Camels and Osama Bin Laden
I couldn't come up with a new joke today, so I posted a story from my cousin, Wayne Kerr (note to non-Aussies / non-Poms - check out defintion of word wanker to understand the name):
OK, I can hear the chuckles already. What do I know about the most wanted man on earth? Simple. I know where he is and I have his phone number.
Still you doubt me?
Well I decided to have a short break from the internet and start an offline business, exporting camels to the Middle East from Australia. After all, one of my most memorable experiences in my teenage years was with a camel. Kind of like New Zealanders and sheep (you know, where men are men and sheep are nervous). I also export camel steaks, from camels which are slaughtered in line with the teachings of the local Iman, John Lies-Alot.
You probably don't know that Australia has more camels than any place on earth. Oh, so you have been here and didn't see any? We could lose most countries in the outback and nobody would notice they were there! The European Union has been trying to offload a couple for years.
So what does this have to do with Osama I hear you ask. Simple. I went onto a few Arabic blogs and posted "cameli meata" and "cutie pie camels" and was contacted by one of Osama's henchmen straight away. He told be the boss liked cute camels (he doesn't see any of his wives anymore) and wanted to do business. Naturally I contacted the CIA, FBI, ASIS, ASIO and every other acronym I could think of but they didn't want to know!
I quote. "If it were that easy we would have done it long ago. Now nick off because we got some more bombs to drop on someone that could be him, and if it isn't, serves them right for looking like him."
"By the way, do you have any of those cute camels left?"
So I phoned the henchman back and asked him to get the boss to ring me and we would get the deal done.
A short time later Osama calls and asks about the "cutie-pies". "Can you send picture?" he asked. I sent him some pictures of camels with makeup on and wearing negligees. He rang right back and said "I want them all. Now! I will send $10,000,000 via PaayPal." PaayPal? Who cares. He can send it any way he wants for that amount of money.
Shortly after the money arrived and I was in heaven. Rang my partner, cousin Ron, and we ordered cars, boats, camel make-up and all kinds of stuff and got ready to send the camels to %$**%#@@! (sorry, censored by acronym).
We were made, right? WRONG! Now agents from all the acronym agencies around the world appeared on our doorstep, confiscated the money, computers, phones and camels. The last agent to leave was actually apologetic. He said "Wayne, sorry to take your stuff, but that sure is one cute camel!"
Now I am broke again and the most wanted man on earth is after me.
Back to internet marketing I guess. Perhaps an ebook on the camel business?
PS - Any resemblance to any real person or business is entirely accidental and unintended. No camels were hurt writing this article.
OK, I can hear the chuckles already. What do I know about the most wanted man on earth? Simple. I know where he is and I have his phone number.
Still you doubt me?
Well I decided to have a short break from the internet and start an offline business, exporting camels to the Middle East from Australia. After all, one of my most memorable experiences in my teenage years was with a camel. Kind of like New Zealanders and sheep (you know, where men are men and sheep are nervous). I also export camel steaks, from camels which are slaughtered in line with the teachings of the local Iman, John Lies-Alot.
You probably don't know that Australia has more camels than any place on earth. Oh, so you have been here and didn't see any? We could lose most countries in the outback and nobody would notice they were there! The European Union has been trying to offload a couple for years.
So what does this have to do with Osama I hear you ask. Simple. I went onto a few Arabic blogs and posted "cameli meata" and "cutie pie camels" and was contacted by one of Osama's henchmen straight away. He told be the boss liked cute camels (he doesn't see any of his wives anymore) and wanted to do business. Naturally I contacted the CIA, FBI, ASIS, ASIO and every other acronym I could think of but they didn't want to know!
I quote. "If it were that easy we would have done it long ago. Now nick off because we got some more bombs to drop on someone that could be him, and if it isn't, serves them right for looking like him."
"By the way, do you have any of those cute camels left?"
So I phoned the henchman back and asked him to get the boss to ring me and we would get the deal done.
A short time later Osama calls and asks about the "cutie-pies". "Can you send picture?" he asked. I sent him some pictures of camels with makeup on and wearing negligees. He rang right back and said "I want them all. Now! I will send $10,000,000 via PaayPal." PaayPal? Who cares. He can send it any way he wants for that amount of money.
Shortly after the money arrived and I was in heaven. Rang my partner, cousin Ron, and we ordered cars, boats, camel make-up and all kinds of stuff and got ready to send the camels to %$**%#@@! (sorry, censored by acronym).
We were made, right? WRONG! Now agents from all the acronym agencies around the world appeared on our doorstep, confiscated the money, computers, phones and camels. The last agent to leave was actually apologetic. He said "Wayne, sorry to take your stuff, but that sure is one cute camel!"
Now I am broke again and the most wanted man on earth is after me.
Back to internet marketing I guess. Perhaps an ebook on the camel business?
PS - Any resemblance to any real person or business is entirely accidental and unintended. No camels were hurt writing this article.