Why Don't Men and Women Get Each Other Yet?

119 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
  • |
I was walking through a book store (remember those?) the other day. And noticed the rows and rows of books about men and women relationships. I even noticed them in the DvD and CD sections, and the magazine racks.

One question came to mind, with all of this information, why don't men and women understand each other better? Can anyone answer that?

The divorce rates are still sky high 50 to 60%, the break ups are still constant and the grin and bear it marriages are skyrocketing. What's really going on. Answers Please!
  • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
    A young man once asked me "what do women want?"
    I told him that he didn't need to understand all women, he only needed to understand the one he was with.

    IMHO the main problem with the male/female relationships is that everyone seems to ask everyone OTHER than the person they're in a relationship with.

    But it takes effort to truly understand another person, more effort than most people are willing to expend. We're all so busy trying to get our own needs met, sometimes we fail to address the needs of our sig. others. This goes for men and women.

    I've been married for 15 years and I've seen couples crash and burn all around us. The titles changed but the story was the same. Selfishness and/or lack of understanding planted the seeds of anger, resentment and bitterness.
    Signature

    [

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862052].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

      A young man once asked me "what do women want?"
      I told him that he didn't need to understand all women, he only needed to understand the one he was with.

      IMHO the main problem with the male/female relationships is that everyone seems to ask everyone OTHER than the person they're in a relationship with.

      But it takes effort to truly understand another person, more effort than most people are willing to expend. We're all so busy trying to get our own needs met, sometimes we fail to address the needs of our sig. others. This goes for men and women.

      I've been married for 15 years and I've seen couples crash and burn all around us. The titles changed but the story was the same. Selfishness and/or lack of understanding planted the seeds of anger, resentment and bitterness.
      Well, a LOT of women have an interesting way of speaking AROUND a subject. If a man likes one of them, TREAD CAREFULLY! A simple mistake or implication may be interpreted in an odd way, and years later changed and magnified as an attack by triggered by something totally unrelated.

      You know how I am with movie references, etc...? Multiply that about 5 times, and THAT is how some women are with problems.

      And men are often left POWERLESS! They have to track things that MIGHT come up and delay, or think quicker than the woman, to try to anticipate connections.

      ALSO, if the woman says a statement that is out of place, the man has to figure what she may want.

      Of course, not ALL women are like that but it is enough for me to have seen it a lot and for it to be in sitcoms, etc...

      Outside of women that want to marry for a mealticket, and men that wander, and money problems, or changes in dynamic, I bet I just explained the leading cause of divorce and hatred between the sexes!

      Steve
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862801].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    What makes you think it's just "men and women" as opposed to humans in general? Do men understand men any better? Do women understand women any better? My observations tells me no.
    Signature

    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862105].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      What makes you think it's just "men and women" as opposed to humans in general? Do men understand men any better? Do women understand women any better? My observations tells me no.
      I think women do understand other women. Mothers understand another mother's pain, joy etc. You know how when a man walks into a room full of women and it gets quiet? That's an unspoken understanding.

      It's not all knowing or omnipotent but we get each other. But I think the OP was referring to romantic relationships which require a different level of understanding.
      Signature

      [

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862174].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
        Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

        It's not all knowing or omnipotent but we get each other. But I think the OP was referring to romantic relationships which require a different level of understanding.
        That's correct. That's a little deeper and requires a different mindset. It's like trying to hit a moving target.
        Signature
        Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
        "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
        "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862270].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      What makes you think it's just "men and women" as opposed to humans in general? Do men understand men any better? Do women understand women any better? My observations tells me no.
      I agree with your point. But the point I was trying to make is look at the number of books, magazine articles, day time talk show and radio discussions. Man woman relationships far out number men understanding men or humans in general. With that, the divorce and break up rates remain high. I even read religious couples divorce rates are even growing.

      How is that happening in the midst of alll this information?
      Signature
      Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
      "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
      "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862247].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
        Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

        I think women do understand other women. Mothers understand another mother's pain, joy etc. You know how when a man walks into a room full of women and it gets quiet? That's an unspoken understanding.

        It's not all knowing or omnipotent but we get each other. But I think the OP was referring to romantic relationships which require a different level of understanding.
        Unspoken understandings aren't exclusive to women. There are all sorts of unspoken understandings. When I look at my wife a certain way she knows I don't believe what someone is telling us. When she looks at me a certain way I know she wants to leave a social gathering we're attending.

        By the way, your "unspoken understanding" example is understood by men too, it isn't exclusive to women. It's pretty obvious.

        All I'm saying is this ... I don't think the failure to understand each other is significantly greater between men and women than it is between the same sexes. Part of it is a choice ... we just don't care to invest the time or effort it takes to understand someone. We're more interested in being understood and being heard than in understanding and hearing.

        Another part is that humans are extraordinarily complex. Everyone is different. We instinctually know that no matter how hard we try, we'll never fully understand another person ... we don't even fully understand ourselves. So much of our decision making processes are from childhood programming we can't even explain why we make some of the choices we make. Something "feels" right, we have a hunch, or someone doesn't rub us the right way.

        Perhaps the best we can do is to understand that much, and understand that we all have our secret sorrows, and as much as possible, try not to be the cause of sorrow for other people.

        Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

        I agree with your point. But the point I was trying to make is look at the number of books, magazine articles, day time talk show and radio discussions. Man woman relationships far out number men understanding men or humans in general. With that, the divorce and break up rates remain high. I even read religious couples divorce rates are even growing.

        How is that happening in the midst of alll this information?
        As a marketer, you should know that the reason there is so much publicity about it and so many more products geared toward male/female relationships is because that's where the money is. Relationships between men and women are a much bigger market than same sex relationships simply because most men and women choose the opposite sex for their primary intimate relationship.

        Bigger market = more money = more products in that market space.

        As for why the divorce rates are so high despite the quantity of information about on the topic, several reasons for that come immediately to mind:

        1. It takes two to make a relationship work. I'd guess many times only one half of a given relationship is interested in changing it.

        2. Different expectations. If Joe expects ABC from a relationship and Mary expects DEF, they can understand each other and still not be happy because they aren't getting what they wanted.

        3. Boredom. People do get bored with each other, and that often spells the end.

        4. Many couples get married for the wrong reason(s). Those are mostly doomed from the beginning. Example: if you marry someone for their looks where will that relationship be when the looks fade? If they don't love each other, what will hold them together?

        5. Maturity. Some people mature faster than others. When there is a large gulf between them the bridges often fail.

        As for Christians, they're just humans, subject to all the same pressures and failings as anyone. There's nothing magical about being a Christian that makes a person immune to life's difficulties.
        Signature

        Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866390].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
          Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

          ...

          All I'm saying is this ... I don't think the failure to understand each other is significantly greater between men and women than it is between the same sexes. Part of it is a choice ... we just don't care to invest the time or effort it takes to understand someone. We're more interested in being understood and being heard than in understanding and hearing.

          ...
          I thought that's what I said...I guess we didn't understand each other

          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          I imagine I will eventually write one, but I was thinking I'd like to maybe pursue that after the 30 year mark. Just sounds better.

          Terra
          I think you should. At 15 years, we're just getting to the good part and I still have a lot to learn but there just aren't that many couples left to look up to.

          What was the best marriage advice you ever received? Mine was to never take advice from someone who hasn't been married longer than you. Needless to say I don't take much advice.
          Signature

          [

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866819].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
            Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

            I thought that's what I said...I guess we didn't understand each other



            I think you should. At 15 years, we're just getting to the good part and I still have a lot to learn but there just aren't that many couples left to look up to.

            What was the best marriage advice you ever received? Mine was to never take advice from someone who hasn't been married longer than you. Needless to say I don't take much advice.
            I think the best advice I got was never underestimate your power as a wife. Your actions and words have the power to either make or break your marriage.

            Those words often helped during the times when I was not happy with hubby's behavior. I'd then step back, analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that he was struggling with something and I could encourage and build him up and make the relationship better, or I could lash out at him and tear him down, breaking down the relationship even further. Although some times took longer than others, it always worked like a charm.

            Wait, it still does, lol!

            Terra
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866991].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
              Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

              I think the best advice I got was never underestimate your power as a wife. Your actions and words have the power to either make or break your marriage.
              Excellent advice. I was trying to mentor a newly married friend and my advice while similar, was not worded so eloquently.

              I basically babbled something about not reacting to what you think you heard but listening to what is being said. Often times we have our minds so made up about a situation that we're unable to see and hear the realty. It takes a while to reach that level of relationship maturity. I don't think enough people wait that long.

