Completely off topic haha, help me write this rap.

Maybe:
One ton...
Never guns...
Shiny sun...

Does that help? Good luck.

haha yes that is helpful. I'm writing it now and I almost have a verse done, i will post it when I'm done if you folks are interested.

[ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH draft of my first verse for my next song, haha remember this draft is very ROUGH]

Here it is below, I'd appreciate feedback and maybe some lines you cats come up with. If there's one thing I've learned here with you Warrior's it is that collaboration is key

offer me coke but I gotta say "na son"
stopped doin dope but ya boy still on one
still on my grind all the time with the weaponry
still pop ya ass like i used to pop ecstasy

This part of the verse is a shout out to my alltime favorite actor (Sammy Jackson) in my alltime favorite movie (Pulp fiction). Before this part of the verse I will find a way to mention my boy Samuel L. Jackson

my path is beset on all sides
to them cats that be set trippin sniffin them lines
and rats claim they flippin but they on the feds line
and act like they down the whole goddamn time
but when you in the trap
naw
that **** don't fly
in fact he gon die
even he knows
I could see it in his eyes
you wanna pop first will kiddo just try

cuz I be flippin them rides
and I'm steady chippin
moneys touchin the sky
gotta call that pimpin
these guys think they goons they gotta be trippin
this is my platoon so i'm a walkin contradiction

yall don't know my story
couldn't grasp my life
how i came ups' the kinda **** you just caint write

I be flippin them rides
and pimpin these girls
and they glad to abide
but check it out
young homie
thats my hustle on the side

this goes out to them cats tryna knock my pride
and don't seem to understand that they just small fries

AND THIS THE OP CLIQUE YOU KNOW THAT WE THE TIGHTEST BUNCH
TURNIN THIS GRIT TO GOLD WE GOT THE MIDAS TOUCH

Lemme know what you think... Yes I am 3 weeks sober but uhmmmm alcohol doesn't count. So if it came out a little drunkardly then thats why.

Mind you the beat I'm doing this to is super fast and odd, once I do get the chance to record I'll post a link to the music video because its hard to get a vibe for the rhyhm just reading it on the intewebsss.

Thanks folks I appreciate you checking out this thread. I'm a street preformer and I rap for money, I don't make a lot but I make enough to sustain myself.

PS: I love you cats at the warrior forum, you guys are some of the smartest people I have been fortunate enough to come across. I know I will make money in this Internet Marketing world but I will never EVER stop being hip hop.

God bless you guys!

Rap is crap, rap is old, its time to grow up and write rock n roll! :p

PS: Good job.

haha i appreciate the REAL suggestions! look, i'm trying to make it as an internet marketer but i currently only have a part time minimum wage job at an investment firm (as an assitant to a marketer). in order to eat and ironically to keep myself OFF the streets, I street perform for money. I rap and make usually something significantly over minimum wage on my free time.

Its the recession for kids like me (and i'm 21), its hard to find work. I was lucky enough to get this part time paid internship at the investment firm through a youth at risk job training program.

Anyways keep an eye out for my posts. I'll soon be starting a log of me buidling my website empire (over the course of the next 4 months I plan to build at least 50 micro-niche websites that all have the same function). Its gonna be a ton of different niches but my goal is to make myself the authority in this particular "wing" of the internet money making world before expanding my firm.

Anyway any more suggestions on my rap are appreciated. I am working on it and I will post progress as it comes together.