but everyone I know, and everyone they know. Suppliers, customers, friends would all be different, with different lives...if I just zigged instead of zagged.

                      And we are all like that. If you are 50, and history changed so you were never born, maybe hundreds of thousands of people would have different lives, meeting different people.

                      My guess is that if you were born 1,000 years ago, that ripple effect would be so pervasive that nobody on Earth would be exactly the same. Maybe millions of people would be completely different people...maybe never being born....because of something one person did, 1,000 years ago.

                      And if one person wasn't born 10,000 years ago, that was going to be born...I suspect that entire histories of countries would be different. Languages would be different. Holidays and entertainment would be different.

                      Anyway, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I did one little thing differently, for better or worse. I assume you have too.
                      "What if she didn't have her phone number on her check? What if i just didn't call?"

                      That's an interesting one, her address and name would be on her check, so it would be relatively easy to track down the phone number. But, it was easy because the phone number was there. Do you think you would have perused finding it though because you were interested enough to make that little extra effort?

                      If so, you could have taken a little longer to get and called on a different night. All sorts of permutations could have ensued.

                      I am only living in the US now because someone I met over here when visiting a friend emailed me and was a bit of a matchmaker. Convinced me to contact this person who became my wife. And so it unfolded.

                      I expect a fair amount of it is influencing others by planting a seed via words and ideas you may impart to them. And making associations for them to others, making them aware of something that they have not considered before that already existed. To the extreme then, it could mean that you are the catalyst for them doing something that leads to greatness and achievement for them or for others, so, you are the un-sung hero but remain unheard of, but if you had not been there to plant the seed..... It's a daunting thought.

                      You might say then it supports the idea that everything is random and could have gone many different ways.

                      Certain things though are not entirely random. like if the first person who invented an engine that uses coal to power it would have been replaced by another because similar ideas were independently circulating at the time. Although the first model's timing of production would be different it would still lead to to the world becoming industrialized and producing too much Co2 and causing global warming.

                      Yes, infinite ramblings on this topic, lol.
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                      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                        "What if she didn't have her phone number on her check? What if i just didn't call?"

                        That's an interesting one, her address and name would be on her check, so it would be relatively easy to track down the phone number. But, it was easy because the phone number was there. Do you think you would have perused finding it though because you were interested enough to make that little extra effort?

                        .
                        No. Had her number not been on her check, I wouldn't have called. I knew her number because, except for the first three numbers, it was the same as my store's number.

                        But I saw the number on the check, and just decided to call. It was a whim.

                        And then she barely decided to go out with me. And then barely decided to go out with me a second time.
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                        • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
                          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                          No. Had her number not been on her check, I wouldn't have called. I knew her number because, except for the first three numbers, it was the same as my store's number.

                          But I saw the number on the check, and just decided to call. It was a whim.

                          And then she barely decided to go out with me. And then barely decided to go out with me a second time.
                          So moving onto the end of the second time and into the third, what changed, hooked her, and upped her enthusiasm, did you flash your bank roll, impress her with some anecdotes, say something profound, show a lot more enthusiasm? Enthralled.
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          • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            Fascinating, you acted swiftly and triumphed, even in the face of a disastrous first date. A restaurant would have of course been more suitable but I'm sure your choice of KFC would have been equally unimpressive. What is impressive is that you went out on a limb like that and took a chance without any procrastination. Fear of rejection and not acting immediately to find out one way or the other ASAP leads to these obsessions.

            I'm sending over your gold star in the mail.
            If my kid said half of the things you have said (the quote above is a perfect example) in this thread, I would sit him down and have a serious discussion about how he views himself and his self-esteem.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

              If my kid said half of the things you have said (the quote above is a perfect example) in this thread, I would sit him down and have a serious discussion about how he views himself and his self-esteem.
              So, for you, acting on an attraction is something you have never procrastinated about, hesitated on, never had shyness creep in. Answer truthfully or I will be forced to deduct 10 points
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        • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          She was quirky, had a great smile, and was cute. And she didn't sound stupid or insane.
          I endeavor always to work on that second part so the rest comes shinin' through.

          Also my hair.

          Tellya, when the spirit of entropy infuses your follicles, ain't no point shoppin' for dream hair dryers.

          Cookin' is a prahblem also, which is why I am always personable in cafes an' restaurants so's I don't starve to death or corrupt muh bloodstream with unnecessary self-prodooced poisons.

