How do you know your ready... To Get Married????

After you've been divorced twice

My suggestion. Get some counseling. See if you can work this out with a professional. More often than not they can really help. Good luck.

Have you had commitment issues in any previous relationships?
Or is this the first relationship that you have felt this strongly about someone?
If you can say yes to one or both of these then the answer is most likely just the scare of being commited to one person forever.

I have a friend in relationship counselling and she believes that if you're parents are
a) still together, then you can see this as a big thing that you too could be with just that one person forever
b) divorced/seperated, then this can always scare a person into not marrying as they don't want to go down the same road as their parents.

I think its just a case of answering some questions about yourself and if you're ready you'll know

You will know when you have no doubts like you have now. You're better off waiting until you are sure.

When your pregnant girlfriend's dad points a shotgun at you.

(Sorry couldn't resisit).

if something is saying no inside then its not the right time.
some guys never lose that feeling. those guys are missing out because my experience of being married was some of the best times of my life. ppl say it wont change them. it does. somehow you feel really proud that you're married!!!

i didn't. I kinf of looked in a mirror one day and saw a middle aged an looking back. The thing is (and I only know this now) you want children before you are 40. It is absolutely knackering. And you need energy. So if I could do it agian I'd have done it a bit earlier.

that's an option!

Well, someone once told me the following (brace yourself for something which may be really out there to you....)

People should not marry for/on the basis of:

--Love
--Money
--Religion
--Sex
--Children/or the idea of having children
--Security
--Insecurities/peer pressure
--Because it's what you think you should do, because society tells you to
--Because you are just crazy about this person
--Because you cheated and want them back...(LOL)\
--etc etc etc


The real true reason why you should want to marry is for support. Support through everything. I'm not just talking about him/her being there either, because presence is not enough.


Does she understand you? Can she comprehend you? Can she drive you, push you and challenge you? Does she accept you as you are, rather than ask you to be someone completely different? Etc etc etc


All of those things link back to one thing, as does everything above (minus the last point about cheating...lol)...which is simply support.


You get married to have a support system, because HONESTLY, aside from support, there is literally NOTHING ELSE any human being can offer you, other than that.


So if she supports you in that kind of way, not just on love alone, or on money alone, or because she likes you...then you may consider or may not consider the option of marriage.


That is a lesson from my mentor, which he gave me. Took me a while to understand, and I fought the idea for a long time, but it's true to me.


**ALSO, on the note of security, a lot of people are seeking that, but will not find it. They are chasing an illusion, so if that is what either of you thinks there, there is no security.


One of you could drop dead any day without notice. or something could happen that one of you is out of a job. Or one of you could lose something or rather, even if it's not something on the outside...but just something from the inside.


Things happen all the time, and as mentioned, your support system is pretty much the closest thing you will ever have to security.


*ALSO, it's a good thing you are asking. Every single person has doubts. That is normal. It's normal to question your motives, why you are doing something, if it's the right thing etc etc etc. It's a major life decision.


That would just make sense. While others are calling that doubt, and saying you shouldn't do it if you have to question, I say that is the smartest thing you could ever do, is weigh out all the options you have...that way you don't put her or yourself into a situation that would be harmful in the long run.


That doesn't make you a bad guy, and shouldn't mean you should not marry her either. It just means that you are intelligent enough to know that you should think about things thoroughly before just jumping into something.


And I'm glad the pressures around you are not making you jump to any conclusions either. So that leaves your mind more clear to make a sound decision now.


**You can also test the waters first. Ever heard that adage which goes: "never test the depth of a the water with both feet"?


Well, in my opinion, you never really know someone until they have been through a crisis. This can be an emotional crisis, a spiritual one or virtually any crisis, as long as you have been there to witness it.


How did she react during a crisis? Did she freak out and shut you down, shut you out? Did she create arguments from nowhere to get rid of the stress?


Or did she come to you and confide in you, and keep her cool? Or did she stay calm and collected?


These are also ways to know if it's a good idea to get married or not, is to test her with a crisis, or watch her during such a time. If you exist in her life, and how you exist, if that, can definitely tell you a lot about what you are in store for in the long run with her.


Because if you spend a life with someone, there will be tons of tests, and if she can't even get through the small stuff without breaking down... then definitely SHE herself is not fully ready for marriage yet, and that shouldn't be a place that you put yourself into.


