How to make your girl love you more?

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Please any tips will do. I have a girlfriend 2 years now, in our 1st year it seemed that you cant get enough of me. Now, sometimes she's just like =| Help me
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    A lot of young people, especially young men, are more concerned about what they are getting from a relationship than what they are giving to it. What are you giving to the relationship?
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  • Profile picture of the author zeigfred
    I mostly get her what she wants. Everyday a new. One thing she's also a shopaholic. I'm thinking she needs a old rich man. =(
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    "Things" don't make a relationship. Giving her your time (doing what she wants to do, not what you want to do all the time), giving her your undivided attention, listening to what she has to say, making her feel good about herself, being emotionally open and available to her, getting her to talk about herself and what she thinks and feels without turning the conversation around to be about you ... these are the things that build a relationship. Let me put that another way...

    It's what you each give to the relationship that makes it what it is, not what you each take from it.

    This part: being emotionally open and available to her ... would seem to be something for you to work on since you could, and perhaps should be having this conversation with her instead of strangers on a blog.

    If your relationship has changed, try to see if you've contributed to that. Have you started taking her for granted? Happens a lot. If you're no longer making her feel special, that will be reflected back to you. There's a very good chance that if she's treating you differently it's because you're treating her differently.

    You can't make her love you more.

    What you can do is be more loving and hope that she will respond in kind.
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    • Profile picture of the author The 13th Warrior
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post


      "Things" don't make a relationship. Giving her your time (doing what she wants to do, not what you want to do all the time), giving her your undivided attention, listening to what she has to say, making her feel good about herself, being emotionally open and available to her, getting her to talk about herself and what she thinks and feels without turning the conversation around to be about you ... these are the things that build a relationship. Let me put that another way...

      It's what you each give to the relationship that makes it what it is, not what you each take from it.

      This part: being emotionally open and available to her ... would seem to be something for you to work on since you could, and perhaps should be having this conversation with her instead of strangers on a blog.

      If your relationship has changed, try to see if you've contributed to that. Have you started taking her for granted? Happens a lot. If you're no longer making her feel special, that will be reflected back to you. There's a very good chance that if she's treating you differently it's because you're treating her differently.

      You can't make her love you more.

      What you can do is be more loving and hope that she will respond in kind.


      Aw man, I was going to book you on Oprah, man, but the show is over, Dr. Phil , I mean, Dennis.

      Ha Ha, I can see your new show following Dr. Oz, man.

      The l-a-d-i-e-s are going to love you man, with that cute picture of you and your dog an all, awwwwww shucks.


      The 13th Warrior
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  • Profile picture of the author zeigfred
    @Dennis

    That hit me a lot. Thanks for the advice and opinion. Very much taken. This did open-up my mind a lot. Actually right now I'm working online that's why Im not with her at the moment. I'll try making her feel special again. It seemed you're right. Thanks again Dennis. Cheers!
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    You're welcome, Zeigfred. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author David Chung
    Or you could start a blog about "how to make your girlfriend love you more" to promote relationship products and then you can spend a bit of your time "researching" with her
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  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    Or you could make a blog for women "How to make men love you more"... and set yourself as a guru to women, and she will see all the other women loving you, and she will love you more. JK, but seriously, we often value most what is the hardest to possess... Looks like the tail might be wagging the dog.... or else you are just growing away from one another....

    Its hard to hear but, more than likely, you will have more girlfriends...

    Dont listen to me though, Im getting a divorce and I dont have a womens blog, so this is just arm chair quarter backing.

    At 42 I have different priorities and my value isnt determined by how well Im accepted by the opposite sex... Dont be in any rush to get here... it will come with time. Enjoy your youthful passion, even though it comes with alot of stomach turning.

    Eventually you make it through so much, that you realize not much can hurt you.... then you can enjoy relationships without fear.

    Also, I second Dennis, focus on who YOU are being in the relationship... if YOU are a cool cat, then its all cool... You will be cool with or without her, and if she doesnt then SOMEONE will appreciate who you are.

    ALSO...

    Some women run over nice guys... I hate to say it, but if you are already fawning over her all the time, then more of that just makes her think of you as needy, and women want to be held but not "clung to". People want to feel desperate for you, even though they "say" they want it to be the opposite. We all want to be chased, but when someone starts chasing us we run... we want to "chase".

    Someone said something to me in this regard once. They said "Your women already knows your GRACE, and she already has that, what she really wants and needs isnt your GRACE its your GREATNESS".

    So maybe show your strengths a bit... and quit being seen as clingy. Instead of being all "grace" try to represent some "Greatness" or strength... Women say they are attracted to grace and its true, but you also have to be a rock for them... to hold onto and even to beat themselves against... Dont be a dish rag. Dont turn to "worry", that makes it worse. She will become less attracted if you express too much worry. Bank on it. You will sell her on the question "Why am I with this guy if he is soo needy"?

    She wants what she needs, not someone who is needy. I know its cold and its true, but ALL people are that way. Even the ones who need needy people are seeking need fulfillment.

