is it a good idea to visit my ex since am now married

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what do you have to say to this, a friend of my asked me this question hence i brought it here to get your own opinion so as to give him the advice.

he is married for just a couple of years and he still goes to visit his ex girl friend, is this a good idea? just wanna hear your opinion in this matter
  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Why ask us? Your friend should ask his wife. Isn't hers the only opinion that matters?
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    • Profile picture of the author kaytav
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Why ask us? Your friend should ask his wife. Isn't hers the only opinion that matters?
      Definitely!! The wife has all the rights to answer this. Perhaps tell your friend to take his wife along.
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        Your "friend" asks you instead of his wife.

        You ask strangers on a marketing forum.

        I shiver to think there might be progeny....
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        • Profile picture of the author Umair30
          not a good idea. not at all.
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        • Profile picture of the author jackrice
          Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

          Your "friend" asks you instead of his wife.

          You ask strangers on a marketing forum.

          I shiver to think there might be progeny....

          this section of wf is the off topic section whereby any topic can be discussed freely here. to add to it with the response from others i think have gotten the right words or answer to give to him, this was made possible as a result of posting it right here
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      • Profile picture of the author jackrice
        Originally Posted by kaytav View Post

        Definitely!! The wife has all the rights to answer this. Perhaps tell your friend to take his wife along.

        if she is aware this will surly be WAR in the house trust me
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

          if she is aware this will surly be WAR in the house trust me
          Deception is never ever good in a marriage! He is either lying to her out right or by omission and giving that lady friend money just out of friendship? Yeah right!!:rolleyes:

          My advice to you is to tell him it is wrong and then stay far away from the whole situation.

          As I indicated in my previous post...trouble, trouble, trouble for him and his marriage!!!

          Terra
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          • Profile picture of the author jackrice
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            Deception is never ever good in a marriage! He is either lying to her out right or by omission and giving that lady friend money just out of friendship? Yeah right!!:rolleyes:

            My advice to you is to tell him it is wrong and then stay far away from the whole situation.

            As I indicated in my previous post...trouble, trouble, trouble for him and his marriage!!!

            Terra
            yea am staying clear right NOW
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          • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
            Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

            ask his wife that will brig serious trouble in the house, presently the wife is not aware of what is going on between two of them
            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

            Deception is never ever good in a marriage! He is either lying to her out right or by omission and giving that lady friend money just out of friendship? Yeah right!!:rolleyes:

            My advice to you is to tell him it is wrong and then stay far away from the whole situation.

            As I indicated in my previous post...trouble, trouble, trouble for him and his marriage!!!

            Terra
            Yeah, the problem here is communication - and trust. This marriage will not last, most likely. Deception is always a relationship killer.

            About a year ago, thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, I was contacted by not one but 2 old girlfriends (both from like 25 years back).

            In both cases the first thing I did was tell my wife. Then I asked her if responding to them would bother her - if it does, then I would ignore the contacts. In both cases she said "Go right ahead. Catch up. It doesn't bother me".

            Fast forward to the present, we have all gone out (my wife included) several times and are getting together this Saturday. Along with their significant others as well.

            Honesty (and communication) is the best policy.
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            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              Originally Posted by MikeAmbrosio View Post

              Yeah, the problem here is communication - and trust. This marriage will not last, most likely. Deception is always a relationship killer.

              About a year ago, thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, I was contacted by not one but 2 old girlfriends (both from like 25 years back).

              In both cases the first thing I did was tell my wife. Then I asked her if responding to them would bother her - if it does, then I would ignore the contacts. In both cases she said "Go right ahead. Catch up. It doesn't bother me".

              Fast forward to the present, we have all gone out (my wife included) several times and are getting together this Saturday. Along with their significant others as well.

              Honesty (and communication) is the best policy.

              Exactly right!

              A few years back an old ex of mine contacted me and wanted to go out to dinner with hubby and I while he was back in state. I asked hubby and he said okay. But when the guy came to the house, hubby said to go on out without him.

              We both asked hubby several more times to go but he wouldn't. When I said I wasn't going to go either, he insisted saying that he was secure enough in our relationship to allow me to go out to dinner with an old friend. I reluctantly went.

              Dinner was awkward at first but then it got a little more comfortable as I filled him in on what was going on with the old gang. My ex was a complete gentleman.

              Anyway, when I returned home, hubby was pacing the floors and sweating bricks, lol! Seems he wasn't so secure after all. We both mutually decided that would never happen again.

