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NEW STUDY: Men hate their women's success!

by Raydal
36 replies
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A new study suggests that men don’t enjoy their wives’ or girlfriends’ victories.
Men’s self-esteem can take a beating if their wives do well, while women’s egos
aren’t as affected by their partners’ victories. Even when the woman is successful
at something her man is not really engaged in — say, hosting a party — husbands
feel personally threatened, according to a new study from the American Psychiatric
Association, which also found that a woman’s success “could alter men’s
perception about their romantic relationship in the future.”
  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Guess I'm a weird dude. I prefer witnessing victories and success and hearing about that than having to listen to incessant insecure whining.
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  • Profile picture of the author garyv
    I'm extremely thankful for my wife's successes - it has kept us out of the poor house lately.
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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    I'm not surprised at the pettiness of most men.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    There was also another study that was cross-referenced in that
    article that showed that when a wife makes more money that
    the husband, he is more likely to cheat on her. I've seen that
    one validated more than a couple times.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    "Choose wisely, treat kindly."
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    And then men wonder why more and more women are choosing to be single.

    I've been through this one. Guys want you to make money, they want you to help support the household - just don't try to achieve anything real - flip burgers or clean hotel rooms, don't try for an executive job. Work like a pig for just enough money to take the burden off. Um...........I don't think so. If I can live well without someone - why the hell would they expect me to live miserably with them? Guys have to make more sense than that.
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      And then men wonder why more and more women are choosing to be single.

      I've been through this one. Guys want you to make money, they want you to help support the household - just don't try to achieve anything real - flip burgers or clean hotel rooms, don't try for an executive job. Work like a pig for just enough money to take the burden off. Um...........I don't think so. If I can live well without someone - why the hell would they expect me to live miserably with them? Guys have to make more sense than that.
      GIVE ME A BREAK! Before WWII, in the US, most men considered it THEIR duty to be the bread winner, and take care of mechanical things and a few things like mowing, bar b que, etc..., and the woman took care of most of the other things.

      For what it is worth, I would be HAPPY to have a wife that made more than I did. It would be nice if I could make more, from an ego and pride standpoint, but that would be MY problem, NOT hers! I wouldn't even want her to be a maid or fast food cook, etc...

      But MAN! A few men are IDIOTS and a few women seem drawn to them and some women figure all men are lazy senseless bums that get drunk all the time and can't make any substantial money and want to torture, and abuse, their wives while thinking they are a bread winner by coming just short of meeting finances.

      I've known enough happily married couples, and enough that are at least ok married couples, that I think the ones YOU talk about are in the MINORITY!

      I am SURROUNDED by married people, and about half of them have kids, They ALL seem happy. The kids seem to respect them. By respect, I mean the OLD meaning of liking them, kind of admiring them, and being well behaved because they WANT to be. The couple across the street is a good example. The husband works, handles the bigger chores, and the bar b que. He also does some of the larger gardening. The kids have odd jobs. One even waters my lawn when I am not here, and I pay her $40/week for it. On good weeks, I try to sneak in an extra $10. The wife does the cooking(if it is in, and not on the bar b que), houshold chores, and some stuff with te kids. They seem pretty happy.

      My OWN family is like the just OK variety. They were together for probably close to 3 years. They broke up about the time I was 2. They said it was amicable, and my mother said he seemed happier around another woman he knew. But he paid her as agreed, etc...

      Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

        GIVE ME A BREAK! Before WWII, in the US, most men considered it THEIR duty to be the bread winner, and take care of mechanical things and a few things like mowing, bar b que, etc..., and the woman took care of most of the other things.

        For what it is worth, I would be HAPPY to have a wife that made more than I did. It would be nice if I could make more, from an ego and pride standpoint, but that would be MY problem, NOT hers! I wouldn't even want her to be a maid or fast food cook, etc...

        But MAN! A few men are IDIOTS and a few women seem drawn to them and some women figure all men are lazy senseless bums that get drunk all the time and can't make any substantial money and want to torture, and abuse, their wives while thinking they are a bread winner by coming just short of meeting finances.

        I've known enough happily married couples, and enough that are at least ok married couples, that I think the ones YOU talk about are in the MINORITY!

        I am SURROUNDED by married people, and about half of them have kids, They ALL seem happy. The kids seem to respect them. By respect, I mean the OLD meaning of liking them, kind of admiring them, and being well behaved because they WANT to be. The couple across the street is a good example. The husband works, handles the bigger chores, and the bar b que. He also does some of the larger gardening. The kids have odd jobs. One even waters my lawn when I am not here, and I pay her $40/week for it. On good weeks, I try to sneak in an extra $10. The wife does the cooking(if it is in, and not on the bar b que), houshold chores, and some stuff with te kids. They seem pretty happy.

