Should I say it to her ?

by FrFai
23 replies
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Hello guys,

Let me share my story with you guys. I think I don't know what to do, that's why I am sharing it here So I can get some help from you guys....you guys are AMAZING!

It's a long story, will try to keep it short

It's actually a love story, started in year 2000 (I was 16 and she was 13) when I saw her first day in school, when I first saw her the feeling was great I can't describe it here. After few days of fighting with each other we became very good friends, best BUDDIES!. I was in love with her from the first day but never told her....but I had feelings that she knew...

We spend 1 year in school together. In 2001 summar holidays she moved to other country with her parents, NO CONTACTS...I cried alot when she left seriously....

In 2003, I found her email address from her family (like cousins etc). In that time I found another girl, she was crazy about me and loved me alot(I am married to her now)....I again started chatting to my first love as a friend via email...Then again she disappeared after a year...

We again met on internet in 2007, we shared our phone numbers and started talking as friends...she again disappeared in the same year (2007)....

And in 2010 I found her on FB, AMAZING ...we started chatting and never felt that there were soo many gap-years between our friendship...I am still chatting with her as a friend and we are best buddies.

From 2001 I never met her face to face, we only met on internet...

The problem is I am married (she knows I am married) and I still have same feelings for her. I still Love her. I can't work, can't concentrate. Sometime I feel I should tell her my feelinsg abut her and say "I Love You" and go away(I said I love U to her many times but as a friend)....and sometime I feel I should'nt tell her, What if she disappears again ?

What should I do? Should I tell my feelinsg to her and go away and get busy in my life????...Ofcourse the girl I am married to loves me alot...

Or should not tell her and stay as friend??????

Thanks guys for reading...

Need your help
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    I wonder what this has to do with internet marketing and online business?
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    • Profile picture of the author FrFai
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      I wonder what this has to do with internet marketing and online business?
      I am also an internet marketer and making money doing it. But I can't concentrate on my work because of this issue. Thats why I need help...
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    • Profile picture of the author MarielleLauren
      Originally Posted by laurencewins View Post

      I wonder what this has to do with internet marketing and online business?
      Great advice..
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  • Originally Posted by FrFai View Post

    Hello guys,

    Let me share my story with you guys. I think I don't know what to do, that's why I am sharing it here So I can get some help from you guys....you guys are AMAZING!

    It's a long story, will try to keep it short

    It's actually a love story, started in year 2000 (I was 16 and she was 13) when I saw her first day in school, when I first saw her the feeling was great I can't describe it here. After few days of fighting with each other we became very good friends, best BUDDIES!. I was in love with her from the first day but never told her....but I had feelings that she knew...

    We spend 1 year in school together. In 2001 summar holidays she moved to other country with her parents, NO CONTACTS...I cried alot when she left seriously....

    In 2003, I found her email address from her family (like cousins etc). In that time I found another girl, she was crazy about me and loved me alot(I am married to her now)....I again started chatting to my first love as a friend via email...Then again she disappeared after a year...

    We again met on internet in 2007, we shared our phone numbers and started talking as friends...she again disappeared in the same year (2007)....

    And in 2010 I found her on FB, AMAZING ...we started chatting and never felt that there were soo many gap-years between our friendship...I am still chatting with her as a friend and we are best buddies.

    From 2001 I never met her face to face, we only met on internet...

    The problem is I am married (she knows I am married) and I still have same feelings for her. I still Love her. I can't work, can't concentrate. Sometime I feel I should tell her my feelinsg abut her and say "I Love You" and go away(I said I love U to her many times but as a friend)....and sometime I feel I should'nt tell her, What if she disappears again ?

    What should I do? Should I tell my feelinsg to her and go away and get busy in my life????...Ofcourse the girl I am married to loves me alot...

    Or should not tell her and stay as friend??????

    Thanks guys for reading...

    Need your help



    I think you should accept your feelings as they are and not resist it. What you resist, persists. Allow yourself to feel the feeling then think how to handle it rationally. As I'm still single and don't have a clue on how to handle your situation, I can only impart one thing I've learned that will ring true till the end of time.... HONESTY IS THE GREATEST APHRODISIAC.

    Secrets will destroy a relationship no matter how time-tested and deep it becomes. I know of a free video that discusses a technique to clear your heart and mind. It's on a sales page actually but you don't have to buy the full product to watch the free technique. Here's the link: Clearing Video

    I hope this helps you out my friend.
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  • Profile picture of the author dassad
    It's funny to read that others have such problems to and not only me, lol

    However, I'm telling you that if is a good friend, keep i as a frined since a friend worths much more than any girlfriend or wife or anything. I don't had to take care for a lot of girlfriends in my life but i got bisexual (that become lesbian in meantime LOL), cheaters and other crazy girlfriends but i had and have many friends that are much more precious in your life.

    Also had friend who transformed in girlfriend, we broke up in a few months, loosed the girlfriend and the friend to in the same person.

    So my advice: Never get a girlfriend who is previously your best friend. Takes long time and hurts as hell, but you will forget it.


    Regards,
    daSSad
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  • Profile picture of the author Michele Buch
    This is the off-topic forum, so the post is fine.

    Don't tell her.
    Put your focus on your wife. Think of all the wonderful things about your wife. Think of all the ways you appreciate her. Think of how empty your life would be without her.

    Is gambling your marriage worth it for a fantasy that is at best a "maybe"?

