HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

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Found this on the website in the link below and thought you guys might get a kick out of it...

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."


~Bill
  • Profile picture of the author ThomM
    Number 18 reminds me of something my club did back in 1970.
    Around 15 of us where riding out to Unidilla for the bike races.
    Every time we rode into a town we would slow down to about 15mph, ride 2 abreast with the pres. in front, and smile and wave to everyone on the street.
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    Perfect timing Bill - some great stress relievers - just in time for the holidays!
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Oksa
    Just a helpful tip for suggestion #2:

    You don't have to wait until you write the check. Whenever you have a few free moments, fill in that field on your upcoming checks. That way you won't have to worry about forgetting.



    All the best,
    Michael
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Number 13 should specify that that is best done with a fountain pen type cartridge, like the ones they had in the 70s.

    HEY, what's wrong with TWENTY!?!?

    Actually, #3 makes sense! A lot of times, they forget things you will generally need for togo food. HECK, CARS are now built with cup carriers and you KNOW one reason is drive throughs.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
      I prefer to whisper some numbers - it mess up the counter big-time but they aren't sure whether you meant to do it or not...

      Honking and waving at strangers doesn't work - they just honk and wave back. What fun is that?

      One of my favorites is to go up to a stranger at a party and start with "I'm sure we've met before but I can't remember where" - they usually believe it and will go on for half an hour trying to figure out where or how or when they met you. When you get bored, you just say "sorry, I was thinking of someone else" and walk off.
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      • Profile picture of the author Bill Farnham
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        One of my favorites is to go up to a stranger at a party and start with "I'm sure we've met before but I can't remember where" - they usually believe it and will go on for half an hour trying to figure out where or how or when they met you. When you get bored, you just say "sorry, I was thinking of someone else" and walk off.
        I saw this comedian once and in his routine he says he likes to walk up to strangers, at a party for instance, and just start up the conversation half-way through.

        Like walking up to somebody and going "So I told him I'm not taking any more of that crap from him..."
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    #11 - LMAO --- I used to do that at work in the Columbia Gorge. We women there were all friends and understood the joke but it really used to freak the new general manager out. Nobody ever laughed about it til he left so he didn't know what the hell to think. He shut that door behind him and we'd be in tears. Some people are just too much fun to f*** with.
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  • Profile picture of the author greekboy112
    These are really funny! I've done number 17 before.. then my friend punched me because I was so annoying.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    That was a great list. Thanks, Bill. I'm probably going to pull a couple of those on people.

    In a similar vein, a few years ago I had a guy come up behind me at a grocery store once, put his hands over my eyes and ask, "Guess who?"

    I blurted out a name and he takes his hands off and and says, "Nope."

    I turned around to see who it was and didn't recognize him, so I asked, "Do I know you?"

    "Nope," he says, "that's what makes it so hard." Then he walked away laughing to himself.

    I like a guy that knows how to make his own fun.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sheryl Polomka
    They are funny!!!

    Ok I'm off to practice number 17 and number 7 on my family
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  • Profile picture of the author Sheryl Polomka
    LMAO - too funny! I cleared the room, they all left!
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  • Profile picture of the author EnlightenMind
    You can tick people off just by having them keep repeating the same stuff over and over again and acting like you still don't get what they're saying.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by EnlightenMind View Post

      You can tick people off just by having them keep repeating the same stuff over and over again and acting like you still don't get what they're saying.
      My wife likes to do that one to me. I don't get mad, but it is kind of maddening.
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      Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author sparckyz
    Some of them are really good, gave me a good laugh
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