          Hey, but ain't romance so cool?

          Seems like a default settin' of wishin' to cushy on up meets all kindsa pernickety optschwaans.

          Hence the worlds spin, I guess.

          We are alla us here bcs more people wanted to hang out sweeto steada shoot nowan in the tits.

          Natchrlly, you won't evah see this theme leadin' the way in most confectionery ads ... speshly for them lucksury chocolate stuffs evry gal loves so much ... but that is best spin on the planet we gaht so far.

          I need ice cream ...
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  • Profile picture of the author Kay King
    If you are stalking someone - I'd say you took it too far.


    I've never understood being infatuated with someone you didn't know - my guess the infatuation is with how you see YOURSELF if that person were in your life.



    Easier to romanticize someone you don't know - much more difficult once you know them....AND once they know you.
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
    So, Mark. How are you coping with retirement?
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by Frank Donovan View Post

      So, Mark. How are you coping with retirement?
      Any infatuations or crushes are in the past. Unless a miracle happens I am done with relationships. A few good friends and no pets. Total liberation.
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  • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
    You sure your not talking about Lust ?

    https://youtu.be/XcATvu5f9vE
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by DWolfe View Post

      You sure your not talking about Lust ?

      https://youtu.be/XcATvu5f9vE
      There must be that aspect to it, sexual attraction, but it's more the thinking that this is the one that will fulfill all my needs and I can share my life with. The ultimate companion.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

    5 percent of people have had this sometime in their lives. (including me up to a point)

    Without knowing what their reaction will be, until you finally ask them out and get an answer, you get an obsession about them or what if extravaganza. You ignore all their possible faults and incompatibility issues and spend hours thinking about the prospect of being with them. It can be an infatuation or total obsession until you finally find out if it is for real and could be reciprocated. Rejection means it then quickly fades. Fortunately, my experiences with this have never been what you could say as all consuming. Just desirable.

    This is more than just a crush like for a pop star etc. I did have a crush on Kate Bush (in her rise to fame years) for a while and it was not entirely impossible that I could meet her as a couple of friends I shared a Flat with worked for EMI records, her label. But it never happened and it faded.

    Any one else had these crushes or infatuations in the past and prepared to admit it?

    https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p09x7...icted-to-love-
    Sure l had plenty as a kid, Big M add,s, a few movie stars, and such, and since l was picked on by a gang of women, twice my height at High School, (l think that you guys call it college, but without the dorm) l tended to hide out in the computer room, so no real dates or crushes.

    Had a serious crush, on someone in my art and design year, even though she was spoken for, and even though she was interested, which only made it worse.

    I have only met one person, who seemed perfect, and was already spoken for, but clearly was very interested, probably 7 years ago.

    Since then l have had plenty of older woman show interest, and one my age, but no real matches.

    I am more concerned with making wealth than anything else at the moment, since with my frozen country, there isn't much else to do.
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      Originally Posted by tagiscom View Post

      Sure l had plenty as a kid, Big M add,s, a few movie stars, and such, and since l was picked on by a gang of women, twice my height at High School, (l think that you guys call it college, but without the dorm) l tended to hide out in the computer room, so no real dates or crushes.

      Had a serious crush, on someone in my art and design year, even though she was spoken for, and even though she was interested, which only made it worse.

      I have only met one person, who seemed perfect, and was already spoken for, but clearly was very interested, probably 7 years ago.

      Since then l have had plenty of older woman show interest, and one my age, but no real matches.

      I am more concerned with making wealth than anything else at the moment, since with my frozen country, there isn't much else to do.
      It's just been announced that Australia has opened up their borders again for travel. But only for those who have err, done the right thing. You will be trapped there for years to come.

      I was attacked by a gang of Keep Left signs in my home town as a teenager. It was traumatic (or was it Monty Python?) But I still crossed the road.
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      • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        It's just been announced that Australia has opened up their borders again for travel. But only for those who have err, done the right thing. You will be trapped there for years to come.
        "Done the right, thing" you mean l haven't pledged my allegiance, or even done any bootlickting recently, true.

        It typically takes 4 years or more for any new, wonder drug or cure to lose it,s "true good to be true, luster".

