I think i have taken care of the neighbors dog...

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My neighbor has a dog, a german shepherd. This apparently is a house dog that doesn't like to be outside at all. As soon as the dog is outside, it starts barking non stop. It will bark for hours upon hours at a time until it is let back in and the neighbor doesnt let it back in (even though he's home) for quite a while. Everyone in the neighborhood can hear this thing and gripes about it

I didnt want to do anything to the dog..its just being a dog. The owner on the other hand, i wanted to do vile things to him that included the use of a pipe wrench and a blowtorch. But then there's that whole 'hiding the body' thing....so I decided against that.

Last night...I put a brilliant plan into action...so brilliant i may patent this. The neighbor is a yard freak. One of those people that is always fertilizing, clipping, pruning something. He has possibly the best manicured law on the block.

So i decided to to hit him where it hurts...in the grass. I went to the store and bought a big jar of beef bullion cubes last night and threw a few handfulls into his finely manicured lawn before his nightly water sprinkler session.

The man is like clockwork, the dog goes out every morning at 6am, i leave for work at 6:30. So i got up at 5:30 this morning, made a pot of coffee and sat by my window and waited.

The door slid open, the dog came out at a dead run and stopped in his tracks like he hit a wall. His nose buried in the grass...and then the fun started. This dog started digging and chewing on the grass trying to find the source of that beef smell. He was like a little furry buzz saw. I thought he was going to hit the water table he was digging so hard and fast.

The neighbor lost his mind when he saw his dog out there shredding the lawn. And to make it better..when he ran out to get the dog to stop...fido was having none of it. He wanted whatever was making that smell...so he would shoot across the yard, stop and start excavating again....then just about the time the owner got there, he would rocket off to another part of the yard and commence to digging. Im talking dirt flying in the air kind of digging

Finally the dog darted back in the house to screams of 'GET YOUR A$$ IN THE HOUSE', but not before cutting multiple trenches through the yard.



Yes...that was the best cup of coffee ever.
  • Profile picture of the author Fernando Veloso
    :p

    You just made my day.

    So i decided to to hit him where it hurts...in the grass.
    Classic.


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  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    Mr. Motley, you are evil - and I like it...
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    • Profile picture of the author Michael Motley
      Originally Posted by Gasen View Post

      Did you capture it for YouTube?
      I thought about it, but i figured that if he came outside and saw a neighbor standing there with coffee and a camera laughing profusely, he would probably put 2 and 2 together.
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    Since Shepards are the best brred out there, I have to feel sympathy for the dog,but I also have a neighbor like that so I have to applaud you!
    Some of the things my neighbor has done:
    1: he is a yard freak like yours, he has put sticks up along the front of the yard so people can't park on the curb in front of his house.
    2: Before he put the sticks up he told a young girl he was going to have the police come and arrest her and have her car towed for parking in his yard (it was the side of the road, he couldn't have it done, but she was naive and didn't know that).
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    • Profile picture of the author ThomM
      As soon as you said yard freak I thought of my old stand by, round up balloons
      Your idea was much better.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        Only thing I worry about is what he might do to the dog - because he thinks THAT was the problem.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    LOL Kim - no dog? Well, get yourself some kerosene, regular gas, and some morton salt. Put the salt in the kerosene then go spell out "F***ed up Moron" on his front lawn some night. It kills the grass very quickly and he will have to excavate a whole strip to get it off. Until that time, everyone will know what is thought about him. LMAO.
    complements the senior class of Flushing High School Halloween 1972
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Motley
    I don't think he'll do anything to the dog. This looks to be a fairly pampered pooch. Always well groomed, nice little collar on him, even a nice pillow in his dog house.
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  • Profile picture of the author Hobo82
    I loved your story Michael, I hate pet owners who are selfish to others. Nice payback.

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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Michael Motley,

    I had trouble doing my job for a while. You nearly blinded me! My eyes teared up bad from laughing so hard!

    One thing I HAVE to know! Was the buillion seasoned(NO pun intended)? I mean you would think the dog wouldn't be sniffing so hard, etc...

    BTW just some advice. NEXT TIME get a little camera. After all, TECHNICALLY you didn't do anything wrong. People have such trash in their yard from time to time! With ME, it is often firecraker wrappers around 7/4.

    HEY, set up an annonymous youtube account, and just show everything AFTER the bullion.

