Can't believe this happened - I'm in shock

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If you know me, you know that last thing I would ever want to do is hurt an animal. I read stories of "accidents" and like others I think "you could have done this, or should have done that".

I killed a dog last night - not just any dog either. I've been taking care of this Jack Russell for two months while his owner's home was placed on a permanent foundation. She finally was able to start moving in last night.

The home is only a few blocks away so I thought I would help her out and take Diogi to her. Had his treats and everything with me - he's gone for several short car trips with me so had no concerns.

The house is on a small gravel street so I watching for potholes and her home was the next house on the left. The window on the passenger side was half way down (normal when he's in the car) and suddenly the dog jumped through it - and right under the car.

I was in shock and when I jumped out and saw him I started screaming. I've been beating myself up since last night thinking of what I should have done or could have done. He had a leash on but I wasn't holding it - the window should have been closed, I should have been watching his body language, etc. But nothing changes what happened. He was an extremely fast little dog and I think he realized he was almost home and in the excitement he jumped out. I feel so guilty and stupid.

I promised Shandy I'd keep him safe and to have this happen 50 yards from his home just killed me. I still can't wrap my mind around it but I understand now how people say "it happened in an instant".

kay
  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    MAN! You have to be CAREFUL with dogs! I always talk about the daschound that is near where I live. He scares me! I say that and people sound SHOCKED. And I say YEAH, he walks all over the street, and likes coming up to cars, so I am always afraid I will run over him.

    I'm sorry to hear that you had this problem. Jack Russell terriers are nice dogs. They generally seem smart, frisky, and just happy. Unfortunately, the frisky aspect means you REALLY have to watch them.

    Diogi was probably excited to see his home and decided not to wait. Since they are small and frisky, they are more than willing to literally jump through hoops. Hopefully Shandy will realize that it was a simple mistake and find it in her heart to forgive you. If she doesn't, please understand. I bet most jack russell owners REALLY love their dogs.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Andie
    Oh Kay..........<<<tight hug>>>>
    I can feel your pain and there is so little that words can do to help. It does happen in an instance......and there is absolutely no reason to second-guess anything you could have done differently. Sounds like you were taking reasonable care, I would have done the same things.
    Truly hope the owner's are understanding this as well and don't add to your distress.

    You know it is such a shock right now...and when that passes a bit you will see it wasn't anything you could have guessed would ever happen. Even jumping through the window, I would have thought a dog would clear the car...

    I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope you don't beat yourself up too terribly long, because you do not deserve that.

    hang in there,
    Andie
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  • Profile picture of the author Frank Ayres
    Nothing you can do about it now but with hindsite i think you should have had the window closed enough that he could just get his nose out for air
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  • Profile picture of the author King Shiloh
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    I'm so sorry for the mistake or whatever that led to the loss of the dog. It goes to show that we are humans after all.

    You have punished yourself enough, please move on with your life. The dog is dead and gone and there's nothing you or anybody can do about it. Thank God you didn't kill a human being. Thank God much more that you were not hurt.

    I understand how you feel but you just have to forget about it okay?
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    • Profile picture of the author John Henderson
      Originally Posted by King Shiloh View Post

      I understand how you feel but you just have to forget about it okay?
      Perhaps we can be a bit more sensitive, KS. What Kay needs is some "Hippo Time"...
      vantagepoint.com.sg | Hippo Time Is OK
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        John - I LOVE that - and you are right. I need hippo time. Maybe before you can start healing from grief or guilt - you have to let it wash over you first.

        Shandy forgives me - she is as upset as I am over this but doesn't blame me. She's a religious person (I'm not so much) and believes everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't have believed he could have gotten out the window as it was down only a few inches. Had I not taken him with me many times in the car I might have not had it down at all but he always just stuck his little nose out and I never dreamed he could wiggle through the opening so quickly.

        I wasn't going more than a 15 miles an hour. If going faster, he probably would have cleared it. So many "ifs" - and it doesn't change anything.

        The worst thing was I've taken good care of him and been so careful with him for two months and to have it happen as he was almost home was beyond belief. This is a dog I've known and taken care several times since Katrina so he was like one of my own.

