An Interesting Work Ethic Ruins A Loving Relationship Story

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This exasperated guy asked for advice on Reddit over this.

The guy met this woman, a doctor and she had worked abroad in a poor country, eventually returning to the US. He was totally in love with her and respected her etc. They got on great. She was obviously smart and he liked doing somewhat charitable work as well as other stuff.

During the early part of their three year relationship he came into a small fortune from the will of his great uncle who he cared for in his early twenties until he died. So, really, he did not have to work. And, he invested some of it in properties making him even more rental income. But, he did still work. He tutored kids, knew several languages, but his principal gig was going on short business trips closing deals for a partner of his. Collectively, his inheritance aside, he earned three times the salary of his girlfriend. He only needed to work 3 hours a day on average though, working smart, not hard. He had more time for her, friends and family.

Eventually, she gave him an ultimatum, go and get an eight to five desk job or she would leave him. Even with all his protestations, logical arguments and offering to take her on his business trips to see him in action working smart. She refused, citing that their relationship could not progress if he did not do this and how would it look to their future kids in regards to instilling the "Work" ethic? She was obviously brought up to go down the conventional route regarding work, and despite being a smart person and becoming a doctor, she could not see past this. So, he said no and they split up.

One side note to this, he lived modestly, just has an apartment and did not even own a car and preferred to use public transport. Perhaps if he had splashed out on a big house and an expensive car and all the trimmings things might have been different, But in this case, I don't think so.

I'm sure some of you who have made your money in unconventional, internet or other ways might be able to relate to the above story in at least a small way?
#off topic forum
  • You can't judge a relationship from the outside - sometimes can't even judge it from the inside.

    If he was truly earning 3x as much as she was...it wasn't about income or job. Unless she didn't know his earnings or didn't want to live quite so basically.

    Perhaps too much time? Is it really about a job - or about too much 'togetherness'? Could it be after working his 'three hours' he was interfering with her work in an attempt at helping or 'time together'? Perhaps 'control issues' on one or both sides?



    My Grandmother once told me if you really love someone - you love them because of their faults, not in spite of them.
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    • She knew about his earnings and wealth and being a doctor worked long hours and came home tired, so, it was not too much togetherness due to her work schedule. Except of course he was always available when she returned. Perhaps a bit of jealousy? He never indicated that he said to her, well you don't have to work at all, be a stay at home mum although most likely she could have been. I don't even think she would have wanted that anyway.

      I think that she must have been very instilled with the work ethic when young and gone through all the steps to become a doctor and perhaps resented him earning so easily without doing all that. She also indicated that well, Inheritances and ways of earning that are potentially volatile could all fall through while a profession like a doctor or a steady job was more stable.

      As to him buying a big house with all the trimmings, then the kids would need to have the work ethic and politeness instilled in them despite the obvious wealth. That's just good parenting.

      Despite that, if she loved him then she should have appreciated him for what he was, obviously an intelligent, talented and successful and loving man. Her loss.
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  • It sounds like they were just incompatible.

    He could have spent the extra hours doing charitable work if he was so inclined. She was probably a little resentful of his good fortune, having witnessed the plight of those in poorer countries first-hand.
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  • Well if i had an acceptable income then my wife need to accept my way of living ,he cannot force me to get a 9 to 5 job .If my wife dont accept my way of living we go on separate roads
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  • There is always more to the story than we know. And we ware only hearing one side.

    Some people (maybe most) don't understand entrepreneurs. They don't understand making a profit. They are used to a job, wages, and fitting in.

    To a far lesser scale, I can relate.

    My family and in-laws used to ask me when I was going to get a real job. To them, my income was uncertain and maybe a tad illegal.

    Some people who are very giving to charity and have a more liberal outlook...tend to see business as slightly evil. They see profits as slightly immoral.

    Maybe just working a few hours a day, making that much money...just seemed wrong to her.
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    • Perhaps the woman saw herself as wanting to be the breadwinner in a relationship and due to all her efforts, a doctors salary is not to be sniffed at. Perhaps she wanted to marry an eight to fiver on a modest salary so she could hold it over them. Sounds like a bit of a control issue as well.

      You have told the story of peoples reaction to your profession where they say "Get a real job" before.

      It surprises me because America champions the entrepreneur mentality. Perhaps people really only look up to others who have already made it, live in big mansions and lead a lavish lifestyle. The don't see you living in a very nice house and having a new car as any comparison. Strange.
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  • So you been hanging out in r/relationships for one thing ;>)

    Could be a made up story from someone Karma farming.
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    • No, just hearing the stories transcribed to you-tube videos and read out. It's an interesting story anyway even if it was fiction as it raises issues in how people perceive things.
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  • My guess is it's fiction. If not, why would anyone feel the need to tell the world a story like that? I don't like either one of those people.
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    • Aside from the guy not flaunting his wealth a bit as a demonstration I don't see anything wrong with with his actions and that's not me just being guy-centric. The girlfriends demands were absurd. Hey, don't earn 250k a year, just earn 45k in a desk job, that's just crazy. Perhaps she just did want out and was using it as an excuse knowing he would never comply.

      So many of these stories are about families chucking out their kids at 18, (sometimes because they have another golden child they wish to pamper) and go no contact with them for years. In these stories the kids start off sleeping in their cars or at friends houses. Years later the kids become successful and wealthy. The families fall on hard times or the golden child ends up a druggy or something. So they track down their discarded son or daughter begging them for money and trying to use the "We Are Family" card, only to get told to pound sand.

      The above story was a refreshing change.
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  • An interesting thing about ultimatums in a relationship.

    Just giving the ultimatum at all means that the affection and relationship is highly conditional.

    My assumption is that ultimatums given in a relationship are really the declaration of it ending.

    Just giving in to an ultimatum lowers your feeling of worth, and shows your mate that you are weak. There is no win here.
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    • Cheryl: If you don't cut back on your food intake I will Divorce you!

      Claude: We will discuss this further after I've finished my Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner

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    • but wat if ur girlfriend turns out to be a vampire or a werwolf
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  • If'n you gonna issue an ultimatum, up the ante.


    9 to 5 is kinda regulah, but that extra hour says she really means it.
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    An Interesting Work Ethic Ruins A Loving Relationship Story

    This exasperated guy asked for advice on Reddit over this. The guy met this woman, a doctor and she had worked abroad in a poor country, eventually returning to the US. He was totally in love with her and respected her etc. They got on great. She was obviously smart and he liked doing somewhat charitable work as well as other stuff.