English as the official language of Europe

by Alexa Smith Banned
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The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications (rather than German, which was the other possibility).

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k." Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f." This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas ...
#english #europe #language #official
  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    I vish dis voz in praktis ven I voz at skül.

    I vud hav dun a lot beta on speling tests.
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  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    Well...

    If you thought that was confusing. I can't read German, so I thought
    I would head over to Google Translate and get some help.

    "Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas"

    The auto detect thought it was Dutch. So I'm afraid something's amiss,
    not to be confused with the Miss, either.

    But I forged ahead because that's what forgers do. ... ?

    I translated from the Dutch >> English (Euro wasn't available, predictably.)

    This was the result:

    Und efter they fifz yer, ve vil al be speking Zey vunted in Germantown lick them forst lake.

    So, ok... I'm figuring something's up in Germantown. And I don't want to
    speculate about the rest.

    Check it out for your self:

    Lick them forst here


    Ken
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    GOD how STUPID! They tried this before in a couple languages and decided to go BACK!
    In German, some people don't follow the rules, and there is obviously some confusion over "ei", pronounced as a long I, and "ie", pronounced as a long E. There may EVEN be confusion over eu, pronounced as "oy", and ue, pronounced as a strong ew, and may be an umlauted u.

    I was once on a train with a guy that worked with the EU documents. They were printed in a LOT of languages. He said the most popular BY FAR was ENGLISH.

    And HECK, when you change the sounds of WRITTEN characters, it will change the sound of the spoken language, and could cause confusion. "aplid" for example, can look/sound like aphid. BAD example, but you get the point.

    IMAGINE! People will have to REALLY start reading things phonetically. People that KNOW the language will have trouble reading it. Dictionaries, etc... would have to be changed. What about misspellings? They WILL occur! Imagine the trouble you will have THEN! Misspellings are probably MORE likely to occur because people won't feel the need to look things up.

    This sounds familiar, and may be a joke, but I have heard stranger things that were TRUE.

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by seasoned View Post


      This sounds familiar, and may be a joke, but I have heard stranger things that were TRUE.

      Steve

      Tell me you're kidding. Please.


      Ken
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      • Profile picture of the author seasoned
        Originally Posted by KenThompson View Post

        Tell me you're kidding. Please.


        Ken
        About what? Seriously, I HAVE heard talk about this before. SERIOUS talk! OK, maybe NOT with the EU, but STILL. HEY the french actually FIGHT against such things to THEIR language. The english and germans seem to have NO such people. At least with Germany, the goethe institut might complain.

        And HEY, ever hear of ebonics? I mean some of the DUMBEST things turn out to be true.

        Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    English is as close to the world's language as any is going to get.

    Why wouldn't English end up being the official language of communications in Europe?

    The French didn't like it when English replaced French as the diplomatic language.

    I'm not sure why German was even considered - maybe for window dressing as officials were deliberating on the decision.

    As far as Ebonics is concerned, I'm black - born & raised in America, and I really don't know what Ebonics is other than...

    ... bad American English practiced by the poorest of the poor in the black community and over-glorified by some black people trying to make money off it.

    TL
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    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post


      Why wouldn't English end up being the official language of communications in Europe?

      TL
      I think it's because so many people don't like, or hate, the US. Seriously. And
      maybe they associate speaking English with the US.

      But that is just speculation. Don't know, and really don't care.

      Maybe they should make Maltese the official language. Makes as much sense
      as anything else.


      Ken
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      • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
        One of the major differences between the English language and German is the sentence structure.

        For instance, the sentence "Can you make me a cup of coffee?" in English is "Can you for me a cup of coffee make?" if the German version was translated.

        It's not just the letters used, your way of thinking about how you speak/write has to be altered for using the German language instead of English.

        Good luck with those changes over there. In America we're considering going from a 26 letter alphabet down to just 10 letters. Appearently that's all the letters anyone who is graduating high school these day in the US can seem to find a need for.

        It's not that they don't want to use all 26 letters, it's just that they want to be able to communicate with all their friends who never managed to graduate. We've managed to take ourselves from a country that had an 8th grade reading level on the whole to one that's now down to a 5th grade reading level.

        In another 20 years the only food you'll find in a school lunch box will be bananas. Monsanto swears they can have them tasting like Big Macs by then.

