Conflict Between Friend - Is he Overreacting?

18 replies
  • OFF TOPIC
  • |
Hi people hope you can help me with my predicament.

I visited my friend the other night and we ended up having a talk which has me upset now.

I basically admitted to him that this other friend of ours who neither of us talks to anymore has said a few things about him in the past. Things like "he is a loser, needs to get a job etc" nothing major, but still wasn't nice since they were technically friends back then but hadn't seen each other in several months...

Anyway this old friend was my closest friend and he bitches about everyone even his own friends. The friends he bitched about where friends of mine too since we were all one group, so he kept putting me in a hard position where I wanted to not snitch on him and cause trouble between our other friends.

The friend that I saw the other night told me that he doesnt care how nice I am to him in other ways, but he can't completely trust me and trust is #1 for him. I haven't done anything bad towards him besides keep the secret trying to be a good friend for both of them...and have been so good to him.

Everything has been great between us always laughing, helping each other out etc. I ended up telling him some other things the old friend said just to prove myself but that wasn't good enough, with him thinking there is something bigger I'm hiding...

He then said some things which made me upset with him now that I think about it.

He basically said that he doesnt know if I've been talking about him behind his back with the the other friends. I would never do that since I like him....but he cant "help the way he feels"


One night last last year I was with him and weate some food from the gas station and then I got really sick at his house. Turns out he tells me couple days ago that he thinks I might of got sick because I was hiding something from him. Because apparently at the time he had asked me if this friend of ours had said anything bad about him. This wasn't the case, it was the food that I ate, which he should know!

Then he said that he feels that I visit him as "preparation" towards a bigger and better night with this other friend I have (friend not related to this story). This caught me off guard and is completely untrue, I think I convinced him he was wrong, but it offends me he would think of this stuff in the first place!

I don't think the friendship is over, because we didn't even raise voices just discussed it, but I',m now thinking whatever I did is nothing compared to what he thinks I "may" be doing...and the things he has accused me of. All I did was keep a secret and be a good friend to my old friend, but this guy apparently things I'm capable of some bad things which I find really offensive.

Thanks for reading all this if you have, I don't know how to gain his trust and am wondering if friends do keep secrets between other friends. I didnt think most people snitch on others....and ultimately do you think my friend is overreacting.

He is really paranoid, probably due to all the dope he smokes.

Why can't things every be easy for a change....geez.
  • Profile picture of the author mikez87
    I know its long read but I need your advice please.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6951226].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Robert Michael
    Its not that long.

    My advice - stop associating with him, and anybody else who tries to bring you down or cause problems..

    Especially over something as petty as "he said that she said that you said whatever" ... lol and yes hes probably overreacting.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6951280].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author mikez87
      Originally Posted by Whos That Guru View Post

      My advice - stop associating with him, and anybody else who tries to bring you down or cause problems..
      TY for responding. I really like this guy and we have gotten on really well up until that night which he did upset me. I recently let one toxic friend go which lost me the rest of the group as well, so it's not like I have many friends left now....

      I don't let friends go easy but when a friend that you really like lets you down like this, it does hurt a lot more.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6952898].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
        Originally Posted by mikez87 View Post

        TY for responding. I really like this guy and we have gotten on really well up until that night which he did upset me. I recently let one toxic friend go which lost me the rest of the group as well, so it's not like I have many friends left now....

        I don't let friends go easy but when a friend that you really like lets you down like this, it does hurt a lot more.
        Friends come and go. Always have and always will. I am 48 and my 2 oldest friends I have known for 40 years (yes, since I was 8). In between I have made, lost and let go of a ton of friends. It doesn't bother me because in my view, if a friend "lets me go" or I let them go, it simply means it was time to move on. Time for a change. It's part of life.

        Interestingly, thanks to sites like Facebook (ugh) I have recently reconnected with a few old friends from 30 years ago (lost touch when I joined the Navy) and having a great time hanging out and catching up.
        Signature

        Are you protecting your on line business? If you have a website, blog, ecommerce store you NEED to back it up regularly. Your webhost will only protect you so much. Check out Quirkel. Protect yourself.

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6956472].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Perrymma
    My advice is to just worry about you. Dont get involved in the drama.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953333].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Here's what you need to do: stop talking to each other about your feelings. Don't get into He said/She said drama, let alone He said/He said drama. Leave this for the girlfriends to discuss when they're hanging out in the kitchen while the guys watch football.

