How would you react to a friend trying to sabotage your relationship?

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I've recently learned that a friend I've had for almost 20 years has been trying to sabotage my current relationship. She and I have always been close since the day we meet in Junior High. We've always had the same tastes in boys, music, clothes, everything. She was my long-lost sister that I never had. I've always been the follower during our school years and as we grew older I become my own person and found my place in the world. Which didn't necessarily mean right next to her. However, we have remained close and now I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal with the current situation. She set me up with a man from her work about a year ago. In the beginning she told me how perfect he was for me, how she just knows he is the one for me. I had reservations at first, picked out every flaw I could see, and told her I didn't want to date him. She convinced me I should at least give it one date. So, I did. She was right. He was perfect for me, we had so much in common, yet that perfect balance of opposing views to keep things interesting. Then, about a month ago, we had a get-together at her place. The guys wanted to watch something sports related on the TV in the background while the ladies conversated. She wasn't going to have it. My man and her man decided they would watch it anyways, despite her protest. Ever since then, she has been telling me that my guy is not for me. She's pointing out all those flaws I first saw, trying to tell me that all the little things that I've complained about over the last year are too much for our relationship to work. You know how friends get together and just vent, well now she's using that against me and telling my man all these things that she is blowing out of portion, when maybe I had a bad day.

My man is great, he's one of a kind. He's come to me and told me all the things she's saying to him. They are basically the same things she is telling me about him. I don't know why she doesn't think that we would talk about all of this together, but I almost wonder if she's not trying to get us to quit being friends. Maybe she's not sabotaging my relationship with my man, but with her?

So, now here I am, trying to figure out if I should dump a friend after 20 years. There have been other spats between she and I. Ones about not going to every function of hers, or me not spending time with her as much anymore, etc. But those things don't really bother me because she has a few different circle of friends that she hangs out with everyday, so it's not like she missing out on anything in her personal life.

What do you think I should do?
#friendship sabotage
  • Profile picture of the author Gary Pettit
    After thought: Plain and simple the friend has to go.

    As if the friend were a true friend she would not go out of her way to make sure your relationships get ruined. Instead perhaps give you actual facts and if you still loved your mate she would just be there for you in the end.

    We develop bonds with our friends and one unspoken rule that must come with that responsibility is unconditional friendship.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    This is sad. Made me feel bad. People are like that sometimes. Chances are, it'll all clear away and everything will be fine again in time.
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  • Profile picture of the author myeanne
    If she's a true friend, she will never sabotage your relationship or even plan to do it. Instead, she will be the one who will do everything for you to be happy and to make the relationship work out.
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    • Profile picture of the author jotylo
      I have a "friend" who has sabotaged 3 of my last 4 relationships. I didn't realize what happened to the first 2, the one became very angry with me and wouldn't tell me why. The next relationship I wouldn't tell her who he was but I recall her begging me for his name. He and I still talk. The 3rd man I became very angry with because of something she told me he'd said. I confronted him deciding it could only be fact since they had been roommates for a while...he denied ever saying anything, but the damage was done because of my anger. Now she is working to sabotage the 4th one. We all work for the same company and he comes home from work confronting me with stuff people havew told him about me at work. Nasty stuff. It can only originate with her since it is usually based on a fact I told only her but she twisted it to be way worse. For example I told her a married man had been messaging me. I had told him flat out that he could call me if he became single. The story my boyfriend heard was that I was sleeping with a married man. I confronted her about it and she went to our boss that I was harrassing her at work, about work. My hours have been cut and she's been promoted to General Manager. I'm so confused, so hurt...what to do?
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        trying to tell me that all the little things that I've complained about over the last year
        based on a fact I told only her
        Gender identity crisis in this thread? Or high school?

        If you are in a relationship - talk TO that person....don't talk ABOUT that person.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    You sound a little like a dishrag.

    You need to take control of the situation - put it out in front ("man" up) - demand that your friend butt out of your personal relationships. period. Refuse to discuss it after that and do not respond either to gossip you attribute to her or tell her anything personal. The subject is 'off base'.

    With that said, as i have noted from both sides of the aisle - true friends are there before and after multiple relationships - the relationships come and go - friends remain.

    Friends, especially nosy, pushy, controlling and/or jealous ones need to be reminded that they have to earn your trust and respect and that at the same time they should want your happiness as you want theirs.

    It's true sometimes they might be more objective than you are if you are being abused or used and feel protective of you - but that is in extreme cases.

    This sounds like a bunch of petty BS and again you need to take control and put an end to it.

    What is lacking here is BOUNDARIES. If your friends or lovers for that matter can't respect you then they need to go. They will never respect you if you allow them to walk all over you.

    If they truly love you they will want to keep you - and need to have a clue that the only way to do that is to go along with your program -- if not you are not losing anything if you walk away.
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  • Profile picture of the author Brian John
    Originally Posted by Gary Pettit View Post

    We've always had the same tastes in boys...
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
      Banned
      Originally Posted by Brian John View Post






      Ditto...

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