        My OWN family is like the just OK variety. They were together for probably close to 3 years. They broke up about the time I was 2. They said it was amicable, and my mother said he seemed happier around another woman he knew. But he paid her as agreed, etc...

        Steve
        Well of course I didn't mean ALL men. I've showed a few the door for that very reason, though. I can't believe it's all men -- I have hopes of running into my perfect match again someday, so I sure as hell hope it isn't ALL men. It's in my best interest that it's a social fluke and not a hormonal predispostion.
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        • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
          Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

          Well of course I didn't mean ALL men. I've showed a few the door for that very reason, though. I can't believe it's all men -- I have hopes of running into my perfect match again someday, so I sure as hell hope it isn't ALL men. It's in my best interest that it's a social fluke and not a hormonal predispostion.
          HeySal, you should have consulted with me. I found your perfect match, even when you're rock-hunting on a rainy day:

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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      And then men wonder why more and more women are choosing to be single.

      I've been through this one. Guys want you to make money, they want you to help support the household - just don't try to achieve anything real - flip burgers or clean hotel rooms, don't try for an executive job. Work like a pig for just enough money to take the burden off. Um...........I don't think so. If I can live well without someone - why the hell would they expect me to live miserably with them? Guys have to make more sense than that.
      Sal; I can only speak for myself.

      If my wife were to become fabulously successful in business (or any endeavor) I'd be so proud of her. If it's something that makes her happy, I'm happy.

      People that are jealous of their spouse's success are not really in love with that person. That's the only explanation I can think of.

      Would you be jealous of your child's success? To me, it's the same thing.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Uh..yeah.........merci beaucoup. When you can send Indiana Jones to deliver a pack to me, I'll be finely appreciative.
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    My sister was the breadwinner in her family, and I think this is part of the reason why she divorced the jerk. (Dad tried to prevent them from marrying in the first place because he could see his behavior on the horizon, but she did not listen 'cause she was a young adult in love.) In my educated guesstimitation, it was a blow to his ego that he did not do better and he took his frustrations out on her - slamming things around the house and being unpleasant to be around...

    Personally, I want everyone to be successful and be who they are meant to be.

    Dan
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  • Profile picture of the author PrimaDNA1989
    Banned
    I am attracted to women who succeed and who make something of themselves. I have a girlfriend who is successful in what she does and I don't feel insecure. My guess is those men who feel insecure...it isn't about the woman they are with....they are unhappy with how they aren't as successful as they would hope to be.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by PrimaDNA1989 View Post

      I am attracted to women who succeed and who make something of themselves. I have a girlfriend who is successful in what she does and I don't feel insecure. My guess is those men who feel insecure...it isn't about the woman they are with....they are unhappy with how they aren't as successful as they would hope to be.
      I agree 100%. Being jealous of your wife's success? What kind of a weak loser would you have to be?

      On the other hand, I have a strong prejudice against the idea of a man not working, and living off of a woman. I know it may be 1950's thinking. But it's the way I feel.

      If my wife became a singer, and made huge amounts of money...and became famous...I would be her biggest supporter....and love every minute of her enjoying the ride...but I wouldn't quit working.

      My feeling of self worth has nothing to do with how much my wife makes. It has a lot to do with how much I make.

      Again, just how I feel.
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      • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I agree 100%. Being jealous of your wife's success? What kind of a weak loser would you have to be?

        On the other hand, I have a strong prejudice against the idea of a man not working, and living off of a woman. I know it may be 1950's thinking. But it's the way I feel.

        If my wife became a singer, and made huge amounts of money...and became famous...I would be her biggest supporter....and love every minute of her enjoying the ride...but I wouldn't quit working.

        My feeling of self worth has nothing to do with how much my wife makes. It has a lot to do with how much I make.

        Again, just how I feel.
        You might want to become her tour bus driver or manager though.

        Dan
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

          You might want to become her tour bus driver or manager though.

          Dan

          Dan; To tell you the truth, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't work for my wife, in the same way she doesn't work for me. (We both own a retail store)

          And there are lots of people that would make a better manager. But no young handsome men!
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        I agree 100%. Being jealous of your wife's success? What kind of a weak loser would you have to be?

        On the other hand, I have a strong prejudice against the idea of a man not working, and living off of a woman. I know it may be 1950's thinking. But it's the way I feel.