              Thanks Terra
              Signature

              [

              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5867090].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author cwilliams6009
              Interesting. I agree with Terra: never underestimate your power as a wife.

              I actually find men easier to get along with, because in general, they seem to say what they are thinking. If they don't anything, they usually aren't thinking. I also notice that if you smile at them, they are very helpful.

              Go ahead. Disagree. I'm just sayin . . .
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876742].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
                Originally Posted by cwilliams6009 View Post

                I actually find men easier to get along with, because in general, they seem to say what they are thinking.
                Often true, but not always. There are many times I don't say what I'm thinking because I know if I do it won't result in the response I want.

                If they don't anything, they usually aren't thinking. I also notice that if you smile at them, they are very helpful.
                Not true. Men are always thinking about something, just like women are as well. The mind doesn't sit still. If we don't say anything, we don't have anything we want to say at the moment for some reason.

                Smiles are non-gender. They work on most people. They show acceptance, and most people want to be accepted. It's human nature.
                Signature

                Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876782].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author seasoned
                Originally Posted by cwilliams6009 View Post

                Interesting. I agree with Terra: never underestimate your power as a wife.

                I actually find men easier to get along with, because in general, they seem to say what they are thinking. If they don't anything, they usually aren't thinking. I also notice that if you smile at them, they are very helpful.

                Go ahead. Disagree. I'm just sayin . . .
                ACTUALLY, some of the times I a the quietest are the times I am thinking the MOST! But I agree with all the rest you said.

                Steve
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883236].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author webmarke
                Originally Posted by cwilliams6009 View Post

                Interesting. I agree with Terra: never underestimate your power as a wife.

                I actually find men easier to get along with, because in general, they seem to say what they are thinking. If they don't anything, they usually aren't thinking. I also notice that if you smile at them, they are very helpful.

                Go ahead. Disagree. I'm just sayin . . .
                It's true....

                But, that's men and women have so many problems getting a long. We say what we mean and mean what we say. When we are not lying....lol.

                Seriously....Women do not like to be straight forward. They rather make men guess what they are thinking by giving hints rather than say exactly what they think.

                Men do not like that. We want women to say exactly what they feel. We hate guessing.

                And when (honest) men talk to women we think that our honesty is more important than not hurting their feeling. And that's a problem for women.

                So..who's to blame? Men or Women?

                The answer is ..men and women.

                Men want women to think like men and women want men to think like women.

                We should just understand how each other think and try not to get mad when a man is being a man or a women is being a women.

                PS. I say this to all the good men and women. Letting a bad man be a bad man is just stupid. And the same for letting a bad women be a bad women.
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885115].message }}
                • Profile picture of the author payoman
                  Originally Posted by webmarke View Post

                  It's true....

                  But, that's men and women have so many problems getting a long. We say what we mean and mean what we say. When we are not lying....lol.

                  Seriously....Women do not like to be straight forward. They rather make men guess what they are thinking by giving hints rather than say exactly what they think.

                  Men do not like that. We want women to say exactly what they feel. We hate guessing.

                  And when (honest) men talk to women we think that our honesty is more important than not hurting their feeling. And that's a problem for women.

                  So..who's to blame? Men or Women?

                  The answer is ..men and women.

                  Men want women to think like men and women want men to think like women.

                  We should just understand how each other think and try not to get mad when a man is being a man or a women is being a women.

                  PS. I say this to all the good men and women. Letting a bad man be a bad man is just stupid. And the same for letting a bad women be a bad women.
                  Want to know why women want men to guess? They are sub-consciously testing your social skills. It's true.

                  They are creating a puzzle for you to solve. They are testing your ability to negotiate and solve problems. It's an evolutionary testing mechanism designed to distinguish intelligent males from unintelligent ones.

                  Remember though, it's SUB-CONCIOUS; they aren't thinking "Here we go, let's test his skills, if he passes I'll be nice, if not well..."

                  Makes sense when you think about. Go read some evolutionary psychology and it will make even more sense.

                  Females 'testing' a males social acuity is well documented.
                  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885179].message }}
                  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
                    Originally Posted by payoman View Post

                    Want to know why women want men to guess? They are sub-consciously testing your social skills. It's true.

                    They are creating a puzzle for you to solve. They are testing your ability to negotiate and solve problems. It's an evolutionary testing mechanism designed to distinguish intelligent males from unintelligent ones.

                    Remember though, it's SUB-CONCIOUS; they aren't thinking "Here we go, let's test his skills, if he passes I'll be nice, if not well..."

                    Makes sense when you think about. Go read some evolutionary psychology and it will make even more sense.

                    Females 'testing' a males social acuity is well documented.
                    YEAH RIGHT! Even some of the DUMBEST women do it.

                    You have some weird ideas.

                    Steve
                    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886556].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

        I agree with your point. But the point I was trying to make is look at the number of books, magazine articles, day time talk show and radio discussions. Man woman relationships far out number men understanding men or humans in general. With that, the divorce and break up rates remain high. I even read religious couples divorce rates are even growing.

        How is that happening in the midst of alll this information?
        Marriage used to be as much a matter of business as love. Women didn't work in the economy for the most part. There was a division of labor - women tended the home front, cleaning, organizing, planning the family socialization, raising kids, etc. Men worked outside of the home for money. The families stayed together often out of need rather than because the people stayed in love.

        Now you have families with no division of labor. Everyone has to work, people are stressed and often have no time to dedicate to each other. You have at least one party that can support themselves better on their own and with less stress and work involved. They lose each other and often have no way to change that fact. If the world went back to a place that everyone had some time again, my guess is that the divorce rate would drop.
        Signature

        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
        Beyond the Path

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866709].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author lcombs
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          Marriage used to be as much a matter of business as love. Women didn't work in the economy for the most part. There was a division of labor - women tended the home front, cleaning, organizing, planning the family socialization, raising kids, etc. Men worked outside of the home for money. The families stayed together often out of need rather than because the people stayed in love.

          Now you have families with no division of labor. Everyone has to work, people are stressed and often have no time to dedicate to each other. You have at least one party that can support themselves better on their own and with less stress and work involved. They lose each other and often have no way to change that fact. If the world went back to a place that everyone had some time again, my guess is that the divorce rate would drop.
          BINGO!

          For some reason I'll never understand why women started to think that being a 'housewife' was demeaning.
          They started the 'womens' lib' movement thinking they didn't have the equality of men.
          They didn't want to be 'put on a pedistal'.
          What women don't realize is, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world".
          Men putting women on a pedistal placed women above them.
          Everything a man invented, created was to impress women.

          If it weren't for women men still be living caves.
          We would have beer, football, and TV.
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868575].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author HeySal
            Originally Posted by lcombs View Post

            BINGO!

            For some reason I'll never understand why women started to think that being a 'housewife' was demeaning.
            They started the 'womens' lib' movement thinking they didn't have the equality of men.
            They didn't want to be 'put on a pedistal'.
            What women don't realize is, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world".
            Men putting women on a pedistal placed women above them.
            Everything a man invented, created was to impress women.

            If it weren't for women men still be living caves.
            We would have beer, football, and TV.

            They thought that because they were treated like 2nd hand humans. You'd have to be on the receiving end of that one to even start to understand how demeaning it is.
            Signature

            Sal
            When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
            Beyond the Path

            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868950].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author seasoned
              Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

              They thought that because they were treated like 2nd hand humans. You'd have to be on the receiving end of that one to even start to understand how demeaning it is.
              It was not SUPPOSED to be demeaning! If the love and respect were there, it would probably be a nice place to be. And I don't think it was a coincidence that society, and the way that part of society changed, changed at about the same

              Steve
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5870719].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author ShayB
            Originally Posted by lcombs View Post

            BINGO!

            For some reason I'll never understand why women started to think that being a 'housewife' was demeaning.
            They started the 'womens' lib' movement thinking they didn't have the equality of men.
            They didn't want to be 'put on a pedistal'.
            What women don't realize is, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world".
            Men putting women on a pedistal placed women above them.
            Everything a man invented, created was to impress women.

            If it weren't for women men still be living caves.
            We would have beer, football, and TV.
            This system works if:

            1. The woman has a man to provide for her. If she is single and has to support herself or her children, she is SOL. Don't forget - not that long ago, a woman couldn't get a bank loan, be in business, etc., without a husband's signature. Not to mention not being able to get certain jobs, get paid equally for the same work as a man, etc.

