Lou Costello Buys a Computer From Bud Abbott
Lou Costello Buys a Computer From Bud AbbottIf Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" may have sounded something like this: Costello calls a computer store to ask about a computer. Abbot answers the phone.
Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: Yes. I'm setting up an office at home and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, my name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: OK then, what about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in there?
Abbott: No. But do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper at first.
Costello: Never mind the windows! I need a computer and some software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to run my business, write proposals and track expenses. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. I told you that. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommended something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK. What did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: My office already has windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to write a proposal. What would I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: You need the Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't give me some straight answers. What about bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can use to track my money?
Abbott: Sure, Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: Yes, and It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What comes bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much do I get?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: We got a license from Microsoft to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? They own it!
(A few days later)
Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click "START"
Richard the Profitgi
© 2004 by Tom King - used by
permission (http://twayneking.blogspot.com)
*I wrote the original version of this in 2004. In 2005 it went viral, but after the death of my son in 2006, I lost track of things and didn't realize it was floating around the Internet unattributed till just yesterday (October 2009). I want to thank everyone who graciously added attribution and a link to my website to the piece. A couple of funny film versions are now on the Internet and I hope they'll drop me a byline so at least I can claim the piece on my resume'. Having written a couple of other unattributed viral pieces, I'm more careful these days to put my by-line on things.
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