    You'll ruin your friendship and make things awkward if you profess your love.
    Also, things stated online have a way of being found out. You'd really hurt your wife if she knew.

    Good luck,
    Michele
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    • Originally Posted by Michele Buch View Post

      This is the off-topic forum, so the post is fine.

      The OP first posted this in the Mind Warriors section then the mods moved it here. Lol
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    • Profile picture of the author Jayden Rivers
      Originally Posted by Michele Buch View Post

      This is the off-topic forum, so the post is fine.

      Don't tell her.
      Put your focus on your wife. Think of all the wonderful things about your wife. Think of all the ways you appreciate her. Think of how empty your life would be without her.

      Is gambling your marriage worth it for a fantasy that is at best a "maybe"?

      You'll ruin your friendship and make things awkward if you profess your love.
      Also, things stated online have a way of being found out. You'd really hurt your wife if she knew.

      Good luck,
      Michele
      I disagree entirely.

      The point he is making is that his life feels empty without this past girl in his life.

      Yes your married, yes you have a relationship....

      But, unless you atleast meet this girl again, face-to-face and analyse your feelings, that 'longing' will never dissapear. You can only supress it, which is the wrong action to take.

      You have one chance in life.
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  • Profile picture of the author paologiannone
    Yeah. meet up with this girl and decide what you want to do one for all. or you might regret it later on in life.
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  • Profile picture of the author herculesx
    you fallin love where u first meet.. This great story, and i think you should ask her hang-out together and then you said your feeling..
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      I usually ignore threads like this - but this was deja vu. I knew a man like this - he stalked me for years and for a long time I was polite and friendly because he was a nice guy and I didn't want to be rude or cruel.

      It escalated and ended up being very cruel for him - and a nightmare for me. He created a full relationship fantasy and started believing it - and it was based on nothing more than me being friendly with him as a teen.

      If you keeping "finding" someone - and they keep disappearing...you need to get the message. This woman is clearly telling you she's not interested in anything more than a friendship...and she's been telling you that for years.

      age 17 - she moved to another country - no contact

      She could have written or called - she didn't bother - she either didn't give you her new address....or, more likely, didn't answer when you tried to stay in touch

      2 years later (you are 19) - you get her email address from her family - you are in contact for a while and then she disappears and stops answering

      4 years after that - you found her online - and she disappeared again

      2010 (10 years after meeting her) you "find her" on facebook - and, so far, she hasn't disappeared

      Do you see a pattern here? She is not interested in more than a friendship. You have taken a teenage crush and spun into a great love story - but she isn't sharing your fantasy. You keep tracking her down - and she keeps moving away by disappearing.

      This is not fair to your wife and you are not that important to your "friend" - go too far with this and you'll end up alone.

      kay
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  • Profile picture of the author Ernie Lo
    You married your wife for a reason true? Unless you want to ruin your marriage, have your kids hate you and lose half your house and a lot more prob for some fantasy about a girl you met when she was 13 years old, come on think about it..not worth it.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    My late father once said that letting it all hang out often leads to chaos. Sometimes it is better to keep it in.
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  • Profile picture of the author davis cup
    If you are serious about your marriage then stop having ‘SUCH’ feeling towards your friend and continue a normal friendship. What if your friend doesn’t have SUCH feelings for you? You said that your wife is truly in love with you and you are leading a happy life. Why do want to ruin your married life for the sake of your feelings? This is my personal opinion; it is up to you, to ruin or maintain your friendship and relationship.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Alves
    I think you should stay with your wife, and forget about the other girl. If she liked you a lot and wanted more than friendship, then she would have told you by now. Maybe she only likes you as a friend. You keep mentioning that you keep talking to her as a "friend", and that's a bad sign to me. Forget about her.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Originally Posted by FrFai View Post

    Sometime I feel I should tell her my feelings about her and say "I Love You" and go away (I said I love U to her many times but as a friend)...and sometime I feel I should'nt tell her, What if she disappears again?
    My advice is to go for it.

    Don't be so forward to say you love her (even if you do) but say something that will allow her to know that you think of her as more than a friend.

    Then (hopefully) you'll get your answer.

    Remember there’s nothing to lose because you don't have her in the first place. The worst thing that can happen is that she say’s she isn’t interested in you sexually.

    Good luck. :-) Took some courage to post that.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      Remember there's nothing to lose because you don't have her in the first place.
      So his wife is "nothing"? That's interesting.
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      • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        So his wife is "nothing"? That's interesting.
        Well - if he's more in love with another woman, you'd have to wonder if that relationship/marriage will last. You can't live a lie just to please the other person.
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        "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author summerbuzz
    I have a question...

    did you marry your wife because she loves you a lot?

    not because you love her? is that it?

    well i guess you should tell her., in time it will be revealed anyway..

    it will be better if it will come from you and not from anyone else...

    then, face the consequence and solve it rationally..

    it may sound simple but I know it's not..

    because you may not know what will be her reaction if you are to tell her..
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I don't think that it is a good idea. Sometimes it is best to reside in the garden you planted than to burn everything around you. Reality and illusion don't usually mix very well. Sorry.
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    • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
      Are Thunderbird and Kay King the only normal people here?

      Don't contact her again and get on with your life as they advise.

      Dan
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  • I agree with Kay King.

    What happens if you freak out the old friend so bad she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, and on top of that your wife finds out and decides to leave you? Two good women, gone...

    Crosby, Stills and Nash had a song called, "Love the One Your With". She's the one that stuck by you, not popping in and out.
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