        I was attacked by a gang of Keep Left signs in my home town as a teenager. It was traumatic (or was it Monty Python?) But I still crossed the road.
        Probably a mob of angry chickens, protesting against being in a running jag.
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      • Profile picture of the author Odahh
        Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

        It's just been announced that Australia has opened up their borders again for travel. But only for those who have err, done the right thing. You will be trapped there for years to come.

        .
        As for the starting concept of the thread after high school it really didn't happen. I ended up spending a lot of time online playing video games and I was working a job that my shift changed every week or every few weeks . And almost all the attractive co workers work immigrant women who spoke little English.

        A few times I visited women I met in games for a week. Not the most attractive women but a week of fun.

        Las Vegas is a blurr even though I was there for a year and a half when I worked in costume every day and drank. I talked to or worked near the pretty show girls the ones who stood around nearly naked. Even had one move in with me for a while. I ended up being a beta orbiter though .

        In any case part of why I prefer to travel is it easy to date very attractive women and get them to move in. Quickly. And they move out just as quickly if things don't work out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Odahh
    Claude
    If Edison hadn't patented the light bulb when he did other people would have patented the lightbulb instead. There where other teams around the world who flew soon after.

    We have free will but if we choose not to do something that someone is going to do just means someone else will do it.

    Elon musk could have created google but put his efforts in Mars and electric cars. Left google for others to create.

    Here is the thing if you never called and never went out with you wife she may have married someone else so would you have. And you never would have known your worlds would have gone on. The world we be about the same.

    Before there was a bitcoin I was expecting the development of network currencies that would be used by multi national cooperations . I was basing it off the trade of video game currency.

    The cascade of changes may not have mattered because no one would know there was a difference

    And jumping to another thread response the world had already figured out how to burn coal well before the ICE vehicles where mass produced and there had been developing of vehicles that ran off compressed air. That was wiped out after mass production of automobiles.

    If we had gone with thorium reactors in the 50,s and 60 intead of reactors that produce plutonium and weapons grade bi products we would have safe nuclear plants with no risk of meltdowns and clean energy with no climate change. Of the man made type but the heat island effects of large cities and the desertification caused by poor land use and farming practices. Would still lead to higher surface temperatures and changes in weather patterns. Along with the carbon that has been released from soil losses around the world

    Fly across the USA in the window seat of any jetliner and on a clear day you see brown square and rectangles that are farm with a few inches of topsoil left that would have been prairies and forests with 10 feet of soil that held vast amounts of carbon 150 years ago
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    No. Had her number not been on her check, I wouldn't have called. I knew her number because, except for the first three numbers, it was the same as my store's number.

    But I saw the number on the check, and just decided to call. It was a whim.

    And then she barely decided to go out with me. And then barely decided to go out with me a second time.
    And barely decided to Marry You, (someone had to say it).

    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

    "What if she didn't have her phone number on her check? What if i just didn't call?"

    That's an interesting one, her address and name would be on her check, so it would be relatively easy to track down the phone number. But, it was easy because the phone number was there. Do you think you would have perused finding it though because you were interested enough to make that little extra effort?

    If so, you could have taken a little longer to get and called on a different night. All sorts of permutations could have ensued.

    I am only living in the US now because someone I met over here when visiting a friend emailed me and was a bit of a matchmaker. Convinced me to contact this person who became my wife. And so it unfolded.

    I expect a fair amount of it is influencing others by planting a seed via words and ideas you may impart to them. And making associations for them to others, making them aware of something that they have not considered before that already existed. To the extreme then, it could mean that you are the catalyst for them doing something that leads to greatness and achievement for them or for others, so, you are the un-sung hero but remain unheard of, but if you had not been there to plant the seed..... It's a daunting thought.

    You might say then it supports the idea that everything is random and could have gone many different ways.

    Certain things though are not entirely random. like if the first person who invented an engine that uses coal to power it would have been replaced by another because similar ideas were independently circulating at the time. Although the first model's timing of production would be different it would still lead to to the world becoming industrialized and producing too much Co2 and causing global warming.

    Yes, infinite ramblings on this topic, lol.
    I know Claude will argue that there are no patterns in the someone or something managing stuff, kind of way, but patterns in randomness still happen.

    I went to a local petrol station and saw up to seven dark gray cars all parked here and there, which was a hell of a fluke, and l walked into the store, thinking this is like a funeral?

    Was that a dumb, random event, probably, but was l there at that time, to get something from that event?