            2. The woman has a man that doesn't beat the crap out of her or otherwise cause her harm. When all a woman can aspire to be is a housewife, her options are severely limited.

            3. What if the woman is widowed? Childless? You forget the downside to the wonderful put-on-a-pedestal picture you paint. :rolleyes:
            Signature
            "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5874186].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
              Maybe it's a good thing that men and women still don't get each other, despite the books, seminars and even discusssion. If we completely solved the puzzle, life would be boring, predictable and probably cause a financial collapse in the television, movie and book industries.:p
              Signature
              Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
              "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
              "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5917197].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
                Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

                Maybe it's a good thing that men and women still don't get each other, despite the books, seminars and even discusssion. If we completely solved the puzzle, life would be boring, predictable and probably cause a financial collapse in the television, movie and book industries.:p
                Not to mention hundreds of thousands of lawyers out looking for a new niche...
                Signature
                Professional Googler
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5917343].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      What makes you think it's just "men and women" as opposed to humans in general? Do men understand men any better? Do women understand women any better? My observations tells me no.
      I once read a book written by a woman about how women think. As I recall, it was even written FOR women. She not only explained what women do, and why, but made it clear that if they had trouble understanding one another, they would make it CLEAR!

      I am so interested ust because my mother pulled the same tricks on me, and I lost a number of opportunities. Knowing WHY doesn't help the situation as much as you would hope though.

      For men, outside of sports(which most men seem to understand), I have them pegged, so I'm sure men generally understand men. By default, men generally say what they mean.

      As I understand it, the famous book, "men are from mars, women are from venus" said much of what I am saying here.

      Steve
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862824].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

    I was walking through a book store (remember those?) the other day. And noticed the rows and rows of books about men and women relationships. I even noticed them in the DvD and CD sections, and the magazine racks.

    One question came to mind, with all of this information, why don't men and women understand each other better? Can anyone answer that?

    The divorce rates are still sky high 50 to 60%, the break ups are still constant and the grin and bear it marriages are skyrocketing. What's really going on. Answers Please!
    Most of the books are GARBAGE! I took several CLASSES in such things and they ALL seem to be run by men hating multiply divorced idiot women! And they wonder WHY they can't keep a man. HECK, most of the time they aren't even attractive.

    SOME women get it, but MOST of them don't write books about it.

    Some have REALLY odd theories as to why there is a problem, and some of them develop WIERD theories as to why.

    Steve
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5862769].message }}
  • {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5865642].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
      Originally Posted by lcombs View Post

      Because women are weird.
      Whoa, dude you may need a body guard if the women you know ever read that.
      Signature
      Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
      "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
      "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866614].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author lcombs
        Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

        Whoa, dude you may need a body guard if the women you know ever read that.
        Nope.

        Every woman I've ever known who works with other women bitches about how they hate working with other women.

        Not realizing, of course, that the other women she works with say the thing. And, to them, she is one of the 'other women'.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868725].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
          Originally Posted by lcombs View Post

          Nope.

          Every woman I've ever known who works with other women bitches about how they hate working with other women.

          Not realizing, of course, that the other women she works with say the thing. And, to them, she is one of the 'other women'.
          That's true enough. I had a similar comment in one of my replies but removed it on second thought -- but only to keep my reply more focused.
          Signature

          Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868735].message }}
  • When you guys figure it out...can you tell ME?

    I'm trying to make a buck here...:rolleyes:
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5865856].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      To me it's the same as the get rich schemes everywhere.

      Men and women both buy up those books, CD's, etc. because they want a relationship they don't have to work hard at, just like some people want wealth without having to work hard at it.

      As long as those types of mindsets prevail, there is a market and writers will continue to churn out the crap.

      I'll be married 29 years this year and I think the mindset that has helped our marriage survive and grow the most is this basic principle:

      A relationship is much like a bank account. If you're not making regular deposits, then don't expect regular withdrawals.

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5865946].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        To me it's the same as the get rich schemes everywhere.

        Men and women both buy up those books, CD's, etc. because they want a relationship they don't have to work hard at, just like some people want wealth without having to work hard at it.

        As long as those types of mindsets prevail, there is a market and writers will continue to churn out the crap.

        I'll be married 29 years this year and I think the mindset that has helped our marriage survive and grow the most is this basic principle:

        A relationship is much like a bank account. If you're not making regular deposits, then don't expect regular withdrawals.

        Terra
        *note to self*

        Buy the wife something pink once a week after bank deposits...
        Signature
        Professional Googler
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866005].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          LOL Dave!

          Gotta luv ya! :p

          Terra
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866034].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            LOL Dave!

            Gotta luv ya! :p

            Terra
            Hey, a man that's not taking notes here is fighting a lost cause...
            Signature
            Professional Googler
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866220].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
        Originally Posted by lcombs View Post

        Because women are weird.
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        To me it's the same as the get rich schemes everywhere.

        Men and women both buy up those books, CD's, etc. because they want a relationship they don't have to work hard at, just like some people want wealth without having to work hard at it.

        As long as those types of mindsets prevail, there is a market and writers will continue to churn out the crap.

        I'll be married 29 years this year and I think the mindset that has helped our marriage survive and grow the most is this basic principle:

        A relationship is much like a bank account. If you're not making regular deposits, then don't expect regular withdrawals.

        Terra
        If you've been married for 29 years... you should write a book. You don't hear those high numbers much anymore. Most marriages crap out at about 5 -7 years now. Less if you live in Hollywood.
        Signature
        Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
        "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
        "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866639].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

          If you've been married for 29 years... you should write a book. You don't hear those high numbers much anymore. Most marriages crap out at about 5 -7 years now. Less if you live in Hollywood.
          Thanks Niche Man.

          Actually you're about he 5th person to recommend that to me, lol!

          I have mulled it over a bit and even have a file folder that I keep some of the key points that have greatly helped in our marriage. I usually come up with them when one of my daughters or a friend asks my advice on something. Then I think, whoa! That's good, lol, then put it in the folder.

          I imagine I will eventually write one, but I was thinking I'd like to maybe pursue that after the 30 year mark. Just sounds better.

          Terra
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866783].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author laurencewins
    I think that men and women will understand each other when we have people walking around on other planets...maybe.......
    Signature

    Cheers, Laurence. Writer/Editor/Proofreader.
    Website / Blog for more info.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866237].message }}
  • {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5866794].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author russflex
    I blame the media, movies, music, electronic devices, etc. Basically the modern age has made relationships much harder to maintain. There are too many influences out there that can get to you now and people have too many choices. This makes them confused and uncertain of what they want.

    For example, men want beautiful women. That is all we want (lets face it). Most of us know that women like guys with money, so that is why we try to get money. We think like this because the media shows off rich men who have beautiful women and it makes every man watching want the same thing. So, the guys who are married end up cheating on their partner because they want to be a "player" like the rich guys.

    Then women look at romantic movies and think real life can be like that with the right person. Then they get disappointed when their partner doesn't turn out to be the romantic goofball that are in these romantic comedies. Movies are a bad influence on women in this sense.

    The point is we are so heavily influenced by electronics, movies, music, etc; and no one even bothers to just sit by themselves without a gadget in their hand and think about who they are and what they want. This is the reason people can't stay in a relationship. They just jump right into a marriage because they think they have to or it is what society expects of them. No one has the courage to just wait or even say to themselves that marriage doesn't work (at least not in this century). There are too many influences out there that make people change their minds.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868076].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
      Originally Posted by russflex View Post

      I blame the media, movies, music, electronic devices, etc. Basically the modern age has made relationships much harder to maintain. There are too many influences out there that can get to you now and people have too many choices. This makes them confused and uncertain of what they want.

      For example, men want beautiful women. That is all we want (lets face it). Most of us know that women like guys with money, so that is why we try to get money. We think like this because the media shows off rich men who have beautiful women and it makes every man watching want the same thing. So, the guys who are married end up cheating on their partner because they want to be a "player" like the rich guys.

      Then women look at romantic movies and think real life can be like that with the right person. Then they get disappointed when their partner doesn't turn out to be the romantic goofball that are in these romantic comedies. Movies are a bad influence on women in this sense.

      The point is we are so heavily influenced by electronics, movies, music, etc; and no one even bothers to just sit by themselves without a gadget in their hand and think about who they are and what they want. This is the reason people can't stay in a relationship. They just jump right into a marriage because they think they have to or it is what society expects of them. No one has the courage to just wait or even say to themselves that marriage doesn't work (at least not in this century). There are too many influences out there that make people change their minds.
      NEWSFLASH: Men/Women want and need the same thing today in a relationship they wanted/needed 100 years ago.