    Drink beer, eat sausage, talk sports. Help each other move. Play cards. Call each other horrible names like "stink breath" or "shitbrick" or whatever -- And Laugh About It. But stay away from gossip.

    If this dude continues to want to know what people are saying behind his back, tell him to leather up and ask them directly. Then go back to eating a sausage sandwich.
    Signature

    If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953527].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
    Banned
    Goes to find Imgur image.

    Wait a minute, this isn't Reddit...
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953723].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author superpayouts
      Your friend needs to pull his skirt up and realize that maybe he is a loser in the sense that he has no job - its not that much of an insult if its true.

      Just my personal opinion though, my friends have called me loser in the past in front of others. I didn't take the insult personal, just thought it could of been done on a personal level and not try to embarrass me. But even then, I just told them how I felt and they didn't do it again in front of others.

      Did I get mad at them? Not really, its just not that serious to begin with and not worth ruining a long term friendship over it. Your friend needs to grow up.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953756].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Mike,

      Your post reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

      There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama in your life and the people that create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good! After all, life is too short to be anything but happy!
      Other than that, just tell him you're not a garbage dump and don't allow people to dump their trash on you, so you have nothing to tell. If he thinks there's a problem with someone, he needs to go directly to that person.

      If he still reverts to the way he was acting before, then refer to above quote.

      Terra
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953783].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author fin
    You both seem like a couple of young girls.

    I agree you should stop talking about feelings. Just hang out together and have some fun.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6953991].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Sounds like you run with a pretty insecure crowd. The drama may not improve much as long as your friend remains insecure. If you want to stay friends, trying building him up, but only with truth. Look for the good in him and let him know what you find (without being maudlin or syrupy).

    Or, don't worry about it. You're not responsible for his feelings. Let him deal with his own issues or just move on. Personally, I grew tired of drama queens long ago and don't give them much space in my life.
    Signature

    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6954010].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author dcristo
    You sound like a freakin girl - man the **** up!

    If this is the biggest issue in your life, consider yourself lucky.

    Once you grow up you'll soon realize the number of true friends can be counted on one hand.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6954016].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author mikez87
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Drink beer, eat sausage, talk sports. Help each other move. Play cards. Call each other horrible names like "stink breath" or "shitbrick" or whatever -- And Laugh About It. But stay taway from gossip.
      Yes that's what we have done every other time I have seen him. Smoke, play games, sports etc. Thanks.

      Originally Posted by fin View Post

      You both seem like a couple of young girls.
      I agree you should stop talking about feelings. Just hang out together and have some fun.
      My friend is the one who brought the feelings stuff up. I was only defending myself and trying to make sense of it. I realise I said in my original post I just told him but no he was trying to get it out of me...

      Originally Posted by dcristo View Post

      You sound like a freakin girl - man the **** up!
      If this is the biggest issue in your life, consider yourself lucky.
      Once you grow up you'll soon realize the number of true friends can be counted on one hand.
      Not it's not the only issue in my life, not even close! But I do apologise for caring what my friend thinks of me. :rolleyes: I already have very few friends because I ditched some bad ones recently but that took a long time to do. This particular friend has been good 99% of the time. I only wanted to know if he was over reacting and if what I did was as bad as he thinks.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6954819].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author CoachManny
    I can't get over all your posts in this thread and your stats don't show any number of posts.

    How is that possible?

    Other than that...don't sweat the small stuff. Things that are beyond your control are not worth losing sleep over. The fact that you are beating yourself up over this means you have a good heart and you care what others think about you. I think that is a positive thing but don't let the things you are not able to control get you down.

    Not worth it.

    Good luck,

    Manny
    Signature

    Manny Rodriguez Blog:
    www.coachmannyrodriguez.com

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6954857].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by CoachManny View Post

      I can't get over all your posts in this thread and your stats don't show any number of posts.

      How is that possible?
      Posts in the Off Topic forum don't count.
      Signature

      Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6955131].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sloanjim
    How old are you by the way? My guess less than 22. Maybe <18. ??
    Signature

    15 Minute Forex Bar Trading System Free at
    http://www.fxscalpingmethod.com

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6962349].message }}

Trending Topics