              My point is you may think you're okay with it, but it might still be a problem. It really is best if both spouses are involved as you say.
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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      Why ask us? Your friend should ask his wife. Isn't hers the only opinion that matters?
      ask his wife that will brig serious trouble in the house, presently the wife is not aware of what is going on between two of them
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

        ask his wife that will brig serious trouble in the house, presently the wife is not aware of what is going on between two of them
        That's the whole point, isn't it? You just answered the question.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    You'd have to be in their heads to know. If the relationship melted out just because they felt they tried to take something that was just a friendship too far, it probably won't hurt as long as the wife is okay with it. Otherwise, it could be trouble. Ya never know.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Nope, it's never a good idea.
    I can think of one time when it might be a good idea...but it still depends on the wife's opinion...
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  • Profile picture of the author Patrician
    I bet this is a pretty common dilemma - what with all the 'baby mommas' and 'loose ends' like that.

    People are forced to understand that in these situations there will be a relationship with 'EXes' until at least the child turns 18-21. Unless the wife is a sicko that doesn't think these children deserve to see their father sometimes.

    I wouldn't like knowing they are together and talking all the time 'about the kids' - but I would realize I need to live with it and not cause it to ruin my marriage.

    I would be interested to know what other reason he would have to "visit" and WTF is going on there? If nothing, then why couldn't this be a visit from the couple to the old 'friend'????

    If it is just 'friendship' then that should include the wife even if just in an abstract sense. The fact he is doing it without her knowledge to me is big red flag - what is he hiding?

    VERY touchy subject.
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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by Patrician View Post

      I bet this is a pretty common dilemma - what with all the 'baby mommas' and 'loose ends' like that.

      People are forced to understand that in these situations there will be a relationship with 'EXes' until at least the child turns 18-21. Unless the wife is a sicko that doesn't think these children deserve to see their father sometimes.

      I wouldn't like knowing they are together and talking all the time 'about the kids' - but I would realize I need to live with it and not cause it to ruin my marriage.

      I would be interested to know what other reason he would have to "visit" and WTF is going on there? If nothing, then why couldn't this be a visit from the couple to the old 'friend'????

      If it is just 'friendship' then that should include the wife even if just in an abstract sense. The fact he is doing it without her knowledge to me is big red flag - what is he hiding?

      VERY touchy subject.
      my savior is that my friend is not aware of warrior forum or this very topic otherwise hell would have let loose for discussing it right hear.

      the truth of the matter is that he alone go to see the said girl without the knowledge of his wife, the wife do not even know if such a girl exist in his life, so this so call friendship is just between him and the girl, when i asked him why he is into such a friendship he told me he is JUST HELPING HER FINANCIALLY
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

        <snip>...when i asked him why he is into such a friendship he told me he is JUST HELPING HER FINANCIALLY
        In that case, the wife has every right to know about it.

        Do people really not know right from wrong anymore?
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        Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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  • Profile picture of the author StewartJ
    This is how the average "Maury Show" starts ....
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  • Profile picture of the author RyanEagle
    I can't picture how it could ever be a good idea. I mean, even if you're 100% sure the feelings are not there anymore and you're just gonna hang with your ex as friends, and you've explained that to your wife until she's told you she's perfectly okay with it, there has GOT to be some doubt in her mind. I mean, it's totally natural to feel nervous about something like that. Not really cool to put her through that.
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Once at a film wrapping party, I discovered that 80% of the females in attendance were the director's exes, and even a few of his girlfriend's exes showed up at the party. All friendly. Surreal. They go by a different set of rules, an alternative moral paradigm or something like that I guess.
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  • VERY inappropriate.

    And disrespectful to the spouse of both parties. Unsure of why this is even being considered?!
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      • Profile picture of the author jackrice
        Originally Posted by Brian John View Post

        from what i can deduce from the image it means you are not in support
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        • Profile picture of the author Brian John
          Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

          from what i can deduce from the image it means you are not in support
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      • Profile picture of the author marketinguk
        Originally Posted by Brian John View Post

        Thanks Brian that gave me the best laugh i've had in a long time

        Joel
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      • Profile picture of the author John Durham
        I see this guy below, saying in an Arkansas accent "...somethin's wrong with you boy."


        Originally Posted by Brian John View Post

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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by Auctiondebteliminator View Post

      VERY inappropriate.

      And disrespectful to the spouse of both parties. Unsure of why this is even being considered?!


      it is a free world every man have his own life and the way he feels best for him to live
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Apparently they don't understand the whole marriage thing.
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    Hi
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    • Profile picture of the author RichBeck
      Originally Posted by yukon View Post

      Apparently they don't understand the whole marriage thing.
      Yukon,

      There are lots of people like that......

      God Bless,

      Rich Beck
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  • Profile picture of the author SandraLarkin
    Banned
    I'm going to go ahead and say.."No."