      If you were to say that more and more people seem to want to blame society/outside influences instead of accepting PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for their part in a relationship....well then, that's something I could probably agree with.
      Signature
      Professional Googler
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868118].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author russflex
        Originally Posted by Dave Patterson View Post

        NEWSFLASH: Men/Women want and need the same thing today in a relationship they wanted/needed 100 years ago.

        If you were to say that more and more people seem to want to blame society/outside influences instead of accepting PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for their part in a relationship....well then, that's something I could probably agree with.
        Well that is true. Men and women do want the same things they wanted 100 years ago. The only difference is now men can't get away with it and women have more power over men to get their way.

        I think people should blame society more. The problem is not enough people do.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868194].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
          Originally Posted by russflex View Post

          I think people should blame society more. The problem is not enough people do.
          If you ask me, far too many people blame society, the movies, other people, etc., and far too few people take responsibility for their own decisions and their own actions. Until you own full responsibility for yourself and QUIT blaming others, you'll always be looking and seldom finding the keys to success and happiness. Life is a mind game we play with ourselves. The only way to win is to own all your thoughts and actions.
          Signature

          Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868240].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author russflex
            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

            If you ask me, far too many people blame society, the movies, other people, etc., and far too few people take responsibility for their own decisions and their own actions. Until you own full responsibility for yourself and QUIT blaming others, you'll always be looking and seldom finding the keys to success and happiness. Life is a mind game we play with ourselves. The only way to win is to own all your thoughts and actions.

            People blame society for their financial situation (hence the 99% protests). I don't see people blaming society for their failed relationships though. They always put the guilt on themselves or their partner. My point was that society influences relationships as well as money and finance.
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868309].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
              Originally Posted by russflex View Post

              People blame society for their financial situation (hence the 99% protests). I don't see people blaming society for their failed relationships though. They always put the guilt on themselves or their partner. My point was that society influences relationships as well as money and finance.

              I understood your point, but sorry, I just don't agree with it. What is "society" but other people? It's like you're saying we should blame someone else for our failed relationships. I don't buy that.

              My decisions are my decisions. I decide who I allow to influence me and who doesn't get to. I decide my behavior. If you want to blame others you're giving them more power than they deserve. No one has power over you unless you give it to them -- and that, too, is your responsibility.

              Now, if you want to say big business, the media, special interest groups and the government have blurred the lines of responsible behavior and made it easier to be a victim I'd agree with you 100% on that.
              Signature

              Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868524].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
          Originally Posted by russflex View Post

          Well that is true. Men and women do want the same things they wanted 100 years ago. The only difference is now men can't get away with it and women have more power over men to get their way.

          I think people should blame society more. The problem is not enough people do.
          You must have missed that PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY part....:rolleyes:
          Signature
          Professional Googler
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868242].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author russflex
            Originally Posted by Dave Patterson View Post

            You must have missed that PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY part....:rolleyes:
            I didn't miss it. Where relationships are concerned, I think people blame themselves or someone else, but they never blame society's influence. I think they should. The overall solution is just don't get married.

            I have to laugh at all these gay protests for legalizing gay marriage. They just won't be happy until they are miserable
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868323].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by russflex View Post

      I blame the media, movies, music, electronic devices, etc. Basically the modern age has made relationships much harder to maintain. There are too many influences out there that can get to you now and people have too many choices. This makes them confused and uncertain of what they want.

      For example, men want beautiful women. That is all we want (lets face it). Most of us know that women like guys with money, so that is why we try to get money. We think like this because the media shows off rich men who have beautiful women and it makes every man watching want the same thing. So, the guys who are married end up cheating on their partner because they want to be a "player" like the rich guys.

      Then women look at romantic movies and think real life can be like that with the right person. Then they get disappointed when their partner doesn't turn out to be the romantic goofball that are in these romantic comedies. Movies are a bad influence on women in this sense.

      The point is we are so heavily influenced by electronics, movies, music, etc; and no one even bothers to just sit by themselves without a gadget in their hand and think about who they are and what they want. This is the reason people can't stay in a relationship. They just jump right into a marriage because they think they have to or it is what society expects of them. No one has the courage to just wait or even say to themselves that marriage doesn't work (at least not in this century). There are too many influences out there that make people change their minds.

      My first question to you would have been are you serious?

      But after reading further, I see that you are.

      So my question to you now is, you do know that movies, games, television shows and romance novels are fiction, right?

      Sure, what little girl or boy doesn't want to be like the fairy tale prince and princesses and live happily ever after when they grow up? But as they grow, mature and learn, they understand fairy tales are just that...fairy tales.

      When we are children we think childish thoughts, but when we mature, we should think as grown men and women, don't you think?

      When you blame society for failed marriages, then in reverse, you're saying society could be responsible for successful marriages?!!?

      HA! Good luck with that one!

      The responsibility for either failed or successful marriages lies in the hands of that couple themselves. Period!

      Quit blaming others for every failure in your life and you just may be able to learn from your own mistakes and actually climb to higher levels of success in your life, marriage or otherwise.

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868610].message }}
  • :p :rolleyes:
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868125].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    We have all evolved into being more selfish in general. it just dominoes from there... There are alot more options today than there were years ago to distract people...My two cents. Bells and whistles everywhere you look.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868274].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Mae Rose
    It is because men and women are created differently. They are created in opposite ends so they could complement each other. Just like in magnets, opposite attracts. No matter how hateful men and women are with each other, they couldn't live without the other. so, let's just leave it that way.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5868612].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DianaHeuser
    I cannot remember the entire quote correctly but I think it was Hemingway who said this"

    "Love, for a woman, is her entire life. For a man, 'tis a thing apart".

    When you have that kind of fundemental difference in our approach to love, is it any wonder that there are issues.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5869072].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by DianaHeuser View Post

      I cannot remember the entire quote correctly but I think it was Hemingway who said this"

      "Love, for a woman, is her entire life. For a man, 'tis a thing apart".

      When you have that kind of fundemental difference in our approach to love, is it any wonder that there are issues.
      Well, some women apparently have the SAME problem!

      Steve
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5870732].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    Does familiarity breed contempt???


    TL
    Signature

    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5871426].message }}
    • Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post

      Does familiarity breed contempt???


      TL
      It's probably more like families breed contempt - it's all relative...:rolleyes:

      To paraphrase Einstein: 'Sit with your relatives at Thanksgiving for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.'
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5873257].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
        Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

        It's probably more like families breed contempt - it's all relative...:rolleyes:

        To paraphrase Einstein: 'Sit with your relatives at Thanksgiving for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.'

        Does familiarity breed contempt?


        I'm talking about between a man and a woman.


        Lots of times people are on their best behavior during the initial dates and courtship but as soon as the ink on the marriage cert dries, the real person(s) begins to emerge and sometimes - it ain't pretty.


        I know a guy who said a woman he was dating started breaking wind in front of him right after they got engaged when she never did it before.

        LOL!!!

        He explained that it was a real turnoff for him and they agreed to not do it in front of each other unless it was truly necessary.


        Contempt???


        A good test for a relationship is for the two people to spend as much time together as possible to test the waters and see if familiarity will bred contempt as it often does.


        They don't have to live together but if they're thinking about marriage then they should seriously test the waters.


        All The Best!!


        TL
        Signature

        "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5887239].message }}
        • Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post

          Does familiarity breed contempt?


          I'm talking about between a man and a woman.


          Lots of times people are on their best behavior during the initial dates and courtship but as soon as the ink on the marriage cert dries, the real person(s) begins to emerge and sometimes - it ain't pretty.


          I know a guy who said a woman he was dating started breaking wind in front of him right after they got engaged when she never did it before.

          LOL!!!

          He explained that it was a real turnoff for him and they agreed to not do it in front of each other unless it was truly necessary.


          Contempt???


          A good test for a relationship is for the two people to spend as much time together as possible to test the waters and see if familiarity will bred contempt as it often does.


          They don't have to live together but if they're thinking about marriage then they should seriously test the waters.


          All The Best!!


          TL
          It's the familiarity of the family that breeds the contempt!

          It was a play on words...familiarity / family...I was going that extra 'meal'...I guess Freud was right, alas, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...