        ~Bill
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post


      As far as Ebonics is concerned, I'm black - born & raised in America, and I really don't know what Ebonics is other than...

      ... bad American English practiced by the poorest of the poor in the black community and over-glorified by some black people trying to make money off it.

      TL
      Sociolinguistics.

      When blacks first came to America they were not an English speaking people and they adapted a pigeon English so they could communicate with their owners (sorry for that word, but that was the situation at the time), yet they kept elements of their own languages for two reasons - African languages didn't contain consonant clusters and English words were hard to say, and two - they needed to be able to also communicate with other blacks from a diverse number of tribes with dialectical differences. It must have been a very difficult situation to communicate at all.

      Over the years, as they became more used to an English speaking culture their language evolved to more closely resemble that of the English speaking culture, but they were still separate enough from the culture to hold enough differences for them to retain a separate identity from the mass culture, which I would suppose at that point they despised and wanted not to be associated with. Holding the differences allowed them to hold a separate social identity.

      Now here comes the dawn of black independence - which left blacks free in one sense but dirt poor. Multi-generational homes were not uncommon, so younger generations had the elders, complete with their own ways as examples and teachers, so they learned the older forms of the social sector's language.

      Now enters affirmative action which is meant to integrate social sectors - in this case standard English speaking whites, and blacks with their strongly unique dialects. The blacks that started to climb socially became more integrated with white communities and less inclined to have multi-generational homes, so the standard languages were absorbed more readily by the moneyed black sector.

      Today:
      1>the poor still live in multi-generational homes which allow old language habits to survive.
      2>While integration is accepted to a point, people (of all sectors) enjoy the company of their own races, history, etc. and will gravitate to their own - and they will keep separate dialect from those of other sectors, a practice which is a universal part of owning a group identity. For blacks that means keeping some of the traditional, yet nonstandard speech habits. In the white communities you will also see varied sectors using English that is non-standard.
      3>Some of the non-standard speech of the younger blacks not only signify them as black, but as YOUNG, rad, and kewl. Most white kids have some crazy speech habits of their own that identify them to each other as being young, rad, and kewl. Kids of either race drive their elders crazy with it.

      Also:
      1>You will find in poor sectors which are predominately black, that the whites in those neighborhoods will often adapt the speech habits of the the blacks, the predominant culture in the sector -- the reverse is true, but the blacks will hold more to their own cultural speech as a racial identity indicator when they are in predominantly white neighborhoods.
      2>Many of the poor whites whose grammar is sub-standard aren't making mistakes, they are using language that gives them an identity within their surrounding social environments. The standard language of the higher classed people, who are often scorned by the poorer groups, is not unknown - it is rejected.
      3>You will find people of any race, social status, etc. use the speech habits of either their predominant social order unless they are interested in moving their identity to a different sector, and then they will pick up the speech habits of the sector that they wish to be included into. This is the reason that those who speak more standard English are accepted first for the higher paying corporate positions.
      4>You will find sub-dialects in people's speech. For instance, you can usually tell on the phone if someone is black or white (not always). While the black speaker may be speaking completely standard English, you will still hear an inflection on their words that signal the speaker is black - you will know you are speaking to a person who has integrated into a fairly well to do social sector (or wants to) yet wants to retain an identity with their own race.

      The reason you notice all this in American blacks is because of the highly abnormal social evolution they suffered in this country. If you speak to blacks in countries in which their soical integration was natural, and in which the predominant cultures are other than their own race, you will not notice the differences. Depending on which social groups they identify with, however, there will still be divergences from the standard.
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      Sal
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  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    I was in my favorite Eyetalian restaurant earlier this week. They
    always have a TV on. That's the only time I ever see one. Anyway.

    There was a thing... one of those things on the national news, and
    they were talking about the Finnish educational system. (Funny as hell
    that it was Finnish education. Sorry.)

    The Finns have the highest rated education system in the vorld, and it's
    ranked number 1 in a lot of areas. Basically, the Finns are kicking a lot
    of hind quarters in many areas.

    But, just 20 years ago their education system sucked. They managed
    to turn it around in 20 years. All the while the US has been in a death
    spiral.

    One thing I thought was cool is the top 10% of university graduates
    have to teach. Isn't that amazing? I think so. Truthfully, if teaching
    was a compulsory career move for me I'd make damn sure I graduated
    in the 11% and below group. But I'm not much of a team player, anyway.

