What is the Secret of Perfect Married Life?

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I am going to get married in near future and i want suggestions from warrior members to tell me the secrets for a successful married life.
  • I can tell you the secret of "perfect married life" right now. There is no such thing.

    (Congrats, by the way.)
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I don't know about perfect, but these help:
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

      I don't know about perfect, but these help:
      Exactly!

      Like when the football game volume is 5 octaves too high on the television or the snoring gets out of control and especially on chili night. That last one one calls for a clothespin too.

      Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author ksmusselman
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        Exactly!

        Like when the football game volume is 5 octaves too high on the television or the snoring gets out of control and especially on chili night. That last one one calls for a clothespin too.

        Terra
        This thread is so freaking funny. I'M the one who has to have the TV "five octaves too high" while my husband watches TV with the volume at a whisper.

        And snoring? I used to chase HIM out of the room until I got my BiPAP machine for my sleep apnea. ROFLMAO
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        • Profile picture of the author Chips Fletcher
          Originally Posted by ksmusselman View Post

          This thread is so freaking funny. I'M the one who has to have the TV "five octaves too high" while my husband watches TV with the volume at a whisper.

          And snoring? I used to chase HIM out of the room until I got my BiPAP machine for my sleep apnea. ROFLMAO
          Snore Rings are brilliant - look them up
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Ten
    No children? Having multiple wives? Have you seen Sister Wives? Lololol.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lou Diamond
    Hello,
    it is all about knowing when to say yes or to say no.
    Being married is like having a business partner it really has to be a 50 percent deal if it is not the marriage will not work out.
    When you start keeping track of who does what in a marriage it is all over.
    Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Marrying the right person in the first places seems to do wonders for a marriage.

    Congratulations.
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      A marriage is a multifaceted thing that goes through so many different stages so without writing a book, I doubt anyone can give you all of the answers.

      One thing that holds true throughout your marriage, regardless of the stage you are in, is this:

      Marriage is very much like a bank account. You cannot make withdrawals without having made plenty of deposits.

      Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author Audrey Harvey
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        Marriage is very much like a bank account. You cannot make withdrawals without having made plenty of deposits.

        Terra
        What an awesome quote. After 27 years with my fabulous husband, this is so true.
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by Audrey Harvey View Post

          What an awesome quote. After 27 years with my fabulous husband, this is so true.
          Thanks Audrey!

          And congratulations!

          Perhaps it takes that many years of being married to fabulous husbands to be able to look back and see how true that is. It will be 30 years for me and mine August of next year.

          Now if we could only get the newlyweds to see the truth in it early on, then maybe more marriages would reach that many years too.

          Terra
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      • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

        Marriage is very much like a bank account. You cannot make withdrawals without having made plenty of deposits.

        Terra
        And if you do that, the interest will compound over time.
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

          And if you do that, the interest will compound over time.
          Excellent point!

          And that's not even mentioning the dividend payouts either.

          Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Originally Posted by bablu19 View Post

    I am going to get married in near future and i want suggestions from warrior members to tell me the secrets for a successful married life.
    The simple answer is unselfishness. If you think of the needs
    of your partner before your own then you'll have a happy
    marriage. That's the foundation.

    Then you must know the difference between the needs of the
    sexes. Men need respect and sex. Women need love and
    conversation (intimacy).

    That's the sum total with God in the middle.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author NBAY
    And the secret is.......

    COMMUNICATION.
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  • Profile picture of the author betterwtveter
    Even though it is not perfect, but it is ok if there are challenges and mistakes on the way because you will learn from each other on how to better perfect your marriage.
    When my wife and I got married we were madly in love with each other, but today after 2 and a half years, we are just as madly in love with each other today. The reason why is because we work together equally. Even though the house is messy and my wife did not do too much to clean it up, I don't get angry, but I help here finish the job happily.
    Here are basic steps I wrote a blog on how our marriage is successful.
    - Go on a date every friday night
    - Say something nice to each other every day
    - So something out of the ordinarily that will catch her off guard, such as giving her flowers
    - Read together every night.
    - Always hold hands.
    - Go on a walk together at least once a week.
    This all sounds silly, but we have never been in a fight and always felt comfortable to talk about anything because we trust each other because we work together.
    Hope this helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author ksmusselman
      Originally Posted by betterwtveter View Post

      Here are basic steps I wrote a blog on how our marriage is successful.
      - Go on a date every friday night
      - Say something nice to each other every day
      - So something out of the ordinarily that will catch her off guard, such as giving her flowers
      - Read together every night.
      - Always hold hands.
      - Go on a walk together at least once a week.
      This all sounds silly, but we have never been in a fight and always felt comfortable to talk about anything because we trust each other because we work together.
      Hope this helps.
      Excellent response. My husband and I have been married 8 years this month. While we don't do everything on your list, we do appreciate and respect each other.

      We do funny things too sometimes. Background ... we met online through a personals dating site. So we online dated for a couple of months before meeting in person.

      A year later, I moved into his house with him and two years later we were married.

      And we do silly things together...