    You need to feel like a stud right now, and you are trying to get that from her by expressing your neediness and asking her to confirm your attractiveness... Go the opposite direction my friend. You will only make yourself feel more needy like that. Make her chase you a bit. Energetically begging someone to like you leads to lower self worth, and when your self worth is low, it decreases in others eyes as well. You project it.

    So, in short,... Dont be needy or clingy (not assuming you are, just sayin), pay attention to the quality person YOU are, and let her chase you for awhile.

    Just a smidgeon less neediness and a little more show of "greatness" could be all it takes to get her heart pumping again. Quit worrying about if she likes you or not. I look back at some of the girls I was crazy about when I was younger who didnt pay attention... man did they ever miss out on a great life!

    Simultaneously, I look back at a couple of women who lost their attraction to me somewhere along the line...and it always goes back to "I got needy or clingy".

    Hold her, but dont "cling" there is a difference. Its the difference between confidence and quiet desperation. Believe me, she senses the difference too.

    So how do I give off confidence when I feel needy?

    Last shot in the dark here:

    You cant "pose" energy... you have to really "shift" it.

    You have to do something to actually, in reality "lift" the confidence.

    An extreme example is - Start a modeling agency, and start talking to models all day and making friends with them, that will change your swag (hopefully for the better. lol) .

    Or go win a competition or something, or make a big wad of cash somewhere... it will change the swag, NATURALLY.

    NO MAN, wants to be seen only as graceful by his women, a man wants to also feel his GREATNESS with her... but that's a feeling you share with her, not DERIVE from her.

    Thats something she admires in you, not something she felt obligated to make you feel. She wants to share your greatness not BE THE ONLY THING GREAT about you. And guess what? Neediness convinces her more that she "IS", and that you have no confidence to share that you didnt take from her in the first place.

    So you got to get your swag back. That way she will have something to chase.

    What is my swag?

    Your swag (way of carrying ones self) is what either attracts her or not... Its primal. I know some will argue, but we have primal instincts, including sexual and relationship oriented ones that arent arguable. Women like alpha males, they are attracted to them, its a primal fact, even ones who arent WITH Alpha males, are attracted to them. The same goes for men being attracted to the most feminine females.

    Sure you can marry an ole hag and love her like crazy... but when you see that female that just makes every mans hormones go ballistic.... they are still gonna go ballistic for a second or two. You and I both know its true, you will catch that fleeting glimpse of your primal instincts now and then, which are quickly overcome usually by the uprising of some complex belief system that overrules the entertaining of such feelings, and that may be a good thing.

    So anyway, we are still primal at the core, and part of that is women going for alpha males. You have to touch her in that place that goes deeper than her accumulated belief systems.

    The place that communicates beyond what we are trying to "project" and like a dog, enables other humans to subconsciously sniff out and pick up what we "are", even though they themselves deny it alot of times.

    Her primal "senses" are why faking confidence doesnt work. She has to 'sense" your confidence, not be just be "told" of it, that means it has to be real. You have to really feel good about who YOU are, and be the Alpha male in your own life, and be the best at what YOU do.

    That doesnt mean we all have to be football players, as "macho" doesnt mean "alpha" all the time, but if she likes science geeks, then being needy isnt going to attract her...winning the science contest does, and walking around the confident energy of a science "man" with every step. Whatever it is you do, be a hero at it for real. Be strong at it. Be strong at being you.

    So, in closing, you cant think "How do I change my energy projection".... you just do something that changes the energy itself.

    What can make you feel the way you want to feel OUTSIDE OF HER?

    Just on your own, what can make you walk ten feet tall?

    You dont need her to tell you that you are ten feet tall, you need to feel it for yourself.... then she will naturally show you a reflection of that.

    Once you feel that way, you will attract and not push away what you want. The things and people in your life will start lining up with who you are, as they already do.

    This advice will be golden, if not now then later.

    Of course if this is a real serious marriage type relationship, then counseling might be in order, but if you are just a young guy madly in love and there arent any wedding plans, chances are it wont be the last love.

    Might as well work on "self", and who "self" wants to become. Im sure its not a clingy, needy person.

    Last note: If she is growing away let her. If thats truly the case, holding on isnt love. So , get to the bottom of it, and whether you are bringing more confidence to the table and increasing attraction, or whether she is growing away and you are too.... Let it be true and authentic, and you will love YOURSELF... I know it sounds cliche, but thats where it all starts.
    You may not appreciate this just now, but you wont forget it, and someday you will give the same advice to someone else. Trust me on that.
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    • Profile picture of the author kellydouglas
      I think you should pay more attention towards her.
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      • Profile picture of the author The 13th Warrior
        Originally Posted by John Durham View Post


        I hate to say it, but if you are already fawning over her all the time, then more of that just makes her think of you as needy, and women want to be held but not "clung to".