    Don't punch me in the head, Bill.


    Ken
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      OK, I could see this post as being deleted, but please take it in the spirit intended.

      I went to provincetown, MA today with my father, my jewish stepmother, and 2 jewish friends.

      The two jewish women looked at this blouse. They LIKED it! I couldn't believe it! I tried to casually draw their attention to "the indian symbol"! I even joked about how they shouldn't bend to the side, to set it at an angle.

      A few minutes later, my father said "They decided not to buy the blouse! You know why?" I said "NO. Why?". He said "Because it had a n... s....... on it!". I said "NO, it's an iindian symbol. What did you think I was talking about?".

      So you can sometimes not anticipate how changing something can change its perception. It did seem to be an OK blouse, etc... but trying to explain the history of that symbol is probably someone NOBODY wants to do, least of all a jewish person.

      Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Pauline60
    I am not sure why they would need to mess with English to make it the official language - it is widely spoken and understood to a high standard across Europe anyway. English kids are always left embarrassed by foreign exchanges cos they can speak our language but we can't speak theirs. I will be having two German kids visit this week and I know my daughter's German although decent will be no match for their English (and I will be keeping very quiet!).
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Well Sal,

    From what I have heard, the hype, like you spewed about ebonics, is just not true. It IS pidgin english(the actual term), but not a creole, as you stated.

    In any event, even if it were a creole, there would be no legitimate reason to teach it, and US tax payers shouldn't have to fund such things.

    Bill, Obviously, THAT part IS a joke. A bit insulting, but a joke none the less.

    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

      Well Sal,

      From what I have heard, the hype, like you spewed about ebonics, is just not true. It IS pidgin english(the actual term), but not a creole, as you stated.

      Steve
      Number 1, Steve - I said it was a pidgin - even though I misspelled it. It has advanced from that point to a regular non-standard dialect of American English.

      Number 2 - The "hype" I spewed can be learned very easily by taking around 60 credits of Linguistics at a major University - Mine was University of Michigan and if you need to check my credentials to be able to speak on the subject with authority, my professor was Dr. Barry -who will not be there any more, but can probably be contacted through the college. I had a GPA in Linguistics of 4.3 - that .3 is honorary, mark of achievement.

      All in all that is not a brag - just telling you I have respected credentials in the subject at that University so am not really concerned about someone on a forum telling me I am "spewing hype". It seems you would be more respectful when disagreeing about a subject of which you know very little.
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      Sal
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      Beyond the Path

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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        I'm taking a more pragmatic approach...here's what I learned:

        In four years people who speak English in Europe will all write like people from Mississippi.

        Yeah - that's going to be a big improvement....
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Originally Posted by Alexa Smith View Post

    <snip>
    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters<snip>
    I kind of (uv?) wish there was a warning to put the coffee or other beverage down before reading the post. Keyboards and monitors cost money, you know (no?). Eneeway, they think differently in Yerup.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Sorry Steve - had a bad day just full of male opposition - some of it crazy as hell - and being told I was spewing hype after trying to be helpful in a subject that I really am up close with was a last straw for the day. I wasn't pushing any agenda.

    Well anyhow - that tantrum didn't make me feel any better. Crap.
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      Sorry Steve - had a bad day just full of male opposition - some of it crazy as hell - and being told I was spewing hype after trying to be helpful in a subject that I really am up close with was a last straw for the day. I wasn't pushing any agenda.

      Well anyhow - that tantrum didn't make me feel any better. Crap.
      WOW! After what you said, I guess I should also state that MY tone is simply because I heard such stuff WAY too much. And seeing classes created for it, etc... was just TOO much. I actually THANKED the liberator for being so reasonable, etc...

      It is certainly NOTHING against black languages. HECK, Uhura's name on the first star trek was a nod to swahili, a REAL African language. I will acknowledge that, appreciate it, etc... Heck, If it caught on, I would try to learn it. And one person came up with an artificial language, named esperanto, that has a following. AGAIN, reasonable because, although it is contrived, it was contrived to try to create a language that no one group can lay a claim to it, and everyone would have to learn.

      BUT WOW, thanks for your last post. BTW I really am sorry it diidn't make you feel better.

      Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author alica
    Its too good to adopt English as a official language. After all its our international language and we have to use this must. Its a right decision for us. There are a lots of people all around the world to understand and use only english language.
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