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

      So moving onto the end of the second time and into the third, what changed, hooked her, and upped her enthusiasm, did you flash your bank roll, impress her with some anecdotes, say something profound, show a lot more enthusiasm? Enthralled.
      The third date.

      We spent the entire day at three museums in Cleveland Ohio. The art museum, the natural history museum, and the aquarium.

      It was that day that we found out that we were both funny. It was that day that I knew that she was different from all the rest. It was that day she showed me that she was really smart, behind her shyness.

      That's not the day I fell in love with her. But that's the day I knew she was worth a ton of extra effort.

      We got married three months later. When you both know, you both know.

      I can't speak for her, but I thought I loved her when we got married. That pales in comparison to the depth of affection that grew over the decades.

      Shortly after our third date, I met her parents and siblings at a Christmas dinner. It was then that I found out why she was such a good person. Her whole family is made up of very caring, moral, generous people. Her Dad was the kindest man I've ever met.

      Not like me at all.

      I don't believe in fate or luck. But I sure got lucky.

      Added later;

      She knew I owned a store.. And I also sold vacuum cleaners in people's homes. it was outside any of her or her family's experience. We were married before she had any idea how much money I had. It's just not something we would have talked about.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        The third date.

        We spent the entire day at three museums in Cleveland Ohio. The art museum, the natural history museum, and the aquarium.

        It was that day that we found out that we were both funny. It was that day that I knew that she was different from all the rest. It was that day she showed me that she was really smart, behind her shyness.

        That's not the day I fell in love with her. But that's the day I knew she was worth a ton of extra effort.

        We got married three months later. When you both know, you both know.

        I can't speak for her, but I thought I loved her when we got married. That pales in comparison to the depth of affection that grew over the decades.

        Shortly after our third date, I met her parents and siblings at a Christmas dinner. It was then that I found out why she was such a good person. Her whole family is made up of very caring, moral, generous people. Her Dad was the kindest man I've ever met.

        Not like me at all.

        I don't believe in fate or luck. But I sure got lucky.

        Added later;

        She knew I owned a store.. And I also sold vacuum cleaners in people's homes. it was outside any of her or her family's experience. We were married before she had any idea how much money I had. It's just not something we would have talked about.
        Ahaa, the old Museum and Aquarium trick, look how cultured I am. lol, clever. Surprised you did not take her to the zoo to meet your relatives, But at least you introduced her to your ancestors and few lookalikes, Manatees and Blob-Fish.

        Places like those promote conversation, and comedic interpretations, good call. Was that her idea or yours?

        Finding out that you were successful and had a bit of moolah tucked away, even though it was not important because it was after the fact. still must have brought a smile to her lips. What was her profession at the time. My ex was a graphic artist and made considerably more than me.

        Was the wedding a civil one or the full white wedding affair.?
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Was that her idea or yours?

          Finding out that you were successful and had a bit of moolah tucked away, even though it was not important because it was after the fact. still must have brought a smile to her lips. What was her profession at the time. My ex was a graphic artist and made considerably more than me.

          Was the wedding a civil one or the full white wedding affair.?
          I can't remember whose idea it was to spend the day at the museums. We both like art, and we are both big readers.


          She had a cleaning service. She cleaned people homes and offices.

          It was a civil wedding by a judge.

          In fact, I was going to a trade show in Las Vegas. I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she told me we couldn't go together...because we weren't married.

          I said something like "Well, you are already know if you would marry me, don't you?"

          So we got married that Thursday. I put a sign on the store door saying "Getting married. Be back in 45 minutes".

          Her daughter attended, and nobody else. We had to go over to her parents that evening to tell them we got married. We had both been married before.

          Then I bought her tickets and we went that weekend.
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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I can't remember whose idea it was to spend the day at the museums. We both like art, and we are both big readers.


            She had a cleaning service. She cleaned people homes and offices.

            It was a civil wedding by a judge.

            In fact, I was going to a trade show in Las Vegas. I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she told me we couldn't go together...because we weren't married.

            I said something like "Well, you are already know if you would marry me, don't you?"

            So we got married that Thursday. I put a sign on the store door saying "Getting married. Be back in 45 minutes".

            Her daughter attended, and nobody else. We had to go over to her parents that evening to tell them we got married. We had both been married before.

            Then I bought her tickets and we went that weekend.
            "In fact, I was going to a trade show in Las Vegas. I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she told me we couldn't go together...because we weren't married."