Also likewise for you, how have you reacted to things in the past....


***AND FINALLY***

Are you both willing to change? or is it always one or the other? This is another big thing with human beings. Change should come. even if it's small, people do change, they do learn, and they do adapt to things as well.


But if one person is always refusing to do this, that will create issues not only in a relationship, but definitely in a marriage. So that is also something you can consider, is how the change occurs, who makes who change...is it natural/healthy and everything else etc etc etc...

LMC
I signed up for your training and you said LETS DO THIS THING!!! XD
Seriously though

I'm married - I have 6 girls - when I first started going out with my wife I KNEW.
Mind you we did wait three years.
I understand it can be something people are afraid of.
I personally think perhaps you need to look at your relationship seriously - the fact that you posted this in public sort of forum to says a lot - I would have said the only person you really need to speak to about this is your girlfriend - wife to be! Perhaps!
Wanting to be married is a start - How do you view your relationship ? Where do you see it in say 1 years, 5 years 10, 25 years from now - Do you want to grow old with this woman?
In any relationship there is always going to be a bit of give and take, a bit of compromise - never expect that everything is going to be rosy - you are setting yourself up for disappointment. The best advice I had was that in a marriage one needed to be humble - meaning you need to know when to say "Sorry" - "Forgive me " " I was wrong you were right" - I know, I know it can be heavy XD
I liked the things SnowPrincess said - it does have a bearing.

The "wall" as you say is there because you put it there to protect yourself from being hurt - it is a natural thing - know that going into a marriage - learn to accept the limitations of the other and recognise the limits you have -

Erm slightly more than twopenceworth sorry hope this helps

Kind regards
Ken

The only person that will know when its right is you. There will always be doubts, wives and husbands have had cold feet seconds before the alter and go on to have successful long marriages and just because someone is your ideal person now, doesnt mean they wont change as they grow older.

Marriage or any long term relationship takes work and time. You dont just slip on a ring and live happily ever after.

But you have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Can I ask you to describe this wall? Can you elaborate on that? Is it the idea of one woman forever? Is it that you think there's more to you than she can bring out? Is it the one that got away?

I could actually keep guessing ...

Does anyone else find the radical difference between the male responses and the female responses to this question funny?

How about NEVER!
Why screw up your life?
So, has She been bugging you about getting hitched?
I knew people that lived together for over 15 years.
Someone put a bug in their ears to get "Legal" LOL
6 months later they divorced.
Marriage changes EVERYTHING!
I don't recommend it.

Hello,
you should only get married when you get tired of hearing the word YES.
When you get married you will no longer hear that word.
The YES word turns into the NO word.

Ask YOURSELF these 3 questions and you will know:

Am I physically attracted to her?

Am I emotionally attracted to her?

Am I mentally stimulated by her (mental stimulation can mean a lot of things. Does she share your same business / entrepreneurial spirit, is curious about life in general, can hold an intellectual conversation, etc.)?

As an extra bonus also ask yourself:

Do we share the same religious and/or spiritual beliefs?

If you can say yes to the first three (3) noted above (and with or without the bonus question), then I would say that you are ready for marriage.

If even one (1) element (forget about the the bonus question) is missing, then you are NOT!

I ask these questions ALL the time when dating. I have done this since I was 17 years old (yes, I guess I'm an old soul). However, this has NEVER failed me when I was confused. (I'm 45 and still searching, because I don't and WON'T settle! Nor should you!

Trust me. Ask those three (3) questions to yourself and you will find the answer!

Wishing you much luck and success!

Happy, Sure & Secure,

JMB

P.S. The advice I've provided applies to BOTH men and women.

P.S.S. I've dated many high fashion Models, high profile Businessmen, Doctors, Engineers, Lawyers, Entrepreneurs, Professional Athletes (all of which were either millionaires and/or billionaires). However, I, myself, went through the above test, but like I said I didn't settle (something was missing). Point being, looks and money is NOT everything! Love, Mutual Interests and Passion is what counts in life!

From the time i met my gal to the time we got married was 6 months and 28 years later i have never regretted it.I was also told that love is 'grand' but divorce is a '100 grand'

It's just the feeling. But to be honest, you are ready when you've experienced everything you want to do in life (travelling, adventuring, your business-career is going strong etc) - and on top of that. The feeling that you will get sooner or later.