        If my wife became a singer, and made huge amounts of money...and became famous...I would be her biggest supporter....and love every minute of her enjoying the ride...but I wouldn't quit working.

        My feeling of self worth has nothing to do with how much my wife makes. It has a lot to do with how much I make.

        Again, just how I feel.
        There ya go. It seems some people suck identity from the other partner instead of continuing to strive for their own. I once lived with a man that didn't want me to work. I was supposed to ask for every cent that hit my palm. If I wanted something, he'd buy it. I never had the satisfaction of really owning anything or even myself. That man is an x now. If everyone keeps their own identity strong, it shouldn't matter who gets the most money. Being best at who you are will keep respect from others and for yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author madison_avenue
    This could be subconscious instinctive impulse, hinting at a fear of losing the female partner if she is seen to be more successful. In a series of interviews about marriages I read, where the woman went out to work and the man stayed at home. There was a definite undercurrent of resentment and disrespect by the woman towards the husband, no matter what a great job the husband did looking after the home. However inconvenient a lot of women still expect the man to be the main the earner, and he is under pressure to be so. The issues are more complex than the one being "jealous" of the other.

    As the economy changes and women get more opportunities, which is a good thing, it can however lead to more friction and confusion, of what are the right roles. In the 1950's things were much simpler, the male was then main bread winner its more confusing now.
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by madison_avenue View Post

      This could be subconscious instinctive impulse, hinting at a fear of losing the female partner if she is seen to be more successful. In a series of interviews about marriages I read, where the woman went out to work and the man stayed at home. There was a definite undercurrent of resentment and disrespect by the woman towards the husband, no matter what a great job the husband did looking after the home. However inconvenient a lot of women still expect the man to be the main the earner, and he is under pressure to be so. The issues are more complex than the one being "jealous" of the other.

      As the economy changes and women get more opportunities, which is a good thing, it can however lead to more friction and confusion, of what are the right roles. In the 1950's things were much simpler, the male was then main bread winner its more confusing now.
      There IS some truth in that. If you LOVE someone, you would probably hope that you can be admired by them in some way, and look better than the competition. If part of the competition is resources, you might be almost competing against one another. That loses value though, if you hinder them or obviously resent it.

      Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
      Originally Posted by madison_avenue View Post

      This could be subconscious instinctive impulse, hinting at a fear of losing the female partner if<snip>
      It kind of depends on the guy. Some would encourage their wives to be successful and make lots of money, calculating that it would result in less of a financial burden in the event of
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    It may not be politically correct or popular to admit it but I agree
    with the study. I don't know why so many are trying to fight with
    the fact that men and women a different. A man naturally wants
    to provide, protect, win his wife. Women are not affected by the
    higher pay, but men are surely intimidated by it. But to admit it
    also makes you seem intimidated as well.

    No man likes to be beaten by a "girl" in ANYTHING. It's part
    of his DNA code.

    -Ray Edwards
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    • Profile picture of the author Karen Blundell
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post


      No man likes to be beaten by a "girl" in ANYTHING. It's part
      of his DNA code.

      -Ray Edwards
      There may be some truth to that comment.

      when I was in Grade 8, my mother fought for me to take Science instead of Home Economics. Her argument was that I had already learned everything I needed to know about Home Ec at home. It was an epic battle between my mother and the principal of the Catholic high school I attended. She won. I was the only girl in an all-boy science class and they hated me - but they hated me more when my grades surpassed them all -
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      • Profile picture of the author Raydal
        Originally Posted by Karen Blundell View Post

        There may be some truth to that comment.

        when I was in Grade 8, my mother fought for me to take Science instead of Home Economics. Her argument was that I had already learned everything I needed to know about Home Ec at home. It was an epic battle between my mother and the principal of the Catholic high school I attended. She won. I was the only girl in an all-boy science class and they hated me - but they hated me more when my grades surpassed them all -
        This is interesting! In University there were two girls in my all-guys Physics
        class and one of those girls often scored top in the class. For some reason
        whenever you have one woman among men she often excels them. I really
        don't have an explanation for that one.

        -Ray Edwards
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        • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
          Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

          This is interesting! In University there were two girls in my all-guys Physics
          class and one of those girls often scored top in the class. For some reason
          whenever you have one woman among men she often excels them. I really
          don't have an explanation for that one.