        Thanks for the support, guys. I hestiated to post about this - but I needed to say it and family is another state celebrating the holiday so turned to my WF support system!

        kay
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          It's a holiday and I don't don't have to do anything or be anywhere today.

          So I'm officially taking one day of hippo time where I can cry or bitch or moan and feel guilty and get it over with.

          Starting tomorrow Diogi will be in mind as "one of my favorite animals" to be remembered and celebrated.

          I just remembered a photo of Diogi I have on a hubpage - it's the second photo on the page - and you'll notice he didn't stay still a lot

          Best Dogs For Children
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        • Profile picture of the author John Henderson
          Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

          John - I LOVE that - and you are right. I need hippo time. Maybe before you can start healing from grief or guilt - you have to let it wash over you first.
          I hoped that would 'ring a bell' with you. And yes, you're absolutely right -- we "play the tape" over and over to try to make sense of it and to reassure ourselves that we have absorbed the lesson that has been so painful to learn.
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          • Profile picture of the author ThomM
            Kay I can't think of anything to say.
            I know the love you have for animals and especially dogs.
            I'm not big on praying, but you and the little guy will get some prayers and positive thoughts from me today.
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    • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
      Kay,

      You have my deepest sympathies, that's truly a sad story. I know nothing anyone can say or do will help right now, this is one of those things only time can help ease.

      Hang in there, it was not your fault, so don't try to second guess fate. Fate always does what it does and we are powerless to change it.

      ~Bill
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  • Profile picture of the author Laura B
    Oh, Kay, I'm so sorry. You must feel like you've been sucker-punched. Don't torture yourself, though; accidents do happen, and certainly no one would think you had anything less than the best of intentions. How could you have foreseen that? Animals do dumb things. {HUGS}
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  • Profile picture of the author Martin2010
    WOW Kay don't beat yourself up.

    This is an extremely rare case and from what i hear it sounds like your looking for reasons to blame yourself.

    One you where doing a good thing looking after the dog, two you where taking the dog back to it's owner, three, you probably had the window open to give the dog fresh air, four why should you hold the leash and also watch the dog whilst you are driving?

    The thing about any animals is that they are so unpredictable as they are animals and you'll never ever know what they are thinking.

    What i suggest you do is show your sorrow in whatever way you feel fit and then try and move on as no-one in their right mind would blame you for this.

    Take care my love
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  • Profile picture of the author derekwong28
    Kay, I can imagine how it feels for you. I suppose that you will have to go through the stages of grief in your own way. To completely shut it off totally now would probably be unhealthy.

    We cannot assess and prevent every possible risk in our daily life. This is a genuine accident and a case of Murphy's Law.

    God Bless
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  • Profile picture of the author Martin2010
    Kay keep your chip up dear we all know your a decent person.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nicola Lane
    I can't think of anything appropriate to say - so I will simply send you lots of virtual huggs (the virtual ones get an extra G)

    Huggs

    Nicola
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    • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
      Kay, my heart goes out to you - I hope you feel a little better for having posted about this.

      From what you say, it sounds as though Diogi had a happy life with a loving and caring owner. Not too many dogs are that lucky.

      Best,


      Frank
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Kay - I have no idea what to say to you but can imagine it to be a waking nightmare. I accidentally killed a pet once and still think about it now and then.

    I'm actually at a loss here. I am so sorry, though.
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    • Profile picture of the author glchandler
      When I fell ill, March of 2000 they told me I would not live six months without a heart transplant. At that time we had an apricot poodle (about six years old at that time) who absolutely would not leave my side.

      I spent months trying to live, and the only vivid memory of that time is that darling little dog hugging me.

      When I became ambulatory (and lived) I did a stupid thing that caused her death through a horrid injury. Nine years later I still spend many minutes thinking of her---yet I know I cannot turn those clock hands back.

      You, also will soon remember more of what he was to you rather than what happened to him.

      I will send prayers your way today as I travel for Thanksgiving. It will get better!
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Sal -

      I knew you would understand - and, yes, it is a nightmare. He was seven yrs old and much loved so he did have a good life...and later that will matter.