I guess getting involved in marriage isn't always the easiest thing in life.


Regards,
A.N

Okay I am going to be flat out honest with you. I was not ready to get married at 19, but I am one of the lucky ones because it worked out. I have been married to my high school sweet heart for over a decade now. We were also together throughout four years of high school so by 2013 it will be 20 years. Yikes. I'm getting old. Well we went through a few rough years, but we got counseling and now we have a better marriage because of it.

when you're 100% sure, no but's and no if's.
I assure you that will be the right time.

I think the real question that needs to be asked is:
WHY do you want to get married? What benefits do you get in marriage that you don't already have or be able to obtain being unmarried?

Before someone chimes in with how kids are best raised with both parents, that is true, but I still don't see why a couple needs to be married in order for both of them to raise the kids.

Here is a look at modern day marriage from a more realistic perspective by looking at the legal consequences and ramifications of getting married for men that skips all the fantasy.

Read The Essay Here - Essay



Chris

When you have enough money to pay for your own house, cars and school fees for your children.

ahh you'll know..when you really want to. How old are you? It's usually a biggie for the women...

If it GREAT now you'll probably start thinkign about it.. if it's bumpy now....then think long and hard because when you have kids (babies) you need to singing from the same hymn sheet. Tha'ts HARD WORK..but well worth it. (looking after them not creating them :-) )

Remove all the emotion and think 100% prectically...I know women hate that but it would save so much pain. I had quite a few ex-girlfiends I am SO glad i never married. I know now it would not have been good. So be tough and 100% honest woth your-self.. It'll save a LOT of pain later on.

I don't think so....

The more pressing question would be why not? Sad fact is if you make it easy for each partner (esp. man) to walk out...they will at increasing rates.

CRAP..so everything was great..they got married and 6 months later it fell apart? So the ceremony ended their marriage? Wow!
OK....go back to you meds kid!

Wow -- some of you are really insigthful -- Great advice. Can you make each others day in some small way everyday -- even if it is just a hug -- would your life be worse everyday without the other one? Something in you (not her) has placed the question out there --

You just do. You're excited. You can't wait to ask (although your nervous as hell). To get the ring. To see her face when you ask.

If you're inclination is post in a public forum to ask this question, then as others have already noted... you're not ready.

Don't get married because you think you owe it to her. That's not fair to her and you.

You just know. It's near impossible to explain IMO.

Alan (married 15 years).

I think the question is to ask why you want to get married.

Before you think I'm telling you not to do it, I want to add that I am happily married and think marriage is a wonderful thing. However, I do know that if you get married for the wrong reasons, it will make it a lot harder.

Do you want to marry her because life is perfect? It may not always be that way. Will you still want it when it is not?

Do you want to marry her because you have no reason not to (or because it's the next expected step)? While this can work out in the end, I think this is probably the worse reason to get married EVER, and usually leads to a lot of problems and failed marriages.

Do you want to marry her because you can see yourself growing old with her? Can you just see yourselves the way you are now? This can be tricky to answer, but people do change at least some throughout their lives, so can you accept that change?

What I'm trying to say is you need to make sure you are wanting to marry her for the right reason. It may be that you are hesitating because you haven't found that reason yet.

Also, have either of you ever brought up marriage as a possibility before? Basically, have you ever mentioned to each other that you would eventually like to be married? If you haven't you might just be subconsciously afraid that she doesn't want marriage.

Basically, no one can tell you when you are ready but yourself, but I hope this helps!

Everybody is different. Every couple is different. So, no one answer applies to everybody. I notice that successful couples I know aren't evenly give and take. Usually one is more of a hothead than the other. If there are two hotheads in a couple, neither one bending or adjusting a little, then that spells trouble.

I decided I was ready to get married when she told me she was pregnant.

Only you know - you are an individual in heart and soul. That being said, yes it is a major decision, but nobody online or offline can help you with that. It is totally in your path of faith, time of day, essence of humanity.

After you move in with the person you love and stay together for a while , if you manage to get along and if you have the financial possibilities to sustain a place of your own, then you know you can get married Also your heart and your instinct will tall you when!

When you see reports that pigs are dropping from the sky in Beebe Arkansas.

Thats how I knew.

Turns out it woudnt true, but the marriage is still good.

I'm probably not the best qualified person to answer this question.