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My 5 "You're Getting Old" signs

by Halcyon
50 replies
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  1. The sound of moaning and groaning late at night used to indicate a good time now it means one of us threw our back out of alignment and the other is trying to pop it back into place.

  2. No need to check the weather channel for rain, we just wait for something to start aching. Our room once smelled like fresh linens now it smells like Ben Gay.

  3. 20 years ago, "vitamin" was code for a spliff and a shot, now it really means vitamins.

  4. Things have moved, shifted and adjusted for gravity - there's a little more jiggle to my wiggle.

  5. I find all of the above funny as hell


What are some of your "You're Getting Old" signs?
  • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
    My recent sign of aging...I saw and bought one of those "long handled" shoe horns the other day...so now I don't have to "bend ALL the way down" to put shoes on...:p

    But on the plus side...it is a back scratcher on the other end!...
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

      My recent sign of aging...I saw and bought one of those "long handled" shoe horns the other day...so now I don't have to "bend ALL the way down" to put shoes on...:p
      Now if they just made long handled toenail clippers.
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      • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
        Well, then there is the four grandchildren with another due in approximately 6 weeks.

        I guess that's a sure sign, huh?

        <sigh>

        Terra
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        • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          Well, then there is the four grandchildren with another due in approximately 6 weeks.

          I guess that's a sure sign, huh?

          <sigh>

          Terra
          You must be about half my age, I've the eighth one on the way.
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          • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

            Now if they just made long handled toenail clippers.
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            Well, then there is the four grandchildren with another due in approximately 6 weeks.

            I guess that's a sure sign, huh?

            <sigh>

            Terra
            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

            You must be about half my age, I've the eighth one on the way.
            Sounds like that will make a total of 8 "toenail clippers" :rolleyes: :p

            "Hey Bobby...come over here...let me show you how to clip Grandpas' toenails!"
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            • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
              Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

              Sounds like that will make a total of 8 "toenail clippers" :rolleyes: :p

              "Hey Bobby...come over here...let me show you how to clip Grandpas' toenails!"
              Your mind works in strange and mysterious ways.
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            • Profile picture of the author myob
              Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

              Sounds like that will make a total of 8 "toenail clippers" :rolleyes: :p

              "Hey Bobby...come over here...let me show you how to clip Grandpas' toenails!"

              {A moment of pain-whelling shrieks, then silence ...}


              Dagnabit, Bobby, all of you - STOPPIT! Can't you see Grandpa passed out by you chopping into his hangnails, corns, and plantar warts?
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          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
            Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

            You must be about half my age, I've the eighth one on the way.
            Haha!

            Just be happy it doesn't work that way or that would make you about 100.

            Terra
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Jacqueline Smith View Post

          Aren't power washers one of the best things ever invented?!?!?!?!

          I laughed so hard when I read your post. When we got our power washer a couple of years ago I had no idea how much fun it was going to be!
          The first time I hit our deck with it was probably the most sincere enjoyment I've had in a long time. I spent the next two weeks power washing whatever couldn't run away from me and not once did I stop laughing maniacally.

          Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

          Well, then there is the four grandchildren with another due in approximately 6 weeks.

          I guess that's a sure sign, huh?

          <sigh>

          Terra
          There's a Michigan joke in there, but I'll let it slide.
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      • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
        Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

        Now if they just made long handled toenail clippers.
        They do! The cute Asian girl down at the beauty salon where I get my hair cut.

        Joe Mobley
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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by Joe Mobley View Post

          They do! The cute Asian girl down at the beauty salon where I get my hair cut.

          Joe Mobley

          Say it ain't so, Joe...

          "Beauty salon" and "where I get my hair cut"
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          • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
            There's nothing like a woman's touch. I was going to beauty salons in the 70's, long before it was fashionable for men to go to stylist.

            But hey, that's just me.

            Joe Mobley

            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            Say it ain't so, Joe...

            "Beauty salon" and "where I get my hair cut"
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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by Joe Mobley View Post

              There's nothing like a woman's touch. I was going to beauty salons in the 70's, long before it was fashionable for men to go to stylist.

              But hey, that's just me.

              Joe Mobley


              My mental image of you just did a 180. Now, I can't stop thinking you look like Doug Henning.


              Actually, I went to a barbershop full of female barbers for years. They charged a premium for that "woman's touch," but I've found that a good male barber (you know, the old grizzled guy chewing on an unlit cigar) just does a better job for me.

              (Yes, I realize that last last paragraph can be wildly miscontrued...)
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              • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                My mental image of you just did a 180. Now, I can't stop thinking you look like Doug Henning.
                That's hilarious. Hey, wait... now I can't stop thinking of me looking like Doug Henning. Doh!

                Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

                Actually, I went to a barbershop full of female barbers for years. They charged a premium for that "woman's touch," but I've found that a good male barber (you know, the old grizzled guy chewing on an unlit cigar) just does a better job for me.

                (Yes, I realize that last last paragraph can be wildly miscontrued...)
                This is one of those areas that it's all in what works for you. It's totally cool.

                Joe Mobley
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                • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
                  Originally Posted by Lori Kelly View Post

                  1. When my kid can't wrap his head around the fact that we didn't have internet when we were kids.
                  Okay, that one just isn't funny. I was talking to my daughter about how different the technology was for her compared to my childhood. When I got through telling her that I...
                  • didn't have cable until I was in junior high, thus made do with the 4 channels we could get with the rabbit ears (had to explain rabbit ears)
                  • didn't have a microwave until after she was born
                  • didn't have a VCR until I was 16
                  • had telephones that you had to turn a wheel to dial and they were leashed to the wall
                  • thought Pong on the Atari was just the coolest thing EVER (had to explain what Atari was)
                  • had a record player (had to explain what a record was)
                  • didn't see a computer until I was 18 and that was at school.
                  After this long conversation, she asked me, in all seriousness, if we had electricity when I was a kid.

                  Let me tell ya, THAT makes you feel old.
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                  • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                    Here's 5 more.

                    You know you're getting old when:
                    • You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
                    • You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.
                    • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
                    • You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
                    • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.


                    Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
    3m, Send me the link for the one that's a shoe horn on one end and back scratcher on the other!

    Halcyon,
    You know you're getting old when you actually interested in the contents of a thread titled: My 5 "You're Getting Old" signs.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    When we were young my wife used to call me "her old man" ...nowadays she just calls me an old man.

    My knees have started talking to me, mostly when I try to get up. They say things like, "Nope, not this time."

    The snap, crackle and pop noises aren't coming from my Rice Krispies, it's coming from my joints.

    I'm getting more forgetful. For example,
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  • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
    You know you're getting heavy, when you get onto a talking scale...and it says "One at a time please!"...
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    • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
      When your get up and go, got up and went.

      When you wonder if your new doctor needs a razor yet.

      When anyone under 35 is just a kid.

      When everyone starts calling you ma'am instead of miss, honey or sweetie.

      When getting heated up means hot flashes.

      When you people refer to your kid's music as oldies.
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      • Profile picture of the author Chris Worner
        Originally Posted by Tina Golden View Post

        When everyone starts calling you ma'am instead of miss, honey or sweetie.
        I was under the impression that it is sexist/misogynistic to call a womyn anything other than Miss/Ms.


        -Chris
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        • Profile picture of the author Tina Golden
          Originally Posted by Chris Worner View Post

          I was under the impression that it is sexist/misogynistic to call a womyn anything other than Miss/Ms.


          -Chris
          Some women are a tad too militant in their feminism.

          Which, on a side note, I never quite understood how feminism was the right term for women who wanted to be treated just like men.
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          • Profile picture of the author Chris Worner
            Originally Posted by Tina Golden View Post

            Which, on a side note, I never quite understood how feminism was the right term for women who wanted to be treated just like men.
            It isn't. Egalitarianism is the word. Equality between the sexes and womens liberation/modern day feminism are not the same thing.

            -Chris
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post


    2. The sound of moaning and groaning late at night used to indicate a good time now it means one of us threw our back out of alignment and the other is trying to pop it back into place.

    3. No need to check the weather channel for rain, we just wait for something to start aching. Our room once smelled like fresh linens now it smells like Ben Gay.

    4. 20 years ago, "vitamin" was code for a spliff and a shot, now it really means vitamins.

    5. Things have moved, shifted and adjusted for gravity - there's a little more jiggle to my wiggle.

    6. I find all of the above funny as hell

    What are some of your "You're Getting Old" signs?
    When your school pictures are in black and white.
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    All the above mentioned plus when you go to do something, you go to do it then all the sudden you don't remember what you were going to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author waterotter
    Remember, old folks are worth a fortune,
    With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth,
    Stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet,
    And gas in their stomachs.

    I have become older since I last saw you
    And a few changes have come into my life.
    Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal...
    I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

    As soon as I wake up,
    Will Power helps me out of bed,
    After which I go to see John.
    Later Charlie Horse comes along
    And he takes a lot of my time and attention.
    After that Arthur Ritis shows up
    And stays the rest of the day.
    He doesn't like to stay in one place very long,
    So he takes me from joint to joint.
    After such a busy day I'm really tired
    And glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.
    What a life!!!

    P.S. The preacher called the other day
    And said at my age I should be thinking
    About the hereafter. I told him,
    "Oh, I do that all the time.
    No matter where I am--in the parlour,
    Kitchen, upstairs, or down in the basement--
    I ask myself, 'What am I here after?'"