    Neat trick though! I am going to have to remember this! Just my luck. Over half my neighbors have dogs, but THEY are all well behaved. In fact, I have this inside joke. A few blocks from my house, there is a dog that SCARES me! WHY!??! Because he goes EVERYWHERE, and is curious. I can't really drive there unless I know EXACTLY where he is because, otherwise, I might run over him. He's a Dachshund.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    Good job, Michael - you are a genius!

    I have been known to call the Humane Society/Animal Control when there is abusive disturbance of the peace via barking. They send an officer out to warn them of the complaint and then give you a 'barking log' to document instances in case it continues and you go to court. I never have to complete them as the barking always stops (for some odd reason, lol)

    I sometimes have to go through a lot to find out exactly where the dog is - hard to explain but I have a hill above and houses on the water below - all I can see from here are decks and backyards.

    Usually I start with an anonymous letter once I ID the house. Recently, there is a really neurotic SOB poodle who is locked out on the deck all day. I figured out the house and went down, but for some reason I didn't leave the letter. I observed that he barks over ducks, birds and people in fishing boats. He never shuts up and he shouldn't be left out on the deck all day.

    The third trip down there I finally knocked on the gate in the front yard. This little old man moving as slow as molasses came out and he was very nice. We talked for about 15 minutes and he asked me my name at least 10 times.

    Then I asked him what the dog's name was and he didn't know. That just cracked me up - he says he just calls him 'the dog' - 'the dog' came out too and he was a well-groomed, healthy dog -

    The little man told me to let him know when the dog disturbs me and I said he disturbs me every day, all day long. Oh, well let me know then, he says. OK I AM letting you know.

    As I am walking away back to my car I hear him say to the dog 'Shut-UP!'

    ... This is how I figure it - the guy is very old and by the time he would get out there to tell the dog to shut-up the episode would be over anyway.

    The little man has it going on - he must be in his 90's with his little wife, living on the water. Somehow this time I am going to just have to suffer as I do not have the heart to call law enforcement.

    ... but I hate the dog.
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Pat,

    If he doesn't care to give the dog a name and remember it, or remember your name, or just help YOU, why should you care so much about HIM? Unless the old woman feeds the dog, or it eats ducks, the dog may starve, etc... Just call animal control. It would be better for EVERYONE including the dog and the old man.

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author designerjack
      Michael,

      Thanks for my "lmao" of the day!!!!
      You are a genius!
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    • Profile picture of the author Patrician
      Because Steve the man is semi-senile, living his last days - it is not that he doesn't care but he just can't remember. ( I feel that coming on all the time, since 30, lol)

      I just can't rain on his little parade right now. (yes I do have a heart somewhere).

      I hear you though, and I will keep my ears open - ... and the first time the dog is on the deck at night I will be down there the next day to see if everything is okay.

      That is the deal with these cases - sometimes it can indicate the dog is being neglected (and the neurotic problem barkers always do sound miserable, and some are just spoiled)

      - and then again there could actually be something wrong with the people (medical) and the dog is barking because of that.

      Let me be kind just this once and think about somebody besides myself.

      Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

      Pat,

      If he doesn't care to give the dog a name and remember it, or remember your name, or just help YOU, why should you care so much about HIM? Unless the old woman feeds the dog, or it eats ducks, the dog may starve, etc... Just call animal control. It would be better for EVERYONE including the dog and the old man.

      Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
        Reminds me of a story...

        The neighbor's dog barked all night, every night. Nothing worked, not complaints or threats or anything else.

        One night, the husband slipped out of bed grumbling, "I'll take care of this, once and for all..."

        A few minutes later, he slipped back into bed.

        His wife noted that the dog was still barking.

        "Yeah, but I moved him into our yard. Let's see how he likes having a barking dog next door all night..."

        :p
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        • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
          I heard of this solution to barking dogs a couple years ago when I had a neighbors dog barking all day long. I considered it but decided it wouldn't work because the neighbor had the dog in the back yard and their "lawn" was actually dried up weeds. They didn't water it and it wasn't going to rain anytime soon. So the dogs would just end up eating the bullion cubes. Too bad. Sounds like a great way to start a morning. Lol.
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          • Profile picture of the author Michael Oksa
            Originally Posted by TimPhelan View Post

            I heard of this solution to barking dogs a couple years ago when I had a neighbors dog barking all day long. I considered it but decided it wouldn't work because the neighbor had the dog in the back yard and their "lawn" was actually dried up weeds. They didn't water it and it wasn't going to rain anytime soon. So the dogs would just end up eating the bullion cubes. Too bad. Sounds like a great way to start a morning. Lol.
            I was thinking the same thing, "What if the dog owner doesn't care for their yard?"

