Today's Shortest Joke

K, so let's focus on yr potentially risible corpulence, Mr Nice Guy.

Bcs a nose can only be a nameable protooberance in conjunction with its capacity so to protoob.

My view?

You belly flahp in here with your immensely summonable grandeur, an' invite us all to eithah suffocate or cheer.

Thing is, if'n we can shimmy outta the way, it is real cool to ride the ripples.

Like the Owl an' the Pussycat sailin' off in a pea green boat when they had a vacation planned for Hawaii.

You gotta love always ridin' the ripples.

Epicentah of all weirdsy bubbly collisions-to-be.

Hey, but this is turnin' out to be the longest short joke evah.

(Like that is ANY KINDA ACCOLADE, regardin' the geometric terms there presented.)

So .. why the heck we don't gaht WIDE jokes?

One guy walks into a bar.

They don't gotta widen the door bcs karate.

Or ...

What's the diffrunce between an asteroid an' a comet?

Hey FFS what do you care -- jus' gather behind me an' we will ride this one out.

Or ...

How wide is Hawaii, actshlly?

When I plummet from beyond Venus onto the sistah, she gonna be squirtin' beach far as Mercury.

Or ...

Which dimension approximates to infinity fastah? Length, height, or WIDTH?

Canya ask me again when I finished this donut?"

Uh huh.

Width fiends of the plannit gotta gravitate sumplace, I guess.

An' it is to our undeniable benefit that the most gravitational widthbeest of all

* snort *

* sahhry ... tryin' to be objective here but I jus' came ovah all 'moshnl ... *

* snort *

* focus *

* focus *

So, yeah, two hippos walk into a bar.

Bar guy says, we don't serve horses anymore, let alone you asshole chancahs.

(Latah in the routine, the hippos trash the bar with their stomachs. No questions asked.)

So, yeah, two lizards walk into a bar.

They figure the hippos can do it, so can we.

Sadly, nah.

K, so six lizards walk into a bar.

Bcs they three times as ****in' stoopid as the rignl lizards gaht noplace.

That's when Claude skydives from outta the Caahsmaas an' squishes 'em all to death.

Meanwhiles, them two REAL PISSED HIPPOS figurin' what they gonna do next.

"Horse-themed humor is so yesterday," says Hippo #1.

"K," says Hippo #2. "Let's broaden our remit."

My noo guide to jokes, PLUMMET WITH PURPOSE, is availablyool from most stores ain't already been flattened.

1,264 horses walk into a bar.

"Where the hippos?"

"Give 'em like a couple more minutes. They be here soon enough."

Width encompasses like the hug of a crazed gorilla aftah they looked in on hippos an' figured yeah like arms don't mattah too much.

Can I lie down now please?

Tbh whenya can lie down an' still be the same height you are standin' up, likely you the beneficiary of WIDE HUMOR.

Or sum kinda cult.

Two cults walk into a bar.

Bcs yanno that place gotta have space or why the fkrs gowin' in?

"We too meaningful fight to in the yard."

An' ain't yards so cute?

Kinda when you buyin' trousahs?

"Why if this circumference were a hole, hippos could actually fall to their doom if they happened along this way. But I am attracted to the POCKETS, not the consequences! Plus they are a steal at 40 bucks for 27 pairs."

Thing is, whatevah happened to alla them horses an' hippos an' stuff evah walked OUTTA a bar with no joke evah bein' shed?

For sures, they cain't evah form no impossibyool animyool pyramid.

They spreadin' wide into our consciousness, like nuthin' at all evah appeared to us to be worthy of note.

Width before rote.

Dontchya think?

Encompass before you endeavor to get pinpoint.

Else'n yr aim likely crap.

Thing is, what alla the horses an' hippos dowin' DON'T walk into a bar?

Frankly, it is beyond the bounds of the conscionable an' the inconsequential.

So, yeah, a horse walks into a bar.

Bar guy asks, "why the long face?"

Horse replies, "frankly, it is beyond the bounds of the conscionable an' the inconsequential. Either fulfil my needs now, or I will bite your tits off."

Even a horse can make like no shark when the situation demands!

Which is kinda stoopid, I guess.