OMG, he's a cereal killer - let the pun begin

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Hit us with your best puns.
  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    Luckily the wood chopper only chipped a tooth in an axe/dental fall.

    Project HERE.

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  • Profile picture of the author thunderbird
    After spending his whole life not eating much in the way of fruits, vegetables, grains, high blood pressure and other health woes arrived with the passage of time -- a rough age, change of diet.

    Project HERE.

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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    Is that a pun in your pocket, or are you just happy to be in the OT forum?
    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
    So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author KenJ
    Weight Loss! Fat Chance.
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael Mayo
    When chemists die, they barium.

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went and then it dawned on me.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    That's all I've got for
    Have a Great Day!
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    US today:

    A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

    Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

    And probably the most well known:

    Did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    And my favorites:

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Choosing cremation over traditional burial is thinking out of the box.

    Coincidence? The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

    And of course:
    Two cannibals were eating a clown - one asks the other .....does this taste funny to you?

    Thanks Jack - good topic. I was getting burned out on light bulb jokes.

    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
    I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

    Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

    The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

    When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

    I once thought about cloning a new, more efficient brain, but then I realized that I was getting a head of myself.

    England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

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    • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
      You know, I'd really like to try German sausage, but with my stomach, I fear the wurst.

      Still, I can take refuge in Edith Piaf's book of undressed salads: "Je ne vinaigrette rien"


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      • Profile picture of the author AprilCT
        I've been to the dentist so many times I know the drill.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Overcoming an addiction to pancakes is a case of mind over batter.

    I asked my grandson what he was going to dress up as on Halloween. He said he didn't know. I told him I could pour a quart of oil over his head and he could go as a dipstick. He thought it was a crude idea, although his sister thought it was slick.

    Atomic energy scientists never die, they just degrade.

    When a plumber comes over to fix a leak you have to pay the piper.

    The baker kept all of his recipes in plain vanilla envelopes.

    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author Jonathan 2.0
    Two fish swim into a wall. One looks to the other and says: “Dam.”

    "Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

    He just couldn't budget.

    <Added Later...>

    So he worked it out with a pencil.

    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
      I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

      Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

      Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

      She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

      The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

      That's all I can remember off the top of my head.

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  • Profile picture of the author Nourddine Khiti
    I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

    Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved.

    How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

    My math teacher called me average. How mean!

    Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

    Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

    What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

    Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

    By funny puns
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  • Profile picture of the author OptedIn
    Four year old thread.

    Thank you.

    "He not busy being born, is busy dying." - Bob Dylan • "I vibe with the light-dark point. Heavy." - Words that Bob Dylan wishes he had written.

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