            Wow, that was an old fashioned view. Were you expecting that?

            So the honeymoon was at a trade show in Vegas. You really know how to treat a lady and push the boat out now don't you. Lol. Perhaps it would have been fun to marry there in one of those chapels. I hope you added on some extra days for sight seeing, shows and some sumptuous meals.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post


              Wow, that was an old fashioned view. Were you expecting that?

              So the honeymoon was at a trade show in Vegas.
              It wasn't a honeymoon. I was working. But we did see several shows.

              Added later; Cheryl and I aren't gamblers. And we don't really enjoy going to Las Vegas. I've been there dozens of times to work. After the first few times, Cheryl didn't go with me. When I'm there speaking, I just work and then go back to my room. I don't drink, gamble, or party. I almost never go outside the hotel (wherever I'm speaking and staying).

              Her family is very religious. It didn't shock me that she had stringent morals.

              Here's the thing....it surprised me how her family acted around me.

              I'm not at all like any of them, in any way. But they have too much class to ever mention to Cheryl that they aren't thrilled with her choice of Husband.

              And they are too polite and wonderful to ever make me feel anything but welcome.

              I was just never used to being around people like that.
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  • Profile picture of the author tagiscom
    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

    I can't remember whose idea it was to spend the day at the museums. We both like art, and we are both big readers.


    She had a cleaning service. She cleaned people homes and offices.

    It was a civil wedding by a judge, and a lawyer.

    Then I bought her tickets and we went that weekend.
    With no rebuttals.

    Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

    "In fact, I was going to a trade show in Las Vegas. I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she told me we couldn't go together...because we weren't married."

    Wow, that was an old fashioned view. Were you expecting that?

    So the honeymoon was at a trade show in Vegas. You really know how to treat a lady and push the boat out now don't you. Lol. Perhaps it would have been fun to marry there in one of those chapels. I hope you added on some extra days for sight seeing, shows and some sumptuous meals.




    He did take her to the Wooster Brush Company and Museum, which gave history on toilet brushes for the last 5000 years, doesn't get any more romantic than that?
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  • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
    Talking about the coincidences, little things, luck and all that which can change or shape your life a little or a lot.

    A little thing yesterday. I had ordered a heavy (46 pound) tv stand that was delivered to the front office of my complex. a couple of hundred yards away from my place. I went and picked it up and walked 50 yards back with it, had to put it down, was so heavy, puffing and panting and heart racing, from then on it was short hops to about half way, I was exhausted.

    Then, the biggest most robust looking man who I had never seen before walks up and says " heavy? let me help you with that" Thanks I say and he helps me carry it another 25 yards and I say, can we take another break. He says no problem and hoists this monstrously heavy box onto his shoulders and carries it the rest of the way. I thank him profusely of course and he says no problem and walks off.

    I feel these impossible coincidences and help have happened in my life so many times and can't really think of many times when did I not get it. The right sized guy walks up at the right moment and offers his help. Probably stopped me having a coronary.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

      I feel these impossible coincidences and help have happened in my life so many times and can't really think of many times when did I not get it. The right sized guy walks up at the right moment and offers his help. Probably stopped me having a coronary.
      It's not an impossible coincidence at all.

      I think at least 50% of the people you cross paths with would do the same. I would, for example. When you see someone in distress and you know you can help, without putting yourself out, most of us will lend a hand.

      I can't count how many times I've helped an older person who couldn't start their car, was carrying something heavy, or looked like they were ill. And I'm not even a caring person, really.

      When you were 40, if you saw someone like you (now) struggling with a heavy package, wouldn't you gladly help? See? Not a miracle at all.

      And not a coincidence. If he hadn't helped, the next guy passing you probably would have.
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        It's not an impossible coincidence at all.

        I think at least 50% of the people you cross paths with would do the same. I would, for example. When you see someone in distress and you know you can help, without putting yourself out, most of us will lend a hand.

        I can't count how many times I've helped an older person who couldn't start their car, was carrying something heavy, or looked like they were ill. And I'm not even a caring person, really.

        When you were 40, if you saw someone like you (now) struggling with a heavy package, wouldn't you gladly help? See? Not a miracle at all.

        And not a coincidence. If he hadn't helped, the next guy passing you probably would have.
        I looked round the corner as he walked off, it was then that I saw his wings unfold and up he went.
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