What is a relationship about?

by Neodism 14 replies
What do you think a relationship is about? Is it about finding your parallel, finding someone that makes you happy, or a financial alliance?

I'm asking because the girl I am currently with has a different view than I do and I want other's input. I feel like, although we are very different, we can still work if we give each other what we need. We don't have to be the same person in order to be happy. She lives on a ranch and I am a city-guy. I like fast cars, she likes trucks. I like rock, she likes country.

Now, I don't feel that these different interests should set us apart.

I feel like, if anything, it's a benefit. It's interesting being with someone with different interests because I get to experience a different world. She's really into outdoors stuff and being in shape and I'm all about being indoors (just due to the Texas heat) and trying to make a buck sitting on ass in front of this computer at this forum. I like outdoors stuff, just not when it's a constant 105 degrees.

I feel like, no matter what our interests, it's about finding someone who makes you feel like you seek to feel. Someone that completes you and can offer you what you need in a relationship. She thinks we need to have all the same interests or it will fail.

She honestly doesn't see it working because we are so different but I can't put the right words together in a way to actually describe how I see it and how I feel it should be. She tells me her opinion and I just trip on words trying to tell her that I feel it's an emotional connection that it should be about.

What say you, Warriors?
#off topic forum
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  • Profile picture of the author AdwardDoo
    Me and my girlfriend are very different people. We have not much in common. But I can say one thing - I can't even think about being without her. It's something that I can't explain in words. You just have to know, that this girl is yours. I'm happy with her as well as she is and that's the point of our relationship.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Having a diversity of interests is fine, unless you don't have enough interests in common to sustain interest in each other. Set all that aside for now and look at this statement you made:
    I feel like, no matter what our interests, it's about finding someone who makes you feel like you seek to feel. Someone that completes you and can offer you what you need in a relationship. She thinks we need to have all the same interests or it will fail.
    Two points: First, "finding someone who makes you feel like you seek to feel" is a point of view that's all about what you can get from a relationship, rather than what you give to it. Relationships that are built on taking without giving will be unsatisfactory in one or more ways.

    Secondly, no one "completes" you. That's romantic movie nonsense. You are complete now. You're not missing any component that needs someone else to complete in order for you to be whole. If you're looking for yourself in someone else you'll never find what you're looking for.

    Now, back to the topic of not having many shared interests. That only works as long as each person is willing to give up what they're interested in for the other's benefit. How long will that attitude last? Since you're girlfriend "doesn't see it working" it sounds like she is already tiring of it.

    In many cases, the older a person gets the more they resent having to give up what they want while watching their partner get what they want. You need to take the long view on this one, see the big picture.

    Can that kind of relationship work? Sure, anything is possible. It requires a great deal of sacrifice by one or both parties though.

    It is likely to work? Without enough in common to sustain the relationship, it isn't likely. We all like to see ourselves as exceptions to the norm when being the exception represents something we want, but the fact is, most are not the exception, most are the norm ... that's why it's the norm.

    Can you and your girlfriend be the exception? Sounds like you hope so and she doesn't think so. It takes two to make a relationship work unless one is willing to sacrifice everything for the other, and only then if the "other" accepts the sacrifice as enough.

    Sorry to sound like a downer, but you did ask, so I assumed you wanted an honest answer and not just a "feel good" answer.
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    • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      <cut>
      Now, back to the topic of not having many shared interests. That only works as long as each person is willing to give up what they're interested in for the other's benefit. How long will that attitude last? Since you're girlfriend "doesn't see it working" it sounds like she is already tiring of it.

      In many cases, the older a person gets the more they resent having to give up what they want while watching their partner get what they want. You need to take the long view on this one, see the big picture.
      <cut>

      Dennis is right.

      When I first read this...I thought man, this guy sounds young.

      You know I guess everyone (normal) has to go thru the same thing generation in and generation out.

      The only thing I wish these day's is that when I die...I can come back as a ghost and move a Twinkie just out of reach of all their pork pie fingers all fregggin day long...lol







      Gawd.... I miss Kinnison
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  • Profile picture of the author Fazal Mayar
    finding someone with good values and has many similar qualities and a prosper life
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  • Profile picture of the author techlover
    It's all about finding that person that is your other half, the one you wish you had met long before you met them.
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  • Profile picture of the author papajohni
    Relationship mean to understanding between each-other,it may be depend on the base of compromise or affectionate .Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you — and who thinks you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz.
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  • Profile picture of the author nicolenattan
    Well differences should not be an issue, but that could be a way to make you bond together. Like letting him or her know you or enjoy other side of the world which he or she couldn't see or experience yet. In this way he can appreciate your stuff, while being with you.
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    a relation ship is when your inlaws leave by sea
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  • Profile picture of the author jonnyhardbaked
    Relationship? If you believe in God make him the center of your relationship. Then everything will fall into the right place.

    Note: If you do not believe in God, don't mind this.
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  • Profile picture of the author kellydouglas
    Relationship is all about loving a person who is very much different than you. Just the love the difference in you both.
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  • Profile picture of the author Shilpa
    Relationships are the most meaningful element in our lives..
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  • Profile picture of the author Freeboi
    Relationship is about having someone you can't live without. It really doesn't matter what you do, as long as you enjoy doing it together. In fact, it doesn't even matter if you enjoy doing it, as long as you LOVE doing it because you know your partner loves doing it. Relationship is about loving a person for who he or she is.
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  • Profile picture of the author dners
    I think that there is some truth in the old saying that Opposites do attract!

    I like being in a relationship that helps me learn more about myself and makes me feel like a better person in doing so.
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  • Profile picture of the author marksz
    it's about having someone around you.
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