      We share an office at home, and one night I was on my computer and he was behind me on his, and I get an Instant Message pop up and it says, "Hi! Whatcha doing over there?"

      A couple of years ago his doctor changed his meds, mine changed my meds. The weird thing is, if he looked up, he got dizzy; when I looked down, I got dizzy. So we were walking through a flea market and he says, "I'll look up and you look down, but we'll have to hold on to each other."

      And more recently, I can laugh about this now because it was funny ... I accidentally threw away my lower dentures. As timing would have it, he gathered up all the trash right afterward and took it outside. By the time I noticed they were gone, they'd been incinerated - we burn our trash, and he decided that day at just that time to burn the trash.

      To save money, he found these eBay dentures and ordered them. So he comes home one day and as I start to talk to him, he starts laughing. He says, "Why are you talking like that?" So I opened my mouth and he just busted up. He says, "Guess those aren't going to work." :rolleyes:

      Now, we have gotten into some pretty heated arguments over the years, but one or the other of us always starts laughing at something and we eventually just talk about it.

      But the best advice I could ever give anyone - marry someone with whom you can Be Yourself, no matter how off the wall or crazy you get, you need to be able to be who you are, not who that person wants you to be.

      And when you get married, nothing should change from when you've been dating. Don't get married with the intent of changing the person you're marrying. That is probably one of the biggest mistakes any couple can make.

      That was something my husband had to get used to. When we met, I was a pretty heavy smoker. After we got married, he started making all kinds of snide remarks about my smoking and I literally threw it right back in his face. "Hey-before you even MET me in person, you knew I smoked. If you wanted to marry a non-smoker, you should have never answered my ad! You idiot!"

      That shut him up! Of course, we had that argument many, many times and each time it just made me angrier. LOL

      But when I had to quit smoking four years ago, he was the one who went out in the garage and cleaned everything up for me, and then cleaned the car out too. He knew I wouldn't be able to do it without lighting up. LOL

      But let me be completely "transparent" here - he is my fourth - and last - husband. I am his third - and last - wife. I'd literally made a list of what I wanted after #3 and I split up, and I decided to settle for nothing less than what was on that list, even if it meant being alone for the rest of my life.

      My friends thought I was crazy. My personals ad read like an employment application! My photo was probably one of the worst too. I had that "list" on my ad and it ended with something like "If you think you have what it takes, I'll meet you."

      That was 11 years ago Halloween night. And we still act like we're dating!

      But one of the first things he said to me when we were dating was, "I really love that you have a sense of humor and I can act as crazy with you as I want and you don't get pissed off."

      And I told him, 'Don't ever change and we'll be together forever.' And I still feel that way.

      Oh, and one last 'story.' I've had a couple of Facebook friends "unfriend" me because of a couple of things. Well after the last one, we were out shopping and every once in a while one of us would say something and the other would say back, 'Don't make me unfriend you!' LOL

      Then we're walking through the parking lot and he says, "Hm. Guess you're my only friend now." And I said, 'Yup. So don't do anything to make me unfriend you.' ROFL

      So that's it - just be yourself, don't try to change anything about the person you're going to marry, and be each other's best friend. And you've got it made.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jesse L
    don't change for your partner and don't expect your partner to change for you. You know who you are marrying before you marry them, so always accept them for who they are. Of course that works both ways

    and as NBAY said, open communication.

    Congrats and good luck!

    JL
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    The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. – Vince Lambardi

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  • Profile picture of the author lcombs
    No such thing.
    "Face piles of trials with smiles" -
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    You've gotten some good tips here, but given the title of your thread, I would add: Don't expect perfection.

    Congratulations!
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    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author alluremedspa123
    Banned
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    • Profile picture of the author PR Wizard
      Communication, respect, compassion, humor....all things that have kept my marriage happy. Good luck and congratulations!
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Leatherman
    As a man always put the seat down on the toilet.
    As a woman never say no to ...

    48 and a half years and may make 49 but I keep
    forgetting to put the toilet seat down. :p:p


    Ken



    The Old Geezer
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  • Profile picture of the author LindaYzq
    1st Congratultions!

    I agree with a lot of the good advice given here so far & can offer what has worked for us.
    There are too many things to offer or mention as this is a "HUGE" question.
    "Cause really there is NO such thing as a perfect marriage.
    Marriage is a 50/50 life together...it's what you put into that counts.

    Hubby & I will be married 40 years come next May. This is just a few tidbits that has worked for us:
    - be best of friends
    - always's start your day with a good morning kiss
    - end the day with a goodnight kiss
    - communication
    - no name calling...what's the point really?
    - laugh a lot
    - hold hands together
    - don't keep secrets
    - arguments...stay home & work it out, don't go running home to mom or your friends. Keep the business between the 2 of you, to yourselves. Nobody needs to know all your business.

    Granted we are both "Old School" so we trust in God that he will keep us together till he calls us home.