    Visiting my ex while married? I mean unless you have children with them or something, then it is unacceptable.
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  • Profile picture of the author RichBeck
    Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

    what do you have to say to this, a friend of my asked me this question hence i brought it here to get your own opinion so as to give him the advice.

    he is married for just a couple of years and he still goes to visit his ex girl friend, is this a good idea? just wanna hear your opinion in this matter
    Jack,

    It is a bad idea...

    Making your wife angry is NEVER a good thing...

    Any doubts?

    Please see the following....

    John and Lorena Bobbitt



    God Bless,

    Rich Beck
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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by RichBeck View Post

      Jack,

      It is a bad idea...

      Making your wife angry is NEVER a good thing...

      Any doubts?

      Please see the following....

      John and Lorena Bobbitt



      God Bless,

      Rich Beck
      i read the story their case is really to the extreme , i pray my friends own should not end up that way
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

    what do you have to say to this, a friend of my asked me this question hence i brought it here to get your own opinion so as to give him the advice.

    he is married for just a couple of years and he still goes to visit his ex girl friend, is this a good idea? just wanna hear your opinion in this matter
    Doesn't it totally depend on the situation and the people? Normally, I'd think it was not a wise idea if he wants to maintain trust in his marriage. There could be circumstances that might allow for exceptions but generally, "No!"
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  • Profile picture of the author Lori Kelly
    He needs advice?

    Ask him if he has any problem with his wife seeing her ex-boyfriend(s).
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  • Profile picture of the author jackrice
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Nope, it's never a good idea.
    OK am thinking same as your thought
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    • Profile picture of the author yukon
      Banned
      Originally Posted by annieflora View Post

      No. It's not a good idea, and can also ruin your marriage. If you are happily married think twice

      After reading this thread I think that ship has already sailed.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
        Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

        it is a free world every man have his own life and the way he feels best for him to live
        Marriage is a partnership. Once you make that commitment you don't just selfishly go steamrolling through life doing whatever you want ... not if you want the marriage to last.
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        • Profile picture of the author jackrice
          Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

          Marriage is a partnership. Once you make that commitment you don't just selfishly go steamrolling through life doing whatever you want ... not if you want the marriage to last.

          you are 100% correct
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  • Profile picture of the author PinkOwl
    Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

    what do you have to say to this, a friend of my asked me this question hence i brought it here to get your own opinion so as to give him the advice.

    he is married for just a couple of years and he still goes to visit his ex girl friend, is this a good idea? just wanna hear your opinion in this matter

    In my opinion it is not good. Now, if he and his wife have an open marriage then it obviously works for them but it most definitely could and would not work for me. Come to think of it, I cannot imagine why the ex would even allow him to visit her. Heck, he did not think enough of her to marry her, but he still wants to visit. Absolutely not!
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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by PinkOwl View Post

      In my opinion it is not good. Now, if he and his wife have an open marriage then it obviously works for them but it most definitely could and would not work for me. Come to think of it, I cannot imagine why the ex would even allow him to visit her. Heck, he did not think enough of her to marry her, but he still wants to visit. Absolutely not!

      YOU GOT A POINT THERE
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
    Originally Posted by jackrice View Post

    what do you have to say to this, a friend of my asked me this question hence i brought it here to get your own opinion so as to give him the advice.
    I've outsourced it too.
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  • Profile picture of the author TTGSteve
    It's definitely not a good idea. As a matter of fact, staying in contact with an ex is one of the main factors that relationships don't work out. It's a huge no-no.
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  • Profile picture of the author sloanjim
    oh god.....what next? Jerry Springer?
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  • Profile picture of the author pkumar
    i will not recommend anyone to get in touch with their ex again. This can ruin and create problems for the current relationship.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sue McDonald
    No I would definitely say not a good idea. I think it shows disrespect for his wife.
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  • Profile picture of the author J123
    I think it is not a good idea.
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  • Profile picture of the author SteveJohnson
    So a guy I knew sometimes visited his ex-girlfriend after he was married to someone else.

    One day while out with his wife, they ran into the ex-gf. His wife and the ex-gf hit it off.

    Six weeks later, his wife ran off with the ex-gf.

    No, I don't think it's a good idea.
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    • Profile picture of the author jackrice
      Originally Posted by SteveJohnson View Post

      So a guy I knew sometimes visited his ex-girlfriend after he was married to someone else.

      One day while out with his wife, they ran into the ex-gf. His wife and the ex-gf hit it off.

      Six weeks later, his wife ran off with the ex-gf.

      No, I don't think it's a good idea.

      now since the guy is not ready to leave the ex what other better solution?
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Statements here seem vaguely encrypted. I couldn't make out what anybody was saying, asking, or responding to, except SteveJohnson.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Sweet jumpin' peanuts! Not this thread....AGAIN!

    I'm going to weep in a corner for a while and possibly tear off my own genitalia. Mosey on. Nothing to see here.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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