          They say one clue is to see how your date treats the waiter/waitress on your first date...look for 'tell-tale' signs!
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888715].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author stufftheme
    this topic is for love birds i mean couples
    they can answer easily
    i mean couples not just mammals married to each other
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5873537].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    That's really true, Shay. When you have to rely on someone else for every dime you spend and every morsel of food you put in your mouth, you really are not a free person. If you are treated badly, which happens more often than some people realize when one person has the power over another, what do you do if you need to get away if you have no job or money?

    When someone supports you, you are a slave to their whims. If women received some form of monetary pay for working at home, it would be different - then she wouldn't be on the streets if mistreated or if the guy suddenly decides to drop her off. Being the at home portion of the division of labor isn't as glamorous as some guys like to think it is. It should be division of labor - but more often than not, it's just plain subservience and risk.
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5874309].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
      Women are not one big monolithic group should be able to choose their fate without being pushed one way or the other solely because daddy provided an X chromosome instead of a Y.

      The biggest obstacle to winning the war against sexism is the fact that not all women want the same thing in the same way. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife or a doctor, just give me the same chance to choose and often from birth women are systematically steered toward the "lady like" pursuits.

      When a woman chooses non-"lady like" pursuits she's seen as obstinate and contrary.

      I don't expect men to understand this anymore than I expect a dog to understand a cat's hairball.
      Signature

      [

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5875583].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Dave Patterson
        Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

        Women are not one big monolithic group should be able to choose their fate without being pushed one way or the other solely because daddy provided an X chromosome instead of a Y.

        The biggest obstacle to in winning the war against sexism is the fact that not all women want the same thing in the same way. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife or a doctor, just give me the same chance to choose and often from birth women are systematically steered toward the "lady like" pursuits.

        When a woman chooses non-"lady like" pursuits she's seen as obstinate and contrary.

        I don't expect men to understand this anymore than I expect a dog to understand a cat's hairball.
        OK, thats funny right there...
        Signature
        Professional Googler
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5875717].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
        Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

        When a woman chooses non-"lady like" pursuits she's seen as obstinate and contrary.

        I don't expect men to understand this anymore than I expect a dog to understand a cat's hairball.
        Ouch! Now you're putting us (men) all in the same bag. Some may understand many may not.
        Signature
        Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
        "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
        "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5877796].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author seasoned
        Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

        Women are not one big monolithic group should be able to choose their fate without being pushed one way or the other solely because daddy provided an X chromosome instead of a Y.

        The biggest obstacle to winning the war against sexism is the fact that not all women want the same thing in the same way. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife or a doctor, just give me the same chance to choose and often from birth women are systematically steered toward the "lady like" pursuits.

        When a woman chooses non-"lady like" pursuits she's seen as obstinate and contrary.

        I don't expect men to understand this anymore than I expect a dog to understand a cat's hairball.
        Oh, COMEON! Girls have not ALWAYS played like girls, but men haven't started a worldwide conspiracy to brainwash girls.

        Steve
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883126].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
          Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

          Oh, COMEON! Girls have not ALWAYS played like girls, but men haven't started a worldwide conspiracy to brainwash girls.

          Steve
          I love it when Steve comes to refute me.
          It makes my time in the off topic forum so much fun.

          I'm still waiting on that Skype chat about the state of health care in the US?

          http://www.warriorforum.com/off-topi...ml#post5542830
          Signature

          [

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883429].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      That's really true, Shay. When you have to rely on someone else for every dime you spend and every morsel of food you put in your mouth, you really are not a free person. If you are treated badly, which happens more often than some people realize when one person has the power over another, what do you do if you need to get away if you have no job or money?

      When someone supports you, you are a slave to their whims. If women received some form of monetary pay for working at home, it would be different - then she wouldn't be on the streets if mistreated or if the guy suddenly decides to drop her off. Being the at home portion of the division of labor isn't as glamorous as some guys like to think it is. It should be division of labor - but more often than not, it's just plain subservience and risk.

      In some cases, this is true, and don't throw rotten tomatoes at me, but I think that the woman has just as much blame as the man in that situation.

      When hubby was young and foolish and not quite fully trained, he tried something like this.

      I told him it was Spring and I really wanted to get a patio set for the deck so we could enjoy more of the outdoors more comfortably and that I needed to get some new clothes to look good with it.

      He brought up the issue of him being the bread winner and because of that, he got to say what extra things we purchased.

      I quietly walked away, did some research and came back presenting him with a huge bill.

      I let him know how much a live-in housekeeper makes annually along with a live-in nanny, a personal cook, a personal seamstress, a personal secretary and a high class er, um, escort. (to put it nicely)

      I presented him with the bill and added that each subsequent year after the first, cost an additional three percent in cost of living adjustments.

      I told him he definitely couldn't afford me and actually owed me quite a bit. So with that being said, if I wanted new patio furniture and some new clothes, I sure as heck was going to get them!

      He didn't say anything, folded up the bill and said okay, honey.

      We as women don't have to let the breadwinner own us and dictate to us, and if we do, shame on us!

      Just sayin'

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876282].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        In some cases, this is true, and don't throw rotten tomatoes at me, but I think that the woman has just as much blame as the man in that situation.

        When hubby was young and foolish and not quite fully trained, he tried something like this.

        I told him it was Spring and I really wanted to get a patio set for the deck so we could enjoy more of the outdoors more comfortably and that I needed to get some new clothes to look good with it.

        He brought up the issue of him being the bread winner and because of that, he got to say what extra things we purchased.

        I quietly walked away, did some research and came back presenting him with a huge bill.

        I let him know how much a live-in housekeeper makes annually along with a live-in nanny, a personal cook, a personal seamstress, a personal secretary and a high class er, um, escort. (to put it nicely)

        I presented him with the bill and added that each subsequent year after the first, cost an additional three percent in cost of living adjustments.

        I told him he definitely couldn't afford me and actually owed me quite a bit. So with that being said, if I wanted new patio furniture and some new clothes, I sure as heck was going to get them!

        He didn't say anything, folded up the bill and said okay, honey.

        We as women don't have to let the breadwinner own us and dictate to us, and if we do, shame on us!

        Just sayin'

        Terra
        You are fortunate you have a good man. I worked in a crisis center and you have no idea how many women would have gotten the crap beat out of them for such an action.
        Signature

        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
        Beyond the Path

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876707].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          You are fortunate you have a good man. I worked in a crisis center and you have no idea how many women would have gotten the crap beat out of them for such an action.
          Wow! I'm glad that there are centers like that to help those women get out!

          Other than that, I'm speechless!

          Terra
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876744].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author ShayB
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          You are fortunate you have a good man. I worked in a crisis center and you have no idea how many women would have gotten the crap beat out of them for such an action.
          Indeed.

          Probably why I'm so outspoken about the whole situation - it strikes a nerve.
          Signature
          "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5877386].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author ShayB
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        We as women don't have to let the breadwinner own us and dictate to us, and if we do, shame on us!

        Just sayin'

        Terra
        Just sayin' - it's not always that cut and dried.

        Women have power now because they HAVE opportunities now that they didn't have generations past because we have fought for a higher level of equality.

        Of course, all bets are off if the man in question is violent or whatever. (And they don't always show that tendency before they are married. Or the woman isn't married, but she's involved with said violent man.)
        Signature
        "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5877409].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

          Just sayin' - it's not always that cut and dried.

          Women have power now because they HAVE opportunities now that they didn't have generations past because we have fought for a higher level of equality.

          Of course, all bets are off if the man in question is violent or whatever. (And they don't always show that tendency before they are married. Or the woman isn't married, but she's involved with said violent man.)
          I agree with you on that, as I have heard of many instances where this was the case.

          But I still believe that it doesn't have to be the case. My 90 something grandmother on my mom's side came over from Czechoslovakia when she was a teen with only her younger sister to join their father who had come over earlier to prepare a home in Ohio.

          Long story short, she hated it there and took off on her own. She met my grandfather, they moved to Michigan, got married and shortly thereafter she gave birth to my mom. And shortly thereafter, my grandfather became violent and starting beating her.

          So what she did, was waited for him to come home from work and take his afternoon nap. She then went and got a wrought iron skillet and whacked him in the head. He awoke, saw the blood and called my grandmother a few choice words and then went to ER. He needed quite a few stitches and had a concussion.

          He only came back home to get his things and get out. Naturally a divorce ensued but grandmother found a neighbor to watch my mom and got a job as a waitress at a prestigious restaurant. Other than that neighbor, she had no one at the time to run to or lean on.

          That was in the 40's. So all I'm saying is that it could be done if a woman wanted it bad enough. I do know however, that her case is an exception.