    (author unknown)
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    About a month ago, I got a little too excited to buy a pressure washer.

    It was at that point I knew my youth was gone.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author Jacqueline Smith
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      About a month ago, I got a little too excited to buy a pressure washer.

      It was at that point I knew my youth was gone.

      Aren't power washers one of the best things ever invented?!?!?!?!

      I laughed so hard when I read your post. When we got our power washer a couple of years ago I had no idea how much fun it was going to be!
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  • Profile picture of the author rondo
    A few days ago I read that highschool and college kids are having "90's" parties.

    I'm still in my 30's but that made me feel old.


    Andrew
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    • Profile picture of the author myob
      My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
      She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
      "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
      I replied, "Your eyesight's still damn near perfect."
      And that's when the fight started........
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  • Profile picture of the author Jacqueline Smith
    When I had to explain to my children what an 8-Track was!
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  • Profile picture of the author Don Schenk
    You know you're getting old when you resent "getting old" threads and jokes.

    :-Don

    Hey, I'm even older than Paul Myers, Willie Crawford, and gjabiz!
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    • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
      Originally Posted by Don Schenk View Post

      You know you're getting old when you resent "getting old" threads and jokes.

      :-Don

      Hey, I'm even older than Paul Myers, Willie Crawford, and gjabiz!
      COMBINED ??? :p
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  • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
    Five toes down...five to go!

    Practice makes perfect - :rolleyes:
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    It's still, for me, the day I got in the shower with my reading glasses on. I knew I had 'arrived'.

    I got carded until I was 40, ok. Then they stopped carding me and I was like, aren't you going to card me??? ... and the guy just went hmmphhph (eyes rolled). (I wish I could have barfed on his shoe or something mature).

    Something converse happened last week - I am in Rite Aid and I asked for a pack of cigs - this little twit wanted to know my birthday - now a few years ago I would have seen that as a huge compliment.

    I got very surly - I said 'look, I am obviously over 21. I am not going to tell you my birthday and if you don't want to sell me the cigarettes, fine, keep them.' Poor little guy (sold them to me - my wrinkles must show when I snarl).

    I will tell you one thing - CoQ10 is really dialing me back - I am getting my short-term memory back and all sorts of pleasant effects - only my 3rd month. Get it to be un-old...
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  • Profile picture of the author taskemann
    Here's mine:

    If you're a man, and a nice-looking woman doesn't turn you on, you're old and there is no hope left.
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  • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
    Originally Posted by Halcyon View Post


    What are some of your "You're Getting Old" signs?
    To scared to fart in case it's the real thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    When they're doing a remake of "Total Recall" and you're thinking wait a minute, that movie was recent.

    When the young people that thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest seem to be talking and dressing in ways very alien from how you speak or present yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
    When younger people refer to the clothing you are wearing as a hip "retro" look...
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

      When younger people refer to the clothing you are wearing as a hip "retro" look...
      That made me laugh.
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    When lots of people you remember as toddlers are now going off to college.
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    • Profile picture of the author MoneyMagnetMagnate
      Originally Posted by TLTheLiberator View Post

      When lots of people you remember as toddlers are now going off to college.
      And the little girl you remember being your kid's playmate - now looks like a PLAYMATE!
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by MoneyMagnetMagnate View Post

        And the little girl you remember being your kid's playmate - now looks like a PLAYMATE!
        And just that thought makes you want to turn yourself in to the police for thought crime.
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        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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  • Profile picture of the author Lori Kelly
    1. When my kid can't wrap his head around the fact that we didn't have internet when we were kids.

    2. I can't see so I buy a dozen glasses from the pharmacy and scatter them around the house. In a state of denial so I won't go to the eye doctor.

    3. When I tried to let my hair go naturally gray (like Jamie Lee Curtis) and my son said I looked like a skunk. (punk)

    4. When I get up from sitting for a long time (over an hour) I make noises like my grandpa used to make.

    5. The PMS is gone but here to replace it is hot periods (not flashes) that last for hours so I blast the a/c (and still sweat) and the guys walk around in their winter clothes.
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    • Profile picture of the author Patrician
      Originally Posted by Lori Kelly View Post

      2. I can't see so I buy a dozen glasses from the pharmacy and scatter them around the house. In a state of denial so I won't go to the eye doctor.
      Very funny Lori - I met a guy once that said "the problem is I need my glasses to find my glasses".

      From Grandma Moses: GO to the EYE DOCTOR. It is not about glasses. It is about a few other things that are IRREVERSIBLE only at a certain point - Go now and don't look back (pun). seriously. (If you are blind, glasses don't help).
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    When you're sharing your thoughts on "contemporary" culture with kids and they have to search a history website to know what you're talking about.
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