Now This is 2 Funny (and 2 True)

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When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!


The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.


You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one,but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."


In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake


You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold” The Stance".


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN
there was no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.

You remember the
tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.
(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible... It's still
smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.


The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.


"Occupied!"
you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.


You bolt up, knowing all too well that
it's too late. Yourbare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.


The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.


You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.


You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.


You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.


You are no longer able to smile politely to them...


A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.(Where was that when you
NEEDED it??)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this".


As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
..................

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!


Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra....

Hard to Find...
Supportive....
Comfortable
....
Always Lifts You Up...

Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!


Share with anyone who needs a good laugh!
  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    Pat,

    This reminded me of something that happened in 1980. lol

    I was about 2 months out of the military, applying for jobs,
    and just waiting. I got tired of doing nothing, so I took a job
    at a gas station.

    There was only one bathroom available to customers. Around
    the corner, outside. Not the same one for employees.

    That bathroom was SO awful that I would never use it. The
    owner apparently didn't care one bit about it. I can't tell you
    how filthy and terrible it was.

    One night a carload of young girls pulled up and wanted the key
    to the bathroom. LOL

    I groaned. It was embarrassing. So I told them, "Uh, sure you can
    use it. But honestly, there's no way in hell I would ever step foot
    in that bathroom."

    One young girl looked like she was in pain. LOL And she said, "We
    don't CARE!"

    Gave them the key. All went well...


    Ken
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    Ken, ewwwww.

    truly terrible to imagine.

    The smartest bathroom i ever saw was in a men's gay bar, Badlands, in Gay Bar, California (San Francisco's Castro district).

    Guess they got tired of everybody missing the toilet. They had a huge antique bathtub right in the middle of the floor. A pisstoon if you will. (if you won't, go to the gas station only 20 blocks away) LOLOLOL
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
      Pat,

      Thanks for that enlightening expo. Yup, sometimes it's good to be a man.

      Now, if the water in the bowl just wasn't so cold.

      And deep...
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        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by Bill Farnham View Post

          BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! Why don't they have THAT in chicago. 8-(

          BTW I TOLD you those commercials about "Women have a DIFFERENT understanding of clean" aren't true! This is like elaine on seinfeld upset because her "neighbor" "couldn't spare a square". LUCKILY, I really DON'T want to deal with that. I prefer a latch and, unless I could block the door, I won't be in a stall like that. I check the paper, clean the top of the toilet, and TRY to stay away while it is flushing. Some flush with a person ON the toilet!!!!! If it hasn't been flushed, etc... I tend to use ANOTHER toilet.

          OH, and mens rooms usually have at least a 2:1 or higher ratio of urinals, and men tend to go to bathrooms 25% less often, so, given IDENTICAL circumstances, the lines to men's rooms tend to be shorter. I make that observation because a woman at a HUGE event once actually ASKED me why! If I were in her position seeing the LONG lines to the women's restrooms, and the SHORT ones to the men's, I would ask TOO!

          But YEAH, this whole thread is FUNNY!

          Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by Patrician View Post

      A pisstoon if you will.
      LOL. I like that, a pisstoon.

      Farnham? (palm-forehead)


      Ken
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    "Now, if the water in the bowl just wasn't so cold.

    And deep... "

    The punchline to one of my favorite Texan jokes.
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  • Profile picture of the author JustinDupre
    Very nice post! I feel even more luckier now to be born a male and doesn't have to deal with all these crazy hassle in a public bathroom.
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  • Profile picture of the author prettypretty
    OMG, it is to troublesome to urinate for women. You know I have a friend and of course she's a girl. But the situation was so urgent that day, she just peed at the wayside. And two girls standed besides her, sheltering her from the sight of others. It is so difficult to be a woman.
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by prettypretty View Post

      OMG, it is to troublesome to urinate for women. You know I have a friend and of course she's a girl. But the situation was so urgent that day, she just peed at the wayside. And two girls standed besides her, sheltering her from the sight of others. It is so difficult to be a woman.
      WHO KNOWS!?!? I saw an episode of jag yesterday, and there was a scene where they basically found a woman GUILTY of murder because there were skin cells in her urine at the side of the road. HER excuse? "WHAT WOMEN GOES AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?" Of course that was a comedic moment as the camera pans through the women, and a butch one seemed to almost say "no comment". Anyway, when asked HOW someone could steal her uriine, she gave two obvious possibilities and found that one WAS the real murderer!

      If she were male, nobody may have given her the time of day. Then again one would think the pattern of the urine would have, in either case, made things suspicious.

      Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author JamesCpaWay
        lol great post -- it makes me appreciate the little thing I take for granted being a man.

        You would think woman would start carrying their own "supply" with them for moments like these.
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        James Gabbard
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        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by JamesCpaWay View Post

          lol great post -- it makes me appreciate the little thing I take for granted being a man.

          You would think woman would start carrying their own "supply" with them for moments like these.
          Yeah, one way in which WOMEN have the upper hand is that THEY have purses and can have lots of room for such things. At one point, about 10 years ago, I was denied the ability to count my laptop as a personal item on a plane! The gate agent ACTUALLY SAID that I COULD if I was willing to call it a purse. I WASN'T willing! For a while there, women were actually allowed more than men.

          As for men, there ARE times when we have the SAME problem with bathrooms. OK, not as often, but STILL...

          Steve
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