        Originally Posted by John Durham View Post


        but you also have to be a rock for them... to hold onto and even to beat themselves against... Dont be a dish rag. Dont turn to "worry", that makes it worse. She will become less attracted if you express too much worry. Bank on it. You will sell her on the question "Why am I with this guy if he is soo needy"?

        Originally Posted by John Durham View Post


        Simultaneously, I look back at a couple of women who lost their attraction to me somewhere along the line...and it always goes back to "I got needy or clingy".



        Yeah, dude, what he said.

        Jesus Christ, are you 13 or something?

        Man up, Cowboy up, partner.

        First, everyone has the right to like or not like, love or not love whoever and whatever they want.

        You can't "make" somebody love, thats stupid, and dysfunctional.

        Part of love if freedom, freedom of choice.

        It is dysfunctional to attempt to artificially curry someone's natural choice of that nature to your benefit with lies, acting, and illusions of what THEY want to see rather than what IS, is called an illusion, and once a person finds out or has a hint of who you REALLY are, you have just sabotaged their trust, it is now damaged, at least on a subconscious level.

        Can I "make" you like or love a vomit sandwich , even if I swore its good?

        C'mon , dude.

        If I gave you a Billion dollars every day to eat a vomit sandwich, can I make you love it?

        That's how ridiculous it sounds, of course not.

        Just like they said, if they are trying to pull out more than they put in, its a failure, eject, you are just an object or tool of the moment, till she finds one better, you are filling in.

        If you do not value and love yourself enough so as to NOT accept that or take that kind of treatment or abuse, you can never truly love someone , anyway, you will just be a dysfunctional stalker with a marriage certificate.

        She is going to say in her mind, " ...if he won't stand up for himself and protect his value, HOW can he protect me?" Women have an innate need of security from their significant other on some levels.

        The problem with men is their are few men left that know how to be men and teach younger men or mentor younger men, especially growing up in single homes.

        Desperation , clingyness and neediness in not masculine or sexy, so the very "male" characteristics she impulsively is attracted to or thought she saw in you, if she EVER did, you just demonstrated to her her error in judgement, now you are a gelding in her eyes.

        You are now a new "girlfriend" with an "extra" attachment, and once that happens, it can never be recovered.

        Your next course , book or project is:

        1) how to love yourself and know your value

        2) how to BE a Man

        Know who you are, what your boundaries are, and quit freakin apologizing for being WHO your are, unless you don't know that yet.

        Holy crap, dude, I gotta go watch a few John Wayne, Lee Marvin, Robert Mitchum and Charles Bronson movies, man, this thread left a film on me.


        The 13th Warrior
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      • Profile picture of the author Riggs
        Originally Posted by kellydouglas View Post

        I think you should pay more attention towards her.
        I think he should pay less. In my experience, the less attention you pay to a women you're in a strong relationship with, the more intrigued they typically are to seek attention from you.

        Just my two cents.
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  • Profile picture of the author Audrey Harvey
    My husband brought home the ingredients for dinner, with a bottle of red wine. He made me gourmet hamburgers with sourdough bread, bacon, egg and hamburger. It was just delicious. He does that often, as well as washes the dishes and helps with the laundry. I couldn't love him more.

    What can you do for her? Doesn't need to cost a lot, just a little something to make her life easier or more enjoyable, or to show you're thinking of her. Works for us, and we've been together for almost 26 years.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jovanvaldeze
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    • Profile picture of the author The 13th Warrior
      Here's another piece of advice....sift through multitudes and use your brain to figure out what is going to work best for you.

      Most people usually give bad advice on this subject, men will give you bad advice, but women will give you the WORST advice.

      Most of the advice, people don't practice it or are totally committed to it.

      Men will either tell you what they would do ( in their minds, want to do), but have not actually done in real life, or give you bad advice based on their delusion that they are or were successful; some are , some aren't, but not for the reasons they tell you, most know some of the reasons why they are successful or fail, but most don't REALLY know for sure.

      Women, my God, will tell you things that sound good but absolutely do not work on THEM. They will tell you to be a nice, attentive guy, like those up above, but they are not truly attracted to a nice guy, women are attracted to "projects" or people that need saving, usually bad boys or aloof dudes who are more focused on themselves.

      The "nice guy" they tell you to be usually ends up the male-girlfriend whose ear gets bent and shoulder is wet from the tears of his "girlfriend" telling him how "THIS" guy, and THAT guy, and THAT guy are all jerks because they did not call back or treat her the way she wanted to be treated after she slept with them, but YOU, the "friend" are lucky to get a kiss on the cheek....., dude, eject from that wreckage.

      You are buying her stuff, shopping, yet, the other two "love guru's" up above are telling YOU to do MORE for her and show her MORE attention...., Exhibit A, bad advice, jack.

      Women are not attracted to "bad boys" or manly men because they are willing to "do dishes and laundry", dude.

      You are a walking ATM and somebody she can have around so as to say to her friends that she has someone, she is scoping for the next best thing, either a better ATM who is hopefully not a sniveling whiner; she wants and is going to have her radar up for a real hombre, shooter.

      The 13th Warrior
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