          -Ray Edwards
          Simple. The only reason a woman would take a course where most if not all of the other students are male would be because their interest in the topic is greater than the discomfort of being with a room full of male students, many of them likely to be insecure and exhibiting the obnoxious traits that often accompany insecurity.
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          • Profile picture of the author socialentry
            Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

            Simple. The only reason a woman would take a course where most if not all of the other students are male would be because their interest in the topic is greater than the discomfort of being with a room full of male students, many of them likely to be insecure and exhibiting the obnoxious traits that often accompany insecurity.
            What if she just wanted to get a legs up on her female competition.
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            • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
              Originally Posted by socialentry View Post

              What if she just wanted to get a legs up on her female competition.
              It would be a good way to do it, whatever meaning of that expression is being acted on.
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by thunderbird View Post

            Simple. The only reason a woman would take a course where most if not all of the other students are male would be because their interest in the topic is greater than the discomfort of being with a room full of male students, many of them likely to be insecure and exhibiting the obnoxious traits that often accompany insecurity.
            I read this a few times, and it rings true. I also thought of the possibility that the boys are territorial and resent a girl invading their turf.

            (Yeah, I talk Street!)
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            • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              I read this a few times, and it rings true. I also thought of the possibility that the boys are territorial and resent a girl invading their turf.

              (Yeah, I talk Street!)
              When I think about it, guys are scary, really. I guess I'm kind of scary-looking myself, sort of. Talk street, that's better than me. I quit trying to write fiction because I realized I really knew squat about regular people and regular lives, and even less about irregular people and irregular lives.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      It may not be politically correct or popular to admit it but I agree
      with the study. I don't know why so many are trying to fight with
      the fact that men and women a different. A man naturally wants
      to provide, protect, win his wife.       Women are not affected by the
      higher pay, but men are surely intimidated by it. But to admit it
      also makes you seem intimidated as well.

      No man likes to be beaten by a "girl" in ANYTHING. It's part
      of his DNA code.

      -Ray Edwards
      Men and women are dramatically different. In some things, the average man is far superior to the average woman. The average man is much stronger than the average woman. Bigger too.

      And the same with women. Women have brains that are wired far more efficiently than men. My wife has to translate what she says occasionally...so that I know what she really means. But I never have to translate for her. Men are just simpler in many ways. Not stupider...just not as layered.

      A man naturally wants to provide, protect, win his wife.

      Yup, I believe there is that need encoded in our DNA. We are born different from women. But our culture is now making it appealing to be more the same, or at least to appear more the same.

      I'm not sure it's a good or bad thing. Probably a good thing.

      But I still laugh when I see a 110 pound girl in movies beat up a 250 pound hit man. Here is some news. A 110 pound man can't beat up a 250 pound hit man either.

      It just strikes me as funny.

      But being beaten by a woman? It never enters my mind that it's not right, or that I don't like it. I know there are women out there, today, that can lift more weight, jump higher, solve math problems better, beat me at arm wrestling, and hit harder than I can. So?

      It isn't a contest.

      This reminds me of what happened one day when my Son and I were playing pool. He was beating me pretty soundly. He asked "Are you letting me win?"

      I said "No. I'm really trying to win, you're just better than I am today"

      And he said "Do you feel bad when I beat you at pool?"

      And I laughed a little. "Not in the least. See, if I beat you in a game...that means I won. If you beat me..that means my Son won. I win either way".

      That's how I feel about my wife. If she beats me, that means someone I love dearly won. Not that I lost. Silly Rabbits.



      Originally Posted by Karen Blundell View Post

      There may be some truth to that comment.

      when I was in Grade 8, my mother fought for me to take Science instead of Home Economics. Her argument was that I had already learned everything I needed to know about Home Ec at home. It was an epic battle between my mother and the principal of the Catholic high school I attended. She won. I was the only girl in an all-boy science class and they hated me - but they hated me more when my grades surpassed them all -
      Karen; That's because they were still boys, not men.
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  • Profile picture of the author socialentry
    Hmmmmmmmm...... sugar mommy
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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      I know hubby would be ecstatic if my earnings surpassed his and wouldn't feel intimidated or jealous or less than a man because of it.

      How do I know this?

      Been there and done that several times in the past throughout our 30 year marriage.

      Terra
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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    I think the problem I'm finding in reasoning here is the implication that all men are the same. 10 different men randomly selected will have different feet sizes, different skin tones, different proportions, different personalities, different IQs, but there will be an average. Average=Meaningless
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  • Profile picture of the author Fazal Mayar
    God has created men and women equally besides for some differences. We should be all glad for our women's success.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by Fazal Mayar View Post

      God has created men and women equally besides for some differences. We should be all glad for our women's success.
      I have to agree. God created men and women equally...except for their differences.
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