            Answer: There are a lot of other targets for beef-flavored fun.

            Car windows down? Sprinkle some on the floor and in the cracks of the upholstery. I assume the dog must go to the vet sometimes.

            What about on the outside windows sills? A small dog will continually be jumping up at the window. Big dogs will be right up there.

            Sprinkle it on the pavement?

            Anywhere.

            Be sure not to break any laws, and be sure the owner won't get too angry with the dog. You want peace and quiet, not a hurt dog.

            All the best,
            Michael
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            • Profile picture of the author RB Riddick
              Funny!!

              What about the other dogs in the neighborhood (or wild animals)? Have they found the scent yet?

              This guy's yard problems might not be over yet.

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        • Profile picture of the author Intrepreneur
          @JohMcCabe Awesome!

          To orig poster. Do this once per week for as long as it takes to stop being funny and every time you do it post a video to YouTube.

          Then one day - when you move house / if you move house - send the guy the URL to the YouTube channel in the post along with a postcard telling what you did.
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  • Profile picture of the author MarthaDu
    very nice paybacks, i love this story. Just wait, the dog will keep going for the lawn for a good while i bet.

    This was a very good idea, I like your thinking!
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  • Profile picture of the author chrislreeb
    Was this prank an inspiration from something or did you put a lot of thought in it? Either way I would have enjoyed watching that episode of your neighbors life.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    We once had a barking seal out here. Who ya gonna call to complain? The coast guard?

    I just could not believe he waited until 2:00am (when the bars close) and then he would be out there 'arf, arf, arf' - several times a week.

    I don't know how he got here or where he went - I kind of miss him, but not really.

    There has to be a lesson here about not being able to control everything all the time.
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    LMAO.......I too was blinded by tears after reading this!
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  • Profile picture of the author V12
    Originally Posted by Michael Motley View Post

    My neighbor has a dog, a german shepherd. This apparently is a house dog that doesn't like to be outside at all. As soon as the dog is outside, it starts barking non stop. It will bark for hours upon hours at a time until it is let back in and the neighbor doesnt let it back in (even though he's home) for quite a while. Everyone in the neighborhood can hear this thing and gripes about it

    I didnt want to do anything to the dog..its just being a dog. The owner on the other hand, i wanted to do vile things to him that included the use of a pipe wrench and a blowtorch. But then there's that whole 'hiding the body' thing....so I decided against that.

    Last night...I put a brilliant plan into action...so brilliant i may patent this. The neighbor is a yard freak. One of those people that is always fertilizing, clipping, pruning something. He has possibly the best manicured law on the block.

    So i decided to to hit him where it hurts...in the grass. I went to the store and bought a big jar of beef bullion cubes last night and threw a few handfulls into his finely manicured lawn before his nightly water sprinkler session.

    The man is like clockwork, the dog goes out every morning at 6am, i leave for work at 6:30. So i got up at 5:30 this morning, made a pot of coffee and sat by my window and waited.

    The door slid open, the dog came out at a dead run and stopped in his tracks like he hit a wall. His nose buried in the grass...and then the fun started. This dog started digging and chewing on the grass trying to find the source of that beef smell. He was like a little furry buzz saw. I thought he was going to hit the water table he was digging so hard and fast.

    The neighbor lost his mind when he saw his dog out there shredding the lawn. And to make it better..when he ran out to get the dog to stop...fido was having none of it. He wanted whatever was making that smell...so he would shoot across the yard, stop and start excavating again....then just about the time the owner got there, he would rocket off to another part of the yard and commence to digging. Im talking dirt flying in the air kind of digging

    Finally the dog darted back in the house to screams of 'GET YOUR A$$ IN THE HOUSE', but not before cutting multiple trenches through the yard.



    Yes...that was the best cup of coffee ever.
    Forget about the patent idea . Just think of a way to incorporate this hilarious episode into your next sales letter.

    Abdul.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidBlack85
    thanks for the amazing idea! I THINK I LOVE YOU!
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  • Profile picture of the author bardman
    That's my kind of vengeance. Question: What if the neighour has a nasty backyard?
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