Funny Quotes/Gags

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I just read a Bob Hope gag that brightened my day and wondered what your favourites were. I'm thinking of the short sharp gags like this:

"My parents taught me all about the birds and the bees. Liars! I dated a woodpecker until I was 21!"

Ray
#off topic forum
  • I tell ya, I get no respect, no respect at all. Last night the house caught on fire and I awoke to hear the wife telling the kids, "Shhh, don't wake Daddy!"

    Rodney Dangerfield
  • I LOVE Groucho Marx - here's a few of my favs from him:


    I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

    She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
    • [1] reply





    • A man is only as old as the woman he feels. (Groucho Marx)

      I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls. (Groucho Marx)

      Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired. (Mae West)

      My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. (Les Dawson)
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    Funny Quotes/Gags

    I just read a Bob Hope gag that brightened my day and wondered what your favourites were. I'm thinking of the short sharp gags like this: "My parents taught me all about the birds and the bees. Liars! I dated a woodpecker until I was 21!"