          Anyway, a family tradition was born from that as when my mom married, and every female after that including me and my two daughters, grandma gave a wrought iron skillet as a wedding gift, lol!

          But the unspoken message she wanted to send was, you don't have to take it! And thank goodness we have all been blessed and we've never had to use the skillet for anything other than cooking.

          Terra
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5879284].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
            Originally Posted by The Niche Man View Post

            Ouch! Now you're putting us (men) all in the same bag. Some may understand many may not.
            Sorry about that.

            But I didn't say a man wouldn't understand, I just said that I don't expect them to. In other words, I don't get all up in arms by off handed male comments. However I would never want to be accused of 'reverse sexism' :p

            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            ...

            you don't have to take it! And thank goodness we have all been blessed and we've never had to use the skillet for anything other than cooking.

            Terra
            Abuse is about power and control and your grandmother refused to let her power be taken away.

            My Grandmother was the same way. My granddad got drunk one night and had the idea that he needed a firm backhand in order to keep his lady in line. My granny poured a pot of hot soup over his round belly. They got back together but there was a lesson learned "There would be dire consequences for mistreating her". To my knowledge it never happened again and my mother being the youngest never saw any abuse.

            You can't control when and if a man will become abusive. That's nobody's fault but his. However you can control how YOU react the first time it happens. Young girls must be taught from birth, that they don't have to relinquish complete control of their lives to their husbands and not to accept any type of violent behavior from the beginning.
            Signature

            [

            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5881419].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post

              Abuse is about power and control and your grandmother refused to let her power be taken away.

              My Grandmother was the same way. My granddad got drunk one night and had the idea that he needed a firm backhand in order to keep his lady in line. My granny poured a pot of hot soup over his round belly. They got back together but there was a lesson learned "There would be dire consequences for mistreating her". To my knowledge it never happened again and my mother being the youngest never saw any abuse.

              You can't control when and if a man will become abusive. That's nobody's fault but his. However you can control how YOU react the first time it happens. Young girls must be taught from birth, that they don't have to relinquish complete control of their lives to their husbands and not to accept any type of violent behavior from the beginning.
              Exactly my point! Thank you!

              And with my grama's wedding gift, that is the message she sent to us girls and I believe it didn't go unnoticed by the men either.

              Terra
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5881667].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author seasoned
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            I agree with you on that, as I have heard of many instances where this was the case.

            But I still believe that it doesn't have to be the case. My 90 something grandmother on my mom's side came over from Czechoslovakia when she was a teen with only her younger sister to join their father who had come over earlier to prepare a home in Ohio.

            Long story short, she hated it there and took off on her own. She met my grandfather, they moved to Michigan, got married and shortly thereafter she gave birth to my mom. And shortly thereafter, my grandfather became violent and starting beating her.

            So what she did, was waited for him to come home from work and take his afternoon nap. She then went and got a wrought iron skillet and whacked him in the head. He awoke, saw the blood and called my grandmother a few choice words and then went to ER. He needed quite a few stitches and had a concussion.

            He only came back home to get his things and get out. Naturally a divorce ensued but grandmother found a neighbor to watch my mom and got a job as a waitress at a prestigious restaurant. Other than that neighbor, she had no one at the time to run to or lean on.

            That was in the 40's. So all I'm saying is that it could be done if a woman wanted it bad enough. I do know however, that her case is an exception.

            Anyway, a family tradition was born from that as when my mom married, and every female after that including me and my two daughters, grandma gave a wrought iron skillet as a wedding gift, lol!

            But the unspoken message she wanted to send was, you don't have to take it! And thank goodness we have all been blessed and we've never had to use the skillet for anything other than cooking.

            Terra
            EVER watch SHE DEVIL???? IMDb - She-Devil (1989) There HAVE been women like that!

            Steve
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883266].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              LOL Steve!

              Yes, I've seen the movie and my grama is the furthest thing from that as you can imagine.

              But not all women are blameless and perfectly behaved little ladies just like not all men are perfect gentlemen.

              I never meant to imply otherwise.

              My point was that we as humans should not accept rude or violent behavior, man or woman aside.

              Terra
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883365].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

          Just sayin' - it's not always that cut and dried.

          Women have power now because they HAVE opportunities now that they didn't have generations past because we have fought for a higher level of equality.

          Of course, all bets are off if the man in question is violent or whatever. (And they don't always show that tendency before they are married. Or the woman isn't married, but she's involved with said violent man.)
          They had power BEFORE they had such opportunities.

          Steve
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883253].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author ShayB
            Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

            They had power BEFORE they had such opportunities.

            Steve
            Really? Interesting.

            Did you mean the power women had when they couldn't vote?

            Maybe the power they had when they couldn't own property?

            Or maybe the power they had way back when they were married off as soon as they hit puberty to the first man that made their father a decent offer?

            Or the power they had when their husbands could beat them with impunity as long as they didn't cause permanent damage or kill them?

            :rolleyes:

            I'll admit - women have always had power when the man they were with was a decent guy.

            That's not what laws and legislation are for.

            The laws and such are there to make sure that all women have options and rights (to the extent that they can afford protection).
            Signature
            "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885622].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author seasoned
              Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

              Really? Interesting.

              Did you mean the power women had when they couldn't vote?

              Maybe the power they had when they couldn't own property?
              YEP, YEP, YEP! And WHEN was the last time in the US that a woman couldn't own property?

              Or maybe the power they had way back when they were married off as soon as they hit puberty to the first man that made their father a decent offer?
              That is going back AWFULLY far, in the US

              Or the power they had when their husbands could beat them with impunity as long as they didn't cause permanent damage or kill them?
              YEAH, and now husbands could be thrown in jail for having sex with their wives!

              I'll admit - women have always had power when the man they were with was a decent guy.

              That's not what laws and legislation are for.
              Like the law even ALLOWS such honest distinctions. Did you know it is generally ILLEGAL to show the past history of a person, or have certain people that know all the facts testify EVEN when they are known by all partes?

              The laws and such are there to make sure that all women have options and rights (to the extent that they can afford protection).
              The law is SUPPOSED to be there for all PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

              Steve
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886594].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

                YEP, YEP, YEP! And WHEN was the last time in the US that a woman couldn't own property?

                That is going back AWFULLY far, in the US

                YEAH, and now husbands could be thrown in jail for having sex with their wives!

                Like the law even ALLOWS such honest distinctions. Did you know it is generally ILLEGAL to show the past history of a person, or have certain people that know all the facts testify EVEN when they are known by all partes?

                The law is SUPPOSED to be there for all PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

                Steve
                The laws ARE there for all people. The problem is, for a long time, the laws favored certain groups. You didn't need legislation to protect those already protected/favored.

                Yes, it's been a long time since this was the law of the land. Hopefully it will never be like that again.

                Where I live, women are still told they "shouldn't" be able to "have authority over a man." Yes. In 2012. I've been told that (and seen others told that) more often than you'd think. And not just guys saying it. Women telling other women that, as well.

                Do I think it's ignorant? Of course.

                Luckily, laws are in place that don't let people exercise their ignorant ways.
                Signature
                "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888555].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

                YEAH, and now husbands could be thrown in jail for having sex with their wives!
                Steve
                No, that's not true.

                "Just" having sex is fine. Rape is another issue.

                And if you say rape can't occur between a married couple, you are sadly mistaken.
                Signature
                "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888576].message }}
                • Profile picture of the author seasoned
                  Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

                  No, that's not true.

                  "Just" having sex is fine. Rape is another issue.

                  And if you say rape can't occur between a married couple, you are sadly mistaken.
                  So woman decides she had a headache and didn't want to, and claims rape. HOW can you disprove THAT?

                  Steve
                  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5891616].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

              Really? Interesting.

              Did you mean the power women had when they couldn't vote?

              Maybe the power they had when they couldn't own property?

              Or maybe the power they had way back when they were married off as soon as they hit puberty to the first man that made their father a decent offer?

              Or the power they had when their husbands could beat them with impunity as long as they didn't cause permanent damage or kill them?

              :rolleyes:

              I'll admit - women have always had power when the man they were with was a decent guy.

              That's not what laws and legislation are for.

              The laws and such are there to make sure that all women have options and rights (to the extent that they can afford protection).
              Wow Shay!

              I didn't realize that we were going that far back.

              That being the case, you certainly are spot on. Women do have many many more rights and resources as well as opportunity today.

              I also can tell that you are very passionate on the subject and something tells me you have been a blessing to many a woman.

              Terra
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888575].message }}
              • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                Wow Shay!