    Best of luck to the both of you!
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  • Say "yes" to everything...except the stuff you're not supposed to say yes to...
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    if you have to ask, you will never know, but cricket is not exactly courting material, except bowling a maiden over....
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  • Profile picture of the author adamzanber
    If women talk less it can be successful.
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  • Profile picture of the author Lloyd Buchinski
    There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
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  • Profile picture of the author JustVisiting
    The shortest sentence in the English language is. "I am."

    The longest..."I do."
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    "...If at first you don't succeed; call it Version 1.0"
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Even after you say, "I do," continue to treat your bride as a girlfriend. Just because you've locked her down doesn't mean you no longer have to earn her love. The same goes for her, as well.

    Fights happen and you, in fact, can go to bed angry. Just make sure you resolve the issue or at least come to an agreeable compromise. It's not the fights that ruin relationships. It's the resentment that comes from a lack of resolution.

    For some reason unbeknownst to men, cards are important to women. In fact, I'd go so far as to say the card is more important than the gift. Oh, and don't let her fool you: she's going to check the price on the back of the card when you're not looking.

    If a dress makes her butt look big, tell her. Over time, she'll appreciate the honesty. Prepare, however, for reciprication. Also, it's always the cut of the clothing, not her butt. Make sure you make this clear.

    Always remember that you chose her. That means she is special to you. There will be times, moments, when you forget this. Don't let it happen too often.

    One of your main jobs is to help her with things she can't handle, be it mental, emotional or physical. The reverse is also true. When duty calls, it's not a chore. It's a blessing.

    Addition to above: make an honest list of each other's strengths and weaknesses. Develop a system in life to put strengths to use via division of duty and help each other with weaknesses. Silly example: I abhor talking on the phone. It's damn near a phobia. Thus, my wife makes nearly all phone calls. My wife gets emotional during a certain time of year. I handle all of the specific holiday-related issues.

    You are partners -- the closest any partnership can be. You are not competitors. Sure, a scrabble smackdown is fine, but you aren't competing to see who gets their way most often. Intelligent, cordial debate ---> Resolution ---> Clean Slate. Don't keep score.

    A great line about sex from "Outside Providence": Sex is like Chinese takeout -- dinner isn't over until you both get your cookies.
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  • Profile picture of the author gcampton
    Originally Posted by bablu19 View Post

    I am going to get married in near future and i want suggestions from warrior members to tell me the secrets for a successful married life.
    prostitutes... no but really.
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  • Profile picture of the author marketinguk
    There's some great tips here from some seasoned pros on what makes a successful marriage and some great jokes too (thanks tbird that gave me a good laugh!).

    I just want to turn this around a bit and say what should be avoided and learnt from a relationship that wasn't successful as well as some positive points that I took from it as well. (I will leave out Religion which is important to me as that isn't allowed down here).

    A couple of years back in my early 20's I was in a relationship that wasn't successful for a number of reasons one of which is like Sal says "Marrying the right person in the first places seems to do wonders for a marriage". However there are other things to learn from such an experience that others can perhaps benefit from:

    1. Be honest and upfront with your partner/spouse especially if you have something you feel could do with being worked on. Nothing bugs your partner/spouse more then not being told something and then later finding it out, they will likely really dislike the deception. If you're not perfect then let her/him know so everyone knows where they stand.

    2. Always try to communicate effectively even if you feel your partner/spouse won't like/appreciate what you're coming out with. It is often better to get it out then withold the info as otherwsie they'll feel you're deliberately hiding something from them whether you are not.

    3. Don't try or expect to change the person you're in the relationship with as it won't happen and vice versa. This has been tried many times before and i'm yet to discover one case where it worked. We're all humans who make great decisions and some not so amazing choices, that's totally normal.

    4A. Don't be agressive in your speech or angry no matter how irritated you may feel with the other person's behaviour/comment. This is verbal abuse which is totally unacceptable in a relationship.

    4B. Don't let your frustrations with whatever it may be brood and build up inside you. It is better I feel to air those points that are bothering or concerning you in a calm and rational manner asap as that way the other person can learn from it and try to improve if required. (If they don't know something is bothering you what do you expect off them lol?)

    5. Be kind, generous and compassionate in every way and the feelings will come back to you.

    6. The main point I feel is to give,give and give and never expect to take anything in return. Anyone who's in a really successful relationship/marriage will tell you the more they give the stronger the relationship gets.

    I hope this helps somewhat!

    Joel
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  • Profile picture of the author Geordie John
    My father-in-law told me the night before i got married that the secret to a happy marriage was learning the phrase 'Yea Dear' and repeating it often...

    10 years later i still haven't mastered that one...
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  • Profile picture of the author digitalguru
    Simple,

    You need trust, communication and a mutual understanding.
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  • Profile picture of the author superdubaus
    Only one secret : Believe on each other.
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  • Profile picture of the author esuresh
    Initially you will love it
    then you will like it
    days later you will like to love it
    months later you will not know to like it or love it
    years later you would love to hate it
    years and years later you love to jump out of it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chips Fletcher
    Originally Posted by bablu19 View Post

    I am going to get married in near future and i want suggestions from warrior members to tell me the secrets for a successful married life.
    Just give her what she wants and dont drink too much!
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