      Right now there's just a loop of "what if" that keeps running in my head - will take some time to accept reality and stop wishing for do-overs.
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      • Profile picture of the author TimPhelan
        Sorry to hear that Kay. It was freak accident pure and simple. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure your friends understand.
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    Really sad, Kay. I am sorry. There is nothing much else to say except I hope you get past it soon and my sympathies to all of you who loved the little guy and made his life better.
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    • Profile picture of the author Patrician
      p.s. i know this must be a horrible mind blowing experience, Kay. i think it is speechless. a few people have expressed that -

      i still remember one of my first dogs in this life, a silver blonde cocker spaniel named bouncer. he was the child of 1 of my first 3 boy dogs.

      anyway he got out on the street and crossed the street fine. but then i called him back and that is when he got hit.

      he did live and no permanent injury. but i will never forget sitting in the vets until dark and that medicine smell. now i was under 10. but the horrible feeling was intense (i didn't know until the next day if he would be ok).

      ... so i can just imagine.





      Originally Posted by Patrician View Post

      Really sad, Kay. I am sorry. There is nothing much else to say except I hope you get past it soon and my sympathies to all of you who loved the little guy and made his life better.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        Pat - I think you touched on why I am so deeply affected today. This little guy was an escape artist who could dart out an open door or climb a fence quickly. Accidents happen and I know that - it's that it was ME that did it that make it worse. It was little, nonsense moves I made that allowed it to happen - and that made it worse.

        That's why I had a 40 ft run line set up in my yard for Diogi and my own dogs had to ask me to go out rather than use their doggie door for the past two months.

        I really do appreciate all of you being "there" for me today. I'm usually pretty tough - but not on this one.

        Thanks!
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        • Profile picture of the author Kay King
          I have just had "sarah-py" (sarah-therapy) - it's what my son calls it when he talks over a problem with his wife (my daughter-in-law).

          She was the one I talked to on the phone (family is there - I'm here) who asked what was wrong as "you don't sound right". And when I told her - she knew of several similar situations that had happened to her friends and she was so common sense and optimistic I couldn't help but feel better.

          He picked a winner with that girl! I feel like a weight was lifted off my heart.
          I could have kept feeling like a total piece of s*** for days - but Warrior friends and Sarah-py helped a lot!!!

          kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Audrey Harvey
    Oh, hugs, Kay, I'm so sorry that happened. It's awful when something like that happens, and hundreds of times worse when it's a dog you know and love, and you're involved. I know how it feels to just want to turn the clock back and do things again differently. Take care of yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author Buddd
    Hi Kay,

    Kay, you don't know me but please accept my deepest sympathy. I know exactly how you feel because it happened to me too. Different circumstances but the pain is the same.

    Take comfort that you are not alone, you have many friends here who will help you with the load. Take care.

    Bud
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  • Profile picture of the author Sheryl Polomka
    Oh Kay I am so so sorry. I know you must feel so awful and it's the sort of thing that would just keep replaying in your mind over and over again and then all the 'what ifs' will keep going through your head for a while.

    But the most important thing is to know that it wasn't your fault, it was an accident. It's unfortunate, but they do happen. The window was only down a couple of inches, you had no way to know that he would get out.

    I know guilt is a normal response feeling and it will past, but just be reassured that it was an accident and these things do happen. I also believe that things happen for a reason and this year when we lost our dog I had to keep reminding myself that these things happen for a reason.

    Diogi had a lovely tail I'm guessing his front half isn't in the photo because he couldn't keep still - that's so cute.