                I didn't realize that we were going that far back.

                That being the case, you certainly are spot on. Women do have many many more rights and resources as well as opportunity today.

                I also can tell that you are very passionate on the subject and something tells me you gave been a blessing to many a woman.

                Terra
                LOL Yes, it's going back for those kinds of things.

                But I have personally encountered situations that I sincerely hope my daughter never has to - because rights were fought for and because I am outspoken about it.

                Like being in a college classroom on my first day of Calculus class and told that women shouldn't be in the class because it "takes a spot away from a man who could have made proper use of it." (I was one of only 2 women in the class.)

                Or have shown up for my first day of work (first woman ever hired in that location) and gone to the first day of training and had one person quit on the spot when he learned there was a woman now working there and another employee loudly proclaiming, "Oh great! Now we have a <insert name of company> wench!"

                This wasn't so terribly long ago, and this kind of thing still happens.

                So, yes, I'm passionate about it.

                And thank you for the kind words.
                Signature
                "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
                {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888692].message }}
                • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                  Originally Posted by ShayRockhold View Post

                  LOL Yes, it's going back for those kinds of things.

                  But I have personally encountered situations that I sincerely hope my daughter never has to - because rights were fought for and because I am outspoken about it.

                  Like being in a college classroom on my first day of Calculus class and told that women shouldn't be in the class because it "takes a spot away from a man who could have made proper use of it." (I was one of only 2 women in the class.)

                  Or have shown up for my first day of work (first woman ever hired in that location) and gone to the first day of training and had one person quit on the spot when he learned there was a woman now working there and another employee loudly proclaiming, "Oh great! Now we have a <insert name of company> wench!"

                  This wasn't so terribly long ago, and this kind of thing still happens.

                  So, yes, I'm passionate about it.

                  And thank you for the kind words.
                  Oh, you're welcome Shay.

                  I just call them like I see them.

                  You did just remind me of my favorite t-shirt when was I was a little girl, lol!

                  It said, "Anything boys can do, girls can do better!"

                  Of course, now that I'm a grown woman, I know that it isn't true in everything, but the things where it can be true, I still stand behind those words. :p

                  Terra
                  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888852].message }}
                  • Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                    Oh, you're welcome Shay.

                    I just call them like I see them.

                    You did just remind me of my favorite t-shirt when was I was a little girl, lol!

                    It said, "Anything boys can do, girls can do better!"

                    Of course, now that I'm a grown woman, I know that it isn't true in everything, but the things where it can be true, I still stand behind those words. :p

                    Terra
                    Hey - what are you and Shay waiting for Terra, 50 acres and a Mule? Those dishes aren't going to clean themselves ya know!...:rolleyes::p


                    (*update: note to self: You gave them too much - it was only supposed to be 40 acres...:rolleyes: but there you go...giving away the farm...being generous with the acres...:p)
                    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888978].message }}
                    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

                      Hey - what are you and Shay waiting for Terra, 50 acres and a Mule? Those dishes aren't going to clean themselves ya know!...:rolleyes::p
                      That's exactly why when you finish washing them, I'll be right there at your side helping you dry them and put them away! :p

                      Terra
                      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5889201].message }}
                      • Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                        That's exactly why when you finish washing them, I'll be right there at your side helping you dry them and put them away! :p

                        Terra
                        OK - Fine!! Be that way - (how does this 'dishwasher- machine thingy' work again? :confused: )
                        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5889221].message }}
                    • Profile picture of the author ShayB
                      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

                      Hey - what are you and Shay waiting for Terra, 50 acres and a Mule? Those dishes aren't going to clean themselves ya know!...:rolleyes::p
                      *hands Terra a soda, kicks back with an ice water and grins as she waits for you to get started washing the dishes*
                      Signature
                      "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
                      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5889806].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Nerohawk
    This is still a complicated question that has been pondered upon for many years. The main reason why couples break up is that they have outgrown each others feelings. Couples need to rekindle their feelings every now and then in order to reminisce about how they love each other and how they came to have a relationship.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876443].message }}
  • OK - LOL, this is why... *** Our brains MUST work different!

    Watch this woman fail to solve world's easiest math problem - msnNOW


    (***ok, granted - she's blond...but...so am I :p)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876668].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

      OK - LOL, this is why... *** Our brains MUST work different!

      Watch this woman fail to solve world's easiest math problem - msnNOW


      (***ok, granted - she's blond...but...so am I :p)
      ROFL!

      I nominate her as the blond joke poster girl.

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876723].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

      OK - LOL, this is why... *** Our brains MUST work different!

      Watch this woman fail to solve world's easiest math problem - msnNOW


      (***ok, granted - she's blond...but...so am I :p)
      It appears he didn't marry her for her brain. I'm sure that's a relief to her. I wonder if she knows which is heavier, 20 pounds of rocks or 20 pounds of feathers?
      Signature

      Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876726].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author seasoned
        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

        It appears he didn't marry her for her brain. I'm sure that's a relief to her. I wonder if she knows which is heavier, 20 pounds of rocks or 20 pounds of feathers?
        20 pounds of feathers is heavier! Have you EVER tried to carry such a HUGE item? And in the WIND???? YIKES!

        Steve
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883223].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

      OK - LOL, this is why... *** Our brains MUST work different!

      Watch this woman fail to solve world's easiest math problem - msnNOW


      (***ok, granted - she's blond...but...so am I :p)
      The dirty secret is that MOST cars going 80 MPH do NOT go 80 miles in an hour! OK, I changed my tires on my first car, one of only about THREE that consumer reports said went at 80MPH. MOST varied noticably. As I recall, I changed my tires from 16 to 17. OK, 17/16=1.0625! PI is a constant, so I will dispense with it here! So, 80=85! SO, my car went approx 85MPH when it said 80MPH, as each revolution covered 6.25% more road. The revolution at a given RATED speed is constant. So what length of road did it cover in an hour? PERFECTLY STRAIGHT, NO STOPS, NO SLOWDOWN, with the speedometer at 80MPH it would be approx 85 miles! But HOW often is that likely to happen?

      Steve
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883210].message }}
  • Man - He is SOOO not going to get ...any...desert - for a looong time!

    What kills me, is even with her crazy way of thinking it out - she almost had the answer!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5876829].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    My goal is to be "kept", now if I could just find a woman who could hold down a job... long enough that I could watch my soap operas for one stinkin day without being worried about where the electric bill payment is going to come from...Hmmm... With this last one I even had to learn to manicure my own nails, can you believe it?

    JK.

    Speaking of women seeing love as the all that is in their life and men seeing it as a "thing apart"...My uncle Carl use to always say when I was young, and when I'd said "I wanna be this when I grow up , and I want to be that, and also this...":

    "Johnny, a man only has time for one mistress, you'll find out when you get older...and thats got to be his farm...".

    In my experience (only) a woman wants to fill every gap in your life that isnt your job. So if you have a passion after work life...creating a business, or building guitars, or drinking with your friends, spending time alone with your kids... You are cutting into her time in her mind (Yes Im generalizing, not true in every case) , if you arent working, then why in the world are you not spending every second of that on me? "Non work time is supposed to be for me".

    However , on the other side of the token...

    In the same breath, (and I have experienced this too, so learn here young guys) if you are too needy and hanging on her all the time...she knows the difference between being held out of love or need... so if you are one saying "But I hold my woman, and massage her feet for hours, and bring her dinner, and tell her she's pretty every five seconds... and she still doesnt love me back..." Thats probably the reason... She can smell the difference between love and insecurity... and she is turned off by the latter...Its a fine balance.


    Very rare that a couple has all the elements right.
    My two cents.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5881413].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Tizzko
    It's because marriage and being committed to someone isn't natural for humans. People fight and die for the right to be free, then you end up in a marriage and your true freedom is gone.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883224].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author payoman
    There's only one way a relationship lasts for decades and it's in this circumstance...

    The balance of power is skewed heavily in one persons favour and the WEAKER person see's no other option than to stay in the relationship for the resources it provides, or they are cheating occasionally enough to be satisfied sexually.

    That is the single, solitary reason relationships last for decades.

    So, for the women in this thread that have been with their husbands for 20+ years, it is for one of the following reasons :

    - He has never been with other women, or has only ever been with 2 or 3 other women in his entire life, usually with huge gaps of time between relationships. In other words, he doesn't BELIEVE anyone else wants him.

    - All his beliefs in himself, his self-esteem and self worth are invested in your opinion of him. You validate his world and he has nothing else going on for him. Your opinion of him is more important than his sexual desire for new women.

    - (Rarer) He stays with you out of extremely religious or belief based moral values, or for his kids. (My parents are still together after 40 years of marriage for a combination of these reasons).

    - Or he is actively cheating on you and is being fulfilled sexually with other women.

    The above reasons are why he is with you. Simply put, men are biologically programmed to desire having sex with as many women as possible. If they don't do this, they grow increasingly frustrated over time.

    So in summary, he's either suppressing his natural biological urges and this causes some degree of unhappiness depending on how brainwashed he is or he's cheating, if you have been together 20+ years.

    Hence, 60% divorce rate.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883733].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Wow!

      I feel sorry for you. You must be a sad, sad little man.

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883856].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author payoman
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        Wow!

        I feel sorry for you. You must be a sad, sad little man.

        Terra
        Not a very constructive reply. Halcyon had a much more indepth response, appreciated.

        Of course my opinion is not going to be popular. On the surface it does sound 'sad', but in reality it's what I have seen and read over and over again. Here's a simple test to find out what kind of man your husband is...

        Ask him, perfectly innocently, "Do you desire other women?". Here is your answer to what kind of man he is when he replies :

        "Of course not, you are the only woman I have eyes for..." = He worships you and has no self-respect. He is too afraid to admit his own desires for fear of wronging you. A guy with true self esteem wouldn't care what you think of his desires. You will lose respect for him over time and find an excuse to divorce him.

        "Well...yeah....but I would never do anything..." = He can at least admit it, but you now know for certain he is deliberately suppressing his natural urges. Sooner or later, this is going to wear him and the relationship down.

        "Haha, don't you know it! But don't worry, I'll divorce you before I act on it..." = A sarcastic response shows he has character and self-respect. He was probably a player back in the day that decided he should 'settle down', but the truth still stands. He is much more likely to cheat because, well, he's good with women.

        The truth of divorce comes from the simple fact that biologically men are designed to mate with as many women as possible. Our millions of years of evolution wouldn't have worked out too well in a Disney universe I think.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5884891].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by payoman View Post

          Not a very constructive reply. Halcyon had a much more indepth response, appreciated.

          Of course my opinion is not going to be popular. On the surface it does sound 'sad', but in reality it's what I have seen and read over and over again. Here's a simple test to find out what kind of man your husband is...

          Ask him, perfectly innocently, "Do you desire other women?". Here is your answer to what kind of man he is when he replies :

          "Of course not, you are the only woman I have eyes for..." = He worships you and has no self-respect. He is too afraid to admit his own desires for fear of wronging you. A guy with true self esteem wouldn't care what you think of his desires. You will lose respect for him over time and find an excuse to divorce him.

          "Well...yeah....but I would never do anything..." = He can at least admit it, but you now know for certain he is deliberately suppressing his natural urges. Sooner or later, this is going to wear him and the relationship down.

          "Haha, don't you know it! But don't worry, I'll divorce you before I act on it..." = A sarcastic response shows he has character and self-respect. He was probably a player back in the day that decided he should 'settle down', but the truth still stands. He is much more likely to cheat because, well, he's good with women.

          The truth of divorce comes from the simple fact that biologically men are designed to mate with as many women as possible. Our millions of years of evolution wouldn't have worked out too well in a Disney universe I think.
          Did YOU know that science places humans, as promiscuous primates, between chimpanzees and gorillas? We are actually supposed to be LESS promiscuous than chimpanzees!

          SO, you figure men have all those MILLIONS of sperm, so they have to mate with millions of women? Do us a favor, and try out your theory. I bet an obstacle hits you!

          Steve
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886535].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by payoman View Post

          biologically men are designed to mate with as many women as possible.
          It is quite evident that you think of human beings as nothing more than animals.

          Which reminds me of this quote from a very wise man:

          A great lover is a man who can satisfy one woman all her life long and who can be satisfied by one woman all his life long. A great lover is not a man who goes from woman to woman, any dog can do that!

          With that, I'm out.

          Good day,
          Terra
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886768].message }}
          • Profile picture of the author payoman
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            It is quite evident that you think of human beings as nothing more than animals.

            Which reminds me of this quote from a very wise man:

            A great lover is a man who can satisfy one woman all her life long and who can be satisfied by one woman all his life long. A great lover is not a man who goes from woman to woman, any dog can do that!

            With that, I'm out.

            Good day,
            Terra
            Let me know how your husband handles the question, will be interesting.
            {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886891].message }}
            • Profile picture of the author seasoned
              Originally Posted by payoman View Post

              Let me know how your husband handles the question, will be interesting.
              Well, not ALL women are so evasive. Most that aren't, that want a relationship, are probably well able to get one BOTH can be happy with.

              BTW women, if you ARE evasive, don't blame the man if he is always wondering what if, etc... A person should NOT waste half their life trying to figure out their spouse. If you love one another, you will base things on what is better for the FAMILY, rather than you.

              Steve
              {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5887088].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Halcyon
      Originally Posted by payoman View Post

      There's only one way a relationship lasts for decades and it's in this circumstance...

      The balance of power is skewed heavily in one persons favour and the WEAKER person see's no other option than to stay in the relationship for the resources it provides, or they are cheating occasionally enough to be satisfied sexually.

      ...

      All his beliefs in himself, his self-esteem and self worth are invested in your opinion of him. You validate his world and he has nothing else going on for him. Your opinion of him is more important than his sexual desire for new women.
      I've learned that we see the world the way we are NOT the way it is. It's very sad that the only relationships you've seen involve such dysfunction. A husband should value his wife's opinion of him and wife should value her husband's opinion of her, this is not a bad thing. It's called respect and it's mandatory in any relationship, not just romantic.

      Real love - not the kind of love depicted on TV - but real love is very powerful. Some people never find it and settle for the types of relationships you mention but many do find a person that willingly chooses to walk through life with them. Out of choice, not lack of a better solution.

      Saying that all marriages are built on some kind of dysfunction is akin to saying all red cars have blacks seats. Some do, some do not.
      Signature

      [

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5883968].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author payoman
    Just to add another thing :

    If a guy you meet ever has 'commitment issues', it's not because he had a rough relationship and 'doesn't want to get hurt' or whatever other BS he spins, it's either because he gets laid easily and doesn't want to give that up, or he doesn't really like you enough to make you his official partner.

    Of course, my opinion again. And will probably make people mad. But before you DO get mad, ask yourself 'Why am I getting so worked up about someone elses opinion?"
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5884940].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author evawj
    I believe its all about going an extra meal to understand each other.Men vs woman at the end of the day both just want to be understood and accepted/loved.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885019].message }}
  • The lack of 'getting each other' is what provides the very essence of the delicate dance of love. It will bring a smirk to your face if you step back (way back) and look at it from a far. IMO

    The things that I don't understand about Women is what interests me the most.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885724].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author kiddoman
    The real life and fact is far more comlicated than the world of books. We can only be our own teachers for better life.
    Signature

    Small Business for Women's Clothing:
    Fashionable sweet lolita dress with various styles | cheap Gothic lolita dress for female | Affordable Latex Catsuits | Cheap Latex Clothes
    Any Suggestions are Warmly Welcomed - My Lolita Dress

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5885860].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    Signature

    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5886829].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Riptor
    A boy comes home and tells his dad that he got a part in the school play as a man who had been married for 25 years. "'never mind, son, maybe you will get a speaking part next year."
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5888492].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    Why did the woman cross the road?

    Who cares! Whats she doing out of the kitchen?

    Lol...JK
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5890961].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ShayB
      Originally Posted by John Durham View Post

      Why did the woman cross the road?

      Who cares! Whats she doing out of the kitchen?

      Lol...JK
      I'll admit....I laughed.
      Signature
      "Fate protects fools, little children, and ships called Enterprise." ~Commander Riker
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5891098].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
        Haha!

        Okay, my turn.

        An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

        A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

        They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and he rather enjoyed the respect it garnished.

        He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there were no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

        Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

        The wife put down her drink and said. . .

        "Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!"

        Terra
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5891471].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Riptor
    My wife said I'm immature and act like a child, and that we should set some time aside to discuss my behaviour........



    That's absolute rubbish! Besides, she need'nt think i'm giving up some time in the middle of the conker season !!!.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5893046].message }}
  • {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5908231].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Douggie
    Become women are just crazy and impossible to understand
    Signature

    Grab your ShopperPress coupon today!

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[5908386].message }}

Trending Topics