    Thinking of you Kay and I hope you feel better soon!
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  • Profile picture of the author alice1202
    Dear Kay,

    It's 6 Pm (Thanksgiving) and I'm just now reading of your sadness and grief. You're in my thoughts tonight. Please don't feel guilty.
    It could have happened to anyone.
    -Alice
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  • Profile picture of the author sarahberra
    I am so sorry! I would be in total shock too. I am sure this is just as painful for you as the owner.
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    • Profile picture of the author glchandler
      I have just had "sarah-py" (sarah-therapy) - it's what my son calls it when he talks over a problem with his wife (my daughter-in-law).
      Any chance of getting a copyright on this...then sell those of us with a tender emotion button "time-shares" on usage?
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      • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
        I'm so sorry, Kay

        I can only imagine how you felt, even though it was an accident.


        take care...
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Kay, as a dog lover myself, I know that one hurts a lot. Sorry to hear it happened to you, Shandy, and Diogi. It must have been very difficult to tell Shandy. I hope she understands it was an accident and doesn't blame you.
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  • Profile picture of the author dagaul101
    It was a terrible mistake, hopefully the owner will understand
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    • Profile picture of the author pickthat apple
      Hi Kay,
      I can imagine how bad you feel and, even worse, I can imagine how the owner of the dog feels. Nothing much to say except try not to think about it and learn from the experience.
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  • Profile picture of the author sparckyz
    I'm not the biggest fan of dogs; Mainly because they bite me. Still, sorry!
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  • Profile picture of the author R Hagel
    I'm so sorry, Kay. (((HUGS))) and healing vibes to you...

    Becky

    Edited to add: I too am struggling for words since I know how devastating this is for you. I know what it's like to have the "what ifs" running through your head repeatedly. So what you need to do is step outside of the situation for a moment.

    Here's what I mean...

    What if it was one of us on this forum who did the same thing? I know you would extend compassion and unconditional acceptance towards that other person. That's what you need to do for yourself right now. Forgive yourself, show yourself some compassion.
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  • Profile picture of the author DireStraits
    Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

    If you know me, you know that last thing I would ever want to do is hurt an animal. I read stories of "accidents" and like others I think "you could have done this, or should have done that".

    I killed a dog last night - not just any dog either. I've been taking care of this Jack Russell for two months while his owner's home was placed on a permanent foundation. She finally was able to start moving in last night.

    The home is only a few blocks away so I thought I would help her out and take Diogi to her. Had his treats and everything with me - he's gone for several short car trips with me so had no concerns.

    The house is on a small gravel street so I watching for potholes and her home was the next house on the left. The window on the passenger side was half way down (normal when he's in the car) and suddenly the dog jumped through it - and right under the car.

    I was in shock and when I jumped out and saw him I started screaming. I've been beating myself up since last night thinking of what I should have done or could have done. He had a leash on but I wasn't holding it - the window should have been closed, I should have been watching his body language, etc. But nothing changes what happened. He was an extremely fast little dog and I think he realized he was almost home and in the excitement he jumped out. I feel so guilty and stupid.

    I promised Shandy I'd keep him safe and to have this happen 50 yards from his home just killed me. I still can't wrap my mind around it but I understand now how people say "it happened in an instant".

    kay
    Damn ... that's crazy sad stuff, indeed.

    And I'm sorry for the guilt you're feeling because of it.

    Gotta say, I love those little Jack's. I have a miniature Jack Russell Terrier called Bud, and he's such a little character. He's approximately 10 years old now and and his age is just starting to show a little bit (he's in brilliant shape though). He's such a loyal friend to me (I know it sounds kinda silly, doesn't it?) that the thoughts of what I'll do when he's gone now occasionally cross my mind. Not something I enjoy the thought of at all.

    Dogs truly are, to me, a man's best friend.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Doesn't sound silly to me at all - Jacks are headstrong and stubborn - but personality just oozes from them.

      Accidents happen - and I understand that. The guilt is from being someone who knows dogs and dog personalities and not realizing the excitement of being on his own street again might be more than Diogi could resist.

      I'm used to large dogs and it was that "large dog" mentality that kept me from realizing how quickly a small dog can move and how small a space they can wriggle through.

      Honestly, today is the first day I've been able to think about this without crying - that's a big step. I don't cry at movies, weddings or even funerals - but this got to me.

      Give Bud a pat for me.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author bigkee42
    Sorry to hear about the lost. Easier said than done, but try not to keep reliving it and beating yourself up about the situation. Just have faith that everything will work itself out.
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  • Profile picture of the author PeterDunin
    I sympathize with your situation but